01 / 11 / 2020 | TD Garden Arena | Boston, Massachusetts

Commentators - Nigel McGuinness, Tony Schiavone, & "Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner

Dark Matches

- Jon Moxley def. Davey Boy Smith, Jr. via Pin Fall w/ Paradigm Shift in 2:01
- Kevin Nash def. Fit Finlay via Pin Fall w/ Jackknife in 00:09
- Gionna Daddio (w/ Johnny Stamboli) def. Carmella via Pin Fall w/ 201 Facebreaker in 03:43
- Nunzio (w/ Chuck Palumbo) def. "Smart" Mark Sterling via Pin Fall w/ The Sicilian Slice in 6:04
- Steve Corino def. The Saltwater Redneck via Pin Fall w/ Old School Expulsion in 4:18
- Joey Janela (w/ Penelope Ford) def. Heath Slater via Pin Fall w/ Package Piledriver in 11:15

The room is dark.

The mood is grim.

We're looking at the hardened, stern features of Jeff Jarrett... the former owner of Solid Gold Wrestling and the head of the Championship Committee. The room is non-descript and dimly lit. All we know from looking is that Jarrett is isolated, wherever he is, and he's definitely not the smiling, optimistic Six-String Samurai that we saw at SGW Revenge. Jarrett looks directly into the camera, his brow furrowed, and speaks.

[ Jeff Jarrett ] I'm gonna keep this short so I need all ya'll to listen up and listen good 'cause I got somethin' t' say and I aim t' get it off my chest right here and now... it seems that there's some confusion on why ol' Double J busted that six-string over Randy Orton's head at Holiday Hell...

Jarrett huffs.

[ Jeff Jarrett ] After all, the man was exonerated in the eyes of the law... there was a witness that put him elsewhere at the time of the assault that left me laid up in a hospital bed for more 'n two damn months... well, I think there's a hell of a lot more to it than that...

Jarrett tilts his head, really eyeing the camera hard.

[ Jeff Jarrett ] Maybe Randy Orton didn't do it... I didn't see who laid me upside my noggin anymore than anybody else did... but it don't take a damn rocket scientist to see who benefited the most from me gettin' put down like a damn dog... coulda' been Chris Masters... coulda' been the Big Show... coulda' been that dumb son of a bitch Ken Kennedy... either way, even if Randy Orton didn't do it himself, he damn sure knows who did... and startin' with what happened at Holiday Hell, I aim t' beat the hell out of 'im until he tells me who did the deed.

Jarrett nods, satisfied with that declaration.

[ Jeff Jarrett ] As for what's goin' down tonight in Boston... I've been instructed by the rest o' the Championship Committee that I need to stay home 'n take it easy... that I been laid up too long to come back guns ablazin'... too damn old and too damn beat up, they said.

Jarrett cracks a cynical smile.

[ Jeff Jarrett ] Thanks for that, Val. You ol' slapnut.

And then he gets serious again.

[ Jeff Jarrett ] Maybe I'll stay home... maybe I won't... but whether I do or don't, I'm gonna blow somethin' wide open right here and right now. I don't know the identity of the low down dog that attacked me at SGW Revenge... but I do know who's poisonin' the well in my damn Championship Committee... and I know why they're doin' it.

Jarrett leans forward, giving the camera a good look at his eyes.

[ Jeff Jarrett ] When I brought SGW back with the help of some o' that Saudi blood money, I handed over the reins of ownership, said there wasn't gonna be no single owner anymore... and that this business would be run fair by a committee goin' forward. Well, leave it up to some no good son of a bitch to poison the well by takin' bribes and playin' favorites. I'm gonna put an end to that right now... 'cause I'm outin' the piece o' trash and firin' his ass right here... right now!

Jarrett points into the camera aggressively.

[ Jeff Jarrett ] The name o' the man causin' all these problems is--

We're suddenly thrust without warning in front of the crowd inside the TD Garden Arena in Boston, Massachusetts! The are booing, wondering why Jeff Jarrett's shocking announcement was interrupted but before they can even begin to let their feelings truly be known "With Legs Like That" hits and the former interim owner of Solid Gold Wrestling, Maria, emerges from the back with a microphone in her hand and a huge smile on her face!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] So, wait, we're not gonna get to hear what Jeff Jarrett had t' say?!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Look, Nigel! It's Maria! Maria Kanellis is back!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] But... he was about t' reveal somethin' very bloody important, I feel.

[ Scott Steiner ] YEAH, I NEED TO KNOW WHO'S ON THE FUCKIN' TAKE AND IT TOTALLY AIN'T CAUSE I'M LOOKIN' TO GET BACK IN THE MAIN EVENT MIX! PURELY... FOR SCIENTIFIC... FUCKIN' REASONS!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] I really think we should revisit the footage--

[ Tony Schiavone ] It's too late! This is Card Subject to Change, Nigel! Anything can happen!

Maria stands on the stage, clutching the microphone in front of her with both hands and giggling like an idiot. She can barely find the composure to speak before finally raising the microphone and giving it a shot.

[ Maria ] HEY, EVERYBODY! FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW, MY NAME IS MARIA AND THIS IS MY SHOW! WOO HOO!

The fans pop huge.

[ Maria ] This show is gonna be SUPER AWESOME and like, really unpredictable! When Edge and Christian called me and asked me to host, my only condition was that I would get to do ANYTHING I WANT WITH ABSOLUTELY NO RESTRICTIONZZZZ! SO THIS SHOW IS GONNA BE CRAY-CRAY WITH SUPER GOOD MATCHES AND LOTS OF SPECIAL GUESTS!

The fans are positively electric. Maria looks around, still smiling from ear to ear.

[ Maria ] And speaking of special guests... you can't think about how good I ran SGW in 2006 without thinking of my special guest co-host! That's because he kinda' sort of died on my watch and then Randy Orton and Tommy Dreamer took turns dragging his remains around on SGW television for months after!

The fans begin cheering loudly, already knowing what's coming.

[ Maria ] That's right, it's the star of the Taz Memorial Show...

She gestures toward the entranceway.

[ Maria ] TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

"War Machine" hits and Taz makes his way out in a black suit with an orange tie and orange sunglasses. He has something tucked under his arm in a fabric black bag. The fans give Taz a standing ovation, having not seen him since WrestleBrawl 2 over thirteen years ago! Taz stands on the stage next to Maria and raises his fist in the air, saluting the fans as they continue to applaud him. Taz takes the microphone from Maria and stands there for another long moment, soaking in the cheers and adulation from the fans. He finally begins to speak.

[ Taz ] It looks like you mutha' fucka's is ready for a show, huh!?

Huge pop.

[ Taz ] Erry'body knows that Solid Gold Wrestlin'... is the fuckin' gold standard in dis business. For years, Solid Gold Wrestlin' has been the workhorse company of da' professional wrestlin' business and they ain't nobody that can compare!

Taz looks around, his usual sour look upon his face.

[ Taz ] I called dis place my fuckin' home for many years 'n dis place ain't just any ol' wrestlin' company... dis place... is fuckin' family! Erry'body looks out for erry'body else, we work hard, we don't take no days off and eva' since Solid Gold Wrestlin' came back from the god damn grave, jus' like yours truly--

The fans pop huge, cutting him off... and then begin chanting "THANK YOU, TAZ!"

[ Taz ] ...yeah... eva' since this company came back, it's put every otha' company on the map on fuckin' NOTICE because DIS... DIS IS HOW IT'S FUCKIN' DONE! AND IF THOSE COMPANIES AIN'T WILLIN' T' MAKE CHANGES 'N GET BETTA'... THEN GET DA' FUCK OUTTA HERE WIT' YOUR BULLSHIT BECAUSE WHEN IT COMES T' THE STATE O' THIS GOD DAMN BUSINESS... YOUR ASS BETTER BELIEVE... THE MOOD... HAS... CHANGED!

Taz whips off his sunglasses and points into the camera.

[ Taz ] And that ain't some bullshit gettin' spit out by some nobody celebrity, breakin' the fourth wall, mutha' fucka'! I'm the Human Suplex Machine! I'm a FUCKIN' REAL ONE! I'M TAZZZZ! AND THIS... IS SOLID GOLD WRESTLIN'... BEAT US IF YOU CAN... SUH-VIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE! IF! WE! LET! YOU!

The fans pop huge and Taz hands the microphone back to Maria. She stares at him in surprise with wide eyes before finally raising the microphone to her mouth.

[ Maria ] Lots of bad words!

Taz doesn't even acknowledge the comment.

[ Maria ] Well, um, yeah! What he said! Anyway, this show is gonna be super unpredictable! Nobody knows what they're doing or who they're fighting! It's never been done before, ever, in all of SGW history! And since Edge and Christian said I can do whatever I want, I decided to introduce a new title tonight and we're crown a new champion right now in the first match!

The fans cheer loudly at this announcement and Taz removes the black bag from under his arm. He unzips it and removes a brand new championship belt, holding it out in front of him with a proud look on his face. Maria gestures toward it, smiling ear to ear.

[ Maria ] It's the brand new SGW Limitless Championship! It's really freakin' cool, see! It has no weight limits, no height limits, no race limits, no sexual orientation limits, and most importantly... NO GENDER LIMITS! ANYBODY CAN FIGHT FOR IT! IT'S THE FIRST EVER TOTALLY INCLUSIVE TITLE IN SGW HISTORY!

Taz just stares at her like she's an idiot as she jumps up and down.

[ Maria ] YAY FOR EQUALITY!

Maria then stops jumping and her smile fades away. She chews her thumbnail.

[ Maria ] Gee, how should I crown the first Limitless Champion, everybody? I didn't think that far ahead! There's so many options... you could say there's... LIMITLESS OPTIONS LOL!

The fans collectively groan.

[ Maria ] We could do a Ladder Match, a Cage Match, a Three Stages of Hell match, an Ultimate X match, a Hell in a Cell match, a Two Out of Three Falls match, a Thunderdome Cage match, a Scaffold match, a Scramble match, a Fatal Four Way, a Fearsome Five Way, a Six Pack Challenge, a Seven Pack Challenge, an Eight Pack Challenge, a Nine Pack Challenge--

Oh, wah-ah-ah-ah!

The fans erupt in boos as "Down with the Sickness" hits and Christopher Daniels saunters out from the back with Chris Dickinson and Luke Harper! Taz squares up, staring Daniels down with the Limitless Championship in his clutches. Maria looks nervous as she eyes the members of Disrespect U. Dickinson wrings his hands together anxiously and flexes, looking ready to strike at any moment while Luke Harper looks down at Maria and Taz with crazy eyes, sweating profusely. Christopher Daniels reaches behind him and produces a microphone from seemingly nowhere before raising it to his mouth... the fans suddenly begin chanting "PLEASE DON'T TALK!" over and over but Daniels just shakes his head, looking pissed.

[ Christopher Daniels ] I will talk... all I want to talk... because I have a microphone--

He laughs like a super villain.

[ Christopher Daniels ] ...and you don't!

He turns to face Maria, pointing at her.

[ Christopher Daniels ] I'm gonna tell you right now how you're gonna crown the first ever SGW Limitless Champion, chick! You're gonna have this fat orange douche bag hand it to me on a silver platter... because I've worked hard and I deserve it!

Taz cuts his gaze toward Daniels, looking pissed.

[ Christopher Daniels ] I main evented the first SGW event! I beat Kenny Omega! I earned a shot at the SGW Elevation Championship that I HAVE STILL YET TO RECEIVE, BY THE WAY! And two weeks ago, at Holiday Hell, I defeated The Rock, Triple H, CM Punk, and freakin' OKADA BY... MY... SELF!

Dickinson and Harper look at each other and shake their heads.

[ Christopher Daniels ] I am tired of being disrespected! I am tired of being held down! You wanna make history tonight, Maria!? Hand that championship to ME! The unsung heart and lifeblood of this entire stinkin' company!

Maria gingerly takes the championship away from Taz and looks down at it. She looks up at Daniels. The fans are booing loudly. Daniels points at the belt and shouts "Yeah, I want THAT!" Maria chews her bottom lip for a second and then shrugs.

[ Maria ] Okay!

She holds the championship out and Daniels looks down at it, surprised.

[ Christopher Daniels ] Wait, seriously?

Maria nods happily and holds it out even further, inviting Daniels to take it. Taz just looks on in disbelief. Daniels reaches out slowly, waiting for the catch... and then snatches the belt out of her hands! The fans ERUPT in boos! Daniels clutches the championship to his chest and then raises it over his head!

[ Christopher Daniels ] YOU SEE THIS!? I'M THE FIRST LIMITLESS CHAMPION!

He laughs out loud.

[ Christopher Daniels ] BECAUSE I DESERVE IT!

Dickinson pats Daniels on the back. Harper just stands there, nodding with his arms folded across his chest. The boos are deafening. We're barely a few minutes into the show and the fans are literally throwing trash at the stage. Taz shakes his head, disgusted. Maria looks genuinely nervous. She looks around at her surroundings and timidly raises the microphone.

[ Maria ] I don't think anybody is happy that I gave you that belt, Fallen Angel guy! I mean, I'm not gonna take it back... but maybe you should defend it to, you know, maybe... make it right!

The fans cheer that decision. Daniels looks pissed.

[ Christopher Daniels ] What?! I just won the belt and now you expect me to defend it!? This is BULLSHIT!

Maria looks out at the fans, smiling hopefully.

[ Maria ] Should I have him defend the belt right here, right now!?

Taz leans in and whispers in Maria's ear. Her eyes become wide and her smile even bigger.

[ Maria ] WHOOAAAAAA! THAT'S A GREAT IDEA~!

Daniels looks confused, frustrated even!

[ Maria ] WE'RE GONNA HAVE THE SECOND EVER GOLD RUSH MATCH!

She jumps up and down, clapping her hands.

[ Maria ] GOLD RUSH 2: LIMITLESS BOOGALOO!

Daniels freaks out, shouting "NO! NO! THIS IS BULLSHIT!"

[ Maria ] EIGHT PERSON GOLD RUSH! IT'S GONNA BE EPICCCCCCCC! YAY!

Luke Harper steps forward, dripping with sweat. He grabs Maria's wrist and brings the microphone up to his mouth.

[ Luke Harper ] Don't insult my boy, Chris... eight people, huh?

Harper points at Daniels. Daniels points at himself "Yeah, don't insult me!"

[ Luke Harper ] He's sadistic like me... he can handle TEN!

Daniels' jaw drops.

[ Christopher Daniels ] WAIT, WHAT! ARE YOU INSANE?!

Mike Chioda and Aubrey Edwards charge out from the back in referee shirts and sprint toward the ring! Christopher Daniels shakes his head and begins walking down the ramp with the Limitless Championship in his hands, shaking his head furiously. He climbs inside the ring and clutches the championship, refusing to let go. Dickinson and Harper walk down to ringside as well, offering their support to the founder of Disrespect U.

[ Maria ] OKAY, EVERYBODY! IT'S GONNA BE A TEN PERSON GOLD RUSH, YAY! CHRISTOPHER DANIELS IS DEFENDING HIS NEW LIMITLESS TITLE! EVERYBODY LINE UP AND THE FIRST NINE PEOPLE IN LINE GET TO BE IN THE MATCH! WHO'S FIRST!? WHO'S FIRST!? I'M SO EXCITED!

Mike Chioda is stationed outside the ring. Aubrey Edwards is inside the ring with Daniels. Daniels hands her the Limitless Championship and all attention turns toward the entranceway. Who, indeed, will be first?!

IF YA' SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL....

The fans pop huge! The Rock emerges from the back in a hurry with a microphone in his hand. He walks right past Maria and Taz like they're not even standing there, shouting into the microphone!

[ The Rock ] WHERE'S RICK!?

The fans look around, confused.

[ The Rock ] THE ROCK SAYS THE ROCK WANTS TO KNOW JUST ONE THING! WHERE... IS... RICK!?

The Rock continues walking down the ramp, toward the ring.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Who the bloody hell is Rick?

[ Tony Schiavone ] Maybe... I don't know... Rick Steiner?

[ Scott Steiner ] My brother ain't been in SGW in twenty god damn years!

The Rock climbs up the steps and walks across the apron before stepping into the ring. The Rock seems oblivious that Christopher Daniels is even in the ring. The Rock stands in the center of the ring and smells the air. Everyone seems confused, concerned even. The Rock speaks again.

[ The Rock ] THE GRAPHICS ARE ALL WRONG, RICK! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE ROCK 'N JAX CONNECTION! NOT THE JAX 'N ROCK CONNECTION, MAMA! WHOA! SOMEBODY TELL THE ROCK WHERE RICK IS, RIGHT NOW!

BAM! Christopher Daniels nails the Rock from behind and Aubrey Edwards calls for the bell to start the match!

Referee - Mike Chioda & Aubrey Edwards | Time Limit - 60:00

The Rock stumbles forward and drops the microphone as Daniels begins pounding away at his back with forearm strikes. However, the Rock doesn't go down. The Rock whips around and faces Daniels, staring him right in the eyes! Daniels throws his hands up and begs off before taking a few steps back. The Rock is trembling with intensity, sweat rolling off of him. "WHERE'S RICK, YOU BALD JABRONI!"

[ Tony Schiavone ] I'd hate to be this Rick fellow!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] There's something deeply wrong with The Rock, gentlemen!

[ Tony Schiavone ] For those of you unfamiliar with the rules of a Gold Rush match, they're fairly simple. There's ten people involved. Every two minutes, another person will enter the match! Eliminations may occur at ANY time by pin fall, submission, or disqualification! The last person standing will be the SGW Limitless Champion!

The Rock begins delivering a series of right hands to Daniels, backing him into the corner and nailing him once! Twice! Three times! Four times! The Rock throws his hand all the way back behind, spits in his palm from an impressive distance, and then nails Daniels a FIFTH TIME! Daniels fall into a seated position and the Rock begins stomping away at him. As the Rock goes to work, the Golden-Tron flashes to life and a timer begin counting down! The fans begin counting alone!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Who's gonna be next!?

The fans pop huge as STARLIGHT KID emerges from the back, hopping up and down with excitement! Starlight Kid runs down the ramp and slides under the bottom rope, only to walk right into a huge clothesline from The Rock! The Rock stands over Starlight Kid with a confused look on his face before declaring "REY MYSTERIO!? THE ROCK THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!" Without another word, the Rock snatches up Starlight Kid off the mat and flings her over the top rope to the floor! The Rock dusts off his hands and shouts "THAT'LL DO IT! THE ROCK JUST WON THE ROYAL RUMBLE, MAMA! GET ADAM COLE OUT HERE SO THE ROCK CAN BEAT HIM FOR THE WORLD TITLE!"

[ Nigel McGuinness ] One, that's not how the Gold Rush works... and two, there's literally another man in the ring with him right now! And... and three... I don't know why I have to keep saying this... Adam Cole isn't the damn world champion!

Daniels grabs the Rock by the shoulder and whips him around before nailing him with a big right hand! The Rock staggers back and Daniels stays on top of him, laying into the former SGW World Champion with punch after punch! After staggering the Rock with a series of jabs, Daniels goes for a big haymaker but the Rock ducks it and catches Daniels under the arm! He's going for the ROCK BOTTOM! Daniels elbows out of it but as The Rock staggers to his side, Starlight Kid returns to the ring with a MISSILE DROPKICK that sends Daniels flailing through the ropes to the floor! The fans pop huge! Starlight Kid is up with a huge smile and turns right around into... A ROCK BOTTOM! However, Starlight manages to shift her weight on the upswing and trap the Rock's other arm with her legs, BRINGING HIM DOWN INTO A CRUCIFIX PIN! ONE! TWO! THREE!

[ Tony Schiavone ] OH MY GOODNESS! STARLIGHT KID JUST PINNED THE FORMER SGW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!

[ Eliminated - The Rock ]

The fans lose their minds as Starlight Kid sits up on her knees, looking shocked! The Rock rolls out of the ring like he hasn't even registered what just happened and walks to the back, shouting about Rick. As Starlight celebrates, the timer begins counting down once again!

It's Roderick Strong! Roderick Strong walks out onto the stage in an Undisputed Era t-shirt, flanked by Kyle O'Reilly and Bobby Fish. Strong stands on the stage for a moment before removing his shirt and tossing it on the ground. Fish and O'Reilly return to the back as Strong begins making his way down to the ring!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Roderick Strong! The Messiah of the Backbreaker!

[ Tony Schiavone ] He had quite the showing in the Chris Kanyon Memorial Battle Royal at Holiday Hell! He came up short but he has an opportunity to make good tonight!

Strong slides under the bottom rope and instantly snatches up Starlight Kid, drilling her with a double underhook backbreaker! Christopher Daniels charges at him and Strong scoops him up, nailing him with a Canadian Backbreaker! Starlight Kid tries to return to her feet, favoring her back, and Strong picks her up... lifts her up for a vertical suplex... and drops her on his knee! Strong goes for a cover! One! Two! Th-- Starlight Kid bridges out of the pin! Strong looks pissed! Christopher Daniels returns to his feet and boots Strong in the back, knocking him down face first on the mat! Strong rolls over on his back and Daniels mounts him, raining punches and forearm strikes down on him!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Look! The timer!

[ Scott Steiner ] Who's gettin involved in this shit show next!?

Sami Zayn explodes through the curtain to a strong mixed reaction! Hurricane Helms follows him out, looking confident while rocking the duckface. Sami Zayn wastes no time charging down the ramp and sliding under the bottom rope!

[ Tony Schiavone ] And here he is, the man who actually won the Chris Kanyon Memorial Battle Royal! Sami Zayn!

Sami Zayn runs and boots Daniels right in the face! Daniels goes down hard! Strong returns to his feet and Sami Zayn turns around into a SICKKKKK KICK that turns him inside out! Before Strong can capitalize, Starlight Kid comes out of nowhere with a flying headscissors that sends Strong tumbling through the ropes to the floor! Strong quickly returns to his feet, looking disoriented... and STARLIGHT KID WIPES HIM OUT WITH A SUICIDE DIVE! Starlight is up and slides right back under the bottom rope where she comes face to face with Christopher Daniels! Daniels gives her a shove and she almost falls down! Starlight shoves him back... and Daniels goes for a big right hand! She ducks it and executes a go-behind, attempting to GERMAN SUPLEX CHRISTOPHER DANIELS! Daniels grabs her wrists, pulls her hands apart, and slings his butt backward, knocking her on her ass! Starlight rolls right back to her feet and immediately dropkicks Daniels in the ass, sending him tumbling forward into Aubrey Edwards!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] That's not good! Aubrey almost got taken out!

Daniels keeps Aubrey Edwards focused on him, while at ringside, Luke Harper is looming over Mike Chioda, keeping him focused anywhere but the ring! Meanwhile, Chris Dickinson slides under the bottom rope and sneaks up behind Starlight Kid! Dickinson throws his arms out to the side and shouts "DADDY'S HOME!" before whipping her around, pulling her in, and DRILLING HER WITH A PAZUZU BOMB INTO THE BOTTOM TURNBUCKLE! SHE'S DEADDDDDDDD! Dickinson rolls out of the ring and Daniels shoves Aubrey Edwards out of the way! He covers Starlight and hooks both legs! ONE! TWO! THREE!

[ Eliminated - Starlight Kid ]

The fans boo loudly as Starlight rolls out of the ring, sobbing.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Despicable! Starlight Kid is... well, a kid!

[ Scott Steiner ] I ALREADY KNEW THAT BALD FUCK WAS A LOSER! HE CAN'T HANDLE A DAMN LITTLE GIRL!? THIS GUY IS SUPPOSED TO BE A FUCKIN' CHAMPION!? WHAT A JOKE! I COULDA' BEAT THAT LITTLE GIRL WIT' ONE HAND TIED BEHIND MY BACK!

[ Tony Schiavone ] ...and... uh... there goes the timer!

It's Warhorse! The fans pop huge as Warhorse runs down the ramp full blast and slides under the bottom rope! He immediately goes after Christopher Daniels, peppering him with lefts and rights! He backs Daniels into the corner and continues drilling him before Danielson thumbs him in the eye and shoves him backward! However, as soon as Warhorse is out of the way, Sami Zayn flies in with the HELLUVA KICK! The impact sends Daniels crumbling and he falls through the middle and top rope to the floor!

[ Tony Schiavone ] What a shot!

Roderick Strong slides in out of nowhere, runs up behind Warhorse, and nails him with a TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER! Roderick Strong is running the table! However, as he sits up and celebrates a back well-broken, Sami Zayn charges up behind him and rolls him up with a handful of tights! ONE! TWO! THR-- RODERICK KICKS OUT! Roderick rolls right back to his feet and gets in Zayn's face! They go nose to nose, talking trash until Christopher Daniels steps up between them, shouting "WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING!? YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT ME! I'M THE ONLY REAL THREAT IN THIS MATCH!" prompting both men to turn and punch him down as the timer begins counting down once more!

It's Chuck Taylor... and TRENT?! It's the Best Friends! Both of them!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Wait, they're BOTH in the match? How is that gonna work?

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Who knows, Tony. This event is NOT off to a great start!

Chuck and Trent give one another a hug and then charge down the ramp toward the ring as Orange Cassidy lags behind! They both slide under the bottom rope and immediately find themselves confronted by Sami Zayn, Roderick Strong, and Warhorse! Seconds later, Christopher Daniels returns to his feet and joins in. Chuck and Trent look around, confused... but then Chuck gets an idea and reaches into his tights!

[ Scott Steiner ] Whoa, hold the fuck on! What kinda' show is this!?

He comes out empty handed... but shouts "I HAVE A GRENADE!" The fans pop huge!

[ Scott Steiner ] What is this horseshit?! I think I'd be less pissed off if he pulled out his fuckin' dick!

Everyone completely ignores the threat and mugs the Best Friends, pummeling them until they're both down on all fours! Chuck and Trent finally manage to roll under the bottom rope to escape the onslaught! Suddenly, Strong, Daniels, Warhorse, and Zayn all turn on each other with Strong scooping up Daniels and giving him a double underhook backbreaker! Sami Zayn spins Strong around and picks him up, delivering a vertical suplex! But as soon as the suplex lands, Warhorse flies off the top rope with the WARPONY STOMP ON ZAYN! Warhorse rolls off of him and turns right around into the returning Chuck Taylor, who shoves his invisible grenade into Warhorse's mouth! Warhorse chokes, clutching his throat, and Trent runs in! They both kick Warhorse in the gut and lift him up... FOR A DOUBLE BRAINBUSTER WITH THE INVISIBLE GRENADE IN HIS MOUTH! WARHORSE IS DEAD! Chuck and Trent both cover him! ONE! TWO! THREE!

[ Eliminated - Warhorse ]

Chuck and Trent hug like they just won the match as the timer counts down again!

The fans pop HUGE as Sin Cara emerges from the back! He runs down to ringside and leaps over the top rope from the floor! As soon as he lands, as he executes a forward roll and returns to his feet, ducking a clothesline from Roderick Strong, catching his wrist, and running up the ropes! He flies off the top rope and brings Strong down with a flying headscissors! Strong rolls right back to his feet and charges at Sin Cara only for Sin Cara to leap up and bring him down with a FRANKENSTEINER PIN! ONE! TWO! THREE!

[ Eliminated - Roderick Strong ]

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Awe inspiring elimination by Sin Cara! That's why he's one of the top talents in Solid Gold Wrestling, gentlemen!

[ Tony Schiavone ] I believe he's only lost one match since signing up, that match being to Randy Orton during the 12 Large Tournament! And, honestly, you can't be too mad about losing to the man who would go on to become the SGW World Heavyweight Champion!

Strong can't believe it! He rolls out of the ring, looking furious! Sin Cara points at the ceiling, celebrating... and the lights go out! When the lights come back on, ALEISTER BLACK IS IN THE RING! The fans erupt in boos! Sin Cara slowly turns around... BLACK MASSSSSSSSS! The impact sends Sin Cara inside out! Aleister Black walks out of the ring casually, his business done! Christopher Daniels scrambles over and cover Sin Cara! ONE! TWO! THREE!

[ Eliminated - Sin Cara ]

[ Tony Schiavone ] NO! NO! NOT LIKE THAT!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Aleister Black has had a bone to pick with Sin Cara since Holiday Hell and this is just the latest development in that story! Thanks to Aleister Black, Christopher Daniels now has a pin fall victory over Sin Cara! Ridiculous!

The fans erupt in boos as Sin Cara rolls out of the ring, defeated. The counter starts up again!

It's Zack Sabre, Jr.! The fans offer up a strong mixed reaction as Sabre makes his way down to the ring casually. Sabre walks up the steps and steps through the ropes, shedding his entrance jacket. He walks right up to Christopher Daniels and gets in his face! Daniels and Sabre jaw and back and forth for a moment before Daniels starts throwing hands! Sabre absorbs a few punches before ducking one and executing a go-behind. He takes Daniels down with an amateur throw! Daniels rolls back to his feet and gets immediately wiped out by a running yakuza kick from Sami Zayn!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] What! A! Shot!

Daniels rolls out of the ring and Sabre charges up behind Zayn and tackles him through the ropes, knocking him to the floor! Zack Sabre, Jr. turns around to find himself face to face with ORANGE CASSIDY! Sabre looks Cassidy up and down, disgusted... and then Cassidy begins giving him incredibly light kicks to the chin! Sabre sneers and slaps Cassidy across the face so hard that it knocks him down! The Best Friends each grab one of Cassidy's legs and drag him out of the ring before sliding back in themselves!

[ Tony Schiavone ] They're coming to the aid of their friend!

[ Scott Steiner ] GOD DAMN, WHAT IS THIS SHIT!? FRIENDS!? HUGS!? MORE LIKE TRASH!

They each charge at Sabre but Sabre executes a go-behind on Chuck Taylor and drills him with a German Suplex! Taylor rolls out of the ring! Sabre scrambles back to his feet and catches Trent coming at him, pulling him down to the mat with an airtight small package! ONE! TWO! THREE!

[ Eliminated - Trent? ]

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Not to slight Bryan Danielson but we have a new contender for the Mr. Small Package nickname, fellas!

Sabre stands up, looking proud of himself, and Orange Cassidy is on the top rope! Sabre turns around just in time to see Cassidy fly off the top rope with his hands in his pockets... but Sabre just casually steps out of the way and Cassidy crashes and burns! Sabre pounces on him and executes an Oklahoma roll, cinching him up tight! ONE! TWO! THREE!

[ Eliminated - Orange Cassidy???? ]

[ Scott Steiner ] Thank God! Get that trash outta the ring!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Was he even officially in the match!?

Chuck Taylor looks on from ringside, shocked! The timer begins to count down!

It's Ruby Riott! The fans pop huge as Ruby runs down to ringside with purpose in her step! She slides under the bottom rope and Zack Sabre, Jr. charges at her with a clothesline! She ducks it and catches him on the turnaround... RIOTT KICK! Sabre goes down, clutching his chin, and Ruby goes up top... FROG SPLASH ON ZACK SABRE, JR.! She covers him and hooks the leg! ONE! TWO! THREE!

[ Eliminated - Zack Sabre, Jr. ]

[ Tony Schiavone ] Oh wow! What an upset!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] That's quite the feather to stick in Ruby Riott's cap in her debut!

The fans pop huge! Sabre rolls out of the ring, favoring his ribs! Ruby is up, looking for more! Christopher Daniels charges at her and she ducks a clothesline only to run right into a YAKUZA KICK from Zayn! Sami Zayn snatches Ruby Riott up off the mat and Daniels stomps over. They each hook her head and lift her up for a double suplex... AND CHUCK TAYLOR CHARGES IN, BOOTING HER IN THE FACE AS ZAYN AND DANIELS FALL BACKWARD WITH HER! Sami Zayn goes for the cover! ONE! TWO! Daniels pushes him off! "THIS IS MY PIN!" Daniels shouts! Zayn looks confused, "WHAT DOES IT MATTER, DUDE!? IT'S AN ELIMINATION MATCH!" Daniels and Zayn get into a shoving match!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Both of these gentlemen are being ridiculous! Someone just pin her!

"OH WILL BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!?" Chuck Taylor screams and shoves them both! Zayn and Daniels both shove Taylor back, knocking him down! But Ruby Riott comes from nowhere and ROLLS UP DANIELS! ONE! TWO! THREE!

[ Eliminated - Christopher Daniels ]

The Limitless Champion has been eliminated! We're down to Ruby Riott, Sami Zayn, and Chuck Taylor! Christopher Daniels is up and losing his mind! He begins shouting about being disrespected and abruptly kicks Ruby Riott in the stomach and nails her with ANGEL'S WINGS! The fans erupt in boos!

[ Tony Schiavone ] We are guaranteed to see a new champion tonight!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Ruby Riott has pinned the Limitless Champion!

Daniels leaves the ring, taking Harper and Dickinson with him in a huff! Chuck Taylor goes to cover Ruby Riott but Sami Zayn sneaks up behind him and rolls him up out of nowhere! ONE! TWO! THREE!

[ Eliminated - Chuck Taylor ]

The fans boo loudly as Chuck Taylor sits up, genuinely shocked! Sami Zayn points at his head, revealing how smart he is to everyone! Taylor rolls out of the ring, disappointed! Sami Zayn scrambles to cover Ruby Riott! One! Two! Thr-- SHE GOT A FOOT ON THE ROPE! Sami Zayn can't believe it! Zayn pulls Ruby up by her hair and pulls her in for a BRAINBUSTER but once she's vertical, she knees him right on top of the head! She knees him again and he drops her! She lands behind him, grabs him around the waist, and DRILLS HIM WITH A GERMAN SUPLEX RIGHT ON HIS HEAD! The impact sends Zayn up to his knees and Ruby hits the ropes... SHINING WIZARD

[ Tony Schiavone ] DO IT! PIN HIM, RUBY! THIS IS YOUR CHANCE!

Sami Zayn is OUT! Ruby points at the ropes and goes up top... she's gonna go for the FROG SPLASH OR A DOUBLE STOMP! But Christopher Daniels returns to the ring and stands on the apron, shouting at her that she didn't really beat him and how much bullshit all of this really is! Aubrey Edwards charges over to get him off the apron, taking her eye off the match! Ruby Riott flies for the FLYING DOUBLE STOMP but Sami Zayn rolls out of the way! Ruby lands on her feet, executes a forward tumble, and walks right into... THE EYE OF THE HURRICANE!

[ Tony Schiavone ] NO! YOU'RE JOKING RIGHT NOW! NOT LIKE THIS!

The fans erupt in boos as Helms rolls out of the ring! Christopher Daniels leaps off the apron and Sami Zayn scrambles over to cover Ruby Riott! He hooks both legs and prays for dear life! ONE! TWO! THREE!

WINNER & NEW CHAMPION - Sami Zayn via Pin Fall in 36:22

The fans erupt in boos as Helms rolls into the ring with the Limitless Championship and thrusts it into the arms of Sami Zayn! They celebrate like mad men, flailing the championship around like crazy!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Sami Zayn is the champion but Ruby Riott should be damn proud of herself. She had Sami Zayn defeated and it took Christopher Daniels and Hurricane Helms to see him away with the championship!

Ruby Riott gets up on her knees in the middle of the ring, looking furious as she watches Zayn and Helms escape up the ramp with the championship. They disappear through the curtain, leaving Riott alone in the ring.

[ Tony Schiavone ] That is not the face of a woman who is ready to let this slide!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] We haven't seen the last of Ruby Riott in the Limitless division, for sure!

The camera focuses on the furious Ruby Riott as we go backstage.

As the match ends, a shot of Maria takes over the screen of her checking her makeup in the mirror. The locker room looks like Lisa Frank vomited inside, with rainbows, unicorns, and seizure-inducing designs are splattered throughout. A disgruntled looking Taz is seen sitting in a chair, constantly checking the clock on his cell phone every few seconds.

[ Taz ] Am I really needed here?

[ Maria ] Leave if you can! Survive if I let you!

[ Taz ] What?

Maria shrugs. Her clueless eyes tell the entire story.

[ Maria ] I thought it was funny!

[ Taz ] W-

[ Maria ] Because it’s your catchphrase..

[ Taz ] A-

[ Maria ] But I changed it around to make it fit the situation! It was clever!

The door of the locker room swings wide open and Randy Orton walks in. Taz immediately springs up and meets Orton halfway. Maria looks mortified.

[ Maria ] Taz! Remember when Randy Orton, like, killed you, we had a funeral for you, and your memorial show was talked about for thirteen years?

[ Randy Orton ] How could he forget?

Orton smirks. The very sight of his old nemesis brings discomfort to Taz, who does his best to maintain his composure. Orton’s brooding, unpredictable manner only makes matters worse.

[ Randy Orton ] But I’m not here to kill Taz. I know I’m going to compete tonight, so Maria, you have five seconds to cut the crap and tell me who I’m fighting tonight so I can prepare. I’m the champ! I deserve to know more than anybody.

[ Maria ] No way, José! I’m not going to ruin your surprise!

[ Randy Orton ] See, I know you’re slow. I didn’t ask you, I DEMANDED that you tell me.

Orton huffs, almost attempting to make a move to Maria which is intercepted by Taz. Orton chuckles in delight of the heroic attempt.

[ Randy Orton ] I love this old guard in SGW coming back to rewrite the history books so that they all become the heroes instead of the pieces of shit they truly are. It’s comedic at this point.

[ Maria ] I love comedies! I like Anchorman, Wedding Crashers, Bridesmaids, Clueless, Legally Blon-

[ Randy Orton ] SHUT UP!

Orton rubs his blood-red face.

[ Randy Orton ] You’re too stupid to be making serious decisions tonight. You know that?

With Taz still between himself and Maria, Orton looks over the top of Taz’s head to deliver a message.

[ Randy Orton ] I know the Championship Committee has probably given you strict orders to fuck on me tonight, Maria! Just know this.. You try anything funny, first I’m going to wipe out Taz..

Orton pats Taz on top of the head.

[ Randy Orton ] And then I’m coming for you.

Maria’s jaw drops as tears build up in her eyes.

[ Randy Orton ] I was here when they let you roam free as nothing more than comedy relief. They tried killing SGW every time they put you on camera, goading you into doing something more stupid than what you did the week before.. Until SGW died and you went away with it. But now, look at where business is thanks to ME! Not you! Not Taz! ME!

Orton’s tone is stern and unapologetic. Arrogance oozes out of every pore.

[ Randy Orton ] SGW wouldn’t be back if it weren’t for me! The belt I possess wouldn’t mean a damn without me carrying it! The sacrifices I’ve made for this company deserve me finding out what my match is! Sure, let’s keep a secret from Christopher Daniels! Let’s pull the wool over the eyes of Tim Storm because nobody in this company means anything to it but ME!

Adam Cole enters. The fans watching the segment unfold in the arena roar with a loud pop that’s audible on our screen.

[ Adam Cole ] Well, well, well, look at what we have here. It’s the luckiest man in SGW.

Orton and Cole stare one another down. Orton looks irritated as Cole smacks his gum confidently.

[ Adam Cole ] Who knows? Maybe it’s you and I tonight.

Orton scoffs.

[ Randy Orton ] Or maybe you can kiss my ass. You had your shots. Two of them. Lost both times. Back of the line you go.

Orton bumps shoulders with Cole, knocking him out of the way as he exits the room. Cole takes his turn with the guest host of the show.

[ Adam Cole ] Hey Maria. Sorry to interrupt but I wanted to make a request.. A plea even.

Cole puts his palms together in a praying motion with desperation in his voice.

[ Adam Cole ] I heard Franchise talking backstage earlier about how he’s wanting to get a match tonight.

[ Maria ] I HATE that guy!

Maria huffs and puts her hands on her hips.

[ Adam Cole ] I know this is one of those laid back shows and everything, but please, for the love of god, I’ll wrestle ANYONE in ANY type of match that you can think of… As long as Shane Douglas isn’t involved. I’ll cover myself in thumbtacks and fight Jimmy Havoc. I’ll compete in a 20 man ladder match. Anything. Just keep me away from Franchise.

[ Taz ] Ya’ know, legit, that guy used to be a bad, bad man here.

[ Adam Cole ] Yeah, and SGW had a memorial show for a guy who didn’t really die, didn’t they?

Cole’s snark quickly returns.

[ Adam Cole ] Things in the past should stay there.

Taz puffs out his chest and looks ready to go at any moment with Cole until Maria chimes in with a giddy look on her face.

[ Maria ] Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

[ Adam Cole ] The only thing Taz is kissing… Is my ass.

Cole leans in, whispering in Taz’s ear.

[ Adam Cole ] And by kissing my ass, what I really mean is, that it’s time for you to suck.. my.. dick!

Cole leaves, slamming the door behind him. Outside, the camera follows his walk down the hallway, with him stopping on a dime as an exhausted Roderick Strong meets him at an intersection. Bobby Fish and Kyle O’Reilly flank both sides of Strong.

[ Roderick Strong ] Where were you, bro? Could’ve used some help out there.

[ Adam Cole ] Not winning that title is exactly why I’m not signing up for an Undisputed Era reunion.

[ Bobby Fish ] I don’t see a title ‘round your waist, either.

O’Reilly nods in agreement as Strong wipes the sweat from his brow.

[ Kyle O’Reilly ] Not getting pinned in two title matches and not leaving with the belt still means you didn’t win. Don’t get it twisted, Adam.

[ Roderick Strong ] But all of us, one cohesive unit working together.. We can have ALL of the gold!

[ Bobby Fish ] Even the shit we don’t want. All of it.

[ Roderick Strong ] Like the Limitless title. I didn’t even want that! That’s why I intentionally lost. Me and Christopher Daniels on the same title lineage? No thanks.

[ Kyle O’Reilly ] Quit being too good for us and realize that there’s strength in numbers!

Cole waves off their advances, his mind elsewhere.

[ Adam Cole ] Not tonight. I have something on my mind.

The three watch Cole create distance between them. Once he’s out of sight, Fish turns to Strong.

[ Bobby Fish ] I hope he fights Shane Douglas in a kiddie pool filled with baby oil.

[ Roderick Strong ] Dude!

The scene fades.

"As far back as I can rememba'... I always wanted to be a gangster."

NUNZIO DEBUTS AT

We return to the ringside area where there's excitement in the air, following what we've witnessed thus far! Justin Roberts is standing in the middle of the ring with a microphone in his hand. Paul Turner is standing in the corner with his hands clasped in front of him, waiting to find out what match he's refereeing next.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Ladies and gentlemen, we've witnessed history four times already tonight! The second-ever Gold Rush match! The first-ever SGW Limitless Champion, Christopher Daniels! The second-ever SGW Limitless Champion, Sami Zayn! And the first time Randy Orton and Taz have crossed paths following WrestleBrawl 2 since their mutual resurrections!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] I really don't like when you talk about those two returning from the dead, Tony. I do like to imagine that this is a legitimate wrestling program from time t' time and I'm sure the folks at home do, too!

[ Scott Steiner ] I remember when Randy Orton fuckin' incinerated Taz's remains in the middle of the god damn ring! You don't never forget a smell like that, Benedict Cumberbatch! I ain't never come away from the ring so hungry in my fuckin' life!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Historically, it was a moment that changed SGW forever!

[ Scott Steiner ] I whipped it out in front o' 20,000 people and pissed on his fuckin' ashes! It's the damndest thing seein' that mother fucker alive again! I'll never forget the look on that flamin' orange skull's face while I drained... the main vein... right in his burned out eye sockets!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] While I do remember that event, it does not mean either of those men returned from the dead because, well, it's scientifically impossible, gentlemen.

[ Scott Steiner ] Then who the fuck did I piss on in 2006?!

We focus on Justin Roberts, finally.

[ Justin Roberts ] Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is a one on one contest... and it is for a shot at the SGW WOMEN'SSSSSS WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPPPPPPPPPP!

"Blood Suckers" hits and the fans pop huge as Toni Storm emerges from the back, looking like a rockstar in studded, red and black leather! Toni stands on the stage for a moment, sliding her glasses down to the tip of her nose as she looks out at the cheering fans with a cocky smirk on her face!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Well, would ya' look at that! Toni Storm is here!

[ Tony Schiavone ] There's been rumors that she signed an SGW contract a few weeks ago but this is the first time we've seen her and it's for a shot at the SGW Women's World Championship! What an opportunity for the first-timer, Toni Storm!

Toni Storm makes her way down to the ring with purpose in her step before walking up the steps and stomping across the apron. She looks out at the fans again and nods, satisfied with the warm reception she's receiving in Boston! Toni steps through the ropes and stomps to the middle of the ring before throwing up the horns, drawing another big pop! Storm's music cuts and she removes her jacket and sunglasses before taking her place in her corner, eyeing the entranceway, eagerly awaiting her opponent.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Who's it gonna be!?

The fans erupt in boos as "Like a Lady" hits! Lacey Evans struts out from the back in a red, white, and blue variation on entrance gear and hat, with a giant red flower on it. Lacey stops at the edge of the stage and holds up her fist, flexing her arm for the booing fans, an arrogant smile on her face.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Oh, this isn't gonna be good for Toni Storm, I don't imagine! Lacey Evans is coming off what she probably considers a humiliating loss at Holiday Hell to Christina Von Eerie! Not only is Lacey Evans gonna be looking t' prove something t'night, she knows this will be her opportunity t' propel 'erself back into title contention!

Lacey struts down to the ring, turning her nose up at the jeering fans all the way down. She walks up the steps and strides across the apron before whipping off her skirt and removing her hat. She takes another long moment to flex that arm with a clenched fist once again before removing her red lace gloves and then stepping through the ropes. She eyes Toni Storm with disdain. Toni looks right back, not appearing impressed in the slightest. As the two women stand across the ring from one another,  Paul Turner prepares to call for the bell to begin the match... but the Golden-Tron flashes to life, drawing everyone's attention toward it. Toni and Lacey both look on, confused.

[ Tony Schiavone ] What's this?!

On the Golden-Tron, we see Maria standing by with Taz... and between them is a large wheel with a variety of options on it. Maria is giddy, practically jumping in place, she's vibrating with so much excitement! Taz mean mugs the camera with his arms folded across his chest, completely no-selling the moment. Maria waves at the camera

[ Maria ] Hey, everybody! Guess what!? It really seems like everyone liked my big-big-super-huge Gold Rush match idea, soOoOOooooooo... we're gonna do another one of my ideas! I know none of you wanna see a boring old, regular wrestling match... so we're gonna SPIN THE WHEEL and MAKE THE DEAL and add one of these totally awesome stipulation thingies to it!

She claps her hands together, now literally jumping in place.

[ Maria ] YAY FOR GIMMICKZ!

She gestures toward the wheel behind her and the camera focuses on it, revealing some of the appealing options such as:

• Hell in a Cell

• Stretcher Match

• Three Stages of Hell

• Steel Table Death Match

• Exploding Cage

• Born to be Wired

• Golden Ticket Ladder Match

• Iron Woman Match

• Inferno Match

• All Orifices Filled with Glass and Tacks

• Ambulance Match

• Coal Miner's Glove

Toni and Lacey look at one another, clearly not as jazzed about some of those options as they are others.

[ Maria ] This is gonna be awesome! These matches are really crazy and there's a lot of potential for one of you, or even both of you, to become legends just like Taz did when he got blowed up by Randy Orton!

[ Taz ] Will ya' just spin the fuckin' wheel?

[ Maria ] Okay! :-)

Maria giggles and spins the wheel. The fans are buzzing with anticipation, anxious to see where the arrow lands! The wheel spins and spins and spins before finally slowing down... the fans are glued to the edges of their seats, as though they've never been more ready for anything in their lives! The wheel slows down and slows down... and lands... on... THREE STAGES OF HELL!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Three Stages of Hell! No way! Is this really happening!?

But as the wheel comes to a complete stop, the Three Stages of Hell label turns askew and falls off the wheel, having only been held in place by a single piece of scotch tape! Behind it lies the text... BLINDFOLD MATCH! The fans erupt in boos! Both Toni and Lacey look blown away by this... and not in a good way.

[ Maria ] A BLINDFOLD MATCH!? OH, GOLLY WOW! HOW DO YOU HAVE A MATCH IF YOU CAN'T SEE TO DO YOUR MOVEZZZZ!? I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT!

Taz just shakes his head and walks off-camera.

[ Tony Schiavone ] It's the first Blindfold Match in SGW history, folks! And it's happening right now on Solid Gold Wrestling... Card Subject to Change! I can't believe it!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] This is going t' be bloody awful.

A stagehand runs down with two black bags and hands them to Paul Turner. One by one, he places the bags over Lacey and Toni's heads, tying them in place. The fans are already booing. However, it isn't over yet as we hear Maria clear her throat to get our attention. We turn back to Maria and her smile is even bigger than ever.

[ Maria ] But that's not allLlLLLllLLllLllL! For a match this huge and history making, I think we need a referee! A special GUEST referee! A REALLY SUPER SPECIAL BIG-BIG GUEST REFEREE! Someone I know I can trust to be unbiased and do the right thing!

Her eyes become wide.

[ Maria ] Of course, I'm talking about a real true blue SGW legend! Somebody that really helped pull me out of a tough spot when I ran SGW in 2006! And guess what? He got all tore up and killed, too, but he came back from the dead, just like Taz and Jesus and Randy Orton and Gene Snitsky! So I hope you're all ready for a huge star!

Another stagehand emerges from the back carrying a large plush puppet that's wearing a referee shirt. The fans instantly recognize the puppet and begin booing because this is an abomination. Just absolute outlaw garbage.

[ Maria ] That's right, it's ALF!

Even more boos.

[ Maria ] God bless Alf! God bless history making Blindfold Matches! Good luck, ladies!

The boos are literally deafening.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Alf hasn't been seen in Solid Gold Wrestling since he was torn in half by Lance Storm and Mike Awesome shortly before Heartbreaker in 2006! What a legend! What a return! Who knew we'd ever see Alf again in an SGW ring!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] You are aware that Alf's presence is what killed a company called the UWF in 2006. Solid Gold Wrestling is lucky it didn't suffer the same fate when Maria made that decision to... ahem... sign Alf.

Paul Turner watches as the stagehand shoves Alf under the bottom rope and shakes his head, muttering "ya' gotta be fucking kidding me" before picking Alf up and resting him against the bottom turnbuckle. Turner shakes his head and then leaves the ring, looking frustrated. Toni and Lacey awkwardly stand in place, unaware of their surroundings due to the hoods. Finally, the timekeeper calls an audible and rings the bell on his own to start the match!

Referee - Alf | Time Limit - 30:00

The lifeless Alf puppet sits still in the corner, propped up against the bottom turnbuckle, watching Toni Storm and Lacey Evans awkwardly walk around the ring with black bags over their heads. His cold, dead eyes glimmer in the arena lights with lifeless curiosity. Both women feel around them, using the ropes to guide them. It feels like forever as nothing happens and neither woman comes close to drawing near the other. The fans begin to boo but not a loud and passionate boo... a low, droning boo... the bad kind of boo... the worst kind.

[ Scott Steiner ] I ain't gonna fuckin' lie. This is the most god damn boring bullshit I ever seen but this is the best fuckin' way t' watch a Lacey Evans match! Ain't nothin' makes that broad more fuckable than a sack over her head!

After at least a few full minutes of stumbling around with absolutely zero action, Lacey Evans visibly huffs and raises her hood slightly, just enough to get a bead on Toni's location! The fans finally wake up and actually cheer a bit as Lacey Evans storms across the ring and nails Toni Storm with a forearm to the side of the head!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Are you kidding!? She blatantly lifted her hood in front of the referee!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Tony--

[ Tony Schiavone ] Alf is right THERE! And he just let it happen!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] ...Tony--

[ Tony Schiavone ] Why isn't he enforcing the rules!?

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Tony, he's a pupp--

[ Scott Steiner ] He isn't real, you fuckin' dweeb!

Toni Storm is down and Lacey Evans mounts her, raising her hood again and allowing it to rest over her brow as she rains down punches and forearms! Toni does her best to cover up! The fans are booing loudly, not necessarily because Lacey is a dastardly villain... but because this whole thing kind of sucks. Appearing satisfied, Lacey stands up and looms over Storm before turning around and laying her eyes on the Alf puppet in the corner. Lacey saunters over to Alf with her hands on her hips and picks him up, cradling him like a big, furry baby.

[ Tony Schiavone ] I think she's trying to sway the referee in her favor!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] This is really stupid.

[ Tony Schiavone ] I never imagined Alf would stoop so low!

[ Scott Steiner ] Alf is on that bullshit! If Maria wanted unbiased officiating, she shoulda' got Teddy Ruxpin on the god damn phone or one o' them fuckin' Ninja Turtles! They don't take no shit from nobody!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Christ, Scott. Not you, too.

Toni Storm sits up, rubbing her head. She begins feeling around on the mat surrounding her, looking for any sign of where Lacey Evans might be. Evans continues parading around the ring with Alf, smiling and posing, utterly disrespecting the official with her disregard for the rules! The fans are booing with absolute disgust, rejecting this match and everything going on in it. Toni Storm uses the ropes to pull herself up and she can be seen looking around, confused, despite the bag on her head. Finally, she gets fed up and raises her own hood. Her eyes fall on Lacey Evans, who has her back to her. Toni's eyes go wide as she realizes what a piss Lacey is taking on the match. She charges up on her, full blast, and nails Lacey from behind, causing her to drop Alf and tumble through the ropes to the floor!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Thank goodness! Get 'er, Toni!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] This is the worst match I've ever witnessed in all my years!

Lacey slowly returns to her feet on the outside, looking disheveled... but turns around just in time for Toni Storm to wipe her out with a suicide dive! The fans pop huge! Toni stands up, pumping her fists and shouting "COME ONNNNNN!" before snatching Lacey up by her hood and slinging her under the bottom rope. As soon as Lacey reenters the ring, she scrambles back to her feet. Toni Storm follows her in and Lacey charges at her, fist cocked! WOMAN'S RIGHT! NO! TONI DUCKS IT! Lacey turns around and Toni reaches up and pulls the hood back down over Lacey's face! She kicks Lacey in the gut... STRONG ZERO PILEDRIVER!

[ Scott Steiner ] Her neck's gotta be fuckin' broke!

Toni covers Evans and hooks the leg but Alf is lying motionless inches away. Toni looks confused but then shrugs and snatches Alf up by the back of his referee shirt! She slams him into the mat once! Twice! Three times! Toni sits up on her knees, holding Alf over her head and shaking him at the timekeeper, pleading with her eyes for him to end the match, prompting him to ring the bell, mercifully!

WINNER - Toni Storm via Pin Fall in 4:51

The fans applaud, thankful this is over. Toni Storm rolls off of Evans and stands up, still clutching Alf in her fist. She looks down at him, a confused look on her face before shrugging and raising him in the air, drawing a loud mixed reaction from the fans who despise everything Alf stands for... and yet desperately want to love Toni Storm.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Negative five stars, gentlemen.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Say what you will about what we just witnessed but Alf came through in the end! There was a moment there where I was really questioning Maria's capability as our host tonight!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] A moment? Just one, ya' say?

[ Tony Schiavone ] Come on, Nigel! We just witnessed history! The first-ever blindfold match in SGW history, not to mention that with this victory, Toni Storm has earned a shot at the SGW Women's World Championship! What a debut.

There's a long pause.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] As a man who has watched 'n studied Solid Gold Wrestling for years... and has witnessed the many, many ups and downs o' this great company... I am appalled... I have seen Tom Cruise pin Teddy Long t' become the SGW World Heavyweight Champion... I have endured Jillian Hall defending the Gimmick Championship against Triple H, The Rock, and the legend sitting next to me, Scott Steiner... I somehow tolerated Chuck Norris versus Tom Cruise at WrestleBrawl 2... and I stomached seeing the first ever SGW Pure Championship match end after interference via bloody striptease, even...

Nigel sighs.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] But this... is the most offensive thing I've ever seen.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Oh, Nigel.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] That was, and I don't say this lightly, worse than one hundred September 11th's.

Lacey Evans rolls out of the ring, favoring her neck. She staggers toward the back, completely removing her hood and flinging it onto the ground before disappearing behind the curtain. Still in the ring, Toni Storm teases throwing Alf into the crowd, which draws a huge pop. Finally, Toni shrugs once more and tosses Alf into the fifth row where the restless fans RIP HIM TO PIECES!

[ Tony Schiavone ] OH MY GOODNESS! THEY'VE KILLED HIM!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] He'll be back, Tony.

Nigel sounds utterly defeated after only the second match of the evening.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] No one thought we'd eva' see Alf again after he was torn in half by Lance Storm and Mike Awesome back in 2006... and yet here we are... either way, congratulations to Toni Storm, who has earned 'erself a shot at the SGW Women's World Championship! It's all uphill from 'ere, kiddo!

The fans are throwing arms, legs, and stuffing in every direction as Toni Storm continues celebrating in the ring, going corner to corner and throwing up the horns as we cut backstage.

Walking down a narrow hallway backstage is Los Ingobernables. Out front is Dario Cueto wearing a black suit and tie with Scarlett Bordeaux’s arm linked inside his. Scarlett is wearing a black dress that leaves very little to the imagination. Behind them struts the Hybrid 2, off in their own little worlds. They’re cut off at the pass by Tetsuya Naito, decked out in a white suit on his own and a Los Ingobernables trucker hat.

[ Dario Cueto ] Did you find him?

[ Tetsuya Naito ] No.

Being unable to find this mystery “him” has brought a smile to Cueto’s face.

[ Dario Cueto ] A shame. Seems as though our compadre, PAC, is nowhere to be seen tonight. Most likely off licking his wounds after wait you did to him.

[ Tetsuya Naito ] Things are not finished.

[ Dario Cueto ] Ah, yes, you have a point. This feud is tied at one win apiece. But Naito, as the new year begins, it’s time to look ahead, my friend. GREAT things are in store for Los Ingobernables in 2020!

Breaking the optimistic outlook, Jack Evans speaks up.

[ Jack Evans ] Man! Screw PAC! We need our belts back!

Cueto turns and looks to his team.

[ Dario Cueto ] My boys, Holiday Hell was simply a speed bump for you two.

[ Angelico ] I’m pissed! We’re two matches into the show and we have yet to be given our rematch at those idiots.

[ Jack Evans ] I dunno’ what I want more - those straps or that sassy piece of dark chocolate!

Evans licks his lips in desire, drawing uncomfortable reactions from his fellow group members.

[ Dario Cueto ] Jack, may I remind you that your associate, Ms. Bordeaux, can fulfill whatever.. Issues.. You may need tended to.

Scarlett walks over to Jack and rubs his chest while giving him a seductive wink. Evans pushes her back with a frustrated look on her face.

[ Jack Evans ] Yo, Dario! Is you dumb or something? I don’t need her to fulfill none’a my needs unless she looks like Brandi Rhodes! Which..

Evans surveys Bordeaux with a scoff.

[ Jack Evans ] She got some big titties but her face ain’t doin’ it for me! No disrespect. I know you a nice lady n’all, yo. But, nah. I’m straight. Pass.

[ Angelico ] Her and Brandi don’t even look alike! Their skin’s even different colors!

[ Jack Evans ] Ain’t even that! Jack Evans flies high and does not see color! He just don’t think she can handle me!

Naito shakes his head side to side, not knowing what he’s done to have found himself in such a predicament.

[ Tetsuya Naito ] Your foolishness is why you no longer have.. Championships.

Naito taps Evans’ forehead.

[ Tetsuya Naito ] Focus.

Dario steps in between his two clients and puts his arms around their necks, sporting a huge smile.

[ Dario Cueto ] Mi amigos, settle. Now, let’s go enjoy a dinner and strategize for what’s to come for Los Ingobernables, yes?

He pats both Naito and Evans on their backs and walks to the front of the group, leading the journey out of the arena. They pass Elias, seated on the floor with his back against the wall. His guitar case is open beside him and his guitar rests in his lap. Without the music, he still finds a tune.

[ Elias ] Got a bottle a’ tequila to myself
A new year’s cheer for success and good health.
New year, same me, ‘cause I don’t need to change
Just gotta’ get Randy Orton in my range.
Had some big moments but need to win a match
Need a slump buster, find a girl who’s ratch-

He notices Scarlett Bordeaux and stands up, spinning the guitar over his shoulder in one fluent motion.

[ Elias ] ..Et.

He adjusts the multicolored poncho he’s wearing and clears his throat.

[ Elias ] Ratchet.

[ Scarlett Bordeaux ] Hi.

[ Elias ] Hello. I am Elias.

Scarlett smiles.

[ Scarlett Bordeaux ] Oh, I know who you are.

Elias’ confidence level goes from the usual ten-out-of-ten to a thirteen at this point.

[ Dario Cueto ] Ah, Elias!

Cueto admires the outfit and notices the bottle of tequila on the floor.

[ Dario Cueto ] Happy New Year! May 2020 bring you much success. Your game has been elevated! Your attire is festive! Your taste in drink and women.. Very, very wise.

Reaching into his right pant pocket, Dario pulls out of a handful of pesos and slings them into the open guitar case.

[ Elias ] That’s like.. Not even a full American dollar.

[ Dario Cueto ] You earned it, friend.

Dario continues walking and the rest of the group passes by Elias as well. Elias grabs the pesos and shrugs.

[ Elias ] I don’t think I like that guy.

He effortlessly slides the guitar from his back and adjusts the strap. He plays a few notes as the scene fades.

We fade up at ringside with a shot of Justin Roberts in the center of the ring.

[ Justin Roberts ] The following match... is a FATAL FOUR WAY MATCH... AND IT IS FOR A SHOT AT THE SOLID GOLD WRESTLING... WORRRRRRRRLD TAG TEAM... CHAMPIONSHIPPPPPS!

There's a sudden loud pounding of drums and the fans all stand and look toward the entranceway. For what seems like forever, no one steps through the curtain. As strobe lights begin pounding all around the entrance, an electric guitar joins those drum beats and we begin to hear the soothing sounds of Manowar echo throughout the arena.

Here our soldiers stand
From all around the world
Waiting in a line
To hear the battle cry
All are gathered here
Victory is near
The sound will fill the hall
Bringing power to us all!

[ Tony Schiavone ] What's this!? Can it be?!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] I think it is, Tony! I think it bloody is!

"Warriors of the World" plays loudly and the Golden-Tron suddenly flashes life.

We alone are fighting for metal, that is true
We own the right, to live the fight
We're here for all of you
Now swear the blood upon your steel
Will never dry
Stand and fight together
Beneath the metal sky!

The words "THA' TRU WARRIORZ" suddenly appear on the Golden-Tron and the fans absolutely lose their minds! Buff Bagwell emerges first, strutting out onto the stage in his top hat before dropping to one knee and flexing with a huge smile on his face! Behind him emerges SID VICIOUS! The fans EXPLODE as Sid walks out, pumping his fist and looking around erratically with wide, bloodshot eyes! Spit flies from Sid's mouth as he shouts "A FUCKIN' FOUR WAY!? YOU WAAAAAAAAAANT A FUCKIN' FOUR WAY!?" Bagwell stands up and fist bumps Sid before they start making their way down to the ring with the fans losing their minds!

[ Scott Steiner ] Sid Vicious and Buff Bagwell!? ARE YOU FUCKIN' JOKIN' RIGHT NOW!?

[ Nigel McGuinness ] The second-ever SGW World Tag Team Champions! Tha' Tru Warriorz! They haven't been seen in an SGW ring since 1999! This... is... HISTORIC!

Brothers everywhere
Raise your hands into the air
We're warriors, warriors of the world
Like thunder from the sky
Sworn to fight and die
We're warriors, warriors of the world!

Bagwell and Sid enter the ring and Bagwell drops to one knee in the center of the ring, flexing and smiling as Sid stands behind him with one first raised in the air, nodding along to the beat of the song!

[ Tony Schiavone ] I can't believe it! I'm losing it! These two defeated The Dangerous Duo of Scott Hall and Mankind over twenty years ago to become the tag team champions!

Their music cuts and the fans remain just as loud, chanting for the former SGW World Tag Team Champions. "Gimme Back My Bullets" by Lynyrd Skynyrd hits and the fans pop huge as Mark and Jay Briscoe emerge from the back in their full-blown confederate flag gear!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Certainly a questionable choice of ring gear in 2020, fellas!

Mark and Jay make their way down to the ring in a hurry and climb inside with Jay walking right up to Sid and doing his best to get in his face despite the height difference! Paul Turner forces himself between them to break it up! Buff and Sid look at each other, not impressed.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Whoa! I don't think Jay Briscoe wants any of Sid Vicious!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] I've known the Briscoes for many years, Tony, and let me clue you in on something... they're afraid of no man on this earth!

"Undisputed" hits once the Briscoes are settled in the ring. The fans boo loudly as Bobby Fish and Kyle O'Reilly walk out onto the ramp in Undisputed Era t-shirts. Both men look pissed and ready for a fight. Roderick Strong walks out behind them, looking worse for wear following Gold Rush 2 earlier tonight. He slaps both of his partners on the back, getting them psyched up and then returns to the back.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Roderick Strong is out to support his partners!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] This is a second chance for the Undisputed Era to make an impact tonight!

Fish and O'Reilly enter the ring but keep their distance, though they remain focused on the Briscoe Brothers and Tha' Tru Warriorz. Once they're inside the ring, their music cuts and it's time for the final team to make their entrance!

Here comes the Ax!
Here comes the Smasher!
The Demolition, Walking disaster!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Wait, what?! NO!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] You can't be bloody serious!

The fans EXPLODE as Demolition emerges from the back, older than God and looking like biscuit dough strapped in by very cheap Dollar Tree variations on their classic gear! Time has certainly not been kind to the former SGW World Tag Team Champions!

[ Scott Steiner ] What the fuck are these guys wearin'!? They look like shit!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Hallelujah, Demolition is 'ere! The forma' SGW World Tag Team Champions, who defeated Hall of Famers Edge and Christian in 2001 to win those very championships!

[ Tony Schiavone ] They beat Edge and Christian!? In 2001?! WOW!

[ Scott Steiner ] IT WAS A GOD DAMN DISGRACE! JUST LIKE SEEIN' THEM TODAY IS A GOD DAMN DISGRACE! HOLY SHIT! THEY LOOK LIKE COTTAGE CHEESE WITH LIVER SPOTS, WRAPPED UP IN ELECTRICAL TAPE!

However, as soon as they begin to make their way down the ramp, Edge and Christian emerge from behind the curtain with steel chairs and NAIL BOTH MEMBERS OF DEMOLITION IN THE BACK! Ax and Smash both roll awkwardly down the ramp as the Undisputed Era, Briscoe Brothers, and Tru Warriorz watch with confusion on their faces!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Oh my! Edge and Christian are out here bludgeoning Demolition with chairs! This is very much unlike them!

[ Scott Steiner ] That's what you call a god damn receipt!

Edge and Christian follow them down the ramp, nailing them repeatedly with the chair until Ax manages to fight his way back up to his feet, using the guardrail to support himself! This proves to be a huge mistake however as Edge and Christian nail him with a CON-CHAIR-TO! Ax is DEAD! Edge and Christian snatch up Smash and sling him under the bottom rope. Christian yells at the timekeeper to "RING THE DAMN BELL!" and our match is underway!

Referee - Paul Turner | Time Limit - 30:00

It's one fall to the finish and the Undisputed Era and the Briscoes both dive for Smash and try to get an immediate pin on him! However, as Edge and Christian return to the back, Tha' Tru Warriorz refuse to let either team get a win that easily!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Look at'em go!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Tryin' to get this one over with early!

[ Scott Steiner ] Who fuckin' wouldn't!?

Sid and Buff attack both teams from behind, throwing wild punches and turning this match into an uncontrollable brawl! Fish and O'Reilly pair off on Buff, swinging away at him like mad men! Sid handles both Briscoes without effort, booting Mark Briscoe down and then ducking a wide punch from Jay before goozling him and CHOKE SLAMMING HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR!

[ Scott Steiner ] GOD DAMN!

[ Tony Schiavone ] CHOKE SLAM TO HELL!

Mark Briscoe tries to crawl away on all fours but Sid advances on him as the fans chant "SID! SID! SID!" over and over. Sid grabs Mark by the waistband of his confederate flag shorts and points at the ceiling, shouting "POWERBOMB!?!?" and the fans roar with approval! Sid yanks Mark to his feet and pulls him in.... POWERBOMB ON MARK BRISCOE!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Sid Vicious has single handedly dismantled the Briscoes!

Sid falls to one knee and places one finger on Mark's chest! Paul Turner turns and drops! One! Two! Thr-- SMASH BROKE THE PIN! It was obviously all Smash had left in the tank! Sid looks down at Smash and shakes his head with disgust. With Buff stomped down in the corner, Fish and O'Reilly advance on Sid but Sid is ready for them, greeting O'Reilly with a big boot to the face before palming Bobby Fish's head and holding him in place! Sid points at Buff and shouts "BUFFFF! IT'S TIIIIIIIIME, BRUDDA'!"

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Uh oh!

[ Tony Schiavone ] It's time for what?!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] The END!

Buff slowly returns to his feet and begins ascending the turnbuckles. Sid keeps hold of Bobby Fish and prepares to bring him in... but Smash comes out of nowhere, disoriented, and pushes Bobby Fish out of the way, nailing Sid with a weak punch in the process! Sid shakes his head and boots Smash in the gut! He pulls him in for a POWERBOMB and turns away from the turnbuckle... BUFF FLIES! BUFF BLOCKBUSTER INTO A POWERBOMB FROM SID! SMASH IS DEAD!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Good lord, call an ambulance!

But from out of nowhere, Fish and O'Reilly tackle Buff and Sid from behind, knocking them through the ropes to the floor! Both men dive on Smash and hook his legs! ONE! TWO! THREE!

WINNERS - Bobby Fish & Kyle O'Reilly via Pin Fall in 5:43

The fans boo loudly as Fish and O'Reilly quickly escape the ring and begins scrambling up the ramp. They waste no time in making it to the stage and disappearing behind the curtain with their victory in hand.

[ Tony Schiavone ] What a sneaky win by the Undisputed Era!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Indeed but what a comeback by Tha' Tru Warriorz, as unlikely as it may seem! The Undisputed Era might have earned the title shot but the Warriorz have earned the respect of the fans!

Inside the ring, Sid Vicious and Buff Bagwell have returned from the floor. The fans give them a standing ovation, cheering wildly for one of the most popular tag teams in the history of Solid Gold Wrestling. Sid and Buff give one another a fist bump as the fans chant "PLEASE DON'T GO" until we fade to black.

In an unknown area of the arena, Aleister Black sits with his legs crossed in deep meditation. Zelina Vega stands behind him with her hands resting on his shoulders. After a few seconds, he breaks the silence.

[ Aleister Black ] Sin Cara. Why you?

He opens his eyes and looks into the camera.

[ Aleister Black ] Why the attack at Holiday Hell? Why cost you the Gold Rush?

His calm delivery lures you in but you can see the evil behind those eyes.

[ Aleister Black ] I have my reasons.

Zelina cocks an eyebrow with a sly grin on her face.

[ Aleister Black ] Carístico is coming. At least, that's what the rumors say. Is it true? Are you channeling a different side of yourself, Sin Cara? Are you making a transformation?

He smirks.

[ Aleister Black ] Same here.

Aleister rubs his hands together slowly. Every movement is strategized.

[ Aleister Black ] For far too long I've been on the cusp of taking the step to the next level in Solid Gold Wrestling. Since day once you and I have been on different trajectories in this company for whatever reason. 2020, it all changes.

Aleister pauses as Zelina nods in agreement.

[ Aleister Black ] Make your transformation to whatever version of yourself you want. On the other hand, I am embracing my true form. I am changing everything about me that people thought they knew. Sin Cara, you are my first victim. No longer will you enjoy the days of high profile matches and pushes you don't deserve. I'm taking those for myself.

Another pause.

[ Aleister Black ] How? By eliminating you once and for all. Make your transformation. Change your name. Whatever it takes. Because you see w-

Darkness

Static overtakes the screen, cutting off Aleister mid-comment.

"A fresh start."

A shadowy figure with a towel draped over his head appears.

"Aleister, you have caused something inside me to wake up from a slumber that was never to be seen again.."

The figure turns quickly, but the darkness causes the screen to be cloudy at best, preventing us from seeing anything of detail.

"Unfortunately for you, my pain will pave way for new beginnings.."

Darkness.

And just like that, the screen remains black and all transmission is lost. Was this Sin Cara? Is Carístico coming to SGW?!

Cathy Kelley overtakes the screen with a big smile on her face. She stands in front of the SGW Interview set, square and center. A pacing Jon Moxley comes in and out of view of the camera, going back and forth like a mad man.

[ Cathy Kelley ] My guest at this time is the newest member of the SGW roster.. JON MOXLEY!

Moxley spins in a circle and walks up to Cathy. He’s in a black shirt with the sleeves cut out and matching black pants. The expression on his face tells us he’d rather be anywhere but on an interview set.

[ Cathy Kelley ] Jon, welcome to SGW!

[ Jon Moxley ] Ya’ know, I’ve kept my eye on this place for quite a while. I’ve seen how this place operates. The inmates, these “legends,” they’re running the asylum, just doin’ whatever they want. And you know, if that’s what makes the wheels turn this place, fine, whatever. But that’s not how Jon Moxley’s about to operate around here.

He takes a breath and continues without much of a pause.

[ Jon Moxley ] These legends and guys like Adam Cole, Randy Orton, Tim Storm, all of these guys who think they’re in charge and think this is their block.. they seem to be a little confused.. See.. I’m not locked in here with them.. They’re locked in here with ME!

Moxley turns and looks to the camera with fire in his eyes.

[ Jon Moxley ] Everything you boys thought you knew about how SGW operates, it’s all gonna’ change now! I didn’t take the risk that I took of comin’ here to play second-fiddle or become a “yes” man, not even close.

[ Christopher Daniels ] WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!

Christopher Daniels, Chris Dickinson, and Luke Harper come strolling in with Daniels out in front.

[ Christopher Daniels ] I was screwed, SCREWED, out of the Limitless Championship tonight and now we’re just giving interview time to the scum of the earth? Oh sure, let’s let ANYONE in SGW! Let’s open the doors to the outcasts, mongrels, and outlaws! Sure! Just more damn people to join the roster to let the people in charge keep on holding Chris EFFIN’ Daniels back!

[ Jon Moxley ] You done?

Moxley does not seem impressed.

[ Christopher Daniels ] No, I’m not finished! This injustice against me continues! Forever, I’m in the SGW title histories as the guy who lost his title in minutes! Screw! Job!

The expressionless face of Moxley drives Daniels crazy.

[ Christopher Daniels ] Shut your face!

[ Jon Moxley ] I didn’t say anything, pal. I’m just lettin’ you work through the existential crisis you’re having.

[ Chris Dickinson ] I’m about to be your fuckin’ exeskeletal crisis if you don’t shut your trap!

Daniels holds Dickinson back.

[ Christopher Daniels ] You heard the man. Even though most of those words were wrong in his rebuttal, you heard the man! We’re Disrespect U! No longer are we going to be disrespected, oh no, no, we’re going to do ALL of the disrespecting!

[ Jon Moxley ] Like when you interrupted me and Cathy’s little chat here? And like when the Dirty Daddy and his dick strings powerbombed that kid earlier.

[ Chris Dickinson ] Yeah, I wasn’t really a fan of that.

Dickinson shakes it off.

[ Chris Dickinson ] But she had it comin’!

[ Jon Moxley ] Alright, cool. So let me get this right.. We have Christopher Daniels, a guy who can’t win anything, now leading a group consisting of Luke Harper and Chris Dickinson? Guys who have actually… won.. Matches.. And the basis of the group is that you guys are pissed off for being disrespected? And you named yourselves Disrespect U.

Daniels nods.

[ Luke Harper ] I’d rather team with Bray Wyatt but this is what I’m working with.

[ Chris Dickinson ] The name isn’t great but Daniels came up with it.

Daniels looks back at his group.

[ Christopher Daniels ] WHAT?!

[ Jon Moxley ] And you’re pissed off that you lost your belt in seconds.. Blaming it on SGW.. When in fact.. It was your buddy, Mr. Sadistic, who made it a ten man Gold Rush? Got it.

Pause.

[ Jon Moxley ] And then Kaz and Scorpio. You walk around with ‘em all the time but they’re never on the shows. They ashamed of you or what?

[ Christopher Daniels ] Ashamed?! Frankie and Sky would never be ashamed to join this group! DIS-RE-SPECT-U!

[ Jon Moxley ] Alright, cool.

Daniels is put off by Moxley’s nonchalant attitude.

[ Christopher Daniels ] When it’s put like that, it sounds like you’re trying to disrespect us!

Moxley agrees.

[ Jon Moxley ] Yeah. Seems that way.

Moxley punches Daniels in the face and is immediately pounced on by Harper and Dickinson! It’s a mugging at this point, with the numbers game favoring Disrespect U. Fight as he can, Moxley just cannot overcome the group, eating a big boot from Harper, which allows Dickinson to pick Moxley up and Pazuzu Bomb him through the interview set!

[ Luke Harper ] Awesome.

[ Christopher Daniels ] HOW ‘BOUT THAT, MOX?!

Daniels scoffs.

[ Christopher Daniels ] If that’s even your real name!

[ Chris Dickinson ] Welcome to SGDubya', asshole!

Daniels, Dickinson, and Harper walk off, leaving Cathy to check on Moxley, who is doing his best to knock the fallen pieces of the set off of himself. The scene fades.

The fans are still shook by the impending return of Caristico as we return to the ringside area. Justin Roberts is standing in the middle of the ring with a microphone in his hand. The fans begin buzzing with electricity as they anxiously await the announcement for what could be coming next. With a big smile, Justin Roberts begins to speak.

[ Justin Roberts ] Ladies and gentlemen... the following match--

He gestures toward the entranceway.

[ Justin Roberts ] ...IS A TRRRRRRRRRRIPLE THREAT MATCH... WITH THE WINNER RECEIVING A SHOT... AT THE SGW... LIMITLESS CHAMPIONSHIPPPPPPPPP!

The fans cheer loudly and "Phenomenal" hits, immediately causing the fans to turn on a dime and begin booing their hearts out! The camera focuses on the entranceway for several long seconds as the Golden-Tron video for AJ Styles plays.

[ Tony Schiavone ] AJ Styles! What a surprise! We haven't seen him in action since 12 Large where he was defeated by "The American Dragon" Bryan Danielson! Now he's back and in the hunt for the newest piece of gold in Solid Gold Wrestling!

[ Scott Steiner ] AWW C'MON! THERE AIN'T NO GOD DAMN NEED TO REMIND THE PEOPLE THAT THIS COUNTRY BUMPKIN FUCK GOT BEAT BY BRYAN DANIELSON! EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT WAS A FUCKIN' FLUKE! 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T NO REAL MAN THAT BRYAN DANIELSON CAN BEAT WITH HIS PUNY, FLACCID ARMS AND HIS CABBAGE BREATH AND THE VEGAN SLIME THAT RUNS THROUGH HIS VEINS! ESPECIALLY NOT A MAN LIKE ME, WHO I SHOULD FUCKIN' REMIND YOU, SCARED BRYAN DANIELSON AWAY AT 12 LARGE AND SAVED ADAM COLE'S FUCKIN LIFE! BRYAN DANIELSON IS SCARED! SCARED O' THE REAL MAN! I AIN'T FORGET YOU, DANIELSON, AND DON'T YOU NEVER FORGET THAT!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] AJ Styles has had quite the run in Solid Gold Wrestling. That loss to Bryan Danielson is the only loss he's suffered since joining. He defeated Bryan Danielson and the leader of Disrespect U, Christopher Daniels, in the first ever main event at SGW Revenge. He was on quite the tear up until 12 Large and we haven't seen him until tonight... you know he's going t' be looking t' get back in the mix tonight!

The camera continues to focus on the entranceway but... no one is coming out. The music continues to play and finally, the boos go from legitimate wrestling heat to just plain bored and disappointed heat. The music cuts and we sit in silence.

[ Tony Schiavone ] What's going on, fella's? It looks like AJ Styles isn't coming out!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Well, there's been rumors and innuendo that AJ Styles has had quite the problem with his attendance. He's been late numerous times since signing his contract. He didn't show up at Fight t' the Finish. He didn't show up at Holiday Hell... and now, here we are at Card Subject to Change and it bloody well looks like the card is about to change!

"No One Will Survive" hits and the fans begin booing all over again!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Tommaso Ciampa! Wow!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] It's a damn shame that AJ Styles isn't here 'cause I would've loved to have have seen AJ Styles and Tommaso Ciampa tear it up for a championship opportunity!

[ Scott Steiner ] Back in my day, you show up late or you don't show up at all like a giant PUSSY, you got your ass stretched out by "Big Nasty" Paul Wight and then weren't EVER heard from again! Bitch boy bumpkin AJ Styles should be took out back and shot for this bullshit!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Ciampa has been quite the presence since coming to SGW! He defeated Pete Dunne in his debut match and then, at Holiday Hell, he brutally assaulted Eli Drake! Ciampa versus Styles would've been amazing but there's still one person left to complete this Triple Threat match and I'm excited to see who it is!

But... Tommaso Ciampa never makes his way out onto the stage and those droning boos of disappointment begin to emanate from somewhere deep in the heart of the arena. His music cuts and the camera simply dwells on the entranceway for a long moment as those boos threaten to shake the building down to its foundation.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Ya' gotta be kidding me.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Well, Ciampa was rambling about being late at Holiday Hell. It seems as though he has his own attendance problems. Very disappointing, indeed.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] He swore he'd neva' do it again, Tony. That's specifically what he said at Holiday Hell and yet, 'ere we are! I'm absolutely flabbergasted by this behavior. And now, what of the third person in the match? Are they even here? Did Maria even botha' t' look 'n see if these people were present before she booked the bloody matches?

[ Tony Schiavone ] I... I don't know!

The boos abruptly end as the Golden-Tron flashes to life one more time...

"BOW DOWN... TO THE QUEENS!"

[ Tony Schiavone ] OH... MY... GOODNESS!

"FIVE!"

"FOUR!"

"THREE!"

"TWO!"

"ONE!"

The "Queen's Quest" theme hits and the fans pop huge as AZM emerges from the back! Wearing an entrance jacket and her Queen's Quest mask, AZM waves a leopard print flag with "Lightning Star" written on it in Japanese.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] What an opportunity for this lovely young lady!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Don't let her hear you call her that!

[ Scott Steiner ] GOD DAMN! WHAT KIND OF OUTLAW MUDSHOW BULLSHIT IS THIS!? THAT DUMB BITCH MARIA WAS SERIOUSLY GONNA HAVE A KID! A KID! A FUCKIN' CHILD FIGHT AJ STYLES AND TOMO-TOMAMA-WHATEVER THE FUCK CIAMPA!?

[ Tony Schiavone ] Starlight Kid pinned The Rock tonight!

[ Scott Steiner ] Are you- ...ARE YOU TRYIN' TO FUCK WITH ME RIGHT NOW, TONY!? THE ROCK IS A GOD DAMN SPACE CADET! HE'S GOT SHIT FOR BRAINS! HE WANTS TO FIGHT ADAM COLE FOR THE WORLD TITLE AND ADAM COLE AIN'T EVEN THE DAMN CHAMPION! MOTHER FUCKER WANTS CARMELLA TO HELP HIM FIGHT UNDISPUTED ERA! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO CARMELLA IS!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Well, she's... she's a very lovely lady who isn't under contract to SGW.

[ Scott Steiner ] See what the fuck I mean. He's a fuckin' IDIOT!

AZM makes her way down to the ring and walks up the steps. She walks across the apron before stopping in the middle and waving the flag around. She steps through the ropes and climbs to the middle rope, looking out at the fans and waving the flag before propping it against her shoulder and removing her mask, revealing her angry and scowling face. She hops off the middle rope and walks to the middle of the ring, still clutching her flag with both hands. She looks around, seeing no opposition in the ring. She trembles with rage, pure hatred shaped like a tiny 16 year old girl.

[ Tony Schiavone ] So, what happens now?

Mike Chioda looks around the ringside area and throws his hands up, clearly frustrated by the fact that this Triple Threat Match now only features one competitor. He walks over to Justin Roberts and whispers in his ear. Roberts solemnly nods and speaks into the microphone.

[ Justin Roberts ] Ladies and gentlemen, senior referee Mike Chioda has declared that if AJ Styles and Tommaso Ciampa do not answer the count of ten, they will forfeit the match and their opportunity for a chance at the SGW Limitless Championshippppppp!

The fans cheer loudly and Mike Chioda calls for the bell!

Referee - Mike Chioda | Time Limit - 30:00

AZM hands the flag and her mask to Justin Roberts and he carries them with him to the ringside area. AZM stands in the middle of the ring with her hands on her hips, watching the entranceway intently with a scowl. Mike Chioda begins counting and the boos get louder and louder with each number. Finally, he reaches ten and calls for the bell!

WINNER & LIMITLESS #1 CONTENDER - AZM via Forfeit in 00:10

The fans pop huge and AZM quickly makes her way over to the ropes and begins shouting at Justin Roberts in Japanese. He looks confused but figures out that she wants a microphone. He hands it to her and she marches back to the center of the ring with it, a smug look on her face. As she begins to speak in Japanese, large, colorful balloon letters appear on the screen, giving everyone a look at what she's saying.

[ AZM ] < Is this the best competition you have to offer, SGW?! I expected a challenge when I came to America but all I have found is wrinkly grandmas and smelly old men who stand no chance! AJ Styles is supposed to be one of the best in the world? He is nothing but shit if he will not even show his face when challenged by AZM! >

The fans continue to cheer despite the heelish demeanor being shown. She's simply too adorable to boo. She looks around at the fans, confused by their positive reaction.

[ AZM ] < Tonight, I have proven that what happened at Holiday Hell was the fault of my inadequate partners... the LOSERS known as Jamie Hayter and Bea Priestley! I promised that I was here to collect titles and grandmas... but now I will collect the impotent grandpas who populate this so-called Limitless division, too! >

The fans begins loudly chanting "AZ-U-MI!" over and over.

[ AZM ] < Starlight Kid thinks she is some big shot because she finally pinned someone tonight... but all she did is beat some wrinkly old grandpa named Dwayne! My victory tonight is much more important and should have been in the main event! Let this be a lesson to all of you old hags and dinosaur shits... youth, speed, and determination will always come out on top of the slow, old, and tardy! >

She tilts her head back, narrowing her eyes and speaking with pride.

[ AZM ] < I will prove this when I become the new Limitless Champion! When that times comes, I will do my best... and unlike Starlight Kid, when I say I will do my best... I will win! Okay! >

AZM throws the microphone down and exits the ring to the roar of the fans. She storms up the ramp with purpose, not even looking back. We quickly cut backstage.

Randy Orton sits on the edge of a couch in his dressing room. Leaned forward with his hands propping his forehead up, you can quickly notice he is in no mood to be messed with right now. The Big Show is guarding the dressing room door, Chris Masters is doing bicep curls, and Ken Kennedy is curled up in front of the monitor with a comically-large bowl of popcorn watching the show.

[ Ken Kennedy ] HA! You guys see that? The little Japanese kid beat those morons, thus ruining their standings in SGW forever! LAMEEEEEEEEE!

Kennedy tosses a kernel in his mouth and chomps on it loudly.

[ Ken Kennedy ] These guys in charge are sad, miserable, lonely guys but they come up with some good stuff, I think. It’s over-the-top and kitschy.

[ Chris Masters ] I hate Jeff Jarrett, but you know what I hate even worse?

Masters does one more curl with his left hand and drops both dumbbells to the ground.

[ Chris Masters ] Lizards.

Kennedy looks back at Masters.

[ Ken Kennedy ] Okay? Thanks for that, loser.

Orton stands up and walks over to Kennedy and slaps the bowl of popcorn out of his lap, sending its contents exploding all over the place! Kennedy’s first instinct is to retaliate, but he catches himself from making the worst mistake of his life.

[ Randy Orton ] This is BULLSHIT!

[ Ken Kennedy ] Whoa! Randy!

[ Randy Orton ] No! Shut it!

Orton throws his hands on the back of his head as his entire body turns blood red with fury. Unable to contain himself, Orton kicks the chair Kennedy is sitting in, sending both the chair and Kennedy flipping over to the ground!

[ Randy Orton ] I am the SGW World Champion! I am the only undefeated man in this entire company! I don’t know what kind of bullshit Jarrett and the Championship Committee are working up but I know they’re gonna’ try to fuck on me just like Jeff Jarrett has done to me ever since I walked into this company 13 years ago!

Orton is frothing at the mouth at this point. Knowing he’s past the point of controlling, RKO Security just stands back and lets the Champion vent.

[ Randy Orton ] Look at what they’ve come up with so far on this stupid show. I didn’t even know Demolition was ALIVE let alone able to walk to the ring to get their asses kicked. Then Taz wants to show up? Christ alive. Just imagine what they’ll come up for me! I’ll probably be stuck defending my title in a thirty-man gauntlet match with one arm tied behind my back!

Orton closes his eyes and tilts his head back to calm himself before he has an aneurysm.

[ Randy Orton ] They’re not going to be the only one with surprises tonight. I’m going to send Taz back to the grave where he belongs and then I’m going to send Jeff Jarrett right behind him when I end him once and for all.

[ Warhorse ] SOUNDS METAL AS FUCK, BRO!

The camera pans over to reveal Warhorse standing in the middle of the dressing room with no explanation. Orton looks over and contorts his face in confusion.

[ Randy Orton ] How did he get in here?!

The Big Show shrugs, completely baffled. Orton points to his temple over and over while screaming at Show,

[ Randy Orton ] STUPID! STUPID!

[ Warhorse ] STUPID!

Orton shoves Warhorse to the ground, opens the door of the dressing room and kicks Warhorse square in the ass with a punt that sends him out of the room and into the hallway. Orton slams the door so hard behind him that it rattles the frame. Orton now stands in the center of the room, alternating looks between the three other men.

[ Randy Orton ] “Security” my ass.

Orton grabs the SGW Championship off the couch and crams it in Chris Masters’ face.

[ Randy Orton ] I am the SGW Champion! TWO TIMES! How dare these nobodies think they are worthy of sharing the same oxygen as myself, let alone coming inside my dressing room? Nobody in this company is worthy!

Orton tosses the belt back down.

[ Randy Orton ] Tonight of all nights is not the ideal time to fuck around. You got me?

Show, Kennedy, and Masters nod as we get one final shot of Orton brooding. The scene fades.

As we return to the arena proper from the locker room of the SGW World Heavyweight Champion, Justin Roberts is in center ring, ready to announce the next contest.

[ Justin Roberts ] Llllllladies and gentlemen, the following contest…is a FOUR! CORNER! SURVIVALLLLL MATCHHHHH! And the winner…will receive a shot…at the S! G! W! Elevaaaationnnn Championnnnshippp!

The TD Garden reacts positively to this news as we get a quick shot of the announce table.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Wow, quite an opportunity on the line for these four gentlemen!

Before Scott or Nigel can chime in on the magnitude of the contest, the haunting overture of “Broken Dreams” plays across the speakers to welcome our first competitor – “the Scottish Psychopath,” Drew Galloway!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Fans, last month, this man, Drew Galloway –

[ Scott Steiner ] BIG SCOT!

[ Tony Schiavone ] – very unceremoniously dumped his friend and tag team partner Maxwell Jacob Friedman after a loss to rivals Tim Storm and Sin Cara!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] This is true, Tony, but now – Galloway is his own man! He’s not a hired gun anymore, he’s on a path that HE sets!

Galloway stomps into the ring as “The Spy” hits the arena and a knowledgeable group of fans begin to cheer – they’re very aware of the performer who this song represents!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Could it be?! Is this the debut performance of…of the Lizard King?!

Nigel is correct – and through the curtain emerges “the Shaman of Sexy,” John Morrison! All of a sudden, the space-time continuum is bent and the entire world breaks into slow motion as he lifts his arm and shows off all 27 abs spread across his torso while he walks to the ring.

[ Tony Schiavone ] WWWOOOWWW! JJJOOOHHHNNN MMMOOORRRRRRIIISSSOOONNN IIISSS FFFIIINNNAAALLLLLLYYY HHHEEERRREEE! WWWHHHEEENNN YYYOOOUUU’RRREEE SSSTTTRRRAAANNNGGGEEE!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] III DDDOOONN’TTT KKKNNNOO-ow when – ah, there it is! Yes, the slow motion has stopped and Morrison is in the ring – he appears to be in fabulous shape, fellas!

[ Scott Steiner ] Hell yeah he is – almost as many abs as Big Poppa Pump! ALMOST!

As Morrison steps into the ring and removes his furry ring jacket, Downstait’s "Redesign, Rebuild, Reclaim” blares over the arena PA and the Boston fans are delighted to scream “BURN IT DOWNNNN!” as Seth Rollins, “the Kingslayer,” pushes through the curtain onto the stage and begins his march down to the ring.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] A competitor with the pedigree of Seth Rollins is clearly not being valued upon his only showing in SGW so far; quite the move for management to trust him with this position and potentially, this opportunity!

[ Scott Steiner ] MANAGEMENT!? IT’S MARIA’S STUPID, SEXY ASS! SHE DID THIS!

Rollins quickly climbs the outside of the turnbuckle and throws his arms out, hyping up the Boston fans as the lights fall to black and “Catch Your Breath” plays, signaling the arrival of our final competitor!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Is it too premature to say that I LOVE Finn Balór?!

[ Scott Steiner ] I think if you’re not careful over there, you’ll have another premature problem to deal with, Schiavone!

Balór calmly walks onto the stage and hypes up the crowd briefly before throwing his arms to the side in tune with his theme song and the elaborate lighting, making his first entrance to Solid Gold Wrestling!

As Senior Official Aubrey Edwards encourages the other three competitors to hold their places before Balór steps into the ring, it’s quite clear that this contest will be a difficult one for even her to control. The Real Rock’n’Rolla takes another moment to interact with the fans in the TD Garden by posing on the top rope before sliding down the turnbuckle and into the ring.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] It’s safe to say that this matchup may well be a show-stealer!

[ Tony Schiavone ] And could the winner be an Elevation Championship stealer in the near future?! We’ll have to watch and see!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] …Tony, I suffered through a bloody blindfold match earlier and still, that statement may be the worst bloody thing that’s happened tonight.

Referee - Aubrey Edwards | Time Limit - 30:00

The contest jump-starts with the four men clobbering one another with stiff chops and forearms. Eventually, it seems that John Morrison is getting the worst of the brawl, taking a stiff shot from Drew Galloway and tumbling to the apron. As Balór and Rollins break off to continue fighting, Galloway turns his attention back towards Morrison and charging, the Shaman of Sexy slides into the ring under the bottom rope, gripping the middle for support as he scoots right through Galloway’s legs!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] What athleticism from John Morrison!

Morrison is already up and Galloway gives chase – but a springboard savate kick stops Galloway right in his tracks! Boston pops as Galloway holds his sore jaw, but Morrison is already on the move again, connecting with a running shooting star press for a two count! Galloway forces his muscular shoulder off the mat and Senior Official Aubrey Edwards indicates to Morrison that he’s still legal!

[ Tony Schiavone ] I can’t believe that! What an incredible maneuver from Morrison, the Lizard King!

[ Scott Steiner ] What the hell does that mean, anyway? He ain’t got scales or a crown!

Morrison quickly scoots to the apron and begins motioning for Galloway to stand – and once he begins to get up, the Lizard King springboards, twisting for a spinning body attack – BUT LEAVING HIMSELF WIDE OPEN FOR A CLAYMORE KICK TO THE FACE! Galloway roars out angrily and hooks both legs, covering Morrison and snarling as Edwards counts the one-two-three!

[ Eliminated - John Morrison ]

Galloway cannot celebrate long, as Rollins is soaring through the air himself and claps him with a frogsplash to the back! Galloway smashes into Morrison and the mat on impact, but Balór is back in the mix, running at Rollins – who passes him forward and drops down! – Balór steps over and keeps running! – Rollins pops up and bends at the waist, but Balór leapfrogs him! Rollins is up and follows Balór in, hitting the same ropes, but when Balór deadstops, he leaps into action and clips Rollins with the Sling Blade!

[ Tony Schiavone ] WOW! This action is fast and furious!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Balór’s on the offensive – but here comes Galloway!

The Scottish Psychopath is running full steam ahead and lifts Balór, charging into the corner aggressively! A shoulder tackle! And ANOTHER! Galloway shoots him off and into the opposite turnbuckle! Balór hits hard and falls to a knee, so the big man turns his attention to Rollins, who is up and throwing kicks at Galloway’s thighs! Rollins is only grazing the big man with his attacks, nothing landing for significant damage, but still registering! Galloway shoves him away, but when Rollins charges in, he is bieled across the ring!

[ Scott Steiner ] BIG SCOT’S ON A RAMPAGE, DAMMIT! LET THE MAN GO OFF! GO OFF, BIG SCOT!

Galloway does just that, lifting Balór off his knees and popping him with a Glasgow Kiss to the face! Balór immediately checks his nose for blood, leaving himself open for Galloway to scoop him up and onto his shoulder, running ahead and driving his shoulders into the mat with a Celtic Cross! Galloway covers him and hooks the legs, ONE! TWO! NO! Balór forces his shoulder up, despite the weight of the larger man covering him.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Can you believe the intestinal fortitude of Finn Balór? He’s doing everything he can to entertain these fans! I know I’m entertained!

Galloway plants an elbow into Balór’s head before turning around to attack Rollins – who is leaping onto the big man’s shoulders for a hurricanrana – but Galloway stops the attack and keeps his momentum firm! The big man lifts and holds Rollins onto his shoulders and charges – SIT OUT POWERBOMB!! COVER AND EDWARDS COUNTS! ONE! TWO! NO!! Seth Rollins kicks out and remains in the match!

From the cover, Galloway is fuming, in disbelief that his efforts haven’t finished off his opponents yet. He slaps Rollins across the face and lifts him, tossing him into the corner vigorously! Galloway charges, but Rollins is out of the way and the big man collides chest-first! Balór is alive and runs in – John Woo Dropkick! Galloway hits the corner again, stumbling out of the corner – and ROLLINS RUNS UP – CURB STOMP!! COVER! ONE! TWO! THREE!

[ Eliminated - Drew Galloway ]

As Edwards assists Galloway from the ring, Balór is instantly on top of Rollins and attacking, punching and elbow-striking any part of Rollins he can until both men are up and slugging it out to the delight of the TD Garden!

[ Scott Steiner ] WOW! I can’t believe that shit!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Finn Balór’s still in the match, Scott – the best possible outcome is still on the table!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Yes, and Seth Rollins is, as well, Tony!

Balór clotheslines Rollins to the canvas, but Seth is up again, charging in with his own clothesline! When Balór is up, Rollins is running at him again, but Finn back body drops him over – and Rollins lands on his feet, still charging ahead! Balór follows, hitting the same set of ropes and looks for the Sling Blade, from the opposite perspective of the encounter earlier, but Rollins rolls through the attack and plants Finn with the Skywalker! The standing shirinui connects and Rollins covers! ONE! TWO! NO! NO! Finn pops his shoulder up!

[ Tony Schiavone ] FINN BALOR IS UP AGAIN! THIS IS AN ORDINARY MAN…WHO CAN DO EXTRAORDINARY THINGS!!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] He’s certainly impressive, but he’s got to look out for this!

As Balór gets to a knee, Rollins throws a superkick – but Finn catches it! Balór rises and throws the leg around and locks on a waistlock and charges into the ropes, O’Connor Roll! ONE! TWO! NO! Rollins gets his shoulder up!

[ Scott Steiner ] Pretty evenly matched, wouldn’t you say?

[ Tony Schiavone ] I mean, I guess! I think Rollins is lucky he could break that O’Connor Roll!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Not at all biased, are we, Tony?

[ Tony Schiavone ] None whatsoever, best buddy!

As Rollins rises, Finn is immediately on him, finally scoring with a second Sling Blade and driving Seth down on the back of his head! COVER! ONE! TWO! NO! Rollins is up again and Balór can’t believe it! After taking a moment to react, Balor lifts Rollins up, but Rollins rolls through – small package! BUT KEEPS ROLLING – SMALL PACKAGE DRIVER!!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] GOD’S LAST GIFT! COVAH! ONE! TWO!

[ Tony Schiavone ] NO! NO! WHEWWW, THANK GOD!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Tony, you aren’t being objective in the slightest!

[ Tony Schiavone ] WHAT! No, no, of course I am! I’m fine, don’t you worry about me.

Rollins, undeterred, lifts Balór and puts him on the top rope before climbing up the turnbuckles with him. The Kingslayer stands tall and prepares for a superplex, possibly his combo – BUT BALOR SHOVES HIM OFF! Rollins crashes into the mat face first and rolls over – he’s right in the drop zone!

[ Tony Schiavone ] OH MY! THIS COULD BE IT! THIS COULD BE IT! COOP-DEE GRACE!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Tony, I’d expect you to know that it’s pronounced Coúp de Gráce!

Balór leaps, high into the air, ready to deliver the stomp –

AND NAILS IT! BALOR COVERS! ONE! TWO! THREE!

WINNER - Finn Balor via Pin Fall in 21:03

As the bell rings, Balór sits up, exhausted from the fast-paced match and the well-earned total victory, and now the proud possessor of a future SGW Elevation Championship Match.

[ Tony Schiavone ] WHEW! I KNEW HE’D DO IT, BUT WHAT A MATCH! AND WHAT EFFORT FROM SETH ROLLINS TO TEST FINN BALOR HERE TONIGHT, GUYS!

[ Scott Steiner ] JESUS, SCHIAVONE, SHUT THE HELL UP! I SCREAM ON COMMENTARY, SO ZIP YOUR SHIT! LOWER YOUR VOLUME, YOU SELFISH, GIMMICK-STEALIN’ SHIT!

[ Tony Schiavone ] <clears his throat> Ahem. Yes, Finn Balór has done it!

[ Scott Steiner ] BETTER!

As Balór rolls from the ring, smiling and holding his sore back and neck, Rollins sits up in center ring, stunned at the sudden outcome of the contest. He puts his head in his hands and shakes it back and forth, disappointed.

Halfway up the ramp, Finn Balór throws his arms out wide, posing and celebrating for the Boston fans, who chant “BALOR! BALOR! BALOR!” happily as we fade to the back.

"It's soooo bloody excitin', innit?"

"OoOOoooooh, I love this feelin'! I wawna bawtle it 'n sell it as a fragrance!"

"We can cawl it... THA' FEWTCHA' OF SAWLID GAWLD WRESTLIN'!"

THE IICONICS
BILLIE KAY & PEYTON ROYCE
ARE COMING TO

Backstage, Trish Stratus is seen chit-chatting with Bret Hart, Ricky Steamboat, and Ric Flair. Edge and Christian walk up with big smiles on their faces.

[ Edge ] Crazy night so far, right?

[ Christian Cage ] Yeah. You guys see what we did to Demolition?

[ Bret Hart ] You mean costing them a match?

[ Ric Flair ] I can’t believe you’re holdin’ a grudge for twenty years almost.

[ Chavo Guerrero ] Really guys?

Chavo shakes his head while Edge tries to defend himself.

[ Edge ] Whoa, whoa, whoa! You should know better than anyone Chavo! You know the real story as to what happened to Christian and I back then! That was revenge!

[ Trish Stratus ] From 2001.

[ Christian Cage ] EXACTLY!

Christian pounds his fist into his palm with a proud look on his face.

[ Christian Cage ] It may not be overnight, it may take two decades, but dammit, revenge happens!

[ Trish Stratus ] Like with Jeff?

[ Edge ] Hey, don’t act like Orton didn’t deserve that guitar shot. I don’t care what the cops say, that guy did it or Jeff wouldn’t have done it.

Steamboat nods.

[ Ricky Steamboat ] I’m with you guys on that.

Drew Galloway comes storming through the backstage area, fresh off his match ending moments ago. He’s visibly frustrated and confirms it with his opening remarks to the members of the Championship Committee.

[ Drew Galloway ] I was one of the first members of yer company, yeah?

He whips his head back, sending the hair sailing out of the way of his eyes.

[ Drew Galloway ] I’ve been held back, denied my opportunities, and I’m pissed off! This ends and it ends right NOW!

[ Bret Hart ] Hey, hold on there. Those frustrations you have? They’re on you. Not us. You’re the one who foolishly agreed to let MJF mooch off of you. You’re the one refusing to take matches.

[ Christian Cage ] Yeah. You had a big opportunity out there just then. We didn’t cost you that, either. You want to rise in the ranks? Prove yourself. Don’t blame it on us.

Jimmy Jacobs, holding Lacey by the hand, approaches Galloway. The Committee looks on in horror.

[ Trish Stratus ] Oh my god. Don’t say anything stupid, Jimmy..

[ Jimmy Jacobs ] You know what you need to make you less angry and more happy?

[ Trish Stratus ] Welp.

[ Jimmy Jacobs ] You need to find the love of your life, man. Just like I did when I found Lacey.

Jacobs tries to kiss the top of Lacey’s right hand and she pulls it away with a disgusted look on her face.

[ Lacey ] Keep your nose out of his business, Jimmy!

He pays her no mind and continues on without skipping a beat.

[ Jimmy Jacobs ] Love, man. It’s a beautiful thing. You take all of that rage, that anger, that dissatisfaction in life and channel it into something wonderful.. It’ll change your life!

[ Lacey ] You’ve lost your mind! LOVE?!

Galloway is seething at this point, he draws his fist back but thinks better of it. Everyone watching totally predicted the end of Jimmy Jacobs right then and there, but Galloway thinks better of it.

[ Drew Galloway ] You’re not even worth it.

Galloway takes a deep breath and looks to the Committee.

[ Drew Galloway ] I demand you guys figure this shit out! I want my opportunities or else!

Galloway storms off as Jimmy grabs Lacey’s hand and spins himself in a circle as if they’re dancing. Lacey yanks her hand away with fire in her eyes.

[ Lacey ] You’re so freakin’ stupid! I swear to God!

[ Christian Cage ] You’re really lucky, Jimmy.

Jimmy, completely oblivious and so in love gazes deep into Lacey’s eyes and doesn’t even look at Christian.

[ Jimmy Jacobs ] I know.

He sighs with puppy dog eyes.

[ Jimmy Jacobs ] I’m the luckiest man alive.

The scene fades to black.

"Time to show these punk ass kids I still got somethin' left in the tank."

ROAD AGENT NO MORE
"THE KING OF OLD SCHOOL" STEVE CORINO
RETURNS TO THE RING - SOON

Back at ringside...

[ Justin Roberts ] Ladies and gentlemen, your referee for the next contest…Rrrrrrick! Knoooox!

Knox waves as the camera pans to he and Roberts, a rather tight shot of the pair in the ring from the hard camera – strange – but Roberts continues.

[ Justin Roberts ] This following contest…is scheduled forrrr one falllll…and will be contested… as a KAIJU! BIIIG! BATTELLLLLLLLLLL!

Boston absolutely comes unglued as the house lights rise and the hard camera pans out to reveal the entire ring is FILLED with a new mat, detailing city sidewalks and streets and filling the ring are dozens of miniature-scaled buildings! Skyscrapers, shopping centers, you name it – it’s in the ring! Having played host to the happenings and hijinks of a Kaiju Big Battel show in the past, Boston is ready to rock and roll as a small contingency of the crowd begins chanting “DANGER!”

[ Scott Steiner ] What the hell is this?!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Scott, they call it a Kaiju Big Battel match, and I pers—

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Hate to cut you off, Tony, but the match is a standard match – to be contested amongst BIG KAIJU!

Appropriately, “A Parallel Universe” hits and the stage is instantly bathed in green, purple and blue lights – the BIG KAIJU ARE COMING!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] AND CONVENIENTLY ENOUGH – HERE COME A FEW! This match type was made famous by the company Kaiju Big Battel, an organization in which we first learned of the nefarious Dr. Cube, as well as the temporary home to many of professional wrestling’s finest – and most recently, the Big Kaiju – Hikaru Shida and Shoko Nakajima! Dr. Cube’s outdone himself with this tandem, fellas.

Nakajima and Shida stalk to the ring with straight, solemn faces, eager to make their in-ring debut and surely happy to be doing so on familiar ground. They step into the ring and make their way through the buildings and to their corner. Puzzlingly absent in all of this is the Good Doctor, who is nowhere to be found.

[ Scott Steiner ] I don’t think that square-headed son of a bitch has ever been to medical school! I’ve got a college education, though! From the FINES’! UNIVERSITY! IN ALL THE WORLD! The University of Michigan! I KNOW THESE KAIJUS ARE S’PPOSED’TA BE MONSTERS BUT I WAS A MONSTER ON CAMPUS – KILLIN’ PUSSY FROM ONE SIDE TO THE OTHER! ANN ARBOR WAS BIG POPPA PUMP’S!

Conveniently, “Pumped Up Kicks” by Late Nite Reading breaks Steiner’s train of thought and signals the arrival of their opponents – the debuting TEAM KICK! Boston is filled with supporters of the movement and as soon as they walk out onto the stage, a slew of #teambutts signs fly up into the air! Dakota nods encouragingly, laughing to herself as Tegan giggles before taking a look for herself – she, too, nods encouragingly and laughs with her partner.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Team Kick have arrived, gents! As dangerous as they are beautiful, Dakota Kai and Tegan Nox are prepared to utilize their unique brand of offense all the way to the top of Solid Gold Wrestling!

The patroness saints of #TeamButts arrive at ringside and are suddenly a bit more curious about the circumstances of their debut match. Kai and Nox hop onto the apron and into the crowded city, prepared for destruction – but are interrupted suddenly by loud laughter coming from the GoldenTron! All heads in the arena snap to the screen, where the unmistakable silhouette of Dr. Cube appears!

[ Tony Schiavone ] OH NO! DR. CUBE!

[ Dr. Cube ] That’s right, Schiavone, you corporate shill! It is I, Dr. Cube! And your pathetic ramblings will not be needed tonight!

[ Scott Steiner ] Haha! You know what, I think I can get behind this block-headed son of a bitch!

[ Tony Schiavone ] With all due respect, Doctor, I’m the voice of SGW and I’m going to be annou—

Schiavone’s microphone is cut suddenly and Cube laughs again.

[ Dr. Cube ] I SAID IT’S NOT NEEDED! Now…now…I must ask the two large-rumped ladies in the ring to listen, and listen well – you two are in GRAVE DANGER! You have been assigned the unfortunate task of being the test subjects for my newest weapons for world domination – the BIG KAIJUUU!

Nakajima throws her arms up in the air victoriously and Shida nods, still glaring down Nox and Kai.

[ Dr. Cube ] Without the constant ninnying from that incompetent, insolent, impotent embarrassment Schiavone, I shall oversee Announcing duties. Misters McGuinness and Steiner – you two shall commentate with color! You are allowed three colors each!!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Three colors each? You realize it’s only called colo—

[ Scott Steiner ] UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN BLUE FOR THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN! UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN GOLD FOR THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN! AND A NICE TAN FLESH TONE, FOR ALL THE FREAKS WHO I WANNA PLOW RECKLESSLY!

The teams are finally finished being checked by Referee Rick Knox, who calls for the bell to kick off the Big Battel.

[ Dr. Cube ] AH! A college educated man like myself, I see. It shall be quite the learned discussion, Mr. Steiner. Mr. McGuinness, I ask kindly that you do your best to keep up!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] I’ll do my very best, Herr Doctor!

[ Dr. Cube ] ROUND ONE – FIIIGHT!

Referee - Rick Knox | Time Limit - 30:00

As the bell rings, Kai runs and leaps off of a building, striking Nakajima with a stiff flying kick! Shoko flies through the ropes on impact and Kai turns to Shida.

[ Scott Steiner ] This big assed girl’s flyin’ and kickin’ and generally givin’ me a boner! I dig it! Consider me HASHTAG…TEAM ASS!

[ Dr. Cube ] FROM DOWWWWWNTOWWWWWWN!

Shida picks up a strip of overpass and whips Kai with it as Nox approaches and all three women brawl relentlessly through the mess of buildings in the ring. Finally, Hikaru Shida lifts and bodyslams Kai through a building and the Boston crowd roars out! Kai grimaces as she hits the mat and Nox runs up – but Shida cuts her off with a jumping knee strike!

[ Dr. Cube ] Hikaru SHIDA! Has a NICE! JUMPING KNEE STRIKE!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] It sounds like you’re pre-recorded, Doctor, everything alright?

[ Dr. Cube ] You have died of dysentery.

Nigel ignores this and instead, the entire arena is far more focused on the action in the ring as Nox and Kai double-team suplex Shida through a skyscraper in the ring!

[ Dr. Cube ] It’s not very effective…

[ Scott Steiner ] What do you mean, Doc?! It looks like she just got her ass thrown through onna those little ass buildings?!

[ Dr. Cube ] SHE’S! ON! FIIIIIIIIIRRE!

[ Scott Steiner ] Wait, what?!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Scott, I think Dr. Cube has prerecorded video game commentary for these Big Battels.

No matter, as Shoko Nakajima flies off the top rope, striking both women with a tandem SHOKO KICK! Nox and Kai each crash through a building and in diving, Nakajima does, as well!

[ Dr. Cube ] DO A BARREL ROLL!

Nox is up and begins throwing forearms with Shoko, who screams with each shot like a tennis superstar. Eventually Nox gets the better of the interaction and sprints off the ropes – but Shoko is back on the offense and counters with a flying body attack, sending Nox into the ropes! Shoko begins choking the Girl with the Shiniest Wizard with her thigh against the middle rope before placing a skyscraper on the outside of the ring, on the apron in front of Nox’s face.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Oh my, what in the world?

Nakajima runs and swings through the ropes with a beautiful Tiger Feint Kick! The skyscraper explodes into a mess of chunks and powder as Nakajima’s shins crash into Nox’s face violently! Hikaru Shida is quick to cover – ONE! TWO! NO! Kickout!

[ Dr. Cube ] FINISH HIM!! FLAWLESS….VICTORY….

From the back, somehow, following that random assortment of words, Nurse Ratchet emerges from the backstage area, flanked by two Cube Minions! Ratchet pulls her sickening green-filled syringe from her apron and holds it high in the air –

BUT RUBY RIOTT IS HERE, SHE SPINS RATCHET AROUND AND BEGINS WEARING THE NURSE OUT WITH PUNCH AFTER PUNCH TO THE FACE!

[ Dr. Cube ] C-C-C-C-C-C-C-COMBO BREEAKKKKERRRRRRR!

The Cube Minions throw Riott back and begin to three-on-one attack her with Ratchet on the ramp as, inside the ring, Kai is doing her best to hold off Shida and Nakajima!

UNTIL KRIS STATLANDER AND CANDY FLOSS COME BOLTING DOWN THE AISLE! BOTH THE ALIEN AND THE SWEETEST GIRL IN WRESTLING BEGIN PEPPERING THE MINIONS WITH RIGHT HANDS AND ALLOW RUBY AND RATCHET A FAIR FIGHT!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] IT’S ALL BREAKIN’ DOWN, FELLAS!

[ Dr. Cube ] HAP! HA! ehhhYAH-HOOOOOOOOOO!

Energized by the evening of the odds on the ramp, Kai fires back again with a stiff kick to Shida’s stomach and a spinning solebutt to Nakajima, popping off a shocking up kick to perk Shoko back up – and Nox is up now and absolutely CLOBBERS her with a sickening uppercut!

[ Dr. Cube ] TOASTY!!

Kai and Nox begin talking with one another and quickly shuffle several unbroken buildings to the outside of the ring!

[ Dr. Cube ] Dakota KAI! Is. THE GIRL WITH THE SHINIEST WIZARD!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Wait…no she’s not, that’s Tegan Nox!

[ Dr. Cube ] Tegan Nox! Has a great! TEAM BUTT!

Shida is up and punching Nox, but Kai is alive and the Team Kick ladies gain the advantage, smacking Shida with a combination superkick before tossing her over the top rope, WCW-disqualification-style, through a mess of buildings as the crowd roar in approval!

[ Dr. Cube ] …it’s dangerous to go alone. Take this!

Back in the ring, Nakajima is coming to, but a quick Get Well Soon puts Shoko down as Team Kick signal to the crowd that the match is wrapping up! Kai lifts Nakajima in powerbomb position as Nox carefully scales the turnbuckles – and soars with a shining Wizard! DOOMSDAY SHINING WIZARD! Kai covers! ONE! TWO! THREEEE!!

[ Dr. Cube ] GET OOOVER HEEEEEERE!!

WINNERS - Team Kick via Pin Fall in 9:47

As the bell rings, Cube swears out in anger at the unpleasant result to the contest for the Cube Army.

[ Dr. Cube ] NO! NO! I’ve never been thwarted in this way!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Oh, is he alright now?

[ Dr. Cube ] DAMMIT! THE PLAN MUST BE CARRIED THROUGH!

Suddenly, the GoldenTron returns to normal and Schiavone’s microphone returns to working order!

[ Tony Schiavone ] – ores with an incredible victory!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] …wait, Tony, were you commentating for the entire match?

[ Tony Schiavone ] Of course, buddy, it’s my job! I was wondering why neither of you ever replied to what I was saying, though!

Suddenly, somehow, Dr. Cube is already storming through the curtain, surrounded by Nurse Ratchet, Shida, Nakajima, and an army of Minions! The TD Garden is roaring in excitement and nervousness, and the banded-together army of warriors in the ring is doing their best to hold their ground but are nervous, as well! From the locker room comes a group of Minions, dragging a hooded figure to the top of the ramp, where Cube stands, furious.

[ Scott Steiner ] Aww, dammit, Dr. Cube’s all pissed now. And who’s this sorry bastard??

[ Dr. Cube ] Tonight, my BIG KAIJUs have learned a lesson…and I, too, have learned. Despite being a self-made polymath in many of the classic sciences, I STILL LEARN! AND I’VE LEARNED THAT MY EFFORTS MUST BE INCREASED TENFOLD! …fortunately, I have just the answer for this…and it shall lead…to YOUR!! DESTRUCTION!!

Cube points his long, plastic-glove-covered finger at the ring towards Team Kick, Statlander, Floss, and Riott.

[ Dr. Cube ] Through my knowledge of both plastic surgery and the dark arts, I shall conceive a new life! I shall use this wasted body, these wasted talents, and from the garbage heap I shall create a weapon to propel the Cube Army towards the Utopian Society with CUBE AT THE HELM!

The fair doctor references the hooded figure and Nurse Ratchet harshly pulls the black hood off the person’s head, revealing –

[ Tony Schiavone ] TOMMASO CIAMPA!?

It is, indeed, Tommaso Ciampa, who is in a state of sheer panic, tears and sweat have soaked his face and long beard. His leather jacket is opened over blue jeans and he appears to have just arrived to the arena before being apprehended by the army of Cube Minions. Statlander begins asking Floss questions about the identity of the man inaudibly, though through the power of lip-reading, it’s clear that Floss answers her.

[ Dr. Cube ] You could have had a bad bitch, Solid Gold Wrestling! And yet, Tommaso Ciampa, you are non-commital! SGW could have helped you with your occupation and path in the slightest! This company should have held you down, and yet YOU! YOU AND YOUR CONSTANT HABIT OF BEING LATE HAS HELD US BACK! AND THIS!! THIS, CIAMPA, IS THE SOUND OF US NOT CALLING YOU BACK!

[ Scott Steiner ] DAMMIT WHEN’S THAT SONG JUST GONNA DIE!?

Realizing that he is in deep, deep trouble, Ciampa cried out, his beard soaked through with sweat and tears as he squirms against the combined force of the Minion Army. Cube reaches down and slaps Ciampa across the beard and sends spittle flying across the stage.

[ Dr. Cube ] NO! NO BEGGING! YOU INSOLENT MORON, YOUR CONSTANT TARDINESS HAS GROWN WEARY ON NOT ONLY MINE OWN EYES BUT ON THE EYES OF ALL WHO HAPHAZARDLY CAST THEMSELVES UPON YOUR SPACE-WASTING, LATE-RUNNING CARCASS!

Ciampa says something and catches Cube’s ear, and the good Doctor raises the microphone to his mouth slowly.

[ Tommaso Ciampa ] NO! PLEASE, NO! I'LL BUY AN ALARM, I'LL BUY AN ALARM! A GOOD ONE! THE ROCK CLOCK! I SWEAR! I SWEAR! ITS TONE IS "WHERE'S SCOTT?! WHERE'S SCOTT?! WHERE'S SCOTT?!" I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, WHO CAN TAKE THAT SHIT?! PLEASE! PLEASE LET ME GO!

Dr. Cube runs his hand across the sharp edge of the bottom of his face in thought. He slowly lifts the microphone and speaks again.

[ Dr. Cube ] You know, Ciampa, I will let you go. I will let you go!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Oh thank God! Thank God!

Ciampa smiles and nods, sniffling until Cube turns to face him.

[ Dr. Cube ] I will let you go…far and beyond what you ever thought you might be. I hear your promises! I hear your cries and swears, Tommaso! You are correct – never again shall you be late. Ever. Because now, you shall be forever subservient to the Cube Army – and you shall be made…into the timeliest creature there ever has beeeeen!

Suddenly, lights are flashing around the arena as Cube waves his hands around and around, Ciampa’s wet face being bathed in a variety of horrifying lights until – it happens!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Oh my!

[ Tony Schiavone ] AHHH!! AHHHHH! NIGHTMARE FUEL!!

Cube rubs his hands together before snapping in front of the creature’s beak.

[ Dr. Cube ] Yes…yess….YASSSSSS! I have done it again! The newest Kaiju! The weapon of destruction to lead me to dominate the entire world! THE TIMELIEST OF CREATURES – TUCOR!

Tucor’s eyes open – they are Tommaso Ciampa’s eyes, but dead, cold, lifeless – and he comes to life! The Minions release his limbs and Tucor begins strolling forward slowly, arms outstretched before flapping!

[ Dr. Cube ] THE DRIVE OF A GERBIL! THE WILLINGNESS TO WORK! THE BRAINS OF A TOUCAN! THE SINGLE-MINDED PURSUIT OF FOLLOWING! THE TIMELIEST CREATURE IN ALL THE WORLD – AND THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE! TUCOR!! ATTAAAAACKKK!!!

Tucor begins pacing toward the ring, flapping his furry arms like wings as he slowly stalks to the ring! While Statlander is convinced this is a prime time to study the creature, Floss and Riott pull her through the ropes to join Team Kick in escaping through the crowd of the TD Garden –and just in time, as Tucor reaches the ring and begins crying out, a horrifying half-human, half-toucan, half-gerbil scream.

Dr. Cube joins his newest kaiju in the ring and Tucor turns, bowing before Cube, who laughs triumphantly as his army surrounds him. Knelt before him, there are no traces of the man formerly known as Tommaso Ciampa – only the Timeliest Creature of War, Tucor, remains.

The half-human, half-toucan, half-gerbil scream echoes throughout the arena once more as we fade to the back.

As the downright carnage unfolds in the arena proper, we are taken backstage, where Lightning Star of Starlight Kid and AZM are sitting down, glued to a monitor, watching the evening’s events transpire through wide eyes, each holding a double-stacked ice cream cone brought to them by their new pseudo-mother figure, Cathy Kelley.

Kelley, having had a very busy evening thus far herself, is standing behind and between the two young women, stunned at the insanity on the screen.

[ Cathy Kelley ] …I…I don’t really know what to think about what just happened… are you girls alright?

Starlight Kid, slightly shuddering in fear, is first to speak, her bright subtitles helpfully materializing at the bottom of the screen for us and Cathy to read.

[ Starlight Kid ] < Oh! Oh no! This Tucor creature is so timely, but also so scary! The thought of his…matted fur…and beak…and oh! His scary, tiny, beady little eyes! >

As Cathy takes a moment to read the subtitles, Starlight’s ice cream slowly slides off of her cone and splats into a pile on the floor. Her face is instantly washed from one flavored fear to a swirly cone of depression and horror. Kelley places her hands on the girl’s shoulders matronly and replies.

[ Cathy Kelley ] Well, I will admit that the camera work was a little shaky, probably because Dr. Cube literally just transfigured a wrestler into that monster, but I’m pretty sure those beady, little eyes were Tommaso Ciampa’s before the magic took its’ effect, dear.

Starlight Kid sniffles and nods quickly, still afraid.

[ Cathy Kelley ] …although, now that I mention it, I do seem to recall you being afraid to look him in the eyes at lunch earlier today…

Starlight’s lip quivers and she whines out, the subtitles appearing again.

[ Starlight Kid ] <Those tiny eyes! Like marbles from hell! Lucifer’s tiddlywinks! Just so scary! It’s too much to bear! And I dropped my ice cream! Today has been so poor! Okay! I will continue to be brave and do my best…though I wish my treat wasn’t stained by the dirty floor. >

Kelley smiles knowingly.

[ Cathy Kelley ] Don’t you worry, sweetheart, there’s more ice cream in craft services.

Starlight Kid nods and gives a huge thumbs up and Kelley turns her attention to AZM.

[ Cathy Kelley ] And are you alright, dear?

AZM, permanently annoyed, turns her head and takes a BITE out of the ice cream on top of her cone, speaking though her mouth is full, giving another element of thankfulness for the subtitles.

[ AZM ] < No. What is this outlaw bullshit? I come to America and am forced to stand near perverts in piss-stained trousers and wrestle grandmas and stinky, old men, who cannot even be bothered to show up! When one manages to show his cowardly face, I am supposed to believe it’s transformed into a kaiju? >

AZM shakes her head angrily, but Cathy replies to her rhetorical question.

[ Cathy Kelley ] …well, yes, honey…I think we are…because it just happened.

Starlight Kid shudders and shakes off the heebie-jeebies, but AZM punches her in the arm stiffly.

[ AZM ] < Your fear makes you weak, you whimpering little sow! You say you will be brave, but your fear gives you away. Always! >

Starlight hangs her head sadly and Cathy places a hand on her shoulder.

[ AZM ] < You are fortunate Rossy sent me with you, or else you would be destined to face wrinkly, old grandpas like Matt Sydal and Triple H forever. >

Cathy is quick to reassure Starlight Kid.

[ Cathy Kelley ] Well, I…I’m glad you’re alright, dear. Now, how about some more ice cream?

The thought of a sweet treat delights Starlight Kid, who is suddenly more brave.

[ Starlight Kid ] < Okay! I deserve a treat for victory! And you, too, my best friend! Enjoy your treat! I will be brave! I will do my best! >

As Cathy and Starlight walk off screen, AZM rolls her eyes again and takes another huge bite of the ice cream, sending a sharp, chilling pain into your mouth as we fade elsewhere.

Elias is strumming away on his guitar backstage. Without being booked so far tonight, he’s making the rounds throughout the arena, as is his usual routine.

[ Elias ] The Card is Subject to Change tonight
Ain’t nobody bookin’ Elias to fight
It’s a shame that I’m not in the ring
But here I am not fighting Meng.
Thought this was about shocks and awe
No Elias means the fans are gonna’ bawl..

As Elias continues strumming along, showing off his impressive skills, Sami Zayn and Gregory Helms approach, enjoying the music. Sami is even tapping his foot along with the song, nodding his head to the music, causing his beanie to sway with the movements. He has the SGW Limitless Championship slung over his shoulder.

[ Elias ] I don’t wanna’ be responsible for those tears
Or the reason they chug eight-dollar beers.
Whoa man, Elias, why you gotta’ do ‘em this way?
I nod and say “This is what I do day after day..”

[ Sami Zayn ] You’re not bad, man.

[ Gregory Helms ] Not bad? Dude, he freaking sucks!

Elias quits playing and stares blankly ahead.

[ Sami Zayn ] Overlook ‘em. You have some talent. Keep playing.

Silence from Elias.

[ Sami Zayn ] ...Why did you stop?

[ Gregory Helms ] Because he sucks!

Elias nudges the guitar case with his left foot. Sami reaches into his pockets and doesn’t have anything to toss him. Looking to Helms, Sami’s eyes tell the story.

[ Gregory Helms ] Fine.

Helms digs in his pockets and turns them inside out, revealing nothing to show himself. Elias gets up and nods.

[ Elias ] What I thought.

He puts his guitar in the case and slams it shut.

[ Elias ] I don’t know the lyrics to “Broke.”

Elias picks up his guitar case and suddenly, Promociones Dorado come flying past them, landing hard on the ground. Adam Thornstowe and Luster the Legend follow them, kicking the door open and tossing them the rest of the way outside. The cameraman follows them into the cold January night.

[ Luster the Legend ] You think we forgot Fight to the Finish, boys?! Not even close!

[ Adam Thornstowe ] And then you get our title shot at Holiday Hell?!

Working together, Reno SCUM tosses each member of Promociones Dorado into the dumpster! Admiring their work, Reno SCUM turn to go back inside the building but are jumped from behind by Southern Hospitality!

[ Mance Warner ] Then I guess y’all know that we ain’t forgot what ya’ did to us at Holiday Hell! Here’s your receipt, boys!

Cameron Grimes grabs a trash can and bends it over Adam Thornstowe’s head! Luster the Legend and Mance Warner trade back and forth fists until Warner hits Luster low and suplexes him on the pavement! Adam Thornstowe is on top of the dumpster and he dives off, hitting a cross body block on to Cameron Grimes, hurting both men in the process! Things have escalated quickly as we see Elias, Sami Zayn, and Gregory Helms looking on from the doorway.

An all out brawl have developed in the parking lot area of the arena! With Luster the Legend down momentarily, Southern Hospitality use the opening to work together and bodyslam Thornstowe on top of a windshield of a car! Getting back to his feet, Luster grabs a 2x4 that was propped against the dumpster and swings as hard as he can, breaking it over the back of Cameron Grimes! Security, road agents, and even Ric Flair arrive on the scene to try to break this thing up before someone gets killed! After a few minutes of vigorous pulling apart, the two teams are finally separated, looking a whole lot worse for wear than they did a few minutes ago. Two of the hottest teams in SGW are at each other’s throats and there’s no end in sight for this one!

From the lunacy in the parking lot, we return to the ringside area just in time for the lights to fall to black and a symphony of electronic wind howling to play over the speakers.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Jesus. From one bit of lunacy straight into the other, right?

Bloody red letters appear on the GoldenTron, conveying a message McGuinness would absolutely agree with – DIE HAVOC DIE – as AFI’s “I Hope You Suffer” welcomes the SGW Elevation Champion to the TD Garden.

I got two letters from youuuuuu…
Last words of the runaway…

The Elevation Champion isn’t dressed in one of his rather intimidating spiked entrance coats and isn’t brandishing any meat cleaver or axe – only his SGW Elevation Championship as he stomps to the ring, pausing only to give a front-row patron a middle finger along the way.

[ Tony Schiavone ] God willing, Colt Cabana will continue to recover from this man, Jimmy Havoc’s insanely brutal beating last month.

Nigel shifts in his chair angrily.

Your love was written so truuuue…
And now I can't speak your naaame.

[ Tony Schiavone ] …and best buddy, it doesn’t appear that Havoc is booked on our, admittedly, very limited format here.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] …Scott, fancy a two-on-one match against this son of a bitch?

[ Scott Steiner ] Don’t tempt me with a good time, Robert Plant!

I faced destruction and youuuuu – Just killed meeee and walked away.
I gave my heart to the cruuuuel….now it…will not beat again…

Havoc slowly makes his way up the steps and into the ring, lifting his championship high into the air as he does so.

I HOPE YOUUUU! DO!
I hope you suffer…
I HOPE YOUUUU! DO!
I hope you suffer…
I HOPE YOUUUU! DO!
I hope you suffer…
I HOPE YOUUUU! DO!
…just like I suffered!

Justin Roberts, clearly in no mood to be done as Colt Cabana was last month, quickly passes Havoc the microphone and exits the ring, giving the Elevation Champion his space to work. Havoc reaches around his head and unclasps his mask, throwing it to the floor and speaks, softly, calmly even.

[ Jimmy Havoc ] Right. Right. So…this…this show…

Havoc shakes his head, a slight smile breaking across his face.

[ Jimmy Havoc ] This right here is another perfect example of why SGW is such a fuckin’ joke, innit? This flim-flam bullshit, huh? You all like seein’ Alf, do ya?

The Boston fans roar. They hate Jimmy Havoc and they love Alf.

[ Jimmy Havoc ] Typical cock. I ain’t buyin’ it. I bet…I betcha I can do somethin’ better than that stupid puppet ever did…

An interested murmuring breaks across the TD Garden.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] No. No. Do not let this madman have his way with anything! Get someone out here to fight him now.

Inside the ring, Havoc is unaware of McGuinness’ words. He’s looking up at the GoldenTron with malice in his eyes and speaks, still calmly.

[ Jimmy Havoc ] Let’s put a little blood on top’a this shifty carny card, huh?! WHAT DO YOU SAY?! IF THE INMATES IS RUNNING THE BLOODY ASYLUM TONIGHT, I WANT THE HEAD NUTTER MARIA TO GIVE THE ALL CLEAR ON THIS ONE !

Havoc stops dead in his tracks and lifts the SGW Elevation Championship slowly, stopping when it’s level with his pale face.

[ Jimmy Havoc ] …let’s have a deathmatch for this Elevation Championship…right bloody now. BRING IT THE FUCK ON, YEAH?!

Boston loves that idea and roars in appreciation as the arena falls dark yet again, an orange hue coming across the stage lights as the slow, creeping electric guitars of “War Machine” play, welcoming Taz back to the stage! The Red Hook native has a foul look on his face, as is his custom, and speaks into a microphone at Havoc.

[ Taz ] Funny how you think just cause you gots a title belt you call the shots, bitch! That ain’t how this shit works! Maria…she calls the shots…but lucky for you, Jimmy Havoc…we’d already planned for you to have a deathmatch…for dat Elevation Title! BRING IT OUT!

As Taz commands, a slew of weapons are brought to the ringside area in Rubbermaid boxes, lids still attached as Havoc nods, smirking. The attendants arrange the boxes in a large square on one side of the ring, lids still attached and presumably filled with plunder as Havoc shakes his head and faces Taz again.

[ Jimmy Havoc ] Well, then, ya bloody undead midget, just who in the hell’s going to be my unfortunate victim here tonight? Which one’s gonna face death with the King of the FUCKIN’ DEATHMATCH?! Show me the poor bastard who dies right here tonight, Taz!

Taz’ snarl hasn’t changed in the slightest. He’s stone cold solemn as Havoc yells at him before slowly raising the microphone to his mouth again.

[ Taz ] …I nevah said it was just one.

Boston erupts at the revelation as Havoc’s eyebrows lower, a bit perplexed with what Taz is saying before “I Fell” plays across the speakers, only serving to excite them further! From behind the curtain emerges none other than Darby Allin, skateboard in tow. He pauses for a moment to glare at Taz before starting his journey down the ramp and into the ring.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Wow! Darby Allin against Jimmy Havoc in a deathmatch! Now that’s someone who can match the psychopathic garbage that Havoc’s all about, Tony!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Darby Allin, much like Jimmy Havoc, scares me, Best Buddy! Something about being half-dead doesn’t sit well with my stomach!

[ Scott Steiner ] Yeah, but it makes sense he’d be buddies with Taz – they’re both dead! And both SHORT!

As Allin is only just settled in, “The Ballad of Lacey” begins playing, it’s lovely piano composition a staunch contrast to the two men in the ring. Lacey steps out onto the stage, a disgusted look on her face as she glances at Taz before turning to scream for her charge, Jimmy Jacobs, to come on!

[ Lacey ] JESUS, JIMMY, HURRY THE HELL UP, WILL’YA?! I’ve got money to make and this sort of blood-thirsty carnage doesn’t pay the bills! I can’t believe this company thinks so little of you to put you in this garbage festival! You’re a real competitor – but they think you’re a loser! Are you a loser, Jimmy?!

Jacobs, wide-eyed, quickly replies “NO, my love!” Before Lacey points her thin finger at the ring and yells for him to “prove it!” With his manager departing the ringside area, Jacobs begins stomping down to the ring – but his trek is interrupted as “Puritania” blares through the speakers, the death metal band Dimmu Borgir providing the appropriate soundtrack for the “Doomsday Patient’s” arrival!

[ Scott Steiner ] Look at this big ass psychopath!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Dr. Stevie’s prized patient, Killer Kross! Is here!

[ Scott Steiner ] KILLER KROSS?! Both of those words are bad ass, so I officially like this tall bastard!

[ Tony Schiavone ] You know a man as…erm…’hungry’ for competition as Killer Kross will love this deathmatch environment, Nigel!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Too true, Tony! And I’m looking forward to seeing just what he’s got in store for Jimmy Havoc!

Before the commentary team can get too excited, “Swamp Gas” blares through the speakers to announce yet another competitor – and one with SGW deathmatch experience! The Boston fans roar, going wild as Mr. Sadistic himself, Luke Harper, forces his way through the curtain, eyes wide and manic as he steps to the ring, fists clenched and going RIGHT INTO the crowded ring until –

[ Maria ] WAIT!

A record may as well have scratched as Maria trots out onto the stage, clearly a bit out-of-breath, and stops beside Taz. The five men in the ring are fairly confused as to what could possibly happen now, but Maria quickly smiles toothily before speaking again and alleviating the confusion.

[ Maria ] I’m sorry, I had to run to the little girls’ room, but couldn’t remember how to turn on the faucet to wash my hands! Thankfully, I got some help and got them clean! Look mom! All clean!

Silence.

[ Maria ] Anyways, I have more death guys! MORE FRIENDS!

Boston’s beside themselves, cheering, laughing, chanting and ready to see what in the hell happens now as the evening’s authority figure speaks, another huge smile on her face.

[ Maria ] I know that Taz has done a REEEEALLY GREAT JOB in putting all of you together for a big silly match, but I got to thinking – it looks like a party in the ring! Yayy! So, you know what belongs at any good party, right?

A jumbled response. Unsurprising, as 20,000+ people answered at once. Somehow, Maria understands them.

[ Maria ] Thaaaat’s right! ….ICE CREAM!

The lovely twinkling tune begins playing across the speakers as Los Ice Creams frantically run through the curtain, doing a little dance at the top of the ramp with Maria before playfully trotting down to the ring, apparently joining this ridiculous match themselves.

[ Scott Steiner ] What the shit even IS this match?!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Scott, I think this is what happens when Taz and Maria decide to work on a group project…so in short, pure madness.

Maria is beaming, absolutely giddy as Los Ice Creams slide into the ring and begin dancing. She does cease them and everyone else, speaking again.

[ Maria ] And Taz, you angel from Heaven –

[ Taz ] I went to Hell.

[ Maria ] You – o-oh. Oh. Well…

Awkward silence.

[ Maria ] Well you’re still an angel to me!

She reaches over and hugs him. He snarls, but she doesn’t mind.

[ Maria ] Taz! I have one! More! Friend to add to this big silly match!

Boston is excited – just who else could be added to the already ludicrous and loaded contest?

[ Maria ] I watched SOOOO much SGW preparing to come back tonight…it was all SGW, with a lot of the Big Bang Theory, but mostly SGW. So I realized while watching, there are SOOOO many great heroes in the world! Mickey Mouse…Alf…John Cena…Superman…Bob Marley…but I saw a wonderful hero who deserves recognition, too! It’s the biggest, baddest, coolest, most awesomest wrestler in all of SGW! And Jimmy Havoc, you pale meanie, you two are gonna fight!

Havoc rolls his eyes lethargically, still glaring at Maria as she grins.

[ Maria ] So please – say hello to my favorite hero in all the world – NIIIIIA JAAAAX!!

By God, “Force of Nature” blares across the speakers and the whole world comes alive in joy as Nia Jax, admittedly a hero, just as Maria said, strides through the curtain and shakes the authority’s hand. Maria looks starstruck, but Nia beams back coolly with her lovely smile before nodding at she and Taz, cracking her knuckles, and stomping off to the ring.

[ Tony Schiavone ] OH MY WORD! IT’S…IT’S NIA JAX!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] That’s right, Tony! The woman who, with her cool cousin, the Rock, forms the Rock and Jax Connection! The same woman who stopped a definite brawl last month before succumbing to the wicked Nurse Ratchet’s syringe! The woman, who, in case you did not know – is NOT! LIKE! MOST! GIRLS!

Jax steps into the ring, ready to fight, but Jimmy Havoc kickstarts the match by, well, doing just that, swinging his foot full-speed ahead and connecting with a field goal between Nia’s legs!

Referee - Paul Turner | Time Limit - 30:00

The TD Garden is an all-out warzone as pandemonium descends on the ring – Jimmy Havoc begins stomping Nia Jax in the face as she holds her sore…lower abdominal region…? Meanwhile, Jimmy Jacobs and Darby Allin have set up a pair of chairs, facing one another, but more recently have taken to brawling with Los Ice Creams. Furthermore, a hoss fight to end all hoss fights is going down as Luke Harper and Killer Kross have entangled their bodies in a very visceral, striking rendition of a cartoonish rolling dust cloud, fists and feet emerging from the chaos within every few moments as the bundle of mass rolls through the ropes and to the floor in a heap.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Good Lord, they’re really goin’ at it!

[ Scott Steiner ] HELL YEAH!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Makes sense, doesn’t it? I mean, who wouldn’t want the control over your own destiny that the Elevation Championship provides?

Jimmy Havoc wastes little time in sliding under the rope and to the floor, scavenging through the Rubbermaid totes for a little plunder – and comes away with just the item he was searching for!

[ Scott Steiner ] CHEESE, ANYONE?! HOW ABOUT A LITTLE GOUDA WITH BIG POPPA PUMP! AND BY GOUDA…I MEAN…SEMEN!

Havoc does, indeed, have a cheese grater! He lifts it high, its’ steel exterior glimmering off the arena lights beautifully; a charming juxtaposition to the carnage it would bring. Referee Paul Turner, standing on the apron of the ring, is looking around, back and forth across the ring, absolutely paralyzed with a blend of confusion and horror in his eyes. This emotion is only amplified with Darby Allin manages to drop himself on his own head with a clothesline, taking El Hijo del Ice Cream to the floor as well!

[ Tony Schiavone ] THIS IS MADNESS!

Havoc slides into the ring, taking care to double stomp Nia on his way around her, before lifting the grater up into the air again – and bringing it down into Jax’s crotch! The Rock’s cool cousin squirms in agony as Havoc wrenches the weapon back and forth across her…erm…“lower abdominal region.”

[ Scott Steiner ] YOU KNOW WHAT – I OFTEN SPEAK ABOUT “TEARIN’ A PUSSY UP,” BUT I THINK THIS PASTY BASTARD’S TAKIN’ IT TOO FAR!

Jax is in agony, and when Havoc ceases his attack, rolls to the apron clutching her injured lower abdominal region. Havoc lifts the grater into the air and begins telling the Boston fans to “GO FUCK YA’SELVES, BOS—” before Jimmy Jacobs smashes him in the back with a light tube bundle! Tiny shards of glass fly everywhere as Havoc grimaces and drops the grater, instead grabbing his own bundle of bulbs and PLOWING them into the Zombie Princess’ skull! BOTH MEN are busted open already as Jacobs grips his wound, causing Havoc to turn, screaming out in fury before turning around and into Jacobs, who stabs Havoc in the forehead with the shattered ends of the bulbs!

As the TD Garden roars out in shock, Jacobs starts working the burst bulbs into Havoc’s skull and then drops him to the mat with a gross DDT! “LAAAAAACEYYYYYYYYYYYYY!” Jacobs screams as he stands up, spreading his arms open wide and grinning wide! Ice Cream Jr. ruins the party, smashing the Zombie Princess with a running clothesline, taking him to the floor. El Hijo, recovered from the clothesline to the floor (before Allin, whose head is apparently pretty damaged from the tumble), notices a small bag in a Rubbermaid tote and brings it into the ring, opening it slowly and the brothers peer inside before pantomiming big laughs and nods.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] BROKEN GLASS?! THUMBTACKS? What in the world now?!

The Ice Creams are in center ring and circling the downed Jimmy Havoc – and before he rises, El Hijo raises the bag and pours it out, onto the mat – IT’S SPRINKLES! THOUSANDS UPON OF THOUSANDS OF RAINBOW SPRINKLES!! Havoc rises, blood pouring from a thick gash on his forehead – and is scooped up and DROPPED into the sprinkles with a crazy 3D – The Devious Dairy Delight! The Boston fans roar and Havoc sells the impact of the move, noticing after a moment or two that he’s not been slammed into thumbtacks…nor glass…nor mousetraps…but sprinkles.

[ Scott Steiner ] THEY’RE SPRINKLES, YOU DUMB BASTARDS!

As Los Ice Creams begin to make a cover on Havoc, Luke Harper and Killer Kross have made their way back into the ring, decimating the Luchadors with a pair of discus clotheslines, popping the crowd yet again! Killer Kross starts sizing up the Ice Creams and double clotheslines them over the top rope, sending them crashing into Darby Allin on the ground! Kross roars out and turns – RIGHT into a swinging steel chair from Harper! Mr. Sadistic’s quickly-swung chair connects with Kross’ bald head, denting the chair grossly! Kross, however, is just fine, and charges into Harper with a tackle, both men colliding through the ropes and to the protective mats again.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] ABSOLUTE INSANITY!

Havoc is coming around, finally sitting up in the sprinkles after the 3D – but Darby Allin interrupts his standing by leaping off the top rope with a double stomp right to the base of his neck! DISGUSTING!!

HOLY SHIT
HOLY SHIT
HOLY SHIT

Outside the ring, Los Ice Creams are assembling a set of tables, setting them up side-to-side rather than end-to-end – and wouldn’t you know, the crazy dairy sons of guns pour ANOTHER TWO sacks of sprinkles onto the tables! They each rub their hands together sneakily before stepping onto the apron – but Darby Allin is up and ready to fight, ambushing both Ice Creams with a series of fists, rapid-firing in a way that makes you wonder whether or not he’d taken a serious fall to the head tonight. Outside the ring, Harper SMACKS Kross with a gross big boot and reaches into his pocket – and produces a bottle of lighter fluid! Mr. Sadistic, living up to his name 100%, begins spraying the fluid across the sprinkle-covered tables!

[ Tony Schiavone ] No…no! No no no! No! Don’t do it Harper!

Of course, a man called Mr. Sadistic would ONLY do it, and produces a small BIC Lighter, setting the tables ablaze! As he turns to retrieve Kross, Los Ice Creams and Allin are brawling on the apron – but Jimmy Havoc is up and running dropkicks the Ice Creams off the apron and through the flaming tables!

HOLY SHIT
HOLY SHIT
HOLY SHIT

[ Nigel McGuinness ] THESE FANS ARE RIGHT! WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HAPPENING HERE TONIGHT?!

Los Ice Creams are writhing around in absolute misery as ringside attendants spray them off with four fire extinguishers, practically drowning the ringside area in the liquid/gaseous carbon dioxide mixture!

[ Scott Steiner ] DAMMIT! I CAN’T SEE!

And when the dust (or dioxide, more appropriately) settles, NOTHING IS LEFT OF THE ICE CREAMS BUT THEIR PURPLE JUMPSUITS, BOOTS, AND POOLS OF CREAM!

[ Tony Schiavone ] OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD, THEY MELTED!

Harper is stunned and cocks an eyebrow, but when he turns back to Kross, the Doomsday Patient smashes into him with a huge Busiaku Knee Strike! The two behemoths continue brawling around the table rubble and up the aisle as Jacobs, Havoc, and Allin resume their fight inside the ring. As Allin and Havoc continue brawling, Jacobs goes to the floor and pulls out a cannister of salt, pouring it across another section of the ring!

Now fighting on the entrance stage, Kross and Harper have one another in a collar and elbow tie up, fighting for control!

[ Scott Steiner ] These big ass bulls are givin’ their all to win this shit, huh?! LET’S GO, YOU BASTARDS!

Harper scores with a thrust to the throat, stunning Kross and sending him to a knee on the stage. As his opponent falls, Mr. Sadistic yells, demanding a pair of stagehands to “BRING IT! BRING IT!” At his request, two associates produce a huge wooden board with MOUNDS of barbed wire spooled across it, the rustic weapon’s curls standing four feet high!

[ Scott Steiner ] Well, this ain’t gonna end well!

Sure enough, Harper turns to face Kross, but Dr. Stevie’s Favorite Patient is dead sprinting for him – and both men soar off the stage, crashing into the bed of barbed wire in a gross heap of humanity and barbs!

HOLY SHIT
HOLY SHIT
HOLY SHIT
HOLY SHIT

[ Nigel McGuinness ] There’s been a great many crazy things to happen tonight, but MY GOD, those two may be seriously, permanently, grievously injured!

As ringside attendants flood the area to attend to the two men, back in the ring, Havoc has downed Allin, smacking him across the face with his own skateboard, but now Jacobs is doing his best to force the Elevation Champion’s bloody face down into the salt! Havoc fights back, not allowing his wounds to have salt pressed into them, but Darby Allin forces the issue by Coffin Dropping onto the pair of their backs, forcing their bloody faces into the pile of salt!!

[ Tony Schiavone ] SALT IN THE WOUNDS! MY GOD, THE MISERY!

Allin lifts Havoc from the mat and leathers him with a slap to the face, rocking the Elevation Champion as salt cakes up in his bloody forehead! Darby begins hooking Havoc for a Pedigree, but the champion drops to a knee and scores with an uppercut to the groin! Darby is howling in pain as Havoc rises, still bleeding crazily in small openings where the salt could not penetrate and hooks his opponent for the Acid Rainmaker, taking a moment to run a finger across his throat and pull the wristlock through –

But Jacobs runs in, SMASHING Havoc in the back of the skull with a hardback copy of The Notebook! WHAT?! As Havoc and Allin fall to the mat, Jacobs hugs the book tight to his chest – but Nia Jax is already up and smashes the smaller competitor with a running body attack! Jax looks down and notices the copy of the Notebook and lifts it up, opening it up. Jacobs notices the book in her grasp and begins begging, hands pressed together for her to reconsider – but Jax shakes her head no and rips the book in half! Jacobs begins crying as Jax pulls out an individual page and runs over, placing Jimmy in a wrist lock – and PAPER CUTTING HIM IN THE WEBBING OF HIS FINGERS!

[ Tony Schiavone ] OH MY GOD! THAT IS BEYOND DISTURBING! HOW COULD THE ROCK’S COOL COUSIN DO THAT?!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Because she wants to win the Elevation Championship, Tony! At any cost!

Nia lifts Jacobs and chokeslams him down on top of the set-up chairs! He crashes violently through the seats and to the mat, but rather than pin him, Jax turns her attention to Jimmy Havoc! She looks around the war-torn ring and spots the cheese grater which agonized her earlier and lifts it off the mat. Nia, walking with devious intentions, stands over the Elevation Champion before SUDDENLY DROPPING, EARTHQUAKE STYLE ONTO HIS CHEST! As he screams out in pain, Nia reaches into his mouth and grabs his tongue!

[ Tony Schiavone ] NO! NO! OH NO!

Havoc is doing everything he can to prevent the inevitable, but Nia quickly begins shredding away at the Elevation Champion’s tongue with the same grater which tore her “lower abdominal region” earlier in the evening!

HOLY SHIT
HOLY SHIT
HOLY SHIT

Jax makes the cover as Havoc begins bleeding grossly from the mouth and Paul Turner is down to count! ONE! TWO!

Before Turner can reach the count of three, Darby Allin soars off the top rope with his skateboard, ollie-ing onto Nia’s back to break the cover! The Woman Unlike Most Girls screams out and rises up, back in agony – and Havoc throws a handful of the salt into her eyes!! Nia immediately begins clawing at her eyes and rolls to the floor in misery.

Allin is on the offensive and kickflips his skateboard onto Havoc, covering for a two count! The TD Garden are on fire, cheering Darby along as he quickly skirts to the floor and into an unopened Rubbermaid tote – where he finds something to his liking wrapped in a mess of butcher’s paper.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] What in God’s name could it be now?!

Allin slides into the ring with the package in hand – but Jacobs is up! The Zombie princess scores with a kick to the gut and warps Allin with a quick Contra Code! Now on his feet with both opponents on the mat, Jacobs opens the paper and finds…SKEWERS! TONS OF WOODEN SKEWERS! With a savage look in his eye, Jacobs goes to the nearby turnbuckle and begins jamming a handful of the sharpened instruments into the top pad, creating a hole and then shoving the blunt ends into the created hole, leaving a jagged mess of skewers extended from the pad!

[ Tony Schiavone ] This match is making me queasy, guys…

As Jacobs turns around to meet his opponents, Havoc is alive and superkicks Jacobs right in the jaw, staggering him! Only inches away from going back first into his skewer-pad, Jacobs stops himself, breathing out deeply – BUT HAVOC RUSHES IN, STINGER SPLASH! JACOBS TAKES THE SKEWERS TO THE BACK! Tons of tiny pinpricks slowly eek blood from Jacobs’ back as he slowly inches off the sharpened points of the wooden skewers, but the Elevation Champion is still on the move and is off the far side ropes, looking for a running attack to drive Jacobs back into the wood – BUT AS HAVOC REBOUNDS, JACOBS RUNS AHEAD AND SCORES WITH HIS RAILROAD SPIKE! RIGHT TO THE FOREHEAD, MAYBE EVEN THE EYE! JIMMYS JACOBS AND HAVOC ARE DOWN, BLEEDING PROFUSELY AS THE TD GARDEN ROARS AGAIN!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Jimmy Havoc may be a right bastard, but these competitors are giving everything they have to be Elevation Champion tonight!

Allin is up first and again goes to the tote, spotting another tool of destruction – A GUSSET PLATE! He snarls and slides the gross bridge-holding instrument into the ring before ascending to the top turnbuckle!

[ Tony Schiavone ] THIS COULD BE IT! DARBY ALLIN COULD MAKE IT HAPPEN RIGHT HERE!

Allin stands up, looking surely for the Coffin Drop and turns, back facing the ring – BUT JIMMY JACOBS RUNS AND SHOVES HIM FROM THE TOP ROPE! Allin awkwardly flips, tumbling off the top rope and crashing violently into the mess of Rubbermaid totes and lids and whatever horrible weapons are still within!

HOLY SHIT
HOLY SHIT
HOLY SHIT

[ Tony Schiavone ] GOD, NO! STOP THE MATCH! ENOUGH PEOPLE HAVE DIED, DAMMIT!

Jacobs isn’t keen to this idea and turns, blood pouring from his head and back and charges – right into his own railroad spike!! Havoc stabs Jacobs, wrenching and working the spike into his open wound! As the Zombie Princess falls to the ground in misery, Havoc is quick to recognize his opportunity and grabs Jacobs’ arms and positions his foot on the back of his skull –

[ Nigel McGuinness ] NO! NO! NOT THIS! NO, HAVOC!!

– AND HAVOC CURB STOMPS JACOBS RIGHT INTO THE GUSSET PLATE!! Jacobs is losing blood from all over his face and chest as Havoc covers and Paul Turner makes a faster-than-usual count – ONE! TWO! THREE!!

WINNER & STILL CHAMPION - Jimmy Havoc via Pin Fall in 23:41

[ Tony Schiavone ] Sweet, merciful God, thank you it’s all over. But we need emergency medical attention for all these warriors RIGHT NOW! RIGHT NOW!

[ Scott Steiner ] Holy shitballs, what a damn lunatic-ass match. You’d think these sonsabitches would just learn to apply a Steiner Recliner and call it a day, but shit – I guess the skewers’n shit will do!

Turner begrudgingly lifts a bloody Havoc’s arm and hands him the Elevation Championship, still bright and shiny and perfect in the light of the arena, while its holder is busted, bruised, battered, and bloody nearly beyond recognition. Havoc finds the strength to roll his body off of Jacobs and to the floor, landing in a pile of sprinkles, cream and table remains, undeterred.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] He’s a violent son of a bitch, Scott, you’re right – but dammit if Jimmy Havoc didn’t earn that victory tonight.

[ Scott Steiner ] That’s two.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Very true, Scott! Only one more defense of the Elevation Championship and Mr. Jimmy Havoc will have the option to relinquish it for a shot at the Solid Gold Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship! Imagine a world with this bloody psychopath as champion?!

Havoc, having crawled halfway up the ramp, is looking through blood-covered, delighted eyes back at the scene of carnage in the ring and a slight, knowing smile breaks onto his face. As he peers down at the Elevation Championship, the half-smile breaks into a full-blown grin. He knows what the commentators know…and for Jimmy Havoc, the pain he had endured is worth it all to be in the position he is now in.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] If that’s the case…well…may dear God have mercy on all of our souls…

We fade to the back from a tight shot on a blood-covered Jimmy Havoc’s grinning face.

We head backstage where we see Joey Janela watching the carnage that just unfolded on a monitor. He looks as ridiculous as he always does with his brightly colored jacket, 80s style shades, and brightly colored zebra print Zubaz. Penelope Ford hangs on his arm, the ultimate accessory. A lit cigarette hangs from his bottom lip, clearly a grievous health violation... but he probably doesn't care about that.

[ Joey Janela ] Shit.

He chuckles and removes the cigarette from his mouth so that he can take a drink from the White Claw in his other hand. He shakes his head and sneers.

[ Joey Janela ] These mother fuckers ain't seen nothin' yet!

He takes another drag off the cigarette and tilts his head back, laughing even louder and sticking his tongue out.

[ Joey Janela ] SGW... get ready to meet a bad, BAAAAAAAD BOY!

He places his arm around Penelope's shoulders and they walk off into the distance.

AJ Styles jogs in the parking lot with his gear bag being drug behind him, barely able to stay upright from all of the bumps and holes the wheels are hitting. He looks at his watch and shakes his head. Turning to Bad Luck Fale, who is exhausted trying to keep up, Styles speaks in a defeated tone.

[ AJ Styles ] Every freakin’ show! So dang late! I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Passing security, he enters the building and is immediately met by Finn Balor.

[ Finn Balor ] About time you made it. You’re late. Show’s been goin’ on for awhile now.

Balor pops the collar on his leather jacket and makes a circle around Fale and Styles.

[ Finn Balor ] You know, AJ, with all o’ the issues you have goin’ on right now, you’ll never get anywhere in a company like SGW. Main event of the first show, a chance to set the standard for the entire company.. After that, time and time again, no matter how much the Championship Committee begged, pleaded, invested in you.. All they got out of this AJ Styles experiment has been... failure.

Styles bites his tongue.

[ Finn Balor ] You’re lucky, though, mate. Ciampa was late as well and he got turned into some kind of dumb bird-hybrid thing.

[ AJ Styles ] What the heck?

[ Finn Balor ] Sorta’ like Ruby Riott or somethin’. Embarrassing, really.

Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson show up behind Balor with smirks on their faces.

[ Luke Gallows ] Uncle Alan!

[ Karl Anderson ] Remember us? You boys? The ones you fired after helping you win the only damn match you have on your record?

Anderson gets a glimpse of Bad Luck Fale and chuckles.

[ Karl Anderson ] Replaced us for him. Heh.. How did that work out for you? What a waste that turned out bein’ for ya’, huh?

[ AJ Styles ] I made a judgment call. Sendin’ you guys out like yesterday’s trash was the right thing to do.

[ Karl Anderson ] You threw us in the trash-ski huh? You hear that, Gallows? We’re trash.

[ Luke Gallows ] I think Uncle Alan’s mistaken. I’m not trash. Good Brother Machine Gun, you’re not trash..

Gallows big boots Bad Luck Fale to the ground! Karl Anderson kicks Styles in the gut and, with Balor’s help, the two sling Styles into the brick wall of the arena! It’s a three-on-two beat down as the newly reformed Club are having their ways with Styles and Fale! Balor kicks open the door of the arena and tosses Styles outside. Gallows picks Fale up on his shoulder and marches outside with him and effortlessly dumps the behemoth bodyguard of Styles' in a nearby dumpster adjacent to the building!

[ Luke Gallows ] You’re trash!

Styles is on his knees, begging for mercy from his old companions.

[ AJ Styles ] Guys! C'mon! I've been here since the beginning! I don't wanna' go to the dang trash! I'm A.. J.. Styles! Sure, I messed up. I'll admit that. Sure, I didn't show up when I needed to and knew people were relying on me, but c'mon! Nobody deserves to go to the dumpster!

Balor makes a gun with his hand and puts it to the temple of Styles.

[ Finn Balor ] Fellas.. It’s time for some real rock n’ rolla.

Anderson heel kicks Styles right between the eyes and Galloway picks him up off the ground and dumps him on top of Bad Luck Fale!

[ Karl Anderson ] Ya’ know, if I’m not mistaken, that’s the EXACT same dumpster those masked guys landed in earlier.

[ Luke Gallows ] Thoughts and prayerski to the father-son combo that spends the new year in a dumpster.

Gallows attempts a Hail Mary but Balor cuts him off.

[ Finn Balor ] The time fer fun n' games are over.

Pointing to the dumpster that is now filled with former SGW competitors, Balor turns to his sidekicks with a ominous message.

[ Finn Balor ] 2020 calls for new beginnings. Out with the old…

Balor raises the “Too Sweet” gesture in the air.

[ Finn Balor ] In wit’ the new.

Gallows and Anderson take their hands and meet in the middle with Balor’s, forming a collective of “Too Sweets” that the camera zooms in tightly on. Gallows, Anderson, and Balor have made quite the impact here tonight, creating a rough day for AJ Styles and Bad Luck Fale!

We fade from a shot of the dumpster containing AJ Styles and Bad Luck Falé to a shot of our faithful commentary team. Tony Schiavone has an elated expression, Scott Steiner is scrolling on his phone, and Nigel McGuinness has his face buried in his hands.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Well, I’ll be! I think we’ve seen just about everything tonight, fellas!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] <quietly> …too damn much…

Knowing Nigel will offer no conversation, Tony turns to face Scott Steiner, still smiling.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Whatcha say, Big Poppa Pump? Quite a night so far, huh?

Steiner doesn’t reply. Schiavone’s smile grows wider.

[ Tony Schiavone ] What about that Deathmatch, huh?! And we’ve still got more to come!

[ Scott Steiner ] SHUDDAP! I’m busy lookin’ for nudie pics of the Moose on the internet!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] <quietly> Save us now, dear Lord…

Before the commentary team descends further into madness, an old theme song hits the speakers – and the Boston fans are delighted to welcome SGW Championship Committee Member Chavo Guerrero Jr. to the arena! Guerrero is walking to the ring with purpose, certainly doing better than he’s been the last few times we’ve seen him, and slides under the bottom rope, demanding the microphone from Justin Roberts.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] And what now?! What could possibly be coming up next to top the madness we’ve already seen this evening?

[ Scott Steiner ] FINGERS CROSSED FOR BUCK NAKED MATCH! I KNOW MOST WORKERS WON’T DO IT, BUT THERE’S SOME IN THERE THAT WILL!

Back inside the ring, Chavito has a stern expression on his face as he raises the microphone to speak. The former SGW World Heavyweight Champion points a finger at the GoldenTron and begins.

[ Chavo Guerrero ] I don’t want to take up much time from this event tonight, but I have something to say! And that is – I MISS MY BEST FRIEND! PEPE! I MISS YOU! You see…a few months ago, something terrible happened! When Solid Gold Wrestling returned, nobody could have imagined that the worst possible thing that COULD OCCUR…WOULD OCCUR!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] <to himself> …what, this show?

[ Chavo Guerrero ] I found myself invited to be a guest at the so-called ‘Funhouse’ of one of our new competitors here! And so, I dressed up nicely, I dressed Pepé up nicely, and the two of us, we went and decided to represent the SGW Championship Committee nicely by being there for this…this DESPICABLE BRAY WYATT!

Slight pop for Wyatt, but Chavo continues, undeterred.

[ Chavo Guerrero ] I won’t lie to you…I’ve fought battles that most people can’t imagine here in SGW. I’ve been beaten and trounced and taken to the limits of physical pain and abuse on this world. That time of my life was hard – but worth it! So believe me when I say…that…that place…was not of this world. That ‘Funhouse’…is EVIL! So let me make this perfectly clear to YOU – BRAY WYATT!

Another big pop as some of the family Latino Heat pours out of Chavito, passionately speaking his heart.

[ Chavo Guerrero ] I want my best friend back! I want Pepé back – and I want him back – RIGHT! DAMN! NOW! And you know what, Bray Wyatt?

Chavo loosens his tie and throws it to the mat angrily, the fans really riled up now.

[ Chavo Guerrero ] I don’t even care if I have to whip your butt to do it! So come on! Show yourself!

The fans are lit up, excited for the prospect of what’s to come, but for a few moments, ‘nothing’ is what they’re given. A disappointed murmur spreads through the TD Garden and Chavo’s face goes from angry to angrier as the time passes. Until…

We’re really glad that you’re our friend!
And this is a friendship that will never, ever end!

The GoldenTron vaults to life, the bright and happy introduction to the Firefly Funhouse playing and popping Boston, who are ready to see what in the world may happen now. As you would imagine, the doorway to the Funhouse opens and in walks Bray Wyatt, hair neatly pulled back and wearing his nicest red sweater over a navy oxford. He’s all smiles and waves to the crowd, slightly chuckling and broadly welcoming with his gestures.

[ Bray Wyatt ] Hi, everybody! Hello! Hola!! And welcome back to the Firefly Funhouse!

From the video comes a smattering of children’s cheers.

[ Bray Wyatt ] Today, we’re going to talk about FRIENDSHIP! F-R-I-E-N-D-S-H-I-P, friendship!

As he spells, the letters pop up beside his head, illustrating his word and spelling it out for the younger audience members.

[ Bray Wyatt ] You see, my fireflies, that’s one of the most sacred and precious virtues in all the world!

To Bray’s left, there’s a rustling and the camera pans over to reveal some of his puppet friends! The children cheer again as a scarred, burned, disgusting looking orange mess of felt begins to speak.

[ Red Hook Petey ] I DON’T SEE WHASS SO GREAT ABOUT IT! I AIN’T NEVAH HAD NO FRIENDS – ONLY…VICTIMS! AND…WELL…DEALERS! BUT MOSTLY…VICTIMS!

A crude, horrifying looking bird responds.

[ Mercy the Buzzard ] Nah, man…I ain’t never had no friends…just me…s’all I ever needed.

The camera cuts back to Bray, who’s got a bemused frown on his face.

[ Bray Wyatt ] Oh, Mercy!

The camera zooms in twice harshly with the accompaniment of a deep slide whistle. Bray’s face is comically disappointed.

[ Bray Wyatt ] That’s an awful sad way to live, Mercy! Petey, I’m sorry! You know what? I know I love you guys…but I’ve got a perfect friend for you both! And here he is now!

The sounds of a galloping horse accompany Bray bringing Pepé out from behind his back, playfully pantomiming his gallop. Inside the ring, Chavo’s eyes go wide and he points at the screen, inaudibly shouting.

[ Bray Wyatt ] It’s Pepé the Horse! He’s so kind! He’s so strong! After all, I heard that he CARRIED one of his friends on his poor back for YEARS AND YEARS! Isn’t that…sweet…of him?

Inside the ring, Chavo has heard enough and screams at the Tron.

[ Chavo Guerrero ] Bray, you sick, sadistic, son of a bitch! I’ve had enough! I want Pepé back right now and I’ll beat your stupid ass from your Funhouse all the way right here to Boston if I have to! I challenge you, or your Fiend, or whatever the hell you want to call yourself!

While Chavo spoke, the episode of the Funhouse continued playing, Bray introducing Pepé to Mercy and Petey, but as soon as Chavo uttered the word ‘Fiend,’ the feed began to glitch and alter until Bray stands all alone in the Funhouse, Pepé in his hands and mouth agape in a silly manner.

[ Bray Wyatt ] YOWIE WOWIE! Chavo, that’s very brave of you to say that you’d fight the Fiend…especially…

Bray flattens his smile out and leans into the camera, practically sneering as his eyes narrow.

[ Bray Wyatt ] …especially since he’d delight in…ya’know…eviscerating you? Tearing you apart? Taking whatever’s left in that broken-down body of yours and shredding it with his teeth?

His expression returns to normal as he leans away from the camera.

[ Bray Wyatt ] But you know, I was just flippin’ through this old copy of the SGW Rulebook!

Bray lifts the book and displays it for the camera, smiling broadly.

[ Bray Wyatt ] It says right here that a member of the Championship Committee can’t compete in SGW without first giving up their post – at least, without complete prior approval from the rest of the Committee! And…well…I guess…

Bray frowns again, obviously fake, and kicks his foot at nothing in particular.

[ Bray Wyatt ] …I guess that means Pepé will continue to be ours…ISN’T THAT GREAT, KIDS?!

The children all revel in the announcement, until the sounds of “Don’t Die Digging” break the moment wide open! From the curtain emerges Johnny Gargano, clad in Cyclops-themed gear, playing up to the raucous Boston crowd and walking to the ring to join Chavo. Bray is delighted to ‘see’ Gargano and waves, though Johnny cannot see him. Once in the ring, Gargano retrieves a microphone and interjects.

[ Johnny Gargano ] You know, I don’t mean to interrupt you guys out here, but I couldn’t help but hear the predicament you’re in, Chavo. You know, the SGW Rulebook is pretty clear in saying that you can’t compete without either abandoning your post or complete prior approval from the other Committee members…but, last I checked…

Gargano rubs his chin and Chavo smiles widely, understanding where this may be going.

[ Johnny Gargano ] …it doesn’t say anything about someone fighting FOR you! And as a long-time fan of you and Pepé from years back, it would delight me to make my debut – right here in Boston – and beat the Fiend to get Pepé back for you! What do you say?!

Boston loves the idea and Chavo’s nodding seems to indicate his own approval. On the GoldenTron, Bray is also grinning ear-to-ear, surprisingly.

[ Bray Wyatt ] Oh, wow! That’s incredible! I LOVE Johnny Gargano! He’s so exciting in the ring! So much heart! But you know…not everyone…LOOOOVES…. Johnny Gargano. In fact, I know someone…who doesn’t much care for Johnny Gargano at all.

Inside the ring, Gargano mouths “oh yeah?” Bray frowns and a quick rainstorm sound effect plays.

[ Bray Wyatt ] But…you know, my fireflies? Sometimes, friendship means doing something your friends want to do…even when you don’t. That’s what being a good friend is all about! So, Chavo? Johnny? I want you both to know that I love you very, very much. No matter what happens, I’ll always love you – and that goes for all you out there, too! I’ll always love you, my fireflies! And I’ll always be there for you…as long as you…let me in.

The screen violently shifts, glitching around for a moment before snapping to an extreme close-up of Bray.

[ Bray Wyatt ] Chavito. Johnny. Let…me…in.

Chavo looks around for a second before nodding and screaming “fine! Fine! It’s on!” The TD Garden roars in excitement as a small smile creeps onto Wyatt’s face before the video feed apparently catches fire and burns out on the projector, fading to black before three simple words appear in red on the screen.

LET ME IN

With that, “Tangled Up in Love” begins to play, it’s intense, dark sound filling the arena with an oncoming dread, only amplified by the sudden lighting shift from the natural white to a deep, blood red to match the words on the screen. Through the smoke and lights, it’s hard to see where from, but the Fiend emerges onto the stage slowly, the Boston crowd roaring out in excitement as Gargano begins hopping around, working his wrists and preparing for the fight to come.

[ Tony Schiavone ] OH MY WORD! IT’S! IT’S THE FIEND!

[ Scott Steiner ] CHECK OUT THE TEETH ON THAT SUMBITCH!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] The darkest machinations of the mind of Bray Wyatt personified and breathing the same air as you and I – the Fiend is walking towards Johnny Gargano – and look! He’s got Pepé with him!

Sure enough, the Fiend has his grotesque, head-shaped lantern, light glowing through the mouth of his former visage in one hand, and in the other – Chavo Guerrero’s best friend Pepé the Horse. The Fiend slowly marches to the ring and eventually enters, still holding Pepé, but content to place him in his corner inside the ring as Senior Official Mike Chioda calls for the bell in this impromptu contest – for the possession of Pepé the Horse!

Referee - Mike Chioda | Time Limit - 30:00

Even after the bell rings, the gripping red glow from the house lights is pervasive, ominously bathing everything in a crimson hue – until a tech assistant smashes the control panel with his fist and the arena is given its’ normal lighting.

Because an arena being blood red for one match and nothing else is stupid.

Anyway – The Fiend dead-sprints into Gargano right as the lights return to normality, smashing him with a body attack and pinning him in the corner. The huge, gaping mouth of the Fiend is enough to send chills down the spine of the bravest men, but Johnny Gargano did his best to fight back, clubbing at the ribs of his monstrous opponent.

[ Tony Schiavone ] MY WORD! THE FIEND IS…IS A…HE’S A MONSTER!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Whatever the Fiend is, he’s certainly taking it right to Johnny Gargano – and that’s a fine strategy, if you ask me! Gargano is a competitor with all the heart in the world and a motor that DOES NOT QUIT!

The Fiend’s all-out strength keeps Gargano pinned for a moment or two, giving him ample opportunity to score with knee strikes to the abdomen and headbutts to both Johnny’s shoulders and forehead. It’s only when Johnny forces a tiny bit of separation with a jumping knee strike to the nose that he can scamper to the second rope and soar out, tornado DDTing the Fiend into the center of the ring to pop the Boston crowd!

Senior Official Mike Chioda gestures that the blow to the skull may have knocked the Fiend unconscious, but when he goes to check on him, the Fiend grabs him by the shirt violently and swiftly, startling the official and fans alike! Chioda escapes his grip and points to the shirt, reminding him that he is the official and can end this match here and now if he sees fit! Gargano doesn’t wait for that potential outcome and runs over, sentoning down across the Fiend and scoring a quick one count.

[ Scott Steiner ] I wouldn’t be bitchin’ with the ref that close to those big ass teeth, you comic book nerd! You better run!

Steiner’s advice is apt – as the Fiend strangles Gargano and takes him to the mat, headbutting him repeatedly! Gargano squirms out of his grasp and rolls away, both men rising up, deciding to springboard off the ropes for some sort of springboard armdrag – BUT THE FIEND BURSTS RIGHT THROUGH IT WITH A STANDING CROSS BODY BLOCK! What a display of quickness from the big man! The Fiend isn’t one to waste time and lifts Gargano, driving him into the corner with his shoulder again, tackling him repeatedly before stepping out and delivering a scintillating belly-to-belly suplex!

[ Scott Steiner ] NICE FORM! AIM FOR THE HEAD NEXT TIME, THOUGH, YOU ALLIGATOR DEMON!

The Fiend covers, but Gargano forces his shoulder up! The match will continue and Chavo pumps his fist victoriously on the floor, doing all he can to encourage Johnny to press on. In the ring, the Fiend snatches up Gargano and lifts him overhead, looking for a Military Press – but Gargano slips behind him and starts kicking at the legs! Fiend doesn’t register much pain, but Gargano hits another rising knee strike and is off the ropes – HURRICANRANA!

[ Tony Schiavone ] YES! THAT’S IT, JOHNNY!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Gargano’s got to turn up the speed if he’s going to catch the Fiend here!

Gargano does just that, continuing his pace and scoring with a low dropkick to the face! Cover! ONE! TW—NO! Fiend is up, throwing Gargano across the ring as he sits up, Michael Myers style! The Whole Shebang rolls back into the action and Cheetah Swipes Fiend, lashing him across the face with his shin before rolling backwards again and gripping the much-larger man for a German Suplex – BUT GARGANO CAN’T COMPLETE THE HOLD! Fiend is fighting back with all he’s got, trying to break the waistlock, but Gargano charges into the ropes – O’CONNOR ROLL! COVER! ONE! TWO! NO! Fiend pops him off by continuing his own roll, but Gargano hops on him, tying up the shoulder immediately!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] THIS IS IT! This is the Garga-No Escape!

Before Johnny can apply the facelock, though, the Fiend rolls inward and strikes – latching on the Mandible Claw! The Boston fans roar out in shock as Gargano scrambles for any reprieve from the pain in his jaw!

[ Tony Schiavone ] NO! OH, GOD, NO! IT’S HORRIBLE!

Johnny fights for a few moments, kicking and doing his best to break the hold before slowly succumbing to the pain and passing out. The Fiend keeps his hand clenched tightly on his jaw and registers the cover, Chioda counting begrudgingly – ONE! TWO! THREE!

WINNER - The Fiend via Pin Fall in 7:39

“Tangled Up in Love” plays again, crashing into our ears with force as the Fiend refuses to release Gargano from his clutches. On the floor, poor Chavito is beside himself with grief, begging for the Fiend to “let Johnny go!” Eventually, the Fiend grows tired of his assault and does just that, maneuvering to his knees and spreading his arms out wide.

[ Scott Steiner ] DOMINANT! THAT MONSTER’S FOR REAL, I GUESS!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] TOO REAL! Just ask Johnny Gargano! He’s still out – but a hell of a showing against something we’re not quite sure is even human!

The Fiend rises, stalking to Pepé and snatching the hobby horse quickly, exiting the ring with a grip on the horse’s head so tight it could pop at any moment. Once the Fiend is halfway up the ramp and disappears into the smoke and shadows of the entranceway, Chavo slides into the ring and begins checking frantically on Johnny with Chioda.

While Gargano recovers, rolling to his side, it’s the pained expression of Chavo Guerrero Jr. who looks longingly, and perhaps, more importantly, horrified at the ramp where he last saw Pepé, still in the clutches of the evil, destructive Fiend.

We fade to the back.

Las Vegas, Sin City.

A shot of the strip displays the bright lights of the city flashing against the night sky. A combination of golds, reds, blues, and whites look like fireworks the more you look at them. A quick shot of the famous “Welcome to Las Vegas” sign overtakes the screen.

A quick transition. Outside of a casino.

Kevin Nash stumbles out with a pink bra draped across his shoulders like it’s a scarf, a cigar in his mouth, and a beer in his left hand. His right hand is stuffing cash into his pants pocket as he notices the camera.

[ Kevin Nash ] Oh.. didn’t see ya' there.

Instantly, he puts on the Kevin Nash charm.

[ Kevin Nash ] I was just leaving my training facility.

The hair may gray, the body may age, but the confidence and wit never leaves.

[ Kevin Nash ] I was doing some final preparations for you, SGW. Can’t wait.

Nash drops the cigar on the pavement and stomps on it.

[ Kevin Nash ] Now, I know what you might be thinking - Does Kevin Nash still have it? Why not take the Magic Mike money and just go home?

Nash downs the remaining gulps of his beer and tosses the glass behind him, shattering it into a million pieces upon impact.

[ Kevin Nash ] I’ve seen the roster here. If Matt Sydal and Luke Harper can do what they do, then there’s no reason why Big Sexy can’t get a slice of this pie. A little bit of money’s great and all, but you know what’s better than that?

He smirks.

[ Kevin Nash ] More money.

His answer is frank, but you’d expect nothing less from Kevin Nash after all of these years.

[ Kevin Nash ] Solid Gold Wrestling.. Hell of a reputation you have for yourself. Big juggernaut, took a few years off and now you’re better than ever. Sounds like Kevin Nash. We’re a match made in heaven if you ask me.

He blows a kiss to the camera.

[ Kevin Nash ] See ya’ at Infiltration. I’ll take my deposit up front. As for my trip to the pay winda’, if you will, I’ll take that in small bills. I wanna’ roll around in it for a while.. Totally naked.. Like.. full on in the nude... before I take it to the, ahem, training facility for some extra work. You know me, always doing the most to be the best.

The scene fades to black.

KEVIN NASH DEBUTS AT

A quiet lull overtakes the arena as the fans in attendance are awaiting what’s coming next. With a show full of surprises thus far, the fans sit truly in anticipation and curiosity of what’s coming next.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Tonight has proved thus far that literally ANYTHING can happen in Solid Gold Wrestling, ladies and gentlemen!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] If I’m a title holda’, Tony, I am genuinely concerned at what the Championship Committee could possibly throw my way at this point!

[ Tony Schiavone ] As we go back to the ring for our next match, let us take a moment to congratulate all of the winners of the Year-End Awards! The entire list of all of the categories can be found on SGWrestling.com!

Suddenly, someone hops the rail and sprints into the ring, yanking the microphone from the hands of Justin Roberts! Eli Drake! The fans start booing as Eli Drake removes his sunglasses, revealing his bruised and swollen face from his assault from Tommaso Ciampa two weeks ago!

[ Eli Drake ] On a show that has no script, no semblance of normalcy, and hypes and unpredictable nature, it’s only fitting for me to come back and speak my mind! Let me tell you all about Solid.. Gold.. Wrestling..

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” clap clap clapclapclap

[ Eli Drake ] This company is nothing compared to where I came from! Where I came from has REAL history! Its roster is comprised of REAL competitors who care about the company getting better! It has staff who isn’t perfect, sometimes late, sometimes curt, sometimes requires us to do more than what we need to, and if you cross them, they’ll have you ran over in a monster truck or your faces burned off.. But they care! Unlike the Championship Committee in this piece of trash company!

[ Scott Steiner ] WHO’S THIS PIECE OF SHIT?!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] This is Eli Drake, Scott! He signed a SGDubya’ contract around a month ago, agreed ta’ team with Nick Aldis, had a poor showin’, and was viciously assaulted by Tommaso Ciampa at Holiday Hell!

[ Scott Steiner ] IF HE WASN’T MAN ENOUGH TO FIGHT BACK AGAINST TOUCAN SAM THEN HE AIN’T MAN ENOUGH TO MAKE IT IN SOLID GOLD WRESTLING!

[ Eli Drake ] SGW has you all brain-washed! They’ve convinced you that THIS is how professional wrestling should be! Oh, here’s a serious match! But hold on! Hold on! Here’s Colt Cabana in the bathroom doing a promo! Here’s Randy Orton winning a one-night tournament, but wait! Here’s Shane Douglas with his pants covered in piss for a month! WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND HERE?!

A full cup of soda sails through the air, hitting Eli Drake on the left shoulder, exploding everywhere on his shirt and the ring mat.

[ Eli Drake ] Well, that was a stupid thing to do.

He wipes the soda residue off his shoulder.

[ Eli Drake ] But no more stupid than this company thinking it was a good idea to constantly keep bringing in celebrities! What’s the reasoning? Where’s the logic? Is it about having fun or is it about trying to be a PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING COMPANY?! Huh?! Where I come from, we only use celebrities when necessary! Celebrities are used to bury our enemies because their voices matter! It’s only when the feedback is sent back and nobody knows who our celebrities are that we realize that it’s not our fault for booking them, it’s everyone’s fault for not knowing REALLY famous people!

BROOOOOOOOOO!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] MATT RIDDLE!

Matt Riddle comes from the back and stands at the top of the ramp, soaking in the surprised reactions from the fans. A LOUD “BRO! BRO! BRO!” chant breaks out as Riddle slings his flat-bill hat into the crowd. He slaps a few hands on his way down, walks up the ring steps, hops over the top rope and slings his slippers off!

[ Tony Schiavone ] This truly is a Card Subject to Change! Last I checked, Matt Riddle isn’t even a part of the SGW roster!

Riddle and Eli Drake are face to face with the fans still chanting for Riddle. Drake is demanding an explanation for the interruption. Riddle steals the microphone from Drake and looks him in the eyes.

[ Matt Riddle ] Bro…

“BRO! BRO! BRO!”

[ Matt Riddle ] You don’t even work here! You had your chance and you couldn’t make it in THE SGW, bro. That’s nobody’s fault but you own. As for me. I work for S.. G.. W.. and tonight’s my first night! So, here’s what I have in mind. I’m gonna’ have myself a match on this mystery show, dude…

A lightbulb goes off in Riddle’s mind.

[ Matt Riddle ] But my opponent won’t be a mystery.

Paul Turner runs down from the back and slides into the ring.

[ Matt Riddle ] I’m gonna’ snap your neck and cash this check…. BRO!

[ Eli Drake ] What?

Paul Turner calls for the bell and Eli Drake is in shock!

Referee - Paul Turner | Time Limit - 30:00

[ Tony Schiavone ] Looks like we have ourselves a mystery match from two men that weren’t even on the SGW roster as of this morning!

Riddle hits Eli Drake with a Superman Forearm Smash and hoists him up on his shoulders to the fans’ delight! Riddle marches around the ring with Drake struggling to get free. BRO 2 SLEEP!

[ Scott Steiner ] THE NWA SPY IS FUCKIN’ DEAD!

Riddle casually covers Drake as Paul Turner drops down. ONE.. TWO.. THREE! MATT RIDDLE HAS WON IN SECONDS!

WINNER - Matt Riddle via Pin Fall in 00:09

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Looks like SGW has a new rosta’ member and the name of the show has truly lived up to the billing! Matt Riddle is in Solid Gold Wrestling and nobody, not even Eli Drake, had a clue!

Matt Riddle plays to the fans in all four corners of the ring after Paul Turner raises his arm in the air in victory. “BRO! BRO! BRO!” chants flood the arena as a major surprise takes everyone completely off guard here tonight! Eli Drake’s time of talking has come to an end officially at the hands of the King of Bros!

Somewhere outside the arena, we see a blood-covered Killer Kross looking straight into the camera. He has scratches, welts, and the forming of bruises all over him following the death match he found himself in a little bit ago.

[ Dr. Stevie ] Kross, let me assure you, this setback is not as serious as it may seem on the surface!

[ Killer Kross ] A set back? That was no set back.

Kross flashes a sinister smile as he wipes blood off his brow.

[ Killer Kross ] That was a rebirth!

A smile escapes, which is odd to see from a man who went through literal hell not too long ago.

[ Killer Kross ] Dr. Stevie, I appreciate what you’ve done with me thus far. My rehabilitation and all...

He looks back to the camera.

[ Killer Kross ] But tonight has seen the true me has awaken. The man I was born to be.. I am undeniable. I see SGW for what it is. You want to treat me like a slab of meat instead of a human being? Is that how things are operating around here?

Kross wipes some bloody residue off his chest and licks the palm of his hand.

[ Killer Kross ] Fine by me.

Dr. Stevie raises an eyebrow.

[ Dr. Stevie ] I think.. I think we recognize one another more than ever.

The ideas are running wildly throughout Dr. Stevie’s head for his patient. The excitement is almost unmistakable in his voice.

[ Dr. Stevie ] ..And I REALLY like what I see from you!

The scene fades.

Back in the arena, there’s a definite lull in the air after the ominous vibe given off by Dr. Stevie and his ‘Doomsday Patient’ Killer Kross.

[ Tony Schiavone ] I’ll tell you, fans, that’s a menacing fellow, that Killer Kross.

[ Scott Steiner ] Again, gotta say my piece here, sick ass name. Wish he’d have been a bad sumbitch and nutted up to win the match, but I mean, hell – What a name.

The table is silent, really letting the strange vibe marinate in the Boston crowd’s neutral buzzing of energy – which is jacked up to eleven as the “Magnum P.I. Theme” hits the speakers!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Oh my! This Boston crowd have their hands up! They’re ready for their favorite officers!

[ Scott Steiner ] Awww, horseshit, these stupid sons’a’bitches…I hate cops normally as’it is, but these goofy bastards take the whole cake! And another cake, too!

Team Tremendous emerge onto the stage, their finger guns drawn as the Boston crowd replicate their trademark weaponry! The buddy-cop duo the world of SGW never knew it needed begin to make their way down to the ring as Nigel McGuinness speaks up on their behalf.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Now, I’ll admit, Scott – at first glance, these gentlemen seem to be your, well…your…

[ Scott Steiner ] RUN’A’THA’MILL OUTLAW MUDSHOW BULLSHIT!!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Yes, right, thank you – and yet, they’ve become incredibly popular with the crowd – and are building quite a record here in the division!

Before either Tony or Scott can reply, “Golden Lovers Theme” hits and the stage is bathed in a blend of gold and blue lights – and out come the titular Golden Lovers – Kenny Omega and Kota Ibushi!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Talk about a team with all the talent in the world, guys! This could be a fine opportunity for the Golden Lovers to revenge their upset loss to Team Tremendous at the special Shock episode last month, Scott.

[ Scott Steiner ] TOO TRUE! These sissy boys can kick ass – but they’re also really into them weird-ass cartoons with the girls with the big ass eyes, little ass noses? You know whadd’I mean? Racked out of their fuckin’ minds?!

Kenny and Kota climb the same turnbuckle and pose together before leaping into the ring and taking their corner – BUT THE FUN’S NOT OVER YET! The squealing guitars and loud drums blare over the speakers and build to a nice crescendo before a voice calls out:

SUPAH! KICK! PAH-TAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

And the Young Bucks, Matt and Nick Jackson, dance onto the stage and begin flexing, their outfits tonight a clear nod to the Riddler of Batman villainy.

[ Tony Schiavone ] These two young men, the Young Bucks, are mega-talented. Mega-charismatic. Hosts of their own show, Being the Elite, and yet, success in SGW has been fleeting for the Jackson Two. Why is that Nigel?

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Tony, teams like the Young Bucks do not fall off of trees! These young men GREW UP TOGETHER. TRAINED TOGETHER. DRIVE AND FLY AND LIVE TOGETHER – they are a total unit of talent which may not be matched in all of SGW history!

The Bucks reach the ring and hit their trademark dualing-HBK pose as the Golden Lovers look on with smiles at their friends and rivals. Meanwhile, the bad blood between the Bucks and Team Tremendous dating back to Fight to the Finish is clearly still an issue as many side-eyed glares are dished out amongst the duos.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Well, well, looks like we may have anoth—

Schiavone is interrupted by another theme song – it’s “Kingdom” by Downstait! The champions are involved here!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] THE GRANDSONS OF PLUMBERS!

[ Scott Steiner ] The boys who gots Fatty for a Daddy!

Cody and Dustin step out onto the stage in their matching ‘Dusty’ gear, championships shining around their waists and Brandi leading their way to ringside, a smile on her face.

[ Tony Schiavone ] You know something, guys, this team, the Brotherhood – could have the potential to unseat some long-term SGW records. I could see this team, with their brotherly connection like the Bucks, their incredible skills like the Golden Lovers, and their crowd support like Team Tremendous – going the distance!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Anything is possible, Tony – and with competitors like Dustin and Cody – you may well be correct!

As the Rhodes Brothers remove their championships and pass them and their entrance gear to Brandi, we are interrupted yet again by Maria, trotting out on stage with Justin Roberts in tow. He smiles and waves to a crowd he’s seen literally all night like a weirdo, but Boston forgives him and waves back.

[ Maria ] WOW! Check out all the super kewl teams in the ring right now! I think that there are two teams who need to wrestle right here tonight…and whooooo shouuuuuld itttt beeee? Hmmmmm.

Maria presses her finger to her mouth and scratches the top of her head in thought as Matt and Nick Jackson jump up and down, pointing to themselves. A slight “TEAM! TRE! MEN! DOUS!” chant breaks out in the top of the arena, but a “GOL! DEN! LOVE! ERRS!” one overtakes it. Cody and Dustin simply raise their championships in the air to draw another huge pop as Maria’s face lights up.

[ Maria ] THAT’S IT! YES! V SMART IDEA FROM ME! THAT’S LIKE, FIVE!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] …does she mean tonight…?

[ Maria ] I think you two with the championships are right! You SHOULD be the captains!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] …because I mean, if it’s her whole life, then, wow…

[ Maria ] So you, there, with the pretty blonde hair – your team will be…hmm…buff policeman, spaghetti hair, bandanna deer-man!

Cody looks puzzled at Dustin and around the ring.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] …but I mean, if she means tonight alone, wrong, but also, wow.

[ Maria ] And the handsome fella who looks like my dad with the other title belt, your team will be brown-hair deer-man, handsome smiling boy, and sunglasses cop!

Dustin and Cody look at one another incredulously as Brandi nearly blows a gasket at ringside. Mike Chioda begins distributing the teams at Maria’s discretion – and in a puzzling turn of events, we’ve got an atomicos match!

Maria claps, jumping up and down on the stage.

[ Maria ] YAY! RINGY RING RING THE BELL, BELL-RINGY MAN!

Bell-Ringy Man does as he’s told.

Referee - Mike Chioda | Time Limit - 30:00

Dan Barry and Kota Ibushi start the match as the bell rings. Kota swings wildly with a kick, leveling Barry hard to the mat. Barry crawls on all fours to the opposite side of the ring, pleading for Bill Carr to help him. Kota walks over and Carr slaps his chest, tagging himself in. Carr immediately checks on his partner and the two embrace with a big hug in the middle of the ring to a big pop. They immediately bring out their finger guns and point them at their own teammates!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Guns drawn, fellas!

[ Tony Schiavone ] And this is the least weird thing to happen tonight!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] If this is your first night eva’ watchin’ Solid Gold Wrestling, I don’t even know where ta’ begin!

[ Scott Steiner ] Begin with the toilet, ‘cause this is SHIT!

Both Young Bucks, Omega, and Ibushi sell it in horror but the Rhodes brothers remain on both ends of the apron, unphased. Barry screams at them, “DON’T YOU MOVE, PAL!” Again, neither Rhodes moves an inch. Barry continues, “I SWEAR TO GOD, DON’T YOU MOVE!”

[ Scott Steiner ] Oh good god!

Barry begins backing up and bumps into Carr. The two startled men spin around and draw the guns on one another! After a momentary standoff, Matt and Nick Jackson both enter the ring, SUPER KICK TO BARRY! SUPER KICK TO CARR! SUPER KICKS TO ONE ANOTHER! THE BUCKS ARE DOWN!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] SUPER KICK PARTY!

Omega tags Nick’s hand and hops into the ring, hitting a running V-Trigger on Matt! He picks Matt up on his shoulders, ONE-WINGED ANG- NO! Matt converts the attempt into a reverse hurricanrana, folding Omega’s neck like an accordion! Matt dives for the corner and tags Dustin, but Omega tags Cody at the same time!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Uh oh! Will we see the Rhodes Brothers duke it out?

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Tony, they’re gonna’ have to! They’re on opposite teams tonight and only one man can prevail with his teammates!

Cody and Dustin circle one another as Brandi slaps the apron with all her might, rooting on Cody.

[ Tony Schiavone ] I’ve known the Rhodes family since the 80s, guys, and Brandi’s disdain for Dustin and this Brotherhood team is something to keep an eye on. It’s just unlike her to put Cody’s future over family like this.

[ Scott Steiner ] Cody Rhodes lost to the pasty skeleton. I don’t feel sorry for a man who lost to that and still gets to climb the peaks and visit the valleys of a freak like Brandi Rhodes! Look at ‘em! Look at his family! Cody Rhodes has abs, something Dusty never had in his life!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Cody and Dustin definitely carry on the family tradition of their father!

[ Scott Steiner ] HE’S FAT!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Scott…

[ Scott Steiner ] Right… He WAS fat! RIP IN PEACE!

Cody and Dustin square up with a collar-and-elbow tie up with Cody backing Dustin into the corner. As they break on a two count, Cody kicks Dustin in the gut and climbs the ropes. One.. two.. Three.. Four.. five.. Dustin pushes Cody off after a few punches and shoves him. Dustin responds with a kick to the gut, drops to the ground and hits Cody in the face! He springs up, BULLDOG! One, two, no! Kickout! Dustin tags in Kota, who rushes at Cody and eats a power slam! Cody tags in Dan Barry and Barry casually covers Kota but it’s broken up! We now have all eight men in the ring and nobody really knows who to fight!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Eight men, four teams, houses divided here in Boston!

Omega and Ibushi team together, clotheslining Bill Carr over the top rope! Matt Jackson asks what Ibushi is doing, which leads to Omega clotheslining Matt over the top rope in defense! Nick Jackson comes over and super kicks Omega! Then Ibushi! But Dustin double clotheslines Omega and Jackson over the top! Cody dumps Dustin to the outside. The pile of bodies grow into one large stack. Cody climbs to the top turnbuckle and dives, CROSS BODY BLOCK ONTO FIVE MEN!

[ Tony Schiavone ] It’s excessive and farfetched, but it fits this show to a ‘T’, guys!

Back inside the ring, Dan Barry notices Ibushi prone from the super kick. He bounces off the ropes, hits the ropes on the other side, BIG SPLASH! Cover - one.. Two.. three! Dan Barry has secured a victory for his team in the most all-over-the-place strange bedfellows match of all time!

WINNERS - Cody, Kenny Omega, Dan Barry, & Nick Jackson via Pin Fall in 15:55

Once the match is over, there's no true celebration, there's just awkwardness as all eight men collect their regular tag team partners and head to the back. Cody and Dustin shake hands in the middle of the ring but no one else looks willing to engage in those festivities.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Well, that was certainly something.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Another winning idea by Maria!

We focus on the handshake and the awkwardness at ringside as we head backstage.

Zack Sabre, Jr. chugs a bottle of water and dumps a little bit of what’s remaining over his head as “The Franchise” Shane Douglas approaches.

[ Shane Douglas ] HAHAHA! ZACK SABRE, JR.! THE MAN OF A THOUSAND HOLDS!

[ Zack Sabre Jr. ] You’re thinkin’ of Dean Malenko.

[ Shane Douglas ] NEVER HEARD OF ‘EM!

ZSJ shrunches his brow in confusion, unsure whether Douglas is legitimate or not.

[ Zack Sabre Jr. ] But, you were in The Revolution with ‘em in WCW, yeah?

[ Shane Douglas ] THE FUCKIN’ FRANCHISE DOESN’T LIVE IN THE PAST, JACK! I LIVE IN THE MOMENT! HAHAHAHAHA!

Cathy Kelley walks in and rolls her eyes. After a deep sigh, she shakes her head.

[ Cathy Kelley ] Shane, c’mon! You can’t be stealing my interviews!

[ Shane Douglas ] THE FRANCHISE’S NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION FOR THE YEAR OF OUR LORD TWENTY-TWENTY IS TO DO WHATEVER THE FUCKKKKKKK I WANT! NOW, SCRAM!

[ Cathy Kelley ] But Shane, what kind of interviewer are you if you didn’t know Adam Cole is in the parking lot, covered in suds, washing his car RIGHT NOW?!

Douglas snaps his head to Cathy and thinks it over.

[ Shane Douglas ] IF YOU’RE LYING TO ME…

[ Cathy Kelley ] I would never.

Douglas scratches his chin and looks to Zack Sabre, Jr. with remorse in his voice.

[ Shane Douglas ] YOU UNDERSTAND, RIGHT?

[ Zack Sabre Jr. ] That you’re obsessed with the Adam Cole fella’? Yeah. It’s pretty well documented.

Douglas sprints away from the scene, doing his best to pull his shirt off over his head as Cathy slides right into his spot.

[ Cathy Kelley ] Sorry about that.

ZSJ looks at her completely unimpressed.

[ Zack Sabre Jr. ] As if you’re any better?

He scoffs.

[ Zack Sabre Jr. ] Go on wit’ it then. I’m busy.

[ Cathy Kelley ] I, uh.. Well.. Tough debut tonight, unsuccessfully challenging for the brand new Limitless Championship. Wh-

Sabre has had enough, taking the microphone from her.

[ Zack Sabre Jr. ] You may think to yourself, “Zack Sabre is a dickhead,” but you just go, too. Go rinse Douglas’ back as he washes Adam Cole’s car or whatever.

Sabre turns and looks to the camera and Cathy throws her arms in the air, unsure of what she’s supposed to do at this point.

[ Zack Sabre Jr. ] Am I pissed off and disappointed, sure. But not because I didn’t come away wit’ that championship. Quite the contrary. I’m mad I didn’t get the win. I don’t lose.. I also don’t condone fightin’ little girls. And if this Limitless Championship is goin’ to allow men n’ women to fight one anotha’, then they can have the damn thing. I don’t want anything to do with it. Zack Sabre, Jr. is a LEGITIMATE athlete! I’m not a gimmick, a talker, or some death match slime like this bloke..

The camera pans over revealing Darby Allin, literally minding his own business.

[ Zack Sabre Jr. ] Look at ‘em. So little. Look at the stupid face paint. He can’t even wrestle! Not like me anyway. He’s an embarrassment to this business that I hold so near and dear to my heart.

[ Darby Allin ] Are we going to have a problem?

[ Zack Sabre Jr. ] Look, mate, you’re not the person I came here to fight. Especially backstage. I am here to legitimize Solid Gold Wrestling. I’m not here to get into backstage brawls. I do not “sports entertain” anyone.

ZSJ pie-faces Darby, pushing him back. Allin responds with a stiff right hand to the face and a scuffle breaks out! Cathy Kelley steps back to give the two men room to fight, with each man struggling to get an advantage on the other. Finally, ZSJ takes Darby to the ground with a headlock and twists his arms back and forth until Nick Aldis walks in, mortified by what he’s witnessing.

[ Nick Aldis ] What in the hell?! Cut this out right this instant!

Aldis uses all of his strength to break Sabre away from Darby, now standing in between the two men. He begins scolding them like a frustrated father.

[ Nick Aldis ] I’m with you, Zack, I want this locker room and backstage area to maintain some class and dignity about itself. That cannot happen if you of all people partake in such tomfoolery. This is unbecoming, and as the locker room leader of SGW, I will not tolerate it!

[ Darby Allin ] Who made you the locker room leader?

Aldis turns to Darby with a smug look.

[ Nick Aldis ] I did. You want to dispute it?

[ Darby Allin ] I’d do a lot more than that…

[ Nick Aldis ] This is all your fault, you fool! Ever since you’ve arrived, you’ve done nothing but litter this company with your filth!

[ Darby Allin ] For two shows now you’ve done nothing but belittle me and talk down to me. I’m beginning to think the problem around here is you. All you do is run your mouth and you’ve not done a damn thing to back any of it up.

Nick Aldis forearms Darby on the bridge of the nose and drops him to the ground. Following up quickly, Aldis begins laying the boots to Darby as he tries his best to regain his composure. Boot after boot after boot, Nick Aldis isn’t satisfied with what he’s doing. Zack Sabre, Jr. washes his hands of the situation and walks off.

[ Nick Aldis ] HEY! I wasn’t finished with you. Where are you going?!

Aldis turns back to Darby, but he’s not there. Aldis doesn’t have much time to react until his eyes nearly bug out of his head. As the camera zooms out, we see Darby with his arm between Aldis’ legs! Darby jumps on Aldis’ back and starts rapid fire punching him in the side of the head, sending them both crashing to the ground in a heap! Finally, security hits the scene and begins doing their best to drag the two men apart! Nick Aldis has finally met his match and his name is Darby Allin!

The fans are still hot following that backstage brawl as we return to the ringside area. Inside the ring, Justin Roberts is standing with a microphone in his hand. Senior referee, Aubrey Edwards, is standing in the corner with her hands clasped, waiting on what's coming next. A hush falls over the arena as Roberts raises the microphone and begins to speak.

[ Justin Roberts ] Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is schedule for ONE FALLLLLL... and it is for the Solid Gold Wrestling... WOMEN'S WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPPPPPPP!

The fans pop huge and "Broken Bones" by Anti-Flag hits! Christina Von Eerie emerges from the back in her gear, a leather jacket, and the SGW Women's World Championship strapped around her waist. He walks to the edge of the stage and looks out at the fans with a proud look on her face. He pats the championship on the center plate and then begins pumping her fist, prompting the fans to begin chanting "OI! OI! OI!"

[ Nigel McGuinness ] And away we go! We've already seen the first-ever SGW Limitless Champion crowned tonight! We've seen Jimmy Havoc defend the Elevation Championship in a DEATH MATCH of all things... and now it's time to see Christina Von Eerie make the ultimate gamble with the Women's Championship on the line!

[ Tony Schiavone ] This is going to be quite the challenge, Nigel! Christina Von Eerie just wrapped up her rivalry with Lacey Evans that has been going on since SGW Revenge! There's no shortage of new challengers, either! We know Tessa Blanchard is looking for a title shot after defeating Alexa Bliss! Rhea Ripley is upset that she still hasn't received her rematch since Mile High Madness! Who is waiting on the other side of the curtain to try and take that championship away from Christina Von Eerie!?

[ Nigel McGuinness ] She has fought and scraped to make this championship mean something! She's spilled blood, even! The first-ever champion has taken on all comers since she arrived in Solid Gold Wrestling! I don't think it matters who is on the other side, Tony! They're in for a bloody war!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Let's not forget to mention, just a week ago, Christina Von Eerie was named the 2019 Female Competitor of the Year in Solid Gold Wrestling! She has the gold, she's the Female Competitor of the Year, and she's undefeated! Christina Von Eerie is riding high coming into this event!

Von Eerie makes her way down the ramp, high-fiving fans all the way. They loudly chant "OI! OI! OI!" over and over to the point that it's almost deafening. Von Eerie climbs the steps and then steps through the ropes before stomping to the middle of the ring and pumping her fist. She climbs to the middle rope and unsnaps the championship from around her waist, holding it over her head. Holding it up next to her face, she turns her head to stare into the center plate and gives it a gentle nod before leaping off the middle rope, landing in the ring, and shedding her leather jacket. Von Eerie walks to the center of the ring and lays the championship down. Standing on the other side of the belt, she motions toward the entranceway... "bring it on."

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Message sent, loud 'n clear!

[ Scott Steiner ] Ya'll know I don't normally give a fuck about these chick fights or nothin' but this little Hot Topic troll doll is a real bad bitch! I mean, I ain't afraid of her 'cause I'm a grown ass man and I can handle myself in a god damn fight but if it's anybody but THE MOOSE back there waitin' to come out here, I don't think this broad's got nothin' to worry about!

The camera zooms in on Von Eerie's face and she's clearly 100% focused. The "OI" chants slowly die down and we're left with a hushed silence as the fans wait in silent anticipation for who is coming out to challenge for the championship...

[ Tony Schiavone ] You can cut this tension with a knife! Who will it be!?

The Golden-Tron flashes to life and "Trap or Treat" hits! Over a black backdrop, letters begin stylishly flickering and flashing in place until they spell one word across the screen and tell the fans and Christina Von Eerie all they need to know.

The fans erupt in boos!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Wait, what!? Am I seeing this right?!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] That you are, Tony! JINNY! SHE'S SO HOT RIGHT NOW!

[ Tony Schiavone ] But... she just got here! This is her first match!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Jinny is the fashionista, Tony! She doesn't wait in line at clubs! She doesn't wait in line at fancy, five star restaurants, and you betta' believe she doesn't wait in line for title shots!

Jinny emerges from the back in a black one piece with silver trim and a flowing waist-cape that trails behind her. She has a microphone in her hand. She walks to the edge of the stage and looks out at the fans with utter disdain. She tilts her head back and looks down her nose at them, curling her upper lip in disgust.

[ Scott Steiner ] Why's everybody actin' like this is some kinda' big fuckin' deal!? This bitch looks like she weighs ninety fuckin' pounds! Who does she think she is, comin' in here and gettin' a title shot right out the fuckin' gate?!

[ Tony Schiavone ] It's Card Subject to Change, Scott! Anything can happen!

[ Scott Steiner ] Then give me Bryan Danielson! So I can get God's work done!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] No one in their right mind would eva' put you in the ring wit' Bryan.

Christina Von Eerie remains in the ring, looking surprised. The SGW Women's World Championship continues lie in the ring right in front of her. Von Eerie is clearly amped up, ready to get this fight going. Jinny stands on the stage, one hand on her hip, and she raises the microphone, a confident smile on her face.

[ Jinny ] So, this is Solid Gold Wrestling...

She gestures toward the ring with her free hand, acknowledging Von Eerie.

[ Jinny ] And you must be the big bad I've been hearing all about.

The fans cheer and begin chanting "OI!" over and over.

[ Jinny ] Yes. That's right. I've heard all about you, Christina. As a matter of fact, I've watched every single match you've had since you came to Solid Gold Wrestling. I've watched you fight, I've watched you struggle, and I've watched you bleed from that ugly little face of yours. More importantly, I've studied you... I've studied everything about you... and now that I'm ready to make my grand debut, this chaotic little mess of an event seemed like the perfect place to make my donation to the championship committee and take what belongs to me!

The fans boo loudly. Von Eerie shakes her head before perfectly executing the "jerk off and throw" gesture.

[ Jinny ] And I've done this, why? Because I don't wish to toil away in the mid-card for months and wait my turn? Absolutely. But more importantly, because that championship around your waist is the ultimate accessory.

She raises one finger in the air.

[ Jinny ] It's one of a kind.

And then she raises an eyebrow.

[ Jinny ] It's... perfection.

Von Eerie picks up the championship and holds it over her head, gesturing for Jinny to come down to the ring. Jinny smiles evilly and there's a twinkle in her eye. She continues speaking.

[ Jinny ] But as hard as you've worked to establish that championship, the fact of the matter is this, bitch. You've had your time in the spotlight. You've done a right good job of keeping that belt warm for me... but you're the first champion and I'm soon to be the woman who unseated the first champion so do yourself a favor and use the money you earn from this thrashing I'm going to give you, to buy something sleek and fashionable for the inevitable rematches because I'm not keen on burning my gear after I beat the brakes off boorish, ugly monstrosities such as yourself!

The fans continue booing. Von Eerie looks pissed. However, before this can go any further... she's blasted from behind by Aliyah and Vanessa Borne! The fans erupt in boos as Von Eerie is beaten down to all fours by both women! Aubrey Edwards is shouting at them to get off of her but they continue beating on her relentlessly!

[ Tony Schiavone ] What is going on here!? What are those two doing in the ring!?

[ Nigel McGuinness ] That's Aliyah and Vanessa Borne, Tony! The House of the Highers!

Von Eerie fights back up to her knees and begins throwing punches and elbows in every direction, trying to stagger the Highers. She fights Aliyah off, sending her stumbling backward. Von Eerie manages to fight back up to her feet and begins trading punches with Vanessa Borne! As they slug away at one another in the ring, Jinny casually makes her way down to ringside and begins carefully removing her accessories, dropping the waist-cape last before walking up the steps and making her way across the apron. Jinny watches the fight from the apron, resting her arms gently across the top rope. Von Eerie shoves Borne into the corner and begins lighting her up with right hands... but Aliyah reenters the fray and nails Von Eerie with a chop block from behind, cutting her knee out from under her!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Someone needs to do something!

[ Scott Steiner ] This is some god damn bullshit! Where's THE MOOSE to even the odds!?

Borne falls on top of Von Eerie and begins peppering her with lefts and rights as Aliyah does her best to hold her down. Von Eerie almost struggles free and Aliyah digs her nails into Von Eerie's eyes to cut her off!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Disgusting! The Boujee Brat is relentless!

Finally, Jinny steps through the ropes and picks up the SGW Women's World Championship. She gestures toward the Highers to get Von Eerie up and they do, lifting her back up onto her feet as she struggles against them. Jinny looks at the championship in her hands... and then blasts Von Eerie right in the head with it! The fans erupt in boos as Von Eerie goes limp in the grasp of Aliyah and Borne! Aliyah and Borne let go and Von Eerie falls down face first! Jinny stands over Von Eerie, smiling, and then holds the championship up at waist level, admiring herself. Aliyah nods, satisfied, saying "Yes! Slay, queen!" while Borne looks on, impressed. Jinny gestures for the Highers to get out of the ring and they do so, waiting at ringside.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] I can't say I agree with it but Jinny came 'ere with a plan tonight!

Jinny throws the championship at Aubrey, who barely catches it and almost drops it. Aubrey Edwards looks confused as she looks down at the championship but Jinny sets her straight, rather quickly.

[ Jinny ] Ring the bell, bitch!

Aubrey shakes her head, refusing to start the match because Von Eerie can't stand! Jinny shakes her head, furious, and marches over to where Von Eerie is lying. Von Eerie is already struggling to get up to all fours. Jinny snatches a handful of Von Eerie's hair and forces her to look in her eyes.

[ Jinny ] Stand and fight me, you pathetic--

Von Eerie hocks and spits right in Jinny's face! Jinny recoils and falls back on her ass, looking repulsed! The fans pop huge! Von Eerie struggles back to her feet and staggers backward into the turnbuckles, using the ropes to remain standing. She's clearly not all there after the belt shot but she looks at Aubrey Edwards and yells at her!

[ Christina Von Eerie ] ...ring the fucking bell!

Edwards looks down at the championship, biting her bottom lip... and calls for the bell!

Referee - Aubrey Edwards | Time Limit - 60:00

The fans are electric! Jinny rolls back to her feet and wipes at the spit on her face, looking mortified! Aubrey Edwards is checking on Von Eerie in the corner, trying to figure out if she really is good to compete... but Von Eerie shoves Aubrey out of the way just as Jinny charges into the corner and takes Von Eerie down with a FLYING HEADSCISSOR! The impact sends Von Eerie crashing into a seated position! Jinny posts up in the corner, waiting for Von Eerie to return to her feet! Von Eerie slowly rolls back up to one knee and turns around as she returns to her feet... ONLY TO GET NAILED BY A ROLLING WHEEL KICK! Jinny rolls back up to one knee and throws her arms out to the side, smiling evilly as she soaks up the boos from the fans! Jinny turns and snatches Von Eerie by two handfuls of hair. She pulls her back up to her feet and then grabs her wrist. She brings Von Eerie close, whips her out, and then pulls her back in... ACID RAINMAKER-- NO! VON EERIE DUCKS IT! Von Eerie executes a go-behind and DRILLS Jinny with a RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX! Jinny lands all on her head and neck! Both women are down!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Desperation move by Christina Von Eerie and it bloody well paid off!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Von Eerie has to be careful going forward! She's had a lot taken out of her before the match even started! She needs to capitalize before Jinny can recover!

Von Eerie is laid out flat on her back with both hands covering her face. She pounds her foot on the mat, trying to regain her bearings and rally the fans behind her. Aliyah and Vanessa Borne are practically halfway under the bottom rope as they shout encouragement at Jinny. Aubrey Edwards checks on Von Eerie again, kneeling next to her. Von Eerie waves Edwards off and rolls over on her side before grudgingly trying to push herself up on all fours. She crawls toward Jinny but before she can cover her, the Highers grab Jinny's wrists and pull her out of the ring! The fans erupt in boos!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Oh come on! This isn't fair at all!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Fair? This is far from fair, Tony! Christina Von Eerie has been mugged by the Highers and hit full-on in her bloody face with 'er own championship belt! The numba's game is in full effect here!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Von Eerie just can't catch a damn break!

Jinny is on her feet with both Highers on either side of her, checking on her and fanning her with their hands. Jinny is breathing heavily and looks pissed. However, just as she turns to reenter the ring, Christina Von Eerie wipes her out with a baseball slide that sends her crashing backward into the guardrail! The fans pop huge! Von Eerie lands on her feet on the floor and immediately nails Aliyah with a big forearm that knocks her flat on her back! Vanessa Borne grabs Von Eerie from behind and spins her around but Von Eerie kicks her in the gut, takes her by two handfuls of hair and tights... and slings her violently into the ring steps!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Look at 'er go! Even the odds, Christina!

The fans are going wild as Von Eerie turns around and points at Jinny, who is still leaning against the guardrail! Von Eerie charges at her but Jinny catches her coming in with a back elbow! Von Eerie staggers out, turning her back to Jinny while clutching her jaw, and Jinny grabs her from behind, spins her around, and whips Von Eerie into the guardrail so hard that it comes disconnected at the corner!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Jesus Christ! Get those fans back!

Von Eerie looks absolutely devastated by the impact and remains propped up by the guardrail for a moment. Jinny charges in full speed and Von Eerie sidesteps her, causing to crash into the guardrail with such force that she rag dolls over the top and lands in the front row! Jinny lands in the laps of several rowdy male fans and doesn't waste time selling the impact before she retches and rolls off their laps, looking positively like her skin is crawling. She gets to her feet and tries to walk away from them but Von Eerie whips her around and hooks her... SUPLEXING HER BACK INTO THE RINGSIDE AREA! Jinny writhes around on the floor, favoring her lower back! Christina sits up, staring straight ahead for a moment, collecting herself. Von Eerie gets back to her feet... and Vanessa Borne BLASTS her from behind with a big forearm shot!

[ Tony Schiavone ] YOU'RE JOKING RIGHT NOW!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] This is no joke, Tony! Aliyah is distracting Aubrey Edwards and has thus given Vanessa Borne carte blanche to do as she pleases!

Aliyah stands on the apron, keeping Aubrey Edwards' attention by trying to show off her stylish ring gear. Edwards tries to pull away but Aliyah just won't give up, even grabbing Edwards by the arm to keep her turned in her direction! Outside the ring, Vanessa Borne continues beating down on Von Eerie until she's in a fetal position before snatching her up... and DRILLING HER WITH A SNAP SUPLEX ON THE FLOOR! Jinny returns to her feet and grabs Von Eerie by either side of her head. She pulls her up and tries to force her under the bottom rope but Jinny can't get her all the way up on the apron. Jinny finally cuts her eyes at Borne and shouts at her, "HELP ME, YOU COW!" Borne snaps into action and they shove Von Eerie inside the ring. Jinny follows her in and Aliyah finally steps off the apron. Jinny covers Von Eerie! One! Two! Th-- VON EERIE KICKS OUT! Jinny sits up on her knees, looking pissed. She pulls Von Eerie back up to her knees and slings her chest first onto the middle rope. Jinny drives her knee into the back of Von Eerie's head and begins choking her on the rope until Aubrey threatens to disqualify her. Jinny gestures toward the Highers, signaling them, and then backs away with her hands up. Jinny teases going back after Von Eerie but Aubrey gets between them and pushes Jinny back... allowing Aliyah and Borne to each take one of Von Eerie's wrists and pull down, choking her on the rope! Borne finally lets go and places both her hands on the back of Von Eerie's head, pulling her down and choking her out!

[ Tony Schiavone ] This is ridiculous! This is three on one!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] I'm beginning to wonder if anyone is even watching this backstage! Where's Rhea Ripley to even the odds!? Where's Trish Stratus to enforce law 'n orda'!?

Aliyah takes a step back and reaches into her gear, removing a tube of lipstick! She begins using it to write on Von Eerie's face, smearing her features with bright red lipstick! Von Eerie struggles to get away, managing to claw Borne in the eye! Borne staggers back and Von Eerie snatches Aliyah by a handful of hair and punches her down! Von Eerie uses the middle rope to push herself back up to her feet and she turns around just as Jinny shoves Aubrey Edwards out of the way and charges at her! Von Eerie ducks a clothesline attempt and catches Jinny on the turnaround with a big right hand! She begins delivering a series of punches to Jinny, sending her staggering backward into the turnbuckles! Von Eerie keeps punching her and then climbs onto the middle rope! She begins delivering punches downward into Jinny's head! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! Von Eerie holds up her fist for all the fans to see and they begin cheering wildly... as Von Eerie delivers SEVENEIGHTNINETENELEVENTTWELVETHIRTEEN! IN RAPID FIRE SUCCESSION!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Don't stop! Go for twenty!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Afta' what they've put her through tonight, go for a hundred!

Vanessa Borne climbs onto the apron and Aubrey Edwards begins shouting at her get down! Von Eerie is too focused on keeping control on Jinny! Aliyah climbs onto the apron and with a steel chair and DRIVES THE EDGE OF IT INTO VON EERIE'S SIDE! Jinny hooks Von Eerie from underneath... and DELIVERS A LIGER BOMB RIGHT INTO THE CENTER OF THE RING! The fans boo loudly! Vanessa Borne allows Aubrey Edwards to turn around just as Jinny covers Von Eerie with a jackknife pin! Aubrey counts! ONE! TWO! THRE-- CHRISTINA KICKS OUT!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Where does she keep finding the energy!?

[ Tony Schiavone ] She's the first champion, Nigel! She's undefeated! She's the female competitor of the year! She walked into this match tonight with nothing to gain and everything to lose! Christina Von Eerie never says die!

[ Scott Steiner ] They forgot to put in the quit when they built this bitch!

Jinny falls back flat on her back, placing her hands on her face. Von Eerie is lying motionless on the mat, breathing heavily. Both women are exhausted. Von Eerie pushes herself up shakily. Jinny rolls back to her feet, waiting on all fours for Von Eerie to get up. Once Von Eerie has found her footing, Jinny advances on her, grabbing her wrist. Jinny pulls her in close and whips her out, perhaps preparing to deliver the Acid Rainmaker or Touch of Couture but Von Eerie comes alive and kicks Jinny in the stomach, pulls her in... and DELIVERS THE GRAVEYARD SMASH OUT OF NOWHERE! The fans pop huge! Von Eerie lays next to Jinny for a moment before finally rolling over and throwing an arm over her chest! ONE! TWO! THR-- ALIYAH PULLS AUBREY EDWARDS OUT OF THE RING!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] For the love of god, eject them from the ringside area!

Aubrey shoves Aliyah and begins yelling at her while pointing at the SGW logo on her shirt! Aliyah begs off, backing away toward the apron. Christina Von Eerie is up, looking pissed with lipstick smeared all over her face. With her back turned, we see Vanessa Borne slide a steel chair into the ring! Von Eerie reaches over the top rope and grabs Aliyah by a handful of hair! She pulls Aliyah up onto the apron... and PUNCHES HER DOWN! Aliyah tumbles off the apron and onto Aubrey Edwards, taking her down awkwardly with her! Von Eerie turns around... AND JINNY NAILS VON EERIE IN THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIR!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] DAMMIT, NO! GET YOUR HANDS UP!

The impact sends Von Eerie down to one knee! She looks up at Jinny with glazed over eyes! The lights are on but no one's home! Von Eerie manages to raise two middle fingers! Jinny tees off... AND NAILS VON EERIE WITH A SIDEWAYS BLOW TO THE HEAD! Von Eerie falls to the side and Jinny covers her, hooking one leg desperately! Vanessa Borne grabs Aubrey Edwards and shoves her under the bottom rope! Aubrey scrambles to the center of the ring! ONE! TWO! THRE-- CHRISTINA VON EERIE KICKED OUT! SHE KICKED OUT!

[ Tony Schiavone ] I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] The punishment this woman has endured... and yet her heart continues beating!

Jinny sits up, breathing heavily through gritted teeth. Von Eerie tries to sit up... but can't! She's too far gone, running on adrenaline and muscle memory! Jinny returns to her feet and pulls Von Eerie up onto her knees. Jinny pulls her into a piledriver position and hoists her up before losing her and dropping her back down onto her feet. Jinny pounds Von Eerie in the back with her forearm, loosening her back up... and then lifts her a second time... FOR A STYLE CLASH ON THE STEEL CHAIR! Jinny shoves the chair out of the ring and scrambles to cover Von Eerie..... ONE! TWO! THREE!

WINNER & NEW CHAMPION - Jinny via Pin Fall in 14:34

The fans erupt in boos and begin throwing trash in the ring as Jinny rolls off of Christina Von Eerie. Vanessa Borne rolls under the bottom rope with the SGW Women's World Championship in her grasp and crawls excitedly toward Jinny, shoving it into her arms! Sitting up on her knees, Jinny hugs the championship tightly to her chest! Aliyah slides into the ring and joins them as they celebrate!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] This... this is a damn shame!

[ Tony Schiavone ] This is nothing but highway robbery! Christina Von Eerie was robbed!

The Highers help Jinny back up to her feet and Jinny raises the championship over her head, drawing even more boos! Aubrey Edwards checks on Von Eerie, who is still completely unconscious in the middle of the ring.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Fans, this looks like a pretty serious situation... it was only about a month and a half ago that we had a similar situation here where Christina Von Eerie was the victim of a ruthless attack by Tessa Blanchard. There was a serious concussion scare and Christina did miss ring time due to the incident.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] It was a careless and... I don't care to say it... it was an EVIL attack by Jinny. Absolutely uncalled for to go after the head of Christina Von Eerie, knowing full well what she had gone through just a month earlier.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Well, you heard what Jinny said... she's watched every one of Christina Von Eerie's matches since she got to SGW... she's studied them... she knew about Christina's previous injury and she didn't care! She went straight for the head and... and... dammit, it paid off!

The Highers sit on the middle rope, allowing Jinny to exit. Jinny looks absolutely beat, staggering to the back with the championship in her clutches. Aliyah and Vanessa Borne follow her up the ramp as the fans boo. Jinny stops on the stage and raises the championship over her head, drawing even more boos. Aliyah and Borne smile evilly as they each take one of Jinny's wrists and raise her arms in the air. Finally, they all go to the back.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Well, there she is, gentlemen, the new women's champion.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Absolutely appalling. I'm in shock.

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Where was Rhea Ripley!? Why did no one come out to even the odds?!

[ Tony Schiavone ] I... I don't know, Nigel. I'm at a loss for words. What we just witnessed was vile... it was deplorable... I honestly don't know what else to say. We've just witnessed history here tonight, folks, and not the kind we're proud of, to be sure. Jinny is the new women's champion and I'm just... it's a punch to the stomach. That's what it is.

Inside the ring, Aubrey Edwards is helping Von Eerie into a seated position as EMTs and Reno SCUM have made their way down to the ring to check on her. Von Eerie's eyes are open but there's nothing there. Her hands are trembling as the medic shines a flashlight in her eyes. Luster and Thornstowe look furious. Luster even stops to kick the shit out of the bottom turnbuckle. Finally, Thornstowe and Edwards help Von Eerie to her feet and the fans begin applauding loudly, offering a standing ovation as we fade out and head to the back.

Backstage, everyone is in panic mode.

There's a crowd forming and EMTs are rushing onto the scene. We get closer to the center of the commotion and we soon realize why there's concern. Rhea Ripley is leaned up against the wall, staring off into space. Toni Storm is kneeling next to her with Tenille Dashwood and Jordynne Grace standing several steps behind her. Toni looks genuinely concerned as Ripley squints her eyes and shakes her head, trying to regain her bearings. An EMT kneels down next to Ripley and attempts to shine a flashlight in her eye but Ripley swats him away, looking annoyed.

[ Toni Storm ] Mate, did ya' see who did it?

Ripley touches her forehead with the heel of her palm and grimaces.

[ Rhea Ripley ] Find... Tessa... Blanchard...

Toni looks around, confused.

[ Toni Storm ] I... I don't think she's 'ere tonight.

Ripley lowers her hand and scowls at Storm.

[ Rhea Ripley ] I know ya' new 'ere, Toni... but don't play bloody stupid.

Ripley's eyes narrow, Toni looks taken aback.

[ Rhea Ripley ] She's 'ere... couldn't have been no one else.

Toni stands up, leaving Ripley to have her injury tended to by an EMT. Toni looks at Jordynne and Tenille, genuinely confused. Someone has assaulted Rhea Ripley backstage, rendering her unable to help Christina Von Eerie earlier just moments earlier! Who was it?! Tessa Blanchard?! Is Tessa even here tonight!?

As the scene cuts, we find ourselves in the catering area backstage. Brandi is seen scooping ice into a cold press and handing it over to Cody. Cody presses it against his left shoulder, grimacing.

[ Cody Rhodes ] Hell of a match out there.

Dustin extends a hand.

[ Dustin Rhodes ] Let’s never do it again. I’m too damn old!

Cody brushes it off.

[ Cody Rhodes ] Whatever, Dustin. You still got it, man. In fact, I’d even argue that you’re better right now, in 2020, than you’ve ever been in your entire career.

Brandi rolls her eyes.

[ Brandi Rhodes ] Alright you two, make out already.

[ Cody Rhodes ] What happened to your New Year’s resolution?

She isn’t sure what he’s talking about.

[ Cody Rhodes ] “Be nicer. New year, new me.” All of that stuff.

[ Brandi Rhodes ] If things quit making me mad, I’d be nicer. It’s give and take.

Matt and Nick Jackson, also showing signs of the aftermath from the eight-man, show up with towels around their necks.

[ Matt Jackson ] Holy crap, that was fun.

[ Brandi Rhodes ] Oh dear God.

Brandi drops her face into the palm of her left hand. Springing back up, she looks to Cody with a shrug.

[ Brandi Rhodes ] See? If the universe would just quit pissing me off.

[ Nick Jackson ] Nice to see ya’.

[ Brandi Rhodes ] Why do you guys show up literally everywhere we are? Seriously. Every show since you two signed, you only appear when we’re doing something.

Matt Jackson, breaking the fourth wall, turns and looks to the camera and then back to Brandi.

[ Matt Jackson ] Oh, I have no idea. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

[ Nick Jackson ] For sure.

[ Matt Jackson ] Yeah, like, it’s only gonna’ be weird if Kenny and Kota show up. Then we’ll know it’s on purpose and not just happenstance.

[ Kenny Omega ] Hey guys!

An exhausted Kota Ibushi comes limping in as Kenny Omega high fives Cody. Matt Jackson gives the camera a side-eye, doing his best Dwight Schrute impression.

[ Matt Jackson ] Alright. Now it’s really like someone just said “Screw it! Send in the Golden Lovers!”

[ Kenny Omega ] Heck of a mystery show so far! Felt awesome to get back in the win column. Finally!

Omega turns to Kota, regretting his wording.

[ Kenny Omega ] I mean, you fought valiantly, Kota.. Dustin.. Matt..

Omega is so happy he can’t hide it.

[ Kenny Omega ] The slump is over!

[ Matt Jackson ] You know, it’s funny. The SGW tag team division has never been this competitive. Teams are everywhere, great teams, hungry teams - and yet, here we are, just hanging out like nothing is wrong. Everyone’s just totally cool with one another.

Brandi crosses her arms and rolls her eyes.

[ Matt Jackson ] Well, mostly everyone.

Roderick Strong, Bobby Fish, and Kyle O’Reilly roll up looking mighty proud of themselves. Brandi’s face is now dejected.

[ Bobby Fish ] You guys see what we did out there?

[ Kyle O’Reilly ] Yeah! We beat Demolition - the GREATEST TAG TEAM OF ALL TIME!

[ Nick Jackson ] Like, better than yourselves?

[ Dustin Rhodes ] And the guys holdin’ the belts right now?

[ Roderick Strong ] You heard ‘em, grandpa. They beat the best team EVER!

[ Kyle O’Reilly ] Check the title histories. They beat Edge and Christian!

[ Roderick Strong ] And look at ‘em now! They run the place. Well, ran the place. Until we showed up!

Fish curls his mustache as he admires the SGW Tag Team Championships in possession of Cody and Dustin.

[ Bobby Fish ] Right. So imagine what’ll happen when we finally get our shot against the Brotherhood.

Brandi steps in front of Undisputed Era, waving her arms back and forth.

[ Brandi Rhodes ] Alright, that’s it. I’ve had it up to here with all of these teams who haven’t earned SHIT wanting title matches!

Things get worse for Brandi. Mark and Jay Briscoe bust into the scene and see what’s going on.

[ Jay Briscoe ] Aw hell, Mark! Look at what we got here! Got ourselves a got damn party!

[ Mark Briscoe ] I love ta’ pardddddy!

Jay Briscoe stays behind as Mark passes through the line of tables with treats and food items on them, filling a plate full.

[ Brandi Rhodes ] Let me guess, YOU TWO now want a title shot?

[ Jay Briscoe ] Actually, I came ta’ get some’a dem lil’ ass smokies in the crescent rolls.

[ Cody Rhodes ] Pigs in a blanket.

Cody nods.

[ Cody Rhodes ] They’re called “pigs in a blanket.”

[ Brandi Rhodes ] I will shoot you in front of all of these witnesses.

[ Jay Briscoe ] Yeah! But ay, toots, if yer passin’ out damn title matches, Dem Boys call dibs! I know we just showed up here, but ay, listen, we’d won that got damn match if the fuckin’ TRU WARRIORZ wasn’t involved!

Mark shoves a handful of bananas in the cargo pockets of his camouflage shorts and nods in agreement.

[ Mark Briscoe ] Y’ALL BETTA’ TELL ‘EM TO MAN UP NEXT TIME I SEE THEY ASS!

Mark notices the camera and slaps his chest while he screams, revealing his missing teeth and wild eyes.

[ Mark Briscoe ] MAN UP BOAHHHHHHS! PUSSY ASS BITCH! LEMME FINISH THIS CHICKEN BREAST N’ I’LL WHIP YA’ ASS! MAN UP!

[ Bobby Fish ] That’s where you guys are mistaken. You wouldn’t have won that match with or without Tha Tru Warriorz’ incredible return from obscurity, because us, the WINNERS, were in it regardless.

[ Jay Briscoe ] Ay, fuck y’all! Ya’ boys don’t want dis’ smoke! Naw! Don’t even play that!

[ Roderick Strong ] Dumb ass. They won the match you were in! They literally handled the smoke.

Brandi throws her arms in the air, completely giving up as we now see the Briscoes and Undisputed Era at a standoff. O’Reilly shoves Jay and Jay responds immediately with a shove of his own. Bobby Fish slaps the plate of food out of Mark’s hand, sending its contents landing all over Brandi, which seems to be a mixture of foods that were smothered and buried in ranch dressing.

[ Brandi Rhodes ] Someone should call 9-1-1.

A fight breaks out with tensions escalating quickly between Undisputed Era and The Briscoes! Trading blows and insults, everyone else is watching these two teams wage a four-man brawl right in the middle of catering! As the camera follows the action, we see Trent?, Chuck Taylor, and Orange Cassidy seated in the back part of catering, minding their own business, eating their meals in peace.

Mark Briscoe hits a judo chop to the throat of O’Reilly but O’Reilly kicks Mark so hard that he falls backwards, crashing into a table holding up warmers of vegetables! Green beans, corn, and potatoes soar in the air and land on top of Mark! Jay Briscoe and Bobby Fish’s struggle continues as they knock over another table. Having seen enough, Chuck Taylor stands on top of the table he’s eating at and screams.

[ Chuck Taylor ] HEY! I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!

Everyone turns and looks at him, which takes him aback.

[ Chuck Taylor ] Oh, shit. That worked.

He scrambles.

[ Chuck Taylor ] Uh.. Well.. I didn’t have a plan.. Uh.. We’re here to bring love to SGW and this SHIT really peeves me off!

Trent? climbs on top of the table, joining Chuck.

[ Trent? ] Yeah! Tone this SHIT down!

[ Chuck Taylor ] Man, I have to admit, it’s pretty cool being in a segment where I can just cuss.

[ Trent? ] Same. Y’all teams need to calm down! We’re just as important in this division as you guys and you don’t see us acting like idiots, you know?! Jesus!

The camera pans to show Orange Cassidy, in his fastest speed, reach down and pick up a fallen sub sandwich off the floor and slowly raise it back up to eye level.

[ Chuck Taylor ] Don’t you do it, Orange!

Orange Cassidy admires it momentarily, even removing a pickle and dropping it on the floor.

[ Dustin Rhodes ] What’s this guy’s deal?

[ Kenny Omega ] He doesn’t care about anything.

Dustin scratches the back of his head.

[ Dustin Rhodes ] Kinda’ stupid.

Orange Cassidy bites the sandwich and begins chewing so slowly that you begin choking yourself just watching him. He lifts his limp hand in the air, giving what seems to be as weak of a thumbs up as one can.

[ Chuck Taylor ] That was on the floor!

Chuck Taylor passes out at the sight, landing right into Trent’s arms. The camera pans back to Cody Rhodes, completely bewildered by all of this.

[ Cody Rhodes ] Awful.

He drops the ice pack and slings the SGW Tag Team title over his shoulder.

[ Cody Rhodes ] But I kind of dig it.

The scene fades.

Back at the ringside area, we find ourselves greeted by the commentary team. Scott Steiner is disgruntled as always with Tony Schiavone and Nigel McGuinness sporting cheerful expressions.

[ Tony Schiavone ] Ladies and gentlemen, what a show we’ve had thus far! Anything can happen inside an SGW ring and we’ve proven that tonight here in Boston!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] That’s right, Tony! What a way to kickstart 2020 hea’ in Solid Gold! Mayhem and chaos have overtaken this company tonight and we’re not even close ta’ being finished yet!

“Perfect Strangers” overtakes the arena’s PA system as the fans pop huge! Shane Douglas comes barreling out from the backstage area, microphone in his hand and a determined look on his face. He has the SGW Lifetime World Heavyweight Championship around his portly waist. He marches down the ramp and rolls into the ring. As his music continues playing, he begins screaming at the top of his lungs.

[ Shane Douglas ] CUT MY MUSIC! CUT MY FUCKIN’ MUSSSSSSIC! HAHAHA!

Instantly the music ends as Franchise takes center stage.

[ Shane Douglas ] CATHY KELLEY! YOU TRICK AND BELITTLE ME EACH AND EVERY GODDAMN SHOW WE HAVE AND TONIGHT, TONIGHT WAS THE STRAW THAT BROKE JOE THE CAMEL’S BACK! HUMPTY DUMPTY CANNOT BE PUT BACK TOGETHER!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Shane Douglas is a man on a mission tonight!

[ Shane Douglas ] I WARNED YOU, YOU BITCH! YOU STOLE MY INTERVIEW TONIGHT BY TRICKING ME INTO THINKING ADAM COLE WAS WASHING HIS CAR! YOU USED MY EMOTIONS, MY FEELINGS FOR MY BEST FRIEND AGAINST ME! AND I SAY “BEST FRIEND” BECAUSE MY OTHER TWO BROTHERS, CHRIS CANDIDO AND BAM BAM, HAHAHA, THEY HAVE BOTH WENT ON TO REST IN POWER, LEAVING THE FUCKIN’ FRANCHISE WITHOUT ANY FRIENDS EXCEPT ADAM COLE! SO YOU CAN SEE WHY USING FRIENDSHIP AGAINST ME HAS REALLY FUCKIN’ PISSED ME OFF, SLUT!

Surprisingly, the awful things Shane Douglas is saying about Cathy Kelley are driving the fans to cheer him MORE, which he is acknowledging as he wipes the sweat from his forehead.

[ Shane Douglas ] CATHY KELLEY, YOU HAVE FOOLED NOBODY BUT YOURSELF BECAUSE TONIGHT, YOU HAVE FOOLED THE FRANCHISE FOR THE FINAL TIME!

[ Scott Steiner ] HE DON’T MAKE ANY GODDAMN SENSE!

[ Shane Douglas ] SO CATHY KELLEY, WHAT I SUGGEST, IS THAT YOU WALK DOWN THE AISLE, INTO THE RING, FACE THE FRANCHISE, AND APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR SINS BY GETTING ON YOUR KNEES, HAHAHAHA, AND LIKE MY BUDDY ADAM COLE SAYS.. SUCKING MY DICK!

Almost instantaneously, Cathy Kelley comes power walking down the ramp with a confused look on her face. She enters the ring through the bottom rope and grabs a microphone from Justin Roberts.

[ Shane Douglas ] SOME BACKSTAGE CORRESPONDENT YOU ARE! DIDN’T EVEN BRING YOUR OWN MICROPHONE!

[ Cathy Kelley ] Because someone poured ketchup all over it!

[ Shane Douglas ] WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING?!

[ Cathy Kelley ] Judging by the filth all over your shirt, which, might I add, is the SAME shirt you’ve been wearing since 2006, I would suggest that it was YOU who did it! Especially since you’re out here running me down for doing my job!

She continues.

[ Cathy Kelley ] People don’t like you, Shane! They cheer for you because they don’t know what you’re going to do next! You’re a joke! You’re a horrible, rotten person who wears a fake title belt and pants covered in urine! You’re vile, vulgar, and the most unprofessional person I have EVER worked with!

[ Shane Douglas ] SAY THAT AGAIN! SAY IT TO MY FACE!

[ Cathy Kelley ] You are the most unprofessional person I have EVER worked with!

[ Shane Douglas ] HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO MY FACE?!

Cathy balls her fist up, it trembles with rage as she tries calming herself. With tears in her eyes and her voice cracking, she makes one more exclamation.

[ Cathy Kelley ] YOU’RE A JERK!

“OoOoOohhhhhhhhhh!” The fans start chanting “JERK! JERK! JERK!” towards the Franchise.

[ Shane Douglas ] I AM NOT A JERK! YOU FOOL! I DESERVE AN APOLOGY FOR THAT! FOR YOU SEE, I AM NO JERK.. I AM THE GODDAMN FRANCHISE AND I DESERVE TO BE TREATED AS SUCH OR ELSE I’LL STOMP YOU INTO OBLITACREE!

Cathy slaps Douglas across the face and goes to leave. Douglas steps in front of her, blocking her exit from the ring. Tim Storm sprints down and slides into the ring, quickly creating distance between Douglas and Cathy. He takes Cathy’s microphone and wastes no time getting in Douglas’ face.

[ Tim Storm ] Franchise, I know you’re upset but this is a woman who is simply doing her job, and might I add, doing a damn good job of it!

A nice pop from the crowd. Cathy wipes tears from her eyes as Douglas looks on.

[ Tim Storm ] This isn’t who you are, brother. You’re an SGW legend. You’re the most popular staff member in the entire company! You didn’t get to where you are now by being rude and crass to innocent people like Cathy! Don’t you know the way you treat people is a reflection on the way you treat yourself?

[ Shane Douglas ] TIM STORM, HAHAHA, YOU OLD MAN! LET ME TELL YOU A SECRET! YOU SEE, YES, I HAVE STOLEN CATHY KELLEY’S INTERVIEWS BEFORE JUST AS SHE’S DONE MINE, BUT THERE’S ONE THAT I AVOIDED LIKE THE FUCKIN’ PLAGUE! AND THAT WAS INTERVIEWING YOU! I HID INSIDE A PORTA-POTTY FOR EIGHT HOURS TO GET OUT OF IT! I PAID MATT SYDAL HANDSOMELY TO WRAP THE SON OF A BITCH IN CHAINS AND PADLOCK IT TO WHERE NOBODY COULD FIND ME TO FORCE ME TO TALK TO YOU AND SMELL YOUR DECAYING, ROTTEN, OLD MAN SKIN COVERED IN BEN FUCKIN’ GAY! HAHAHA!

Douglas steps up to Storm.

[ Shane Douglas ] AND EVEN THOUGH THE TOILET WAS SHOVED OVER BY HOOD RAT CHILDREN, THUS COVERING THE FUCKIN’ FRANCHISE IN BLUE CHEMICALS AND DYING HIS HAIR A SHADE OF GREEN FOR WEEKS, SHANE DOUGLAS STANDS HERE IN FRONT OF GOD AND EVERYONE TO SAY THAT THROUGH IT ALL, HE HAS NO REGRETS IN AVOIDING TALKIN’ TO YOU, YOU CRIPPLED PIECE OF SHIT!

[ Tim Storm ] Franchise, if I’m not mistaken, it sounds to me like you’re wanting to fight. If that’s the case, say the word and we’ll get a referee in here right now!

Bryan Danielson appears at the top of the ramp and begins pleading.

[ Bryan Danielson ] Hold on, hold on…

Danielson walks down and enters the ring to a chorus of boos from the crowd. Tim Storm stands in front of Cathy, protecting her while also keeping an eye on both men in the ring.

[ Bryan Danielson ] Tim Storm, what a knight in shining armor. Coming out here and sticking your nose in a situation that had nothing to do with you. You think anyone wanted to see you interfere in this? NO! People wanted to watch Shane Douglas smash Cathy Kelley’s head like a coconut in front of everyone, okay?

Douglas begins laughing like a maniac.

[ Bryan Danielson ] Sure, Franchise is wearing pants covered with piss all the time for some reason, but even with that detail, he is still twice the interviewer Cathy Kelley will EVER be! Just like I am twice the wrestler you’ll ever be, Tim! So it’s fitting that you’re taking up for her. Like minded fools unable to see that, simply, NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU!

[ Tim Storm ] Twice the wrestler I am, you say? How about more of a man that you’ll ever be because I fight with honor, pride, and respect for everyone!

[ Bryan Danielson ] Or how about you fight with foolish pride and don’t know when to quit, old man?

BAM! The Franchise drops Tim Storm from his blindside! Douglas begins stomping away on Tim Storm as Danielson is taken aback. Once he realizes what’s going on, Danielson joins in on the blindside attack, hitting Storm’s shoulders and neck with kicks! SCOTT STEINER HITS THE RING! THE CROWD EXPLODES! BIG POPPA PUMP HAS SEEN ENOUGH AND IS IN THE RING! DOUGLAS AND DANIELSON SCATTER! Steiner leans over the ropes, screaming for them to get back in the ring as Cathy checks on Storm, who is working his way back to his feet.

The Golden-Tron comes to life with Maria on it.

[ Maria ] Franchise, the mean bullying is over! You were nothing but a meanie to me back in SGW, bullying me every single week on Shock! Now, here you are being mean to Cathy Kelley! I wanted revenge on you so bad but you screwed me over and ran me out of SGW forever.. Until tonight!

Douglas looks on from the floor as Maria taps her temple, deep in thought.

[ Maria ] I tried making a stand against your bullying and you found a way out of it, but tonight, I’m in charge, bucko! So it’s time to make a stand for Cathy! Bad news, bully, we’re gonna’ have ourselves a SIX-PERSON TAG!

[ Nigel McGuinness ] Maria is bookin’ a six-person tag with five people!

[ Tony Schiavone ] Math isn’t her strong suit, Nigel, but rocking SGW to its very core is!

[ Maria ] Big Poppa, Cathy Kelley, and Mr. Storm! You're Team Cathy! Yay!

But then it hits her.

[ Maria ] Oh, there’s only two of you. Fitting, since nobody likes you two! Mean-heads! So let’s see… Do I make you fight three-on-two or do I play fair and find a partner? Hmm….

Gangrel appears in the background, flicking at the screen of his phone in delight.

[ Gangrel ] I just caught Clefairy! Nice!

Maria turns around and sees Gangrel and turns back to the camera, shock all over her face, gasping.

[ Maria ] GANGREL CAN BE THE THIRD MAN! SCOTT STEINER HATES GANGREL! IT CAN BE SOME SORT OF HISTORICAL REMATCH THINGY! DOUBLE YAY!

Gangrel looks up from his phone in confusion.

[ Maria ] Vampire Man, I’ll pay you twenty bucks to go to the ring and team with Bryan Danielson and Shane Douglas!

Gangrel shrugs.

[ Gangrel ] Would’ve done it for five, but fine.

Gangrel walks out of the shot and the lights immediately dim before a red haze falls over the arena! "The Brood" hits and a circle of fire ignites on the stage. However, it goes to waste as Gangrel enters through the curtain, seeing as how he was obviously backstage 10 seconds ago and not underneath the stage. Gangrel stops to admire the circle of fire before chuckling and saying "Cool!" before making his way down to the ring with his cellphone in his hand.