-[[ To kick off the second hour of this already crazy edition of Shock, the fans are quickly brought back to their feet to shower Triple H with boos. The Game, who walked out on his partner, HBK, earlier in the night makes his way to the ring. He's in one of his trademark suits, still looking a little irritated after the match earlier in the night. He gets on top of the apron, leans against the ropes and spews water all over the front row of fans. He enters the ring after tossing his water bottle in the crowd and grabs a microphone. The fans aren't happy, but maybe he'll give us an answer. ]]-

[ Triple H ] You know somethin', all I've been asked ever since I walked out on Shawn Michaels... Is why?

He paces around the ring as a big "ASS-HOLE! ASS-HOLE!" chant starts up. ]]-

[ Triple H ] And I'll tell ya', I didn't do it because I was afraid of getting in the ring and competing. I didn't do it because I was afraid I may be the one who gets pinned.. Oh no, no. Ya' see, it's like this.. HBK is a chapter that's done gone and passed. He's a chapter of my career that's already been written.. And BEATEN!

This draws a huge amount of boos. Triple H lets them bounce off him, not affecting him whatsoever. ]]-

[ Triple H ] Shawn Michaels didn't DESERVE to have the honor of tagging with me in his debut in Soid Gold. Shawn Michaels is nothing but a washed up has been, and I REFUSE... REFUSE to have my name attached to anything pertaining to the Washed Up Kid. I am The Game... I am the best damn wrestler in this business.. I call the shots, and when I don't want to wrestle with someone.. I RUIN THEM!

The sound of glass shatters and the fans pop huge as Stone Cold Steve Austin comes storming down to the ring. Triple H looks pissed off that his interview time has been interrupted. Austin enters the ring, flips off the fans in all four corners to a big pop. He grabs a microphone and stares Triple H down for a second. ]]-

[ Steve Austin ] What's this I'm hearin'? Just 'cause you've already feuded and teamed with Shawn Michaels?

[ Triple H ] Damn right.

[ Steve Austin ] You like to talk a lot of trash, Hunter. You like to think you're better than everyone else in the wrestling business. But let me ask you a question, if you're so damn good.. Where's your SGDubya' World title?

The fans pop a little as Hunter snarls. ]]-

[ Steve Austin ] Ya' ain't got one, ya' ain't never winnin' one, so shut the hell up! I'm sick and tired of hearin' people like you, week after week run their traps 'bout how good they are, and yada, yada, yada, when they ain't done shit to brag about!

Hunter goes to cut Austin off, but Austin beats him to it. ]]-

[ Steve Austin ] EH! EH! I ain't done yet! Triple H, what you did tonight was low. It was the sorriest excuse of wrestlin' I have ever seen. Friend or enemy, it's all about winning, and you walkin' out on HBK was the sorriest thing I've ever seen. You call yourself the best in the business? You ain't the best in the business doing shit like that.

[ Triple H ] Oh, and I'm supposed to care about what you think? Why, Austin? Why do you care? Huh? What are you gonna' do about it?

[ Steve Austin ] THIS!

Austin kicks HHH in the gut, but before he can Stun Triple H, Brock Lesnar runs in the ring and tackles Austin! F-5 ON STONE COLD! F-5 ON STONE COLD! Brock just hovers over Austin, grunting and skipping from side to side, ready for another round. Triple H is on the ground, propped against the bottom turnbuckle in awe of what he just saw! Brock Lesnar just destroyed Steve Austin! Lesnar picks up Triple H's microphone and begins yelling into it.. ]]-

[ Brock Lesnar ] Austin.. It's about time you learned when to shut your mouth!!

-[[ The fans boo loudly. ]]-

[ Brock Lesnar ] All I've done since I came to Solid Gold.. Is listen to you talk shit!!

-[[ He gets down in Austin's face.. ]]-

[ Brock Lesnar ] But you're NOT shit, Austin!! You're nothing.. BUT TALK!!

-[[ Austin tries to sit-up and Brock kicks him in the forehead, keeping him on the mat.. ]]-

[ Brock Lesnar ] Well... I'm going to finish you off.. Once.. AND FOR ALL!!

-[[ He looks out at the fans as Triple H pulls himself to his feet.. ]]-

[ Brock Lesnar ] I'm gonna do something that no one else has had the balls to do here in Solid Gold Wrestling.. I'm going to challenge your ass... TO A MATCH..... NEXT WEEK ON SHOCK!! But not just any match.. I want you in YOUR kind of match.... A STREET FIGHT!!!!

-[[ "OH! OH! SHAAAAAAWN!!" Shawn Michaels comes barreling down the ramp at full speed and slides into the ring and floors Lesnar with a flying forearm!! Michaels kips up just in time to nail Ric Flair with the SWEET CHIN MUSIC!! Triple H charges up behind him and nails him with a forearm to the back.. Michaels spins around and begins punching away at Triple H... And then...... ]]-


-[[ The fans erupt in boos as the Rock come walking down to the ring for no reason.. What the hell does he have to do with this!? The Rock casually walks up the steps and enters the ring.. Triple H and Michaels are still brawling.. And The Rock spins Michaels around......... ROCK BOTTOM!! ROCK BOTTOM!! ROCK BOTTOM!! The Rock looks down at Michaels with a smirk on his face.. Brock Lesnar, Triple H, and Flair are all three standing, looking at the Rock who just saved their asses for no reason..... The Rock grabs the microphone that Lesnar was just using moments ago... ]]-

[ The Rock ] HA! You guys see that?

-[[ He looks at all three of them.. ]]-

[ The Rock ] The Rock gave him the Rock Bottom, baby!

-[[ The Rock paces around the ring as the fans boo.. The Rock keeps flashing a big smile, loving himself.. ]]-

[ The Rock ] I know what ya' people are thinkin'.. Ya' thinkin' WHY... WHY ROCKY WHY!? Why you wanna come down here for no reason... Why does the Rock wanna come down here for no reason and hit Shawn Michaels with the Rock Bottom!?

-[[ The Rock laughs.. ]]-

[ The Rock ] HAH! It all boils down to this........... The Rock does what the Rock wants when the Rock wants to do it!!

-[[ Huge boos. ]]-


-[[ More boos.. The Rock looks at the bodies of Austin and Michaels.. He looks back up at Lesnar, Triple H, and Flair.. ]]-

[ The Rock ] And now.. The Rock says........ BE COOL! Because the Rock's about to give ya' the RUNDOWN.... Ya' see, mama, the Rock's been WALKING TALL alllllllll around SGDubya and now that the Rock is movin' on to the finals of the PICK YA' TITLE SHOT TOURNAMENT, the fans have been beggin' to know when the Rock's gonna start dealin' out a little DOOM........ Well, the Rock says THIS..... It don't matta' who the Rock faces next week.. Whetha' it be Val Venis or Cactus Jack.. They ain't gonna have to wait to catch DOOM on DVD.. AW, NO!! The Rock, next week, right here in THE ROCK'S RING is gonna give the WINNA' of the match a free screenin' of DOOM... IN A TWO-FISTED SPECIAL EDITION!!

-[[ The Rock smirks. ]]-

[ The Rock ] What the Rock's tryin' to say is... The Rock is gonna win, mama.

-[[ He turns back to Lesnar, Flair, and Triple H.. ]]-

[ The Rock ] Well.. What are we waitin' for? Let's kick their candy asses!

-[[ They all nod, smiling, and begin putting the boots to Michaels and Austin!! The fans are booing loud and then...... The lights go out..... A spotlight hits the center of the ring with a scorpion logo in the center!! Triple H, Flair, Lesnar, and even the Rock looks shocked as the logo begins spinning around and over the PA system erupts a familiar voice... "IT'SSSSSSSSS SHOW TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!!!" The lights hit and the four men stop the beat down, looking on in awe, wondering what the hell just happened.... These four men have just been sent a message!! They slowly back away and leave the ring as Austin and Michaels begin to come to. ]]-

???? versus Rob Van Dam
Title on the Line: None
Stipulation: None
Referee: Scott James

-[[ Rob Van Dam is waiting in the ring, expecting a match.. But obviously, his regularly scheduled opponent, Taz, isn't going to make it due to the unfortunate death of himself.. Van Dam waits for a few seconds until "Just Close Your Eyes" hits.. Christian walks out onto the ramp with his championship on his shoulder and Tyson Tomko looming behind him Christian raises a microphone and begins to speak. ]]-

[ Christian ] Since Randy Orton just turned Taz into the biggest skid mark since Val's world title run in Revolution Wrestling, he's obviously not going to be competing tonight....... And since.. I'm in charge tonight.. And the fans can count on THE CAPTAIN.. TO MAKE IT HAPPEN.... Van Dam's regularly scheduled match is still going to happen...... Just without the angry, orange midget..

-[[ Tomko begins stomping down the ramp toward the ring.. ]]-

[ Christian ] Van Dam, meet your opponent.. His name is Tyson Tomko.. He's what I like to call.. My personal problem solver.... And well.... You just became a problem! Ha ha!

-[[ Tomko charges into the ring and nails Van Dam with a clothesline!! Alfonso gets out of the ring and begins blowing into his whistle like a mad man.. Tomko grabs Van Dam and whips him into the ropes.. He goes for a big boot, but Van Dam ducks it and Tomko turns around..... Van Dam goes for a standing side kick but Tomko catches his boot, spins him around, and BIG BOOTS HIM RIGHT IN THE FACE!! Tomko covers him! One! Two! Three!! Tyson Tomko has emerged victorious!! ]]-

Winner: Tyson Tomko via Pin Fall

-[[ The cameras follow Rob Van Dam and Bill Alfonso to the back and into their locker room. RVD is trying to clear his head after that embarrassing loss to Taz's suitable replacement, Tyson Tomko... Fonzie's all pumped up... As always. ]]-


[ Rob Van Dam ] Bro, I lost. I would've won if Taz showed up..

[ Bill Alfonso ] No daddy! Not that! I'm talkin' 'bout how Randy Orton blew that car up with Taz in it! THAT CAR'S ON FIRE! TAZ IS SMOKIN' LIKE A CIGARETTE, DADDY! HE AIN'T COMIN' BACK!

-[[ RVD smiles as Fonzie blows his whistle. ]]-


-[[ Scott Steiner busts in the locker room, looking as intimidating as ever. RVD springs up off his chair from his relaxed position. ]]-

[ Scott Steiner ] Look at what we got here. Rob Van Dam and a whistle blowin' piece o' shit! Hey you, why don't you stop blowin' that damn whistle and put your mouth to work and SUCK MY DICK!

-[[ Fonzie hides behind RVD, who's manning up to Steiner. ]]-

[ Scott Steiner ] Rob Van Dam.. You can flash "RVD 4:20" on your tights all you want, but I'm gonna' tell you somethin' right now, boy.

-[[ RVD goes to speak and he gets nothing out of his mouth before Steiner cuts him off. ]]-

[ Scott Steiner ] RVD 4:20 is fixin' to turn into RVD 187 because Big Poppa Pump's gonna' fuckin' KILL your ass!!

[ Rob Van Dam ] Whoa dude, you need to chill.

-[[ Steiner slugs RVD and shoves Fonzie down. He grabs RVD and BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEXES HIM ON THE GROUND! He walks over to the fallen Fonzie. Oh no, he won't! STEINER RECLINER ON FONZIE! THERE'S NO ONE TO HELP HIM OUT! Finally, road agents and security hit the scene and finally wrestle Big Poppa Pump away from Fonzie and RVD, but the damage is already done!! Steiner turns to the camera and sneers.. ]]-


-[[ He grabs the camera and shakes it.. ]]-

[ Scott Steiner ] One more time... THIS GOES TO ALL MY FREAKS OUT THERE!!

-[[ He yells loudly. ]]-


-[[ He rips the camera away from the camera man and smashes it on the ground. ]]-

Kurt Angle and Alf versus Lance Storm and Mike Awesome
Title on the Line: None
Stipulation: The Winner Receives Kurt Angle's Medals
Referee: Charles Robinson

-[[ Kurt Angle begins the match with Lance Storm.. The two circle each other for a bit and then lock-up.. They fight over it to start and Angle executes a go-behind.. He tries to wrench Storm to the mat but Storm isn't going with it.. Storm throws a few back elbows, but Angle replies by forearming Storm in the upper back.. Finally, Storm relents and Angle nails a German suplex!! He keeps it locked on and nails another one!! Kurt Angle releases the hold and Storm staggers back up.. Belly-to-belly suplex on Storm!! Storm sits up and Angle nails the ropes and rips Storm's head off with a clothesline!! Kurt Angle pulls Storm up off of the mat and goes for an Angle Slam, but Storm slips out of it and rolls Angle up from behind.. One! Two! Kurt Angle kicked out! Angle is already up, Storm goes for a tag but Angle catches his ankle and locks on the ANKLE LOCK!! Storm is yelling in pain and Angle pulls him into the center of the ring!! Storm is going to tap out.. But no!! Here comes Mike Awesome!! Awesome charges into the ring and Angle throws Storm's leg aside! OVERHEAD BELLY-TO-BELLY ON AWESOME!! Awesome staggers back up.. KICK WHAM ANGLE SLAM ON MIKE AWESOME!! Awesome rolls out of the ring, screaming "FUUUUUUCK!!" and holding his lower back!! Angle celebrates and gets his knee clipped by Storm!! Storm pulls Angle up and hits him with a high vertical suplex!! Storm waits for Angle to sit up.. And drop kicks him right in the face.. Storm pulls Angle back up and whips him into the ropes....... And rolls him into the STRAIGHT SHOOTER!! Kurt Angle is yelling in pain and fighting it with everything he has!! He's trying to make it to the ropes.. Trying to make it.. TO HIS PARTNER! Angle is reaching.. And he POWERS OUT OF IT!! Storm goes staggering forward and falls through the middle and top ropes!! And Angle dives forward and goes to tag ALF... And Alf falls off of the apron!! He had nothing to keep him positioned!! HEEL TURN!! ALF HAS TURNED!! Kurt Angle yells in fury and rolls out of the ring... He grabs Alf up off of the mat.. "YOU WANNA SCREW ME OVER!? SIT.. RIGHT.. HERE!!" He carefully positions Alf on the apron, rolls back in... AND TAGS IN ALF!! Angle then rolls out of the ring..... AND LEAVES!! Kurt Angle spits on the floor, he's so damn mad!! Kurt Angle is leaving Alf by himself!! Lance Storm crawls back in the ring and looks at the stuffed animal sitting in front of him..... Storm looks disgusted that he has to do this.. And then he hears it.. "TAG ME IN, LANCE!! TAG ME THE FUCK IN!! I'LL GET THIS MOTHER FUCKER!! I'LL GET HIM FUCKIN' GOOD!!" Storm turns and tags in Mike Awesome... Awesome stomps in, ready to go.. "HERE WE GO, YOU HAIRY APE FUCK!!" He yanks Alf up off of the mat..... Lifts him over his head with ONE HAND........ ONE HANDED AWESOME BOMB ON ALF!! "YEAH!! YEEEEEEAAHH!! RIGHT THE FUCK HERE!!" Awesome covers him.. A full body cover like he's covering a full-size human being.. ONE... TWO...... THREE!!!!! Mike Awesome and Lance Storm have won this match.. But they're not through.. Storm gets in the ring and lifts Alf up.. He motions for Awesome to get the other end of Alf.... AND THEY RIP ALF RIGHT IN HALF!! FUR AND STUFFING GOES EVERYWHERE!! ALF IS DEAD!! THE BODYCOUNT ON THE MARIA ERA IS UP TO TWO!! "YEEEAH!! FUCKIN' DEAD!! DEAD LIKE TAZ!! DEAD LIKE JOHNNY FUCKIN' GRUNGE!! RIGHT THE FUCK HERE!!" Awesome and Storm leave the cotton mess in the ring and head to the back with Kurt Angle's medals in tow. ]]-

Winners: Lance Storm & Mike Awesome via Pin Fall

-[[ Maria is backstage panicking, bawling with tears in her eyes. She's breathing heavily and shaking her head in disbelief. She looks at Alf, who's pieces have just been brought to the back and presented to her.. She bends down and looks at him. ]]-

[ Maria ] Alf, are you in any pain?

-[[ No reply from Alf, obviously. ]]-

[ Maria ] Alf, I'm so sorry! You was gonna' go to the top in SGW!

-[[ She holds both parts of Alf in both hands, tears rolling down her face. Up comes Michael Shane, he looks curiously at Maria and Alf. ]]-

[ Michael Shane ] Uh, Maria, is this a bad time?

-[[ She chokes back tears. ]]-

[ Maria ] My first acquisition just got ripped in half! Alf is near death!

[ Michael Shane ] But.. Ah, screw it, I really don't want to know. Anyway, Maria, you're in charge right?

[ Maria ] Uh-huh.

[ Michael Shane ] Alright, here's what I want. As Television champion, I want my first major defense to be against Randy Orton. All I've heard every since day ONE in Solid Gold, is him telling me that I'll never amount to anything, that I'm not worth a damn.. And he goes and attacks me tonight.. Takes away my shot at the United States championship.. And you know what, Maria?

[ Maria ] No... Never met him.

[ Michael Shane ] Yeah, okay, at Heartbreaker, I'm going to help you make your job easier. Because at Heartbreaker, I'm going to finish Randy Orton off once and for all, one more time. One more time will we do battle in the ring... For MY Television title!

-[[ Lance Storm and Mike Awesome hit the scene and walk up to Maria and Michael Shane and interrupt their conversation. Team Canada looks exhausted, but ready to roll, still sweating after that rather unique tag team match just ended. ]]-

[ Lance Storm ] What have we here, some wheeling and dealing going on?

[ Michael Shane ] What do you want, Storm?

[ Lance Storm ] Your Television title, obviously. Unless you're too much of an idiot to realize that.


[ Lance Storm ] That'll do, Mike.

-[[ Mike points to himself with his thumbs right at his chest. He whispers to Michael Shane, saying "Right the fuck here. Yeah." Storm looks back, shakes his head, and turns back to Michael Shane and Maria to finish conducting business. ]]-

[ Lance Storm ] Back to the reason I'm here.. Maria, second to Christian, I am the only other undefeated superstar in SGW today. I've given one-hundred percent effort since day one, disposing of any obstacle that's gotten in my path. It should be I getting that Television title shot, not Randy Orton.


-[[ Finally paramedics arrive on the scene and roll out a stretcher into view. The one in front looks at Maria and questions her. ]]-

[ Paramedic ] Who's the injured superstar?


-[[ Maria points to the ground at Alf. The two paramedics look at one another, deciding whether or not to do anything. Maria looks at them like she doesn't know what they're doing. ]]-


[ Paramedic ] What do you say? It does get us out of a lot of work.

-[[ The other paramedic nods. They each pick up what's left of Alf and stretcher him away for no reason! A damn puppet is getting professional care! Maria waves goodbye to Alf and then turns back to Lance and Mike. ]]-

[ Maria ] You want a shot at the title? No way, mister! I don't give murderers title shots! You're lucky I don't have a phonebook by me right now, or I'd call 911 and have you arrested!

[ Lance Storm ] But, I didn't kill anyone.


[ Maria ] NO! I'm not giving you anything Lance!

[ Michael Shane ] But I will.

-[[ Michael Shane looks Storm right in the eyes and holds his Television title high in the air. ]]-

[ Michael Shane ] I have no reason not to let you have your chance if you think you're good enough to make it count... That and I want to do ANYTHING to make you shut up once and for all! So at Heartbreaker, Television title on the line.. Michael Shane, Randy Orton, and Lance Storm.

[ Lance Storm ] I appreciate you just unofficially handing the belt over to me.

[ Michael Shane ] Shut your mouth and back it up at Heartbreaker.

[ Lance Storm ] The match will live up to the pay-per-view name.. I'll break your heart... And your body. Don't blame Canada, blame YOURSELF!

-[[ Storm stares Michael Shane down for another moment and walks off with Awesome following him. ]]-

[ Maria ] MURDERERS!

-[[ Fade. ]]-

Chris Jericho versus Chris Benoit
Title on the Line: None
Stipulation: None
Referee: Jimmy Cordaris

-[[ Jericho and Benoit lock-up to start.. They fight over it and Benoit takes a headlock.. Jericho tries to reverse it, but Benoit cuts off that attempt with a headlock takedown.. Both men tussle on the mat for a bit, trying to take the upperhand, but Benoit's grip on the hold is unbreakable.. Jericho contorts his body enough to get his foot on the bottom rope.. Jimmy Cordaris forces a break.. Benoit lets him up.. Jericho gets up and the two face off again in the middle of the ring, their noses pushing against each others.. They talk trash and Benoit nails Jericho with a stiff chop. Jericho returns with a chop of his own but Benoit doesn't even budge.. Jericho for another but Benoit ducks it.. GERMAN SUPLEX!! He holds on.. A SECOND.. AND A THIRD.. AND A FOURTH!! Benoit smiles and pulls Jericho off the mat.. He hooks him.. Snap suplex!! Jericho yells in pain and sits back up.. Benoit runs the ropes and nails Jericho with a dropkick to the face!! Benoit grabs Jericho's legs and hooks him for a sharpshooter, but Jericho fights it.. He grabs Benoit's ankles and trips him up.. Jericho stands up quickly.. And locks in the WALLS OF JERICHO!! Benoit is fighting it, but Jericho won't be denied... Jericho drags Benoit away from the ropes and locks it in!! Benoit is yelling in pain and it looks like he might tap.. But no!! Benoit isn't going down that easily.. He fights it and drags Jericho to the ropes......... And Jericho drags him back to the center of the ring!! Jericho is screaming at the top of his lungs, trying to make Benoit tap, but he won't do it..... And Benoit sits up.. Pushing himself up... And he powers out of the hold, sending Jericho careening into the turnbuckle pads!! Benoit lays on the mat, holding his legs in pain.. Jericho slowly gets up, checking his jaw from the point of impact.. Benoit is waiting on him, hopping on one leg... Jericho charges at him and Benoit leap frogs him!! Benoit was faking the severe leg injury.. Jericho turns around.. CHOP!! CHOP!! Jericho returns with a chop of his own.. And another.. And another, and Benoit nails Jericho with a European uppercut!! Jericho staggers into the ropes and Benoit charges at him.. And Jericho drop toe holds him, causing Benoit to fall to the apron!! Jericho goes running and dives up the turnbuckles.. And goes for a drop kick on Benoit but Benoit swats Jericho away, forcing him to land back on the inside of the ring!! Jericho is up quickly and he hooks Benoit for a suplex to the inside.... And he lifts him up.. SUPLEX!! And Benoit shifts his momentum and lands on top of Jericho!! One!! TWO!! THREE!! Chris Benoit has just pulled a win out of nowhere!! Both men stare at each other.. Jericho just shaking his head.. Disappointed.. The two men look like they might begin exchanging blows again..... But they shake hands!! Benoit and Jericho, two students of the game have nothing but respect for each other.. ]]-

Winner: Chris Benoit via Pin Fall

-[[ Maria is back in her office and Kurt Angle is inside. What a rough night Maria's had so far. She's never had to do this much thinking, and handle this much drama, and have someone get critically injured under her watch ever. Angle is pounding on the desk, visibly shaking Maria's emotions. He's rambling on a mile a minute. ]]-

[ Kurt Angle ] And Maria, I want my damn medals back! And I want them back now!

-[[ She looks at Kurt sincerely. ]]-

[ Maria ] Okay, Kurt, who's got them?

[ Kurt Angle ] That MURDERER Lance Storm! That's who's got my freakin' medals!

[ Maria ] Grrr! That meanie kills Alf and steals your medals! What's with these Canadians? They have no manners, horrible musicians, and dumb names for their money!

[ Kurt Angle ] Don't forget, they eat lots of mayonnaise.

[ Maria ] Ewww!

[ Kurt Angle ] Darn right, missy! And I'm pretty sure they bathe in maple syrup! When I think about it, that makes me pissed! Lance Storm has probably got my medals all sticky now!

[ Maria ] I hate it when I get sticky. Especially right after-

[ Kurt Angle ] Good for you. Anyway, what are YOU going to do about my medals?

-[[ Jillian comes into the room with Lance Storm following her. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] Maria, I found Lance again for you.

[ Maria ] I'm going to make things alllllll better, 'kay?

[ Lance Storm ] What now, Maria? Find the number to 911?

[ Kurt Angle ] Give me back my medals, you serial killer!

[ Maria ] Lance, you lay one hand on Snap, Crackle, and Pop from the Rice Crispies box, and you'll pay!

[ Kurt Angle ] Huh?

[ Lance Storm ] You called me a serial killer, which is actually someone who kills in a repetitive fashion. Maria took it as though I kill cereal products or the imaginary characters who promote them. Hence why she told me to stay away from Snap, Crackle, and Pop.

-[[ Kurt looks confused. He shakes it off quickly. ]]-

[ Kurt Angle ] Whatever. Just give me back my medals, you.. You.. Maple syrup drinking hobo!

[ Lance Storm ] Hobo?

[ Kurt Angle ] You heard me!

[ Maria ] Yeah~! Give them back, Lance! Stealing is just as illegal and mean as KILLING! So give the medals back to Kurt, so we can all live happily ever after!

[ Lance Storm ] No. He wants them back, he has to beat me for them.

[ Maria ] Lance, I'm tired of seeing you two fight! It's not very fun! Just give the medals back or you won't be getting your Television title shot!

-[[ Storm reaches into the crotch of his tights and pulls them out and extends his arm out towards Kurt, who is totally disgusted by what he just saw. Kurt reluctantly snatches the medals out of Lance's hand and puts them on. Maria looks like she's fixing to barf, and Kurt looks very uncomfortable. ]]-

[ Kurt Angle ] Damn it, Storm! You're just lucky I wanted my medals back, or I wouldn't allow anything that's been in your pants near me!

[ Maria ] You can say "Sorry" now too, Lance.

[ Lance Storm ] No thanks.

-[[ Kurt throws his arms up in the air. ]]-

[ Kurt Angle ] Fine, go eat some mayonnaise and listen to Avril Lavigne! To paraphrase lyrics to one of her songs.. "Lance is a skater boy, I said see ya' later, BOY!" In English that means... Beat it, buster!

-[[ Storm shakes his head and walks out. Kurt grabs his medals and almost kisses them before remembering where they came from. ]]-

Cactus Jack versus Val Venis
Title on the Line: None
Stipulation: Pick Your Title Shot Tournament - Round Two
Referee: Nick Patrick

-[[ Val Venis walks out onto the ramp to make his entrance, but before he even gets halfway to the ring, he's blasted from behind by Cactus Jack!! Jack is wanting to start the match right away!! Cactus nails Venis and sends him straight to the floor.. Cactus begins putting the boots to Venis.. Orlando and Teddy Long can only watch from the sidelines.. Cactus yanks Venis up, hits him in the face with a few punches and throws him off of the stage!! Venis goes crashing through a table!! Cactus avoids a disqualification because neither man has reached the ring yet!! Cactus throws the fingers in the air.. "BANG-BANG!!" and he dives off!! ELBOW DROP ON VAL VENIS!! Both men lay motionless for a few moments.. And finally, Cactus rolls over, laughing, and he shoves Val Venis out of the table wreckage.. Venis slowly pulls himself up and Orlando Jordan hops down and helps Venis back onto the stage.. And Cactus nails Orlando from behind!! He whips Orlando into the side of the stage and follows him in with a high knee!! Orlando goes down hard and Cactus follows Venis up.. Venis is staggering toward the ring and Cactus runs up behind him... And Venis spins and nails Cactus with a vicious back elbow!! Cactus staggers back and lands on his ass and Venis runs.. And kicks Cactus full-on in the face!! Cactus rolls around, holding his face and squealing and Venis yanks him up off of the ramp and whips him toward the ring.. Cactus slams into the apron and Venis charges at him and Cactus moves, forcing Venis chest-first into the apron!! Cactus slams Venis' head into the apron repeatedly and then forearms him viciously in the back! Venis yells in pain and Cactus reaches around, digging his fingers into Venis' eyes and mouth!! He's trying to rip Venis' face off!! Venis kicks straight back, nailing Cactus in the groin.. Cactus staggers back and Venis spins around and charges at him.. Clothesline!! Cactus lands right on his head!! Venis yanks him back up and slams his head between his legs.... He's going for a piledriver, but Cactus backdrops him out of the move and onto the steel grating of the ramp!! Venis groans in pain and Cactus begins climbing the ring steps.. Is he finally ready to get in the ring.... NO!! HE DIVES OFF WITH ANOTHER ELBOW!! And Val Venis moves!! Cactus nails the grating with all of his weight!! Venis walks over and grabs the ring steps!! He lugs them over to Cactus and raises them in the air.......... And drops them right on Cactus Jack's hips!! Venis kicks the steps out of the way and yanks Cactus to his feet... He lifts him up and body slams him on top of the steps!! Cactus rolls off of them and contorts in pain.. Venis pulls him off of the mats and throws him underneath the bottom rope.. Venis follows him in and the bell rings to begin the match!! Venis begins putting the boots to Cactus and using the top rope as leverage to choke Cactus with his boot... The referee forces Venis to break the hold.. Venis yanks Cactus up by his hair and whips him into the ropes.. Venis goes for a clothesline and Cactus ducks it.. Venis spins around.. KICK WHAM DOUBLE ARM DDT!! Cactus rolls over on top of Venis.. One! Two! Thr-- Val Venis got a foot on the bottom rope!! Cactus begins punching Venis in the head, trying to draw blood.. Venis reaches up and rakes Cactus Jack's eyes.. Jack falls back and Venis gets up.. Venis begins planting punches into the head of Jack and Jack begins returning forearms to Venis!! They exchange punches and forearms and Cactus gains the advantage.. He forces Venis into the turnbuckle and punches him down into a seated position.. And then he runs back.. And charges at the corner.. And drives a knee into the face of Val Venis!! Cactus pulls Venis out of the corner and goes for a suplex, but Venis flips out of it and lands behind Cactus Jack... BLUE THUNDER BOMB!! Val Venis covers him.. One!! Two!! Thre-- Cactus Jack kicks out with force!! Venis can't believe it... Cactus Jack is stumbling back to his feet and Venis catches him..... PILEDRIVER!! Venis covers him again.. One!! Two!! Thre-- Cactus Jack barely got a shoulder up... Venis shakes his head and begins climbing the ropes...... He's going for the MONEY SHOT!! CRAAAAAACK!! A sickening chair shot from the outside sends Val Venis crashing back into the ring!! THAT'S MUHAMMAD HASSAN!! Hassan turns and raises the chair over his head, laughing like a mad man.. the referee is calling for the bell, Val Venis is taking this one by disqualification.. Venis lays on the mat, clutching his back where the chair made impact and Hassan stares at him from the outside, smiling a sick smile... Hassan drops the chair and casually walks to the back, leaving Cactus and Venis both laying inside the ring... Val Venis advances in the tournament, but at what cost? ]]-

Winner: Val Venis via Disqualification

-[[ Christian comes out immediately after the match ends. He steps into the ring and starts directing traffic for Tomko to remove bodies from the ring. He grabs a microphone and begins talking instantly, wasting no time. ]]-

[ Christian ] Alright, show time's over, get this trash out of MY ring! Maria's been doing big announcements all night long, the streak of deaths in SGW started back up. It's been just another crazy night at the office.. But Captain Charisma isn't one to be upstaged in ANYTHING, so I have an announcement of my own!

-[[ "YOU DIDN'T EARN IT! Clap, clap, clap! "YOU DIDN'T EARN IT!" Clap, clap, clap. Starts up from the fans. Christian looks around, mouthing the words "Shut the hell up!" He brings the microphone back up to his lips and continues. ]]-


-[[ This does nothing but draw more boos from the fans. ]]-

[ Christian ] My announcement tonight has to do with the title I have in my possession right now.. You know, Jeff Jarrett was the man I BEAT FAIR AND SQUARE to win this pretty thing two weeks ago at Supremacy. That marked his first title defense in FOUR MONTHS! Now, if Jeff Jarrett can buck the system of not defending his World title within the thirty day period, well.. So can Christian!

-[[ He slaps his chest and points to a random section of the crowd, who sends him nothing in return but heat. "BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT!" chants come from the fans now. The heat is really a direct polar opposite than the love they gave him earlier in the night for dissing Orton and Kennedy. ]]-

[ Christian ] I know, I know. I wanted to defend my title for all my peeps, but that's just not in the cards. C-Diddy doesn't do anymore than he has to. In fact, I'm taking NEXT WEEK OFF AS WELL! I wasn't lying, this title reign isn't ending as long as I take the week off every week! Loopholes, baby! Loopholes! So for all the haters and the fools who wanted to be the first to get a crack at the Captain, well, that's just how the ball bounces in the Captain's basketball court! BOOM!

-[[ Maria comes storming out onto the ramp with a microphone in her hand to a big pop. The fans are finally saved from Christian. Christian looks angry that Maria of all people is interrupting his interview. ]]-

[ Christian ] Look babe, Alf's at the hospital. Shouldn't you be tending to your big acquisition? I'm running the show from here on out.

[ Maria ] NAH UH! I AM!

-[[ Fans pop. Maria looks serious. ]]-

[ Maria ] I'm tired of you treating me like an idiot and trying to take advantage of me! I've only been taken advantage of three times in my whole life, they told me they loved me too! But Christian, it's not happening again! No, sir!

-[[ She's rolling. Christian leans forward onto the ropes, looking at her from the ring. ]]-

[ Maria ] You're not getting the week off next week! YOU'RE WRESTLING! WITH YOUR TITLE ON THE LINE! AND I HOPE YOU LOSE!

-[[ The fans pop so loud you'd think the roof is fixing to blow off the joint in the Windy City. Christian gasps and shakes his head no, begging off, trying to call timeout. ]]-

[ Maria ] Secondly, at Heartbreaker.. To continue in the trend of SGW pay-per-views having entertainment.. I've booked a MAJOR ACT FOR HEARTBREAKER! No Mariah Carrey Underground or whatever her name is this time! I got someone WAYYYY BETTER! At Heartbreaker... SGW presents...THE CARE BEARS WILL BE AT HEARTBREAKER! YAY CARE BEARS!

-[[ No response from the crowd. They don't even know how to go about fathoming that announcement. Maria looks disappointed no one reacted to her big announcement, but she isn't steered off course, she continues on. ]]-

[ Maria ] And back to you... At Heartbreaker, you WILL defend your World title! I don't know against who, but you're gonna' defend it!


[ Maria ] And just in case you try to out smart me... I beat you to it! I found a guy to referee the match too! They say he's an SGW legend, whatever that means.. And he's got a cool name and I love his colors! I love pink!

[ Christian ] Wait a damn second..

[ Maria ] At Heartbreaker, the special guest referee of YOUR match will be.. BRET 'THE HITMAN' HART! YAY! BRET HART!

-[[ The fans pop as if the second coming of Jesus Christ himself just happened in front of their eyes! The lights go out and pink strobe lights start flickering all over the area... Out on the ramp comes BRET HART! THE FIRST SGW CHAMPION IS BACK! BRET HART IS REFEREEING THE MAIN EVENT! Christian stands in the ring, motionless. He's shocked and appalled at this decision. He knows Maria picked someone he can't manipulate! Bret Hart stands on the stage in his leather jacket and jeans, shaking his head at Christian with a smirk on his face... The fans cheers are deafening. BRET HART IS BACK HOME IN SGW! ]]-

-[[ Fade out. ]]-