Date: Sunday, March 12th, 2006 | Live From: Montreal, Quebec, Canada | Commentators: Joey Styles & Don Callis



-[[ Kurt Angle has already changed out of his gear and into a red, white, and blue tracksuit.. He's walking down the hallway with his bags and Bob Backlund at his side.. Angle seems pissed despite winning his hard fought battle with Gene Snitsky... Angle is speaking as the camera closes in on him.. ]]-

[ Kurt Angle ] Gene Snitsky... Gene Snitsky, Bob.. That was ridiculous!!

-[[ Backlund shakes his head frantically.. ]]-

[ Bob Backlund ] It was an impressive showing, Kurt.. Very impressive.. You didn't miss a beat..

-[[ Angle isn't satisfied. He turns to Backlund as they walk.. ]]-

[ Kurt Angle ] Maria tried to screw me over.. She's mad because I stood up for myself against that transvestite and then she tried to throw me off guard by putting me in the ring with that MONSTER... Well, whatever, I dominated his ass, just like I would have dominated Chyna if she had the BALLS to show up..

-[[ Backlund and Angle both turn to continue walking.. And come face to face.. With CHYNA.. She's standing there on a crutch, staring a hole right through Kurt Angle... Kurt smirks.. ]]-

[ Kurt Angle ] Look what the cat dragged in, Bob..

-[[ Chyna seems unfazed by the comment.. ]]-

[ Chyna ] Kurt... I'm not here to argue.. Or make excuses.. I just wanted to apologize..

[ Kurt Angle ] Good.. Because I deserve an apology for what you did to me tonight!!

[ Chyna ] What did I do?

-[[ Angle looks like he can't believe she asked that.. ]]-

[ Kurt Angle ] What did you do!? TWO WORDS, Chyna..

-[[ He waggles his head around.. ]]-

[ Kurt Angle ] GENE FREAKIN' SNITSKY!!

-[[ Chyna looks confused.. ]]-

[ Chyna ] That's three words.

-[[ Angle puts his hands on his hips. ]]-

[ Kurt Angle ] Stupid bitch, if you knew anything about the English language.. And believe me.. I DO!!

-[[ His eye settle on her eyes. ]]-

[ Kurt Angle ] You'd know that freakin' isn't a word!!

-[[ Chyna rolls her eyes.. ]]-

[ Chyna ] Whatever, Kurt... But.. I brought you a gift.. To make up for not being able to wrestle you tonight..

-[[ Kurt looks her up and down. ]]-

[ Kurt Angle ] I don't see a gift.

[ Chyna ] It's right behind you.

-[[ Kurt looks dumbfounded and slowly turns around, as does Backlund... And the crutch breaks over Kurt Angle's head!! Angle goes down in a heap and Bob Backlund turns around and Chyna kicks him in the gut... POWER BOMB ON BOB BACKLUND!! Chyna stands there over Angle and Backlund.. She's not injured AT ALL!! Chyna smiles.. ]]-

[ Chyna ] There you go, Kurt.. A gift... From me.. To you.

-[[ She walks away. ]]-
 



Michael Shane(c) versus Lance Storm versus Randy Orton
Title on the Line: SGW Television Championship
Stipulation: None
Referee: Nick Patrick


-[[ Orton, Storm, and Shane all three begin circling each other in the ring, waiting for the others to make a move.. Michael Shane makes the first move and goes right for Orton but Lance Storm dives in and drop toe holds Michael Shane straight to the mat.. Randy Orton bounces off of the ropes and drops an elbow across Shane's back.. Storm and Orton begin putting the boots to Shane and then they stop, look at each other, and begin throwing punches at each other!! Storm and Orton brawl like crazy over into the ropes with each man trying to force the other over the top and Orton NAILS Storm with a European uppercut!! Storm flails against the ropes and Orton clotheslines him over and to the floor!! Orton turns around just in time to get clotheslined over himself by Michael Shane!! Storm and Orton stagger back to their feet on the outside and they look up just in time to catch Michael Shane come flying over the top rope onto them!! All three men lay motionless for a bit and Michael Shane is the first one to move and he pulls Orton to his feet.. Michael Shane begins pummeling Orton like a mad man and he whips him into the guardrail.. Michael Shane follows him in and clotheslines him over the guardrail and into the front row of fans.. Michael Shane turns around and runs the opposite direction.. He goes to run at the rail, possibly to jump over it onto Orton, but he's caught in the face by a super kick from Lance Storm!! Storm rolls Michael Shane back in the ring... He covers him.. One! Two! Thr-- Randy Orton pulls Storm out of the ring!! European uppercut on Storm.. Randy Orton whips Storm into the ring steps!! Storm falls on his ass, looking disoriented, and Orton charges at him... Running knee to the face!! Orton slides back in the ring and covers Shane now.. One.. Two.. Michael Shane kicks out with force.. Randy Orton pulls Shane to his feet and whips him into the ropes.. Back elbow!! Shane goes down.. Orton bounces off of the ropes and drops an elbow across Shane's throat... He covers him.. One.. Two.. Shane got a shoulder up.. Orton begins pummeling Shane in the face, drawing blood from above his eye brow.. Lance Storm crawls back in the ring and drop kicks Randy Orton in the back of the head, sending him careening forward through the middle and top ropes to the outside.. Orton climbs back to his feet, using the apron for leverage and Storm baseball slides him right in the face, sending him crashing back into the guardrail!! Lance Storm turns around... SWEET SHANE MUSIC!! Michael Shane covers him.. One! Two! Thre-- Lance Storm got a shoulder up!!!! OH MY GOD!! Michael Shane almost had it!! Shane pulls Storm to his feet and whips him into the ropes... Back drop!! Storm springs back up, holding his back and Shane runs at him for a clothesline but Storm falls flat on his back, rolls through, and hooks Michael Shane in the STRAIGHT SHOOTER!! He hooks it in tight and Michael Shane is struggling for the ropes... He's reaching and reaching but he can't make it!! Michael Shane tries to tap out.. But Randy Orton slides in and hold's Shane's hand, refusing to let it touch the mat!! Orton then slides up and RKO'S LANCE STORM OUT OF THE MOVE!! Orton covers Storm.. One!! Two!! Thre-- Michael Shane made the save!! Michael Shane begins pummeling Orton while he's still on top of Storm and begins clubbing him across the face, Taz-style!! He draws blood from Orton's nose and both men fight back to their feet.. They trade punches and Orton ducks one of Michael Shane's and he catches him around the waist... Tear drop suplex!! The fans "OOOH!!" in sympathy pain and Orton covers him.. One! Two! Thr-- Lance Storm pulls Orton off of him.. Storm lays into Orton with chops and forces him into the corner.. Storm hops up.. And monkey flips Orton!! Orton springs back to his feet and turns around.. Right into a super kick from Storm!! Michael Shane blindsides Storm and begins punching away at him now, but Storm fights him off and here comes Orton again... Orton, Storm, and Shane all three begin trading punches like crazy and Storm kicks Michael Shane away with a solid shot to the midsection and then he throat thrusts Randy Orton!! Both men go down and Lance Storm begins climbing the ropes... Michael Shane is the first to his feet.. And Storm nails him with a MISSILE DROP KICK!! Storm covers him and hooks both legs.. One! Two! Thr-- Randy Orton breaks the pin!! Orton yanks Storm off of the mat and whips him into the ropes... Clothesline, he ducks it!! Orton turns around, Storm goes for a super kick but Orton sidesteps it... RKO!! Storm and Shane are both down.. And here comes TEAM CANADA!! Mike Awesome, Elix Skipper, and Major Gunnz!! Mike Awesome reaches under the ring and pulls out a TABLE!! He sets it up right next to the ring apron.. Skipper and Awesome slide in the ring and go after Randy Orton, the only man left standing!! They begin beating down him!! THERE'S NO DQ IN TRIPLE THREAT MATCHES!! Michael Shane is up and Awesome turns his attention to him... Orton and Shane try fighting off Team Canada, but they're being overwhelmed.. Lance Storm is up and joining in on the assault... AND..... THE GLASS SHATTERS!! STONE COLD!! STONE COLD!! STONE COLD!! "STONE COLD" STEVE AUSTIN CHARGES TO THE RING!! Awesome lifts up Michael Shane for an Awesome Bomb and begins running with it... "YEEEEEAH!! FUUUCK!!" KICK WHAM STUNNER ON MIKE AWESOME!! Elix Skipper stomps on Orton in the corner with Storm.. Austin spins Storm around and punches him down!! He spins Elix around.. KICK WHAM STUNNER ON ELIX SKIPPER!! And, oh, what the hell, HE STOMPS A MUDHOLE IN RANDY ORTON!! THE FANS ARE GOING APE SHIT FOR "STONE COLD" STEVE AUSTIN!! Austin grabs Storm and drags him out of the ring, beating him relentlessly with lefts and rights until they disappear in the backstage area!! The rest of Team Canada straggles behind, trying to catch up to them, but Austin and Storm are long gone... Michael Shane and Randy Orton are the only two men left in the ring.... Both men are bleeding.. Orton and Shane get to their feet.. They circle each other for a bit and then lock-up.. Shane grabs a headlock and Orton bounces him off the ropes and whips him into the opposite side.. Orton follows him in and clotheslines him over the top rope, but Shane lands on the apron.. They're on the side where Awesome's table is still standing!! Orton tries to punch Shane off of the apron and through the table, but Shane won't go....... Shane ducks a punch and hooks Orton's head.. SUPLEX!! But Orton slips out of it and lands next to Shane on the apron.. They begin trading punches and kicks, each man trying to avoid the table.. And Shane ducks a punch from Orton........ TAZMISSION!!! MICHAEL SHANE HOOKS RANDY ORTON IN THE TAZMISSION!!! Randy Orton clutches the ropes, trying everything he can not to get Tazmissionplexed through the table..... "SURVIVE, ORTON!! SURVIIIIIIVE!!" Michael Shane is going nuts, he wants REVENGE FOR EVERYTHING RANDY ORTON HAS DONE TO HIM!! And Orton has no choice... He lets go of the ropes and both men go flying and crash through the table, Michael Shane on bottom with Orton on top of him.... Both men are DEAD!! They both lay motionless in the wreckage... Orton is the first man to stir.. He pulls himself out of the broken table and pulls Michael Shane to his feet.. Shane is finished, totally out on his feet... He throws Shane inside the ring, pulling Shane up once more... The RKO is academic!! Orton covers him.. One.... Two......... THREE!! Randy Orton has reclaimed the SGW Television Championship!! He just lays motionless in the middle of the ring as Nick Patrick drapes the championship across his body.. The fans boo loudly as Orton holds it tightly, a sick smile creeping across his face.. ]]-
 

Winner & New SGW Television Champion: Randy Orton via Pin Fall




-[[ The face of Chris Benoit fills the shot.. He has a bandage across his forehead that blood has already begun to seep through.. Chris Benoit stares intensely into the camera.. The camera backs away slowly, revealing the rest of Benoit.. He stands there, wearing a "4 Real" t-shirt with the SGW Hardcore Championship slung over his shoulder.. He begins speaking into the camera, low and intense... ]]-

[ Chris Benoit ] Tonight.. I set out to win the Hardcore championship... And I proceeded to do... What I said.. I was going to do!! I showed John Bradshaw Layfield.. A little something about respect... And I will admit.. Cactus Jack is one hell of a competitor.. But tonight... I was the better man...

-[[ Benoit pauses.. ]]-

[ Chris Benoit ] By the dozens, people have been leaving Solid Gold Wrestling... Perhaps.. They feel as though they are not being treated properly.. Or maybe... They're not being challenged enough... But I encourage all of you...

-[[ He stares intently into the camera.. ]]-

[ Chris Benoit ] All of you........

-[[ A pause. ]]-

[ Chris Benoit ] Before you take off to the competition with your tails between your legs.....

-[[ He smiles.. ]]-

[ Chris Benoit ] Know that opportunity does await you.. In the ring.. With Chris Benoit..

-[[ He hoists the championship on his shoulder a bit higher.. ]]-

[ Chris Benoit ] Any time.. Anywhere.. Any body.. Step through the ropes.. And take a shot..

-[[ His voice is grim, cold. ]]-

[ Chris Benoit ] Because my name is Chris Benoit... I am the best damn technical wrestler this business has ever seen..

-[[ His voice goes lower.. ]]-

[ Chris Benoit ] And I can not... Be stopped.....

-[[ A pause. ]]-

[ Chris Benoit ] Prove.. Me... Wrong..

-[[ He turns to leave and finds himself face to face with Cactus Jack.. Jack hasn't bothered to clean himself up after the match.. Blood is dried across his features.. He looks... Disgusting.... ]]-

[ Chris Benoit ] Cactus?

-[[ Jack's voice is warbly.. Uncertain.. ]]-

[ Cactus Jack ] Chris... I just wanted to.. Thank you.. For showing me that respect after the match..

-[[ A pause.. ]]-

[ Cactus Jack ] When you raised my hand...

-[[ Benoit nods.. ]]-

[ Chris Benoit ] You deserved it, Cactus.. You battled like a champion..

-[[ Cactus runs his hand through his hair, pulling it out of his eyes.. ]]-

[ Cactus Jack ] I just hope that you realize... That hardcore wrestling... It's not about the weapons.. It's not about how much you can hurt your opponent.... Hardcore wrestling.. Is not about who can take the most sickening bump from the highest place in the building... OH NO!!

-[[ Benoit smiles.. ]]-

[ Chris Benoit ] Cactus... I know.. Hardcore, quite simply means... How far you're willing to go for the adulation of the fans... How much of your body you are willing to sacrifice to put on an entertaining match.. I understand this fully...

-[[ Cactus looks down and mumbles.. ]]-

[ Cactus Jack ] If you understand that..... Then I guess.. You should understand... THIS!!

-[[ Cactus Jack nails Benoit with a big right hand!! Benoit throws the belt to the side and begins taking it to Cactus with rights and lefts... And RAVEN blasts Chris Benoit from behind!! And here comes CM PUNK!! What the hell does he have to do with this!? Raven, Cactus, and CM Punk all three begin pummeling Benoit down into the concrete and Raven and CM Punk hold Chris Benoit up while Cactus picks up the Hardcore championship..... And he charges.. AND BLASTS CHRIS BENOIT IN THE FACE WITH IT!! Benoit's bandages come off and the blood begins flowing again.. The three begin beating him down some more.. And here comes DEAN MALENKO.. AND JEFF HARDY!! Cactus, Punk, and Raven scatter as Hardy and Malenko swarm around Benoit and try helping him to his feet.. What the hell is going on here!? ]]-
 





-[[ CRASH!! ]]-

-[[ Lance Storm's body goes crashing over the merchandise table and as he begins to sit back up, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin goes flying over it at him!! Austin begins planting shot after shot into the head of Lance Storm and he whips him hard into the wall and begins punching away at him again!! Storm tries fighting back but Austin's not having any of that!! Austin yanks an SGW t-shirt off of the wall display and begins choking Storm relentlessly with it!! Storm is fighting for air, but Austin then uses the shirt to whip Storm back into the wall!! Storm slumps to his ass, rubbing his throat and trying to crawl away.. And Mike Awesome comes charging at Austin from behind!! ]]-

[ Mike Awesome ] YEAH!! FUCK!! YOU WANNA FIGHT!! YOU FUCKIN' GOT ONE!!

-[[ Austin stops Awesome dead cold with a kick.. WHAM STUNNER ON THE FLOOR!! Mike Awesome springs up and lands flat on his back and doesn't move!! CRACK!! CHAIR SHOT TO AUSTIN'S BACK!! Austin turns around, unfazed and sees Elix Skipper clutching the chair... Austin shakes his head and slaps the chair out of Elix's hand!! ]]-

[ Elix Skipper ] Aw, fuck.. Aw shit!! NAW!! I juss' fucked up, didn't I?

-[[ Austin just nods and grabs Elix by the head and slings him HARD through the merchandise table!! Major Gunnz is running onto the scene, yelling for the fighting to stop, but Austin locks eyes on her.. He's got that crazy look in his eye... And Lance Storm blasts him from behind!! Storm beats down on Austin, getting the jump on him, but as soon as he beats Austin down to his knees, Austin low bows him, stands up, and jacks his jaw with a big right hand!! Storm goes down hard and Austin stomps over and grabs a garbage can!! He dumps the garbage all over Storm's body!! ]]-

[ Steve Austin ] It's time ta' take out the trash!! OHHH HELL YEEEAAH!!!

-[[ He yanks Storm to his feet and puts the trash can on his head.. He grabs the steel chair that Elix discarded.. And BLASTS the garbage can with the chair!! The sound of steel meeting steel is heard and Storm goes spinning out of control and hits the wall before slumping down and not moving anymore!! Austin throws down the chair, smirking. ]]-

[ Steve Austin ] How you like that, you mealy mouth BASTARD!?

-[[ Major Gunnz jogs over, big ol' breasts swaying back and forth.. ]]-

[ Major Gunnz ] Steve.. What do you think you're doing!?

-[[ Austin looks at her.. ]]-

[ Steve Austin ] Excuse me?

-[[ She looks at him, confused.. ]]-

[ Major Gunnz ] What do you think--

[ Steve Austin ] What?

[ Major Gunnz ] What do you--

[ Steve Austin ] WHAT?

-[[ She's growing frustrated.. ]]-

[ Major Gunnz ] What do--

-[[ Austin rolls his eyes. ]]-

[ Steve Austin ] BLAH BLAH BLAAAAH!!

-[[ Austin looks her right in the eyes.. ]]-

[ Steve Austin ] You keep flappin' your gums.. But all ol' Stone Cold hears is blah blah blah, I'm a stupid tramp!!

[ Major Gunnz ] WHAT!?

-[[ Austin looks at her cold and hard.. ]]-

[ Steve Austin ] What's that? Are you takin' Stone Cold's catch phrases?

-[[ STONE COLD STUNNER ON MAJOR GUNNZ!! Austin slides down next to her, in a push-up position, jawing right in her face as she lays there completely motionless on the floor.. Austin is PISSED. ]]-

[ Steve Austin ] EH EH!! THAT JUST AIN'T GONNA CUT IT!!

-[[ Austin stands up, brushes himself off, look at the wreckage he's created with his brawl with Team Canada.. And suddenly he's lifted off of the ground..... BY CHRIS MASTERS!! MASTERLOCK ON STEVE AUSTIN!! MASTERLOCK ON STEVE AUSTIN!! Austin is fighting it with everything he has... BUT HE CAN'T BREAK IT!! Chris Masters swings Austin around like a rag doll, brings him down to his knees, and forces Austin into unconsciousness!! Chris Masters slings Austin to the side and looks down at him... He spits on Austin's back.. ]]-

[ Chris Masters ] See, Austin.... Nobody can break my Masterlock.....

-[[ He yells. ]]-

[ Chris Masters ] NOBODY!!

-[[ Masters stomps off, leaving the sea of broken bodies to itself. ]]-
 



Christian(c) & Tom Cruise versus Val Venis & Teddy Long
Title on the Line: SGW World Heavyweight Championship
Stipulation: The Pin Maker Wins the Championship
Special GuestReferee: Bret "The Hitman" Hart


-[[ All four men are inside of the ring.. Christian stands there with Tom Cruise next to him, holding the world championship in his grasp.. Christian stares down at it and lifts it in the air, kissing it before handing it to the former world champion, Bret "The Hitman" Hart.. Hart looks at the belt with a bit of admiration in his own eyes.. He passes it off to the time keeper and orders one man from each team back to his corner.. Christian and Val Venis are going to begin the match.. They face off in the middle of the ring with Bret standing between them.. Bret gives them the run down on the rules and then signals for the bell to be rung... Venis and Christian stand there for a bit, talking trash and Christian balls up on Venis, slapping his chest and pointing at Venis, telling him he's not shit.. And then Christian sucker punches Venis right in the mouth!! Venis turns and punches Christian back!! The two men begin trading punches and Christian breaks up Val's flurry with a vicious knee lift to the gut... Christian whips Venis to the mat with a snapmare and he begins yanking back on Venis' head with a chinlock... Venis begins trying to fight out of it, but before Venis can get any serious leverage, Christian releases the hold and kicks Venis hard in the back.. Venis groans in pain and starts to stand up, but Christian yanks him straight up off of the mat and goes for an early UNPRETTIER, but Venis forces Christian forward into the ropes and he comes bouncing back into Val's arms... Blue Thunder Bomb!! Venis could have it right now! He covers.. One! Two! Christian got a shoulder up!! Venis is already on his feet and he pulls Christian up... Christian drives an elbow into Venis' midsection and takes him to the mat with a snap suplex! Venis is back up quickly, staggering a bit, and Christian kicks him.. And drops him with a double underhook suplex!! Christian maneuvers around and locks Venis into ANOTHER chinlock.. Venis is raising his arm, rallying the fans, and Christian is fighting it, trying to wrench off Val's head.. Val elbows Christian in the gut and Christian drives his knee into Venis' back, pulling back on his head even harder now.. Venis is yelling in pain, trying to get the fans on his side... And Christian is pulled off of Venis by Teddy Long!! Teddy is trying to lock a sleeper hold on Christian, but Christian forces himself backward into the turnbuckles and crushes Teddy between the turnbuckles and himself!! Christian turns around and begins kicking away at Teddy with no mercy, stomping him into a seated position on the mat and Venis rolls Christian up from behind! One! Two! Thr-- Christian kicked out! Christian is up quickly and so is Val.. The two men clash in the middle of the ring and begin throwing punches again and Venis takes the upper hand, pummeling Christian with lefts and rights.. And suddenly, Venis' knee buckles! Tom Cruise chop blocked Venis!! Christian laughs and pie faces Venis to the mat and Christian and Cruise begin stomping away at Venis!! Teddy runs over and tackles Cruise down!! The two begin rolling around on the mat, punching away at each other and Bret Hart is forced to restore order!! Hart yanks Long and Cruise away from each other and forces them into their corners.. Christian keeps stomping away at Venis and Hart pushes him back... Christian gets pissed and goes back to stomping Venis... And Hart pushes Christian back again... And then Christian pushes Hart back!! And Hart blasts Christian with a big right hand and Venis rolls Christian up.. One!! Two!! Thre-- Christian kicked out!! Christian springs back to his feet and gets in Hart's face.. The two begin arguing.. And then Venis blasts Christian from the side.. Venis gets down on top of Christian and begins punching away at him.. But now Hart has to pull Venis off of Christian.. Hart warns Venis about the closed fists but Venis doesn't care.. He yanks Christian up off of the mat and whips him into the ropes.. Venis goes a clothesline but Christian ducks it and hooks him from behind for the Unprettier, but Venis pushes Christian forward into the ropes.. Christian bounces off and comes at Venis with a clothesline of his own.. Venis ducks THAT one and hooks Christian from behind with a blue thunder bomb, but Christian uses the momentum to flip backward over Venis' shoulder and hooks him from behind.. REVERSE DDT!! Christian scrambles for his corner.. And tags in Tom Cruise!! Tom Cruise gets in the ring, looking cocky and he knees down over Venis and begins planting lefts and rights into Venis' face.. Cruise, sure that Venis is done, goes outside the ring and begins climbing the ropes.... What the hell is he going for.. He's not a wrestler, he's a MOVIE STAR!! Venis stirs and gets slowly to his feet... And Cruise.. FLIES....... CRUISE MISSLE!!!! Venis side steps the move like it's nothing and laughs as Cruise flops on the mat like a fish out of water.. Venis casually steps over.. And tags in Teddy Long!! Teddy shuffles over, raising the roof, and he lifts Tom Cruise off of the mat.. He whips Cruise into the corner and follows him in with a clothesline!! The fans are going nuts as they witness Tom Cruise get dominated... Teddy lays into Cruise with a vicious chop.. And another one.. And another one!! Cruise is screaming in pain.. And suddenly, Cruise spins Long around and puts HIM in the corner!! Cruise begins dealing out chops of his own!! Long is hurting and Cruise snapmares him out of the corner.. Cruise puts the boots to Long for a bit and then tags Christian back in... Christian and Cruise hit a quick double suplex on Long and Cruise goes back to the apron at the urging of "The Hitman." Christian lifts Teddy up like he's nothing and body slams him straight into the mat.. Christian goes for a cover.. One.. Two.. Thr-- Teddy got a shoulder up.. Venis is screaming at Long to make the tag but Teddy can't do it.. Christian whips Long into the ropes... LARIAT!! Christian smiles and picks Long up again.... Stalling vertical suplex!! Christian makes a quick tag to Cruise and they nail Long with a sickening double DDT!! Christian steps onto the apron while Cruise works over Long... Cruise picks Long up off of the mat and throws him into the ropes... And Long baseball slides between Cruise's legs and tags in Venis!! Venis goes straight for Cruise and Cruise dives and tags Christian back in!! Christian and Venis meet in the center again, throwing wild punches and Venis kicks Christian hard in the gut, knocking him back on his ass.. Christian yells in frustration, stands up, and charges at Venis.. And Venis drop toe holds Christian!! Christian lands with his chest across the middle rope and-- CRACK!! CAST SHOT FROM ORLANDO JORDAN!! ORLANDO JUST NAILED CHRISTIAN WITH A CAST!! Christian staggers straight up, knocked completely out of it, and staggers into a small package from Venis..... ONE!! TWO!! THRE-- CHRISTIAN KICKED OUT!! Bret Hart turns after the nearfall and sees Orlando adjusting his cast and he realizes what's happened... BRET HART IS EJECTING ORLANDO JORDAN FROM RINGSIDE!! And while Bret is distracted with Jordan..... EDGE ROLLS INTO THE RING!! Edge is sizing up Venis!! Venis turns around...... SPEAR!!! EDGE IS BACK!! EDGE IS BAAAAAAAACK!!!! Edge rolls out of the ring, yanking at his hair, and Christian falls on top of Venis... Hart turns around... ONE!! TWO!! THRE-- VENIS KICKED OUT!! Christian screams out loud, frustrated to no end... Christian rolls out of the ring and grabs a CHAIR!! He rolls back inside and slaps the chair on the mat, waiting for Venis to stand up.... Venis is up and Christian raises the chair...... And Bret Hart yanks it out of his hand from behind him!! Christian turns around, screaming in Hart's face... And Hart raises the chair.......... AND NAILS VAL VENIS!!! Venis goes down flat and doesn't move.. Christian exhales, looking relieved.. He smiles, eventually begins laughing... AND HART HITS CHRISTIAN WITH THE CHAIR, TOO!! The fans... They don't know WHAT to think.. What's going on here!? Hart throws the chair down and climbs out of the ring, looking at the mess he's just left... Hart heads to back.. He's not even going to finish refereeing this match..... What the hell is happening!? Teddy Long and Tom Cruise both look confused.. They have no idea what's happening either.. However, they're both screaming at their partners to stand up... Christian and Venis both begin to stir.. And both men have blood trickling down their faces from the chair shots from Hart.. Christian and Venis both stand slowly and lean on the ropes for support... Venis and Christian both look at each other, not knowing what's going on with Hart.. There's no referee in the ring.. Venis turns to consult with Teddy on the apron but Christian blasts him from behind.. Christian puts the forearms to Venis, whips him into the ropes.. Venis comes off with a clothesline but Christian ducks it and hooks Venis from behind..... UNPRETTIER!! Christian covers him.. No referee!! Teddy Long gets in the ring and kicks Christian in the head.. Christian gets up, shaking his head, almost foaming at the mouth.. He begins punching away Teddy Long with lefts and rights and throws him into the ropes and Christian rips off Teddy's head with a clothesline!! Venis gets up and LOW BLOWS Christian as Teddy lays on the mat cradling his head.. Venis charges over and head tosses Tom Cruise over the top rope and into the ring!! Venis whips Cruise into the ropes.. HIGH KNEE!! Cruise goes down in a heap.. Venis turns around and grabs Christian.. He whips him into the ropes and goes for a back drop but Christian kicks Venis in the chest!! Venis stands straight up from the impact and Christian goes for a haymaker but Venis ducks THAT and hooks Christian from behind..... BLUE THUNDER BOMB!! Venis stands up, looking intense and he motions for the money shot!! Venis begins climbing the ropes.. He stands on the top...... AND HE JUMPS!! HASSAN!! HASSAN!! HASSAN!! MUHAMMAD HASSAN WAS WAITING FOR HIM ON HIS WAY DOWN!! HE CATCHES HIM....... FLATLINER!! Hassan stands up, smiling.. He looks out at the crowd as they boo loudly.. He stands over Venis, drags his thumb across Venis' throat.. AND LOCKS IN THE CAMEL CLUTCH!! Venis' tongue is hanging out of his mouth and Hassan yanks back on it until Venis stops moving... Hassan rolls out of the ring and heads to the back, staring at the ring on his way out... Christian crawls over and throws an arm over Val Venis.. And Charles Robinson runs down to finish the match.. He slides in..... ONE!! TWO!! THRE--- VENIS GOT A SHOULDER UP!! Christian can't believe it!! Cruise and Long have crawled back to their corners.. Venis and Christian are both laying in the middle of the ring, exhausted... They begin crawling toward their corners to make the tag... Venis dives and Long is in... SO IS CRUISE!! All four men are inside the ring!! Long and Cruise lay into each other with rapid fire shots and Christian and Venis charge back at each other and start brawling..... And Christian kicks Venis in the balls!! Venis backs up, holding his groin and Christian turns, drops to his knees.. And low-blows Teddy Long!! Long staggers forward and Cruise catches him............. CRUISE CONTROL!! Christian turns around just in time to catch Venis coming at him, Christian ducks a clothesline and hooks Venis from behind... SCHOOL BOY ROLL-UP!! CRUISE PINS LONG AS WELL!! ONE!! TWO!! CHRISTIAN'S FEET GO ON THE ROPES.. THREE!!!!! Christian celebrates and grabs his championship belt, holding it high over his head as Venis just sits there, fuming mad.. Tom Cruise is on his knees, pumping his fists, and yelling in joy... And then.. Gary Michael Cappetta speaks... ]]-

[ Gary Michael Cappetta ] The winners of the match...... CHRISTIAN... AND TOM CRUISE!!

-[[ A pause as Christian holds the world title close to his chest, almost weeping with joy... ]]-

[ Gary Michael Cappetta ] AAAAAAAAAND NEEEEEEEEEEEEEW SOLID GOLD WRESTLING.. WOOOOOORRRRLLLLLLD.. HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIOOOOOOOOON........ TOOOOOOOOOOOOM CRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUISE!!!!

-[[ Christian's face drops.. The fans go dead silent.. But then erupt when they realize that what has just transpired is completely and utterly fucked up...... Tom Cruise is the world champion.. TOM CRUISE.. IS THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF SOLID GOLD WRESTLING!! Tom Cruise looks absolutely shocked..... What.. Is going on here!? ]]-
 

Winners: Christian & Tom Cruise via Pin Fall
New SGW World Champion: Tom Cruise


-[[ Christian just stand there, the world championship belt dangling in his hand.. He begins shaking his head as Charles Robinson comes toward him, expecting Christian to hand him the world championship belt... Robinson reaches down to take it himself and Christian shoves him down hard!! The fans boo as Christian backs up, shaking his head, clutching the world title closely.. "NO!! THIS ISN'T HAPPENIIIIIIIING!!!" Tom Cruise is standing in the corner, not wanting to get physically involved in this one, still, you can see the thrill of victory etched across his face.. Nick Patrick, Mark Yeaton, Scott James, and Jimmy Cordaris all jog down to the ring and begin trying to reason with Christian for him to hand over the title belt, but Christian isn't having any of it!! Christian calls for a microphone and is almost in tears as he screams into it.. ]]-

[ Christian ] NO!! I.. DEMAND... A NEW.. DECISION!!

-[[ Christian shoves Nick Patrick hard.. ]]-

[ Christian ] I PINNED VAL VENIS!! I PINNED VAL VENIS!! I'M KEEPING THIS DAMN BELT!!

-[[ Spit is flying out of Christian's mouth as he yells.. ]]-

[ Christian ] SEE!? SEE!?

-[[ Christian raises the championship belt to a loud round of boos.. ]]-

[ Christian ] I'M THE DAMN CHAMPION!!

-[[ Jimmy Cordaris opens his mouth to speak but Christian punches him down!! The other referees all go on the defensive, waiting for more attacks but they don't come.. Christian looks like he's going to have a complete nervous breakdown.. Val Venis grabs Teddy Long and they head to the back, shaking their heads in disbelief at what is transpiring in the ring.. Christian looks down at the belt.. ]]-

[ Christian ] NO!!

-[[ Christian looks back up at the referees and out at the fans as they boo him relentlessly.. ]]-

[ Christian ] I.. MADE.. THE PIN!!

-[[ Christian's face is completely crimson.. ]]-

[ Christian ] THAT MEANS I RETAIN MY BELT!!

-[[ He turns back to the referees.. ]]-

[ Christian ] YOU KNOW IT.. I KNOW IT.. AND MY.. PEEPS KNOW IT!!

-[[ He holds the title at waist level, pressing it hard against his abdomen.. He turns his back to the referees now.. ]]-

[ Christian ] This title reign is lasting FOREVER, dammit!!

-[[ He smiles, almost as if he's assured himself that he's still the champion.. ]]-

[ Christian ] Now.. One of you zebras get over here and strap this belt around the Captain's waist!!

-[[ A pause.. None of them move to do it.. Christian grows impatient.. ]]-

[ Christian ] I'M WAAAAAAAAAITIIIIIING!!

-[[ Maria's music hits!! Maria and Jillian Hall walk out onto the ramp.. Maria makes sure to blow everyone kisses while Jillian appears to be all business.. They both climb in the ring and Jillian calls for a microphone of her own.. Christian stands there, staring her down as he holds the world title in place... Jillian walks right up to him and gets in his face.. She begins laying down the law.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] Christian... You're absolutely right..... You DID pin Val Venis!!

-[[ Christian nods.. ]]-

[ Christian ] That's right.. I DID!!

-[[ She smirks.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] And the rules of the match stated.. That the person who makes the pin fall... Will be the champion!!

-[[ She turns to Maria, confirming this, Maria nods excitedly, that big, stupid smile on her face.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] But...... Tom Cruise also pinned Teddy Long..

-[[ Jillian shrugs her shoulders.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] Soooo... What do we do?

-[[ Christian raises the championship belt and gets down in HER face.. ]]-

[ Christian ] I KEEP THE BELT.. THAT.. IS WHAT WE DO!!

-[[ She looks down, smiling.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] Actually.........

-[[ She looks back up, staring Christian right in the eye.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] It's not the complicated situation you're making it out to be..

-[[ She puts one hand on her hip, looking cocky as Christian is forced to stand there and wonder what's on her mind.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] TOM CRUISE WAS THE LEGAL MAN IN THE MATCH!!

-[[ Huge pop. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] So, ladies and gentlemen..... YOUR NEEEEEEEEW SGW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!!

-[[ She points at the movie star in the corner.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] TOM CRUUUUUUUUUISE!!!!

-[[ Christian is shaking all over, looking furious.. And Nick Patrick rips the title out of Christian's grasp from behind!! HUGE POP!! Nick Patrick hands the world championship belt to Tom Cruise!! Cruise stares at it in awe, not fully comprehending what to do... Christian storms up on Cruise and begins jawing right in his ear.. Cruise nods, smiling, and calls for a microphone of his own.... ]]-

[ Tom Cruise ] Thank all of you for your support... And thank you, Maria, for giving me this opportunity..

-[[ Cruise looks over at Christian and winks.. ]]-

[ Tom Cruise ] But..... I'm afraid I've done all I can do as champion of this great organization.. And I'm going to relinquish this championship back to the previous holder of it... My good friend, Christian.... Congratulations, Christian!!

-[[ Christian smiles and Tom Cruise hands him the championship belt.. Christian raises the belt in the air, laughing. ]]-

[ Christian ] I'M THE CHAMPION!! I'M THE CHAMPION AGAIN!! TWO TIMES!!

-[[ Christian raises the belt up and kisses it hard.. Until Jillian clears her throat.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] I should probably inform you both.. That in the event of someone relinquishing the world championship for any reason besides illness, death, or injury... The championship is immediately placed in the hands of the number one contender... And in this case... That's VAL VENIS!!

-[[ Huge pop. Christian, without hesitating, shoves the belt back into Tom Cruise's hands.. ]]-

[ Christian ] Take the belt, dammit... Just take it..

-[[ Cruise just shakes his head.. ]]-

[ Tom Cruise ] I tried.

-[[ Christian begins walking across the ring.. He steps through the ropes and stands on the apron as Maria takes the microphone away Jillian.. Christian can only stand and watch as his belt is completely defaced.. Tom Cruise looks like he genuinely doesn't want to upset Christian.. ]]-

[ Maria ] YAY!! TOM CRUISE IS THE CHAMPION!! CELEBRATE, TOM!!

-[[ Tom raises the championship in the air, forcing a smile for the cameras.. ]]-

[ Maria ] JUMP UP AND DOWN!! HIT TOM'S MUSIC!!

-[[ "Old Time Rock and Roll" by Bob Seger hits.. ]]-

[ Maria ] Care Bears, Muppet Babies, Ricky Steamboat, and Tom Cruise is the new world champion!! HEARTBREAKER IS THE BEST PAY-PER-VIEW EVER!! TOM CRUISE IS THE BEST WORLD CHAMPION EVER!!

-[[ Christian shakes his head, climbs back through the ropes and stalks up behind Maria.. The fans scream and boo but it's too late.. UNPRETTIER ON MARIA!!! UNPRETTIER ON MARIA!! CHRISTIAN HAS JUST DRILLED MARIA FACE FIRST INTO THE MAT!! Christian stands up, staring down at her... He wipes the sweat from his brow as Jillian and the referees all dive down around her and begin checking on her.. Cruise looks shocked.. Christian climbs out of the ring and begins walking up the ramp.. He stands on the stage, watching everyone check on Maria as Cruise stands there with the title belt... Christian slaps himself on the chest as the fans boo.. ]]-

[ Christian ] That's how I roll.

-[[ Fade out. ]]-