SHOCK: Cruise Control | March 4th, 2006 | Live From: Brazil | Commentators: Joey Styles & Don Callis

-[[ The SGW logo fades up and away.. ]]-

-[[ The sudden shot of the thousands of fans in attendance is startling.. They're screaming loudly, almost to a riotous level.. The arena is outfitted with various decorations to reflect the show being in Brazil this week.. The fans are rabid, waiting for the show to begin, dying for wrestling action, because it's very rare when superstars of this caliber come to their country.. Hell, it's exciting when these superstars wrestle in the United States, because, quite simply, there is no one better... No one.. And just when it looks like the fans may flow over the rail to satisfy their wrestling needs themselves... Someone's music hits.. Someone.. Unexpected.. ]]-


-[[ Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock & Roll" hits and the fans begin booing as even the fans all the way in Brazil know that this man being champion is complete and utter bullshit.. There's a long wait.. The fans begin booing even louder, wondering why the man isn't coming out....... And then... For God's sake.... Why? Tom Cruise slides onto the stage wearing nothing but a dress shirt, his underwear, a pair of socks, his sunglasses.. And the SGW World Title belt around his waist.. He stands there, thrusting his hips and snapping his fingers as the fans boo loudly.. But he just doesn't care, nodding his head and smiling like the movie star he is... He dances his way to the ring, smiling all the way, and walks up the steps.. He climbs inside and throws his arms to the side.. Garbage begins pouring into the ring as the fans shit all over this entrance.. Tom Cruise walks over to Gary Michael Cappetta and takes the microphone out of his hand.. ]]-

[ Tom Cruise ] No one thought it could happen, huh!?

-[[ Cruise laughs.. ]]-

[ Tom Cruise ] I proved everyone wrong!!

-[[ He looks down at the belt, smiling and looks into the camera.. ]]-

[ Tom Cruise ] Hey, Christian... How's THIS for a swerve!?

-[[ Boos. ]]-

[ Tom Cruise ] Everyone bought it!! Everyone!!

-[[ He walks around the ring, looking foolish in his underwear and title belt.. ]]-

[ Tom Cruise ] Everything was fake!! From me not wanting to get in the ring four weeks ago when Maria INSISTED that I come inside... All the way to me trying to give Christian the world title back.. After I BEAT HIM FOR IT!!

-[[ Cruise tilts his head back, laughing.. ]]-

[ Tom Cruise ] You wrestlers.. You wrestlers kill me.. The Rock thinks he's an actor?

-[[ Cruise yells into the camera.. ]]-

[ Tom Cruise ] HA!!

-[[ Cruise taps himself on the temple with his index finger.. ]]-

[ Tom Cruise ] What I've done for the past month.. Is called acting.. ACTING!

-[[ He shrieks.. ]]-

[ Tom Cruise ] And you FELL for it!!

-[[ He looks down, shaking his head, that smile never leaving his face.. ]]-

[ Tom Cruise ] Because I'm from Hollywood... And wrestlers....

-[[ He looks back up.. ]]-

[ Tom Cruise ] Wrestlers... ARE DUMB!!

-[[ He looks down and shines the championship belt with his sleeve.. ]]-

[ Tom Cruise ] Christian.. Why do you think I blurted out our.. Master plan.. Right in front of Jillian!?

-[[ He begins laughing and jumping up and down excitedly.. ]]-


-[[ He stops, still laughing.. ]]-

[ Tom Cruise ] And thanks to Maria.. And Christian, God bless him... I'm going to have all the free publicity I need for ALL of my upcoming movies!! Because as long as I'm the champion... You can't get rid of Tom Cruise.. And you'll be losing money if you DON'T advertise my films!! Heck, as champion... You're paying ME to advertise MY films!!

-[[ He takes off the title belt and dangles it in front of the camera as the fans boo.. ]]-

[ Tom Cruise ] Hey, C-Diddy... THIS title reign.. IS LASTING FOREVER!!

-[[ He turns back to the fans, slinging the title belt over his shoulder.. ]]-

[ Tom Cruise ] Because from here on in... SGW is running on.. CRUISE CONTROL!! HA HA HA!!

-[[ The Golden-Tron flashes to life and a hand is seen.. Only a hand with an ink pen clutched in it... It ticks repeatedly on what appears to be a table made of wood as the pen holder seems to be contemplating something.. Tom Cruise looks confused.. The fans have no idea what to think... And then you hear a female voice... The camera pans up to reveal Jillian Hall, looking.. Confident.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] You're sure you want this right now?

-[[ No answer.. At least not one you, the fans, or Cruise can see.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] No main event? No pay-per-view?

-[[ No answer.. Only silence as the fans begin buzzing with anticipation.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] Before you sign anything... I want to know for sure.. Are you ready for this?

-[[ No answer.. And the camera pans down to reveal the pen scribbling quickly on a sheet of paper.. What the hell is going on? The camera pans over the paper and you see the writing and you realize what has just happened.. In plain, black text across this paper you see written... ]]-


-[[ The camera pans up to reveal Val Venis with wild eyes and he looks into the camera, locking eyes with everyone in the arena... His mouth opens wide and he yells.... ]]-

[ Val Venis ] YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

-[[ His music hits and he barges through the curtain, looking pumped and already seething.. Something inside Tom Cruise's soul dies.. There is no escape....... My Good God.. Is this going to happen right here and right now.. In BRAZIL!? ]]-

Tom Cruise(c) versus Val Venis
Title on the Line:
SGW World Heavyweight Championship
Charles Robinson

-[[ Tom Cruise throws the world title to the side and tries to make a break for the outside
 but Venis is too fast and catches him by the waist band of his Hanes, whips him around and plants
his head between his legs... PILEDRIVER!! Val Venis wastes no time as the fans go absolutely
 BERSERK and he climbs the ropes.... MONEY SHOT ON TOM CRUISE!! Venis hooks both legs..

Winner & New SGW World Heavyweight Champion: Val Venis via Pin Fall

-[[ Tom Cruise rolls out of the ring, clutching his head and Charles Robinson shoves the world championship into Val Venis' hands and raises his arm in the air.. The fans are going absolutely nuts as Venis clutches the championship belt and drops to his knees, staring into the large center plate like it's a lost love... Venis looks out at the fans, muttering "thank you, thank you," and he stands back up.. He holds the championship tight to his mid-section and Charles Robinson begins strapping it around his waist as the fans give Venis a standing ovation..... He keeps looking down at the belt, like he can't believe he's finally the SGW World Champion.... He swallows hard and calls for a microphone.. It's handed to him and he begins to speak.. ]]-

[ Val Venis ] Thank you... Thank all of you...

-[[ The fans are still applauding him loudly.. ]]-

[ Val Venis ] Kristal.. I know you're watching... This is for you!!

-[[ He looks down at the belt again, feeling of it with his hand.. ]]-

[ Val Venis ] This is for everyone that's stood by me.. For everything I've been through!!

-[[ He looks up into the Heavens.. ]]-

[ Val Venis ] Teddy.. Orlando..... BISCHOFF!!

-[[ He looks down, almost like he's going to begin sobbing.. ]]-

[ Val Venis ] Arn.. I hope this means.. That you can forgive me for what I've done...

-[[ A pause. ]]-

[ Val Venis ] Because for the first time since Jeff Jarrett brought your baby back to life.. The World Heavyweight Championship is in the hands of a man... Who deserves to be called.... The champion...

-[[ And then he does begin sobbing.. ]]-

[ Val Venis ] Jesus Christ... I've been through so much... With Stacy leaving me for Edge... Eric Bischoff having his career ended... Long before it was time... Orlando having his arm shattered... And Kristal... God.... This.. This makes it all seem worth it... And I swear... For all of those I've named.. For Arn Anderson.. For Solid Gold Wrestling..... And for myself.. I swear.. With God as my witness... This championship will not leave my grasp without a fight....

-[[ Teddy Long and Orlando Jordan walk out onto the stage, applauding... Venis looks proud to see them.. ]]-

[ Val Venis ] How's.. THIS.. For a swerve?

-[[ Venis smirks and exits the ring, raising his arms in victory as the fans roar in approval.. ]]-

Chavo Guerrero, Jr. versus Kurt Angle
Title on the Line: None
Stipulation: World Warrior Tournament - Round One
Referee: Nick Patrick

-[[ Chavo waves to the fans at the start of the match as they all give him a standing ovation for being one of Solid Gold's longest running superstars.. As he plays to the fans, Kurt Angle charges up behind him and begins beating down on him with vicious forearms and punches to the back of the head.. He spins Chavo around and begins punching away at his head and then slams into him hard with a European uppercut!! He pie faces Chavo into the corner and knee lifts him in the midsection.. Kurt Angle is relentless in his pursuit to take out Chavo.. He whips Chavo hard out of the turnbuckle and into the opposite corner so hard that Chavo comes bouncing out right into a sickening LARIAT from Kurt Angle!! Angle springs back up, "WOO!" and pulls Chavo back to his feet.. He spins Chavo around.. German suplex!! He springs back up and pulls Chavo to his feet.. He whips him into the ropes.. Kurt goes for a clothesline but Chavo ducks it and executes a go-behind on Kurt.. Chavo goes for a German suplex of his own.. But Kurt elbows Chavo in the head and swings behind him.. German suplex on Chavo again!! He rolls with it.. A second suplex and a third!! AND A FOURTH!! Kurt Angle is DISMANTLING Chavo Guerrero!! Angle stands up, a sick smile on his face... He begins sizing Chavo up..... Chavo stands... ANGLE SLA-- NO!! Chavo slips out of it and rolls Kurt up!! One!! Two!! Thre-- Kurt kicked out!! Kurt and Chavo both spring to their feet and charge at each other and Chavo hits Kurt with an arm drag!! Kurt is up again, looking pissed and Chavo runs at him, but Kurt isn't having any of that shit and catches Chavo around the waist.. OVERHEAD BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX ON CHAVO!! Chavo is down and out and Kurt begins climbing the ropes.. Kurt's going to go for his moonsault!! But as soon as he gets positioned on the top rope, Chavo is already up and flying up the turnbuckles like they're a stairway and he GERMAN SUPLEXES ANGLE OFF OF THE TOP ROPE!! Angle does a complete flip in mid-air and lands on his face in the center of the ring.. Both men lay motionless for a bit on the mat.. Chavo sits up to a good ovation from the fans.. He plays to them for a bit and approaches Kurt's body... AND KURT COMES TO LIFE!! HE TRIPS CHAVO!! ANKLE LOCK!! ANKLE LOCK!! Chavo is screaming in pain and reaching for the ropes.. He's almost there.. And Angle pulls him back into the center of the ring!! How long can Chavo take this punishment!? He's reaching, and reaching... And... Chyna gets on the apron!! Kurt Angle's eyes go wide and he releases the hold!! He lunges for the apron and Chyna hops down!! She's smiling at him, what's she got up her sleeve... And then Chavo nails Angle from behind... ROLL-UP!! ONE! TWO! THREE!! CHAVO GUERRERO HAS DONE IT!! Chavo rolls out of the ring, grabs Pepe, and favors his ankle on the way up the ramp, celebrating.. Kurt Angle screams in rage at the unjust loss he just suffered thanks to Chyna!! ]]-

Winner: Chavo Guerrero, Jr. via Pin Fall

-[[ Wearing a "Got Charisma?" t-shirt and jeans, Christian throws his hands up in disgust.. ]]-

[ Christian ] Shut the doors and turn off the lights.. THIS PARTY.. IS OVER!!

-[[ He puts his hands on his hips.. Standing behind him is Tyson Tomko, Jim Cornette, and Trish Stratus.. All three of them look equally as disgusted as Christian... Christian, with his back to them, looks up at the ceiling like he expects an answer from a higher power.. ]]-

[ Christian ] Val Venis? VAL VENIS!?

-[[ He grits his teeth but the words force themselves out.. ]]-


-[[ Trish walks up next to him and begins rubbing his chest.. ]]-

[ Trish Stratus ] Don't get so worked up.. It's not like he's going to keep it.

-[[ Christian shakes his head frantically.. ]]-

[ Christian ] Oh, he's going to keep it.. Because SGW is dead.

-[[ He looks Trish right in the eyes. ]]-

[ Christian ] It's dead.. Val Venis is the champion.. It's DEAD..

-[[ Trish scoffs. ]]-

[ Trish Stratus ] He'll lose it in his first defense, babe. Relax.

[ Christian ] First defense? To have a 'first' defense, we'll have to have another episode of Shock!!

-[[ She doesn't understand.. ]]-

[ Christian ] But we WON'T.... BECAUSE SGW IS DEAD!!

-[[ She looks around.. Glances at the monitor and then back at Christian. ]]-

[ Trish Stratus ] It's not dead now, is it? The show's still going on..

-[[ Christian just shakes his head.. ]]-

[ Christian ] Don't be stupid, Trish.. Don't be stupid...

-[[ Christian seems to have gone off the deep end, losing his title AND seeing Venis win it within the same week.. ]]-

[ Christian ] Why are you being so... So stupid?

-[[ He stops, looking down at the ground.. ]]-

[ Christian ] SGW is just in a coma until we go off the air..

[ Trish Stratus ] People wake up from comas all the time.

[ Christian ] No, they don't.

-[[ Trish stands there, looking non-plussed.. Christian suddenly yells, realizing something. ]]-

[ Christian ] VENIS.. GOT MY TITLE SHOT!!

-[[ Trish doesn't seem to understand.. Jim Cornette stomps up.. ]]-

[ Jim Cornette ] Holy god damn fuckin' shit, Christian.. You're right!! And by right, I do mean you are correct in your assumption because that purple wearin' porno makin' son of a bitch has done Eddie Guerrero'ed you out o'your title shot!!

[ Trish Stratus ] ....Wait.. How? Can't you just exercise your rematch clause?

-[[ Christian almost laughs out loud.. But doesn't. ]]-

[ Christian ] Don't be stupid, Trish.. It's a REMATCH clause.. And it only gives me a match with the guy that took the championship from me... And that guy.. WASN'T... VAL... VENIS!! HELLLOOOOOOO!!!

-[[ He taps her on the forehead. ]]-

[ Christian ] Anybody home? Earth to Trish... Tom Cruise isn't the champion anymore..

-[[ He leans right into her ear. ]]-


-[[ He puts the back of his hand on his forehead and slumps against the wall, falling down onto his ass.. ]]-

[ Christian ] I have to start over.. Back at the bottom of the ladder..

-[[ Tyson Tomko shakes his head. ]]-

[ Tyson Tomko ] Jobbers again.

-[[ Christian's eyes are shut tight. ]]-

[ Christian ] You hear that, Cornette? Jobbers again..

-[[ Trish just stands there, tapping her foot on the ground.. ]]-

[ Christian ] Someone hand me a tag title and a match with Demolition, we're going back to the dark ages, peeps.

-[[ The door to the dressing room opens up and Ken Kennedy and the Big Show stroll in like they own the place.. They've got their tag team titles with them.. Kennedy's around his waist, Big Show's slung over his shoulder.. Christian doesn't even look up.. Kennedy speaks.. ]]-

[ Ken Kennedy ] Did someone say tag titles?

-[[ He chuckles.. ]]-

[ Ken Kennedy ] Hey, Big C... I was eavesdropping outside your door and I heard you say something about your rematch clause being null... AND VOOOOOID... Well, champ... Ahem, sorry... Ex-champ... THAT'S TOUGH LUCK!!

-[[ Christian doesn't even look up as he speaks.. ]]-

[ Christian ] That's pretty funny.

-[[ Kennedy smiles that big, toothy smile. ]]-

[ Ken Kennedy ] Yeah, I impress myself sometimes.

[ Christian ] But.. If I wanted to laugh.. I'd follow you into the bathroom...

-[[ Christian looks up at Kennedy.. ]]-

[ Christian ] And watch you take a leak.

-[[ Kennedy's smile drops.. He looks at the Big Show. ]]-

[ Ken Kennedy ] What.. MAY I ASK.. Does THAT mean!?

-[[ Trish smiles and takes a few steps toward him.. ]]-

[ Trish Stratus ] It means much like your talent and your own chances of becoming the world champion in Solid Gold Wrestling.... Your penis.... IS SMALL!!

-[[ Cornette laughs out loud. ]]-

[ Jim Cornette ] HA! Yeah, yeah, I get it, son, you got a little dick!

-[[ Kennedy looks highly offended.. He begins nodding, his smile becoming more menacing.. ]]-

[ Ken Kennedy ] Keep laughing.. ALL OF YOU.. Keep laughing.. Because it'll be the COLOSSAL TOWERS laughing.. When we erase you from the record books as the longest reigning tag team champions.... OF ALLLLLLLL TIME!!

[ The Big Show ] Sucks to be you, don't it?

-[[ Kennedy points at him.. ]]-

[ Ken Kennedy ] Sucks that after watching your world title shot go down the toilet.. That you have to watch your only other major accomplishment in SGW follow it down into the dark... AND MURKYYYYY.. Sewers.... And it must suck.. To know you can't do anything........ ANYTHING... ABOUT IT!! HA HA!!

-[[ Kennedy slaps Show on the chest.. ]]-

[ Ken Kennedy ] Come on, Show.. Let's go get prepped for my match.

-[[ He turns to Christian one more time.. ]]-

[ Ken Kennedy ] See ya' around... Old record.

-[[ Kennedy and Show turn and walk out the door, leaving the Coalition behind.. After they've been gone for a moment, Christian stands up, looking highly depressed.. He grabs his jacket from the back of a chair and puts it on.. Trish looks at him, confused.. ]]-

[ Trish Stratus ] Where are you going?

[ Christian ] Out.

-[[ Trish puts her hands on her hips.. ]]-

[ Trish Stratus ] ..Out? And when are you coming back?

-[[ Christian looks down.. His voice is low, something is missing. ]]-

[ Christian ] I... Don't know if I am..

-[[ He walks out the door, leaving the Coalition with nothing but questions.. ]]-

Chris Masters versus Jeff Hardy
Title on the Line: None
Stipulation: World Warrior Tournament - Round One
Referee: Jimmy Cordaris

-[[ Jeff Hardy steps through the ropes and Chris Masters blasts him with a double axe handle as soon as he steps through the ropes.. Masters drags him into the ring and whips him into the ropes.. Huge clothesline! Jeff Hardy turns a complete back flip on impact.. He doesn't move anymore.. Chris Masters pulls him up by his hair and lifts him over his head with a gorilla press!! He drops him hard and turns around and places a foot on Jeff's chest.. One! Two! Th-- Jeff Hardy got a shoulder up.. This seems to frustrate Masters and he reaches down and pulls Hardy up again.. He whips him so hard into the corner that he immediately lands hard on his face on the mat.. Masters flexes his mucles and smiles as the fans boo.. Masters picks Hardy back up and Hardy is almost out on his feet.. Masters kicks him in the gut and suplexes him.. Hardy staggers back to his feet and Masters FLOORS HIM with the POLISH HAMMER!! Hardy goes limp.. Masters begins sizing him up.. Oh no, not this...... Hardy slowly stands up... IT'S MASTERLOCK TIME!! HE LOCKS HARDY IN THE MASTERLOCK!! He slings Hardy around like a rag doll and Hardy is going limp and Masters forces him to his knees... And Jimmy Cordaris calls for the bell, Chris Masters' assault has been declared TOO BRUTAL for Jeff Hardy to possibly continue!! ]]-

Winner: Chris Masters via Referee's Decision

-[[ Jillian Hall is sitting behind her desk in the office.. She's got a phone pressed to her ear, nodding every few seconds and offering short answers when they're available... The first thing you hear her reveals one thing you've been wondering about tonight... ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] Yes, Maria is still being treated for her injury..

-[[ A pause.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] They think it might be a concussion..

-[[ It appears this conversation has been going on for a bit.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] They don't know if it's going to cause brain damage or not..

-[[ Another pause.. Jillian is growing annoyed. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] No.. I don't know how they could tell either..

-[[ The office door cracks open and Chavo Guerrero, Jr. sticks his head inside, he smiles really big.. Jillian smiles, knowing this is her out to get off of the phone.. She speaks. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] Don't worry.. I have everything under control.. But I've got to let you go.. One of the wrestlers is here for a meeting..... I'll keep you updated... Okay.. Goodbye.

-[[ She hangs up the phone.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] Come on in, Chavo..

-[[ He gives her the "okay" sign and swings the door open.. And then the dog is dashing across the room.. It's on the desk.. And it's right in her face.. She tries to force it off but her hands only get lost in the massive amount of fur... She tries to push it away before it licks off her make-up... ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] Chavo... Chavo!! What is this!?

-[[ He jogs over with Pepe in his hand.. ]]-

[ Chavo Guerrero ] It's a gift from Maria!

-[[ Jillian is struggling to talk without letting the dog stick its tongue in her mouth.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] Maria!? But she's--

-[[ And the tongue goes in her mouth. She begins gagging and fighting harder. ]]-

[ Chavo Guerrero ] She's conscious, she just wanted to make sure tonight's episode of Shock had enough star power!!

[ Jillian Hall ] So she sent.. A dog!?

-[[ Chavo's face goes serious. ]]-

[ Chavo Guerrero ] Not just ANY dog, Jillian.... This is LASSIE!!

-[[ He takes the large collie by the collar and pulls it away from Jillian.. She's covered in slobber and hair. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] Lassie? Lassie!?

-[[ Jillian stands up, pointing at the animal.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] Did she learn nothing from the Care Bears? Or the Muppet Babies!?

-[[ Chavo looks down at Lassie, who looks up at him, panting. ]]-

[ Chavo Guerrero ] But.. No one would hurt a dog, would they?

-[[ Jillian laughs out loud, putting her hands on her hips.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] Don't underestimate a roster of people who.. Killed Taz.. And burned his family INSIDE THE RING!

-[[ Chavo strokes his chin.. ]]-

[ Chavo Guerrero ] But.. That was Taz.

-[[ He kneels down next to the dog, scratching its neck. ]]-

[ Chavo Guerrero ] THIS IS LASSIE!!

-[[ The throaty voice from behind Chavo makes him spin around in the defensive position.. ]]-

[ Muhammad Hassan ] Lassie? Where does it stop, Jillian?

-[[ He's wearing the headdress and full ceremonial robe.. Khosrow Daivari stands behind him in his suit, shaking his head in disappointment.. Hassan looks at the dog then back at Chavo... Then to Jillian.. ]]-

[ Muhammad Hassan ] Relax.. I, the great Muhammad Hassan, am no abuser of animals..

-[[ He smirks.. ]]-

[ Muhammad Hassan ] I do find it amusing, however.. That Maria manages to taint Solid Gold Wrestling.. Even.. IN HER ABSENCE!! But that is not why I stand here before you right now, Jillian..... I stand here.. A man... Pleased..

-[[ She raises an eyebrow.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] ..Really?

-[[ Hassan smiles.. ]]-

[ Muhammad Hassan ] Because tonight... I find myself.. Even closer...... To the WORLD... CHAMPIONSHIP!!

-[[ Chavo looks confused.. ]]-

[ Chavo Guerrero ] What?

-[[ Hassan doesn't even dignify him with a response. ]]-

[ Muhammad Hassan ] My match tonight.. While non-title.. Will end with my arm raised in victory.. And to stand over the defeated world champion... Entitles ME.. To a world.. Title.. SHOT!! And after I have won the match... I want my title shot..

-[[ He slams his fist down on the desk.. ]]-

[ Muhammad Hassan ] AT WORLD...... WARRIOR!!

-[[ Chavo stands up, forgetting Lassie.. ]]-

[ Chavo Guerrero ] Bullcrap! I want a title shot if he gets one!

-[[ Jillian puts her hand up.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] Chavo, please... He has a point.. As much as I hate to admit it..

-[[ A pause. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] Mister Hassan.. If you do defeat Val Venis, you are correct.. That does entitle you to a world title shot.. But what if you advance further in the tournament? What if you go.. To the finals? The finals take place at the pay-per-view, Mister Hassan..... And you can't compete both in the finals.. And the world title match.. And in that same vein, if Val Venis goes to the finals, he will not be defending his world title at the pay-per-view..

-[[ Hassan looks like his dream has been crushed.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] The only way you can go to the pay-per-view for the world title.. Is to defeat Val Venis tonight..

-[[ A dramatic pause.. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] And then lose the tournament...

-[[ Hassan looks down, breathing heavily.. ]]-

[ Muhammad Hassan ] Then so be it.

-[[ Hassan and Daivari turn and walk out of the room, leaving Jillian, Chavo, and Lassie by themselves. ]]-

Dave Batista versus Samoa Joe
Title on the Line: None
Stipulation: World Warrior Tournament - Round One
Referee: Mark Yeaton

-[[ Dave Batista stares down into the eyes of Samoa Joe.. Neither man's gave wavers a bit.. And then Samoa Joe shocks the world by throwing the first shot!! It barely makes Dave flinch before he delivers an equally devastating shot to Samoa Joe!! Joe and Batista begin trading shots left and right with neither man willing to give the other an inch and finally, Joe goes low and kicks Dave in the midsection before drilling with a DDT and holding him on the mat with a front face lock.. Joe holds him there for a few seconds before.. Oh my God.. HOW!? Dave Batista begins to stand up with Joe locked around his head!! He lifts Joe all the way up... SPINEBUSTER ON SAMOA JOE!! The ring shakes.. Batista stands up and drops back on Joe, covering him.. One! Two! Joe kicked out with force!! Batista pulls Joe back up and whips him into the ropes but Joe comes flying back at him with a jumping kick to the face!! Batista goes down hard and Joe screams, bounces off the ropes and crushes the wind from Batista's lungs with a senton splash!! Samoa Joe pulls Batista back up and whips him into the ropes.. LARIAT!! Joe immediately turns around and pulls Batista up.. He hoists Batista onto his shoulder and charges for the turnbuckle, slinging Batista up onto the top turnbuckle.. He can't do this.. Not to Dave Batista!! MUSCLE BUSTER ON DAVE BATISTA!! Joe immediately flips over and locks in the KOKINA CLUTCH!! Batista looks ready to tap out, but DON HARRIS yanks the referee out of the ring!! The Harris Brothers slide into the ring and begin putting the boots to Joe and Batista, beating them senseless.. H-BOMB ON JOE!! H-BOMB ON BATISTA!! And then WILLIAM REGAL'S MUSIC HITS!? William Regal walks casually out onto the ramp in his ring gear.. He has a microphone in his hand... He walks down to the ring and gets inside.. He has a snobbish smirk on his face that immediately makes the fans boo him.. ]]-

[ William Regal ] Ah, yes... Ron and Don Harris.. I've 'eard so much about you two..

-[[ Ron and Don don't appear to know where he's going with this.. ]]-

[ William Regal ] But I must say.. I would be greatly appreciative.. If, ah.. I could be the man who put a stop to this.. Awful, awful match... Would that be a problem?

-[[ Ron and Don look at each and shrug.. Don leans into the microphone.. ]]-

[ Don Harris ] Go ahead.. Knock yerself out.. These guys are fucked.

-[[ Regal smiles.. ]]-

[ William Regal ] Yes, I do believe they are.. Much obliged, gentlemen..

-[[ The Harris Brothers get out of the ring and Regal casually walks over, gingerly turns Samoa Joe over and hooks him into the REGAL STRETCH!! Samoa Joe has just enough of his wits left to raise his arm.. And begin tapping out!! William Regal has just forced Samoa Joe to tap out!! Regal stands up, waving to the fans as they boo him loudly... William Regal has just his British charm to advance to the second round of the World Warrior Tournament!! He didn't even have to WORK for it!! ]]-

Winner: William Regal via Submission

-[[ The line leading to the catering table is at least a mile long.. Mike Awesome stands in the line, the sole member of Team Canada that you can see, wearing jeans and a skin tight Maple Leaf wife beater.. He stands there, sandwiched between two other people in line, jerking like he has a nervous twitch.. But as you get closer to him, you realize he's not just jerking uncontrollably.. He's talking to himself.. Mumbling.. ]]-

[ Mike Awesome ] ...yeah.. right here... gonna fuckin' get some fuckin' food.. yeah.. yeah.. right here.. right fuckin' here..

-[[ He explodes. ]]-


-[[ He points at his stomach with both thumbs.. ]]-

[ Mike Awesome ] FUCK THIS LINE!! YEAH!! FUCK IT!! MOVE!!

-[[ Awesome begins throwing stage hands out of the way as he makes his way toward the table.. Others run away in fear of this mountain of a man.. He's already sweating profusely and breathing deeply as he makes it to the edge of the table.. He grabs a plate.. ]]-

[ Mike Awesome ] GIMME A FUCKIN' PLATE!! YEAH!!

-[[ The cutlery.. ]]-


-[[ He holds up the spoon and looks at it with a big smile on his face. ]]-

[ Mike Awesome ] YEAH, MOTHER FUCKER!! SPOON!!

-[[ He laughs.. ]]-

[ Mike Awesome ] SPOOOOON!!!

-[[ There's a growl behind him.. He turns around.. ]]-

[ Mike Awesome ] WHAT THE FUCK!? A GOD DAMN DOG!?

-[[ Lassie sits there, looking up at him.. It snarls.. ]]-


-[[ Lassie licks her chops, still growling. Awesome scoops up a few pieces of salad and puts them on the plate.. He puts the plate full of greens in front of Lassie, who just looks at it and back up at Awesome.. ]]-

[ Lassie ] ...rowl... rrrrr.....

-[[ Awesome's eyes go wide. ]]-


-[[ The dog uses its nose to flip the plate over.. ]]-

[ Lassie ] ...grrr.... urf..

-[[ Awesome drops to one knee and puts his hand out.. ]]-


-[[ He caresses the dog's face... It licks his hand... For God's sake.. What's happening!? ]]-

Randy Orton(c) versus Chris Benoit
Title on the Line: SGW Television Championship
Stipulation: None
Referee: Charles Robinson

-[[ Orton and Benoit circle each other to start.. Neither man looks willing to back down at all from this encounter.. And then.. They lock-up!! They fight over it like a couple of wild bears and Orton knee lifts Benoit in the gut!! But Benoit doesn't sell!! He knee lifts Orton, nearly lifting him straight off of the mat!! Orton clutches his stomach and Benoit nails him with a sickening chop!! And another!! Orton staggers away, holding his chest, and Benoit nails him in the back with a forearm!! Orton goes staggering chest first into the middle turnbuckle and Benoit rests his knee on the back of Orton's head, trying to choke the life out of him.. He grabs Orton by the hair and rips him out of the corner.. He whips Orton into the ropes.. Throat thrust!! Orton goes down, holding his throat and Benoit grabs his legs.. Benoit is going for an early sharpshooter!! Orton is fighting it like crazy and he grabs Benoit by the hair and yanks him down.. Punch to the face!! Eye rake!! Benoit stands up, holding his face and Orton is up right after him... Clothesline!! Benoit goes down!! Orton hits the ropes... Knee drop on Benoit!! He pulls Benoit back to his feet and whips him into the ropes.. He goes for a back body drop but Benoit sees it coming and SNAP SUPLEXES Orton straight to the mat!! Orton yells in pain and Benoit is already up.. He yanks Orton to his feet and whips him into the ropes.. Double throat thrust!! Orton goes down hard and Benoit yanks him up again... Snap suplex!! Benoit begins climbing the ropes.. He goes for the SWAN DIVE HEADBUTT, but Orton rolls out of the way!! Benoit lands hard and clutches his head.. Orton runs over and covers him.. One! Two! Benoit kicked out!! Orton can't believe it.. He punches Benoit in the face a few times and stands up.. He wanders off to the side of Benoit and begins sizing him up for the RKO... Benoit slowly stands.. And Orton goes for it!! But Benoit catches him arm and FLINGS HIM DOWN INTO THE CROSSFACE!!! He's got it cinched in!! Orton is screaming and yelling and fighting it, but it's no use.. He raises his arm to tap out... But Charles Robinson is distrated by... CACTUS JACK!?! Chris Benoit stands up, releasing the hold, and goes after him, but he's spun around..... EVENFLOW DDT FROM RAVEN!! Raven stands up, throws out the cross pose and rolls out of the ring before collecting Jack.. They escape through the crowd.. Orton and Benoit are both laying motionless on the mat.. Orton crawls over and covers Benoit.. One..... Two.... Thre-- NO!! Benoit got a shoulder up!! Orton grits his teeth, he can't believe this.. Both men stagger to their feet and Benoit punches Orton in the face.. Orton returns the shot.. And Benoit punches Orton back.. They exchange shots, but Benoit's clearly not all there after the Evenflow and Orton ducks a punch... RKO!! RKO OUT OF NOWHERE!! He cradles Benoit and hooks both legs.... One! Two! Three!! Randy Orton has just saved his title thanks to Cactus Jack and Raven... Chris Benoit deserves better than this!! ]]-

Winner: Randy Orton via Pin Fall

-[[ The chain drags audibly on the wooden dock.. You can't see very well, it's way too dark.. You see the jeans, the shoes, and the chain that's dragging behind this person... As you look up, you see that Christian, the former world champion is walking down this dock in the middle of the night with a giant cinder block clutched tightly to his chest with a large chain looped around it... Christian walks to the end of the dock and looks down into the dark, murky waters... He swallows hard and talks to himself.. ]]-

[ Christian ] I guess this is it..

-[[ He kneels down and sets the cinder block down.. He begins wrapping the chain around his ankle.. And then a voice from beside him in the darkness nearly makes him jump out of his shoes.. ]]-

[ Voice ] So, you're lookin' for a way out too, huh...

-[[ Christian looks over and raises an eyebrow.. He squints really hard to see the man that's speaking.. ]]-

[ Christian ] What the hell? Tim White?

-[[ The voice is gravelly and low.. ]]-

[ Tim White ] Yep.

-[[ Christian seems confused.. ]]-

[ Christian ] What are you doing all the way out here in Brazil?

-[[ A pause. ]]-

[ Tim White ] I.. Don't know.

-[[ Another pause. ]]-

[ Tim White ] But I'm gonna do it right this time.. I swear to God.

-[[ Christian nods.. ]]-

[ Christian ] Oh yeah.. Forgot you're into the whole suicide thing these days.

-[[ Tim White seems genuinely interested.. ]]-

[ Tim White ] What're you out here for?

[ Christian ] Same reason as you, I guess.

[ Tim White ] What've you got?

-[[ Christian looks at the chain and block.. ]]-

[ Christian ] A chain and a cinder block.

-[[ Tim White slaps himself on the knee.. ]]-

[ Tim White ] Shit.. That's good thinkin'..

[ Christian ] Huh? What were you going to do?

-[[ Tim White holds up a cage full of rats. ]]-

[ Tim White ] I was gonna use these rats to lure out one of them anaconda snakes.

[ Christian ] Oh.

-[[ Tim White stands up and approaches Christian.. Christian stands up.. ]]-

[ Tim White ] Here, wrap that chain around me a few times.. We'll go together..

-[[ Christian seems a bit uncomfortable now.. ]]-

[ Christian ] Uh... Okay..

-[[ Just as they begin to tie themselves together, another voice goes through the darkness.. ]]-

[ Edge ] Christian? What the HELL are you doing?

-[[ Christian's eyes go wide and he begins quickly removing the chain.. His mannerisms make it appear that he's trying to pretend that what Edge saw happening wasn't really happening... Christian finds himself speechless.. ]]-

[ Edge ] What are you thinking, little brother?

-[[ Christian looks down, ashamed of himself. ]]-

[ Christian ] I can't do this anymore.. Val Venis has my belt, Edge..

-[[ Edge slaps Christian on top of the head. ]]-

[ Edge ] Then go win it back, dumb ass..

-[[ Christian shrugs, looking back at the ground between his feet.. Edge looks like he's trying to think of something to cheer Christian up so he doesn't go and do something stupid to himself... It finally hits him and he puts his hand on Christian's shoulder.. ]]-

[ Edge ] Listen.. I have an idea.. An idea that'll help you get back on your feet..

-[[ Christian looks up, hopeful. ]]-

[ Christian ] Really?

-[[ Edge leans in and whispers in Christian's ear.. When Edge pulls back, Christian is smiling. ]]-

[ Edge ] Are we gonna do this?

[ Christian ] I'm in.

[ Edge ] Then let's get out of here.

-[[ As they walk away, Tim White stands alone the dock... He watches Christian leave and shakes his head. ]]-

[ Tim White ] Pussy...

-[[ He looks down at the cinder block and chain.. ]]-

[ Tim White ] I'm no pussy... I'll do it right this time.. Nobody's gonna stop me...

-[[ He picks up the chain and begins wrapping it around himself and makes sure it's securely attached to the cinder block.. He clutches it tightly and wanders toward the edge of the dock.. He looks down into the water... And the forty-foot anaconda springs out of the water like a bolt of lightning, attaches its mouth to his face and pulls him screaming into what is about to become his watery tomb as the rats scream inside their cage.... ]]-

-[[ What the hell was Edge's idea? ]]-

HOUR 2 ->