02 / 08 / 2020 | PPG Paints Arena | Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators - Nigel McGuinness, Tony Schiavone, & "Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner
Austin Aries def. Grim Reefer via Pin Fall w/
450 Splash in 5:22
We open up in the parking lot outside the arena. The live crowd begins buzzing with anticipation, wondering what we're about to witness. A black stretch limousine pulls into the shot and that anticipation begins to grow. Once the vehicle has come to a complete stop, the driver steps out and walks briskly to the back, opening the door and stepping aside...
The fans erupt in boos as Arn Anderson is the first man out in jeans and a denim button-up shirt. He surveys the surroundings and nods, satisfied. Behind him, Steve Corino steps out, drawing even more boos from the fans. Corino wrings his hands together, smiling that crooked Steve Corino smile. He pats Anderson on the back and stands next to him. Seconds later, Adam Cole exits the vehicle in sun glasses and a three piece suit with the SGW World Heavyweight Championship over his shoulder. He reaches back inside the vehicle and takes the hand of Britt Baker, who steps out of the vehicle in a short blue dress.
The fans are relentless as they boo the perpetrators of one of the greatest heists in SGW history. The four of them begin making their way toward the entrance when they're stopped by Cathy Kelley, wearing a yellow dress and the SGW Lifetime World Championship around her waist. She desperately wants this interview.
[ Cathy Kelley ] Arn! Adam! Can I get a quick word?
Corino's eyes narrow. He looks annoyed.
[ Steve Corino ] Hey, what am I? Chopped freakin' liver? I'm standin' right here, too.
Anderson holds his hand up, gesturing for Corino to shut up. Corino rolls his eyes.
[ Arn Anderson ] Make it quick, little lady.
[ Cathy Kelley ] You all shocked the world at Infiltration when this... master plan of yours came together once and for all... a master plan that's been in motion since SGW Revenge--
Anderson holds up one finger, silencing her.
[ Arn Anderson ] I'm gonna stop you right there, Cathy, because it's evident that you have no idea what you're talkin' about. What went down at Infiltration has been a long time comin'... from even before SGW Revenge was a twinkle in Jeff Jarrett's eye. This...
Anderson gestures toward Corino and Cole standing behind him.
[ Arn Anderson ] This is the sins of the past comin' back to bite ol' Double J in the ass.
[ Steve Corino ] Right in the ass.
[ Arn Anderson ] The future of this company isn't this newfangled freak show that Jeff Jarrett is puttin' on these days. The future of this company... is the past.
Anderson leans in, looking Cathy right in the eyes.
[ Arn Anderson ] The Origin, if you will.
Anderson motions ahead, looking right past Cathy.
[ Arn Anderson ] Come on, boys. We got business to take care of.
Anderson walks past Cathy, toward the entrance. Cole saunters up to her, smiling.
[ Adam Cole ] ...Boom.
He offers a dry laugh and walks away with Britt Baker on his arm. Steve Corino stops to look her up and down. He points at himself with his thumb.
[ Steve Corino ] Boom.
She looks disgusted, probably having gotten a good look at his teeth.
[ Steve Corino ] Idiot.
Corino walks past her, leaving her looking offended as we cut to the ring for the first match.
sounds and MJF drops down and rolls out of the ring as the other
seven men clash in the center of the ring with Mike Chioda doing his
best to try to restore order and get one member from each team to
start the match officially. With the numbers favoring them,
Danielson, Janela, Pentagon, and Breeze begin teaming up and dumping
Nunzio, Aleister, and Kross to the outside. Janela goes up top and
dives off the top turnbuckle hitting Kross, MJF, and Nunzio, a
Aleister moves out of the way at the last second, avoiding contact!
“HOLY SHIT!” chants scatter in the arena but don’t last long enough
WINNERS - Maxwell Jacob Friedman, Killer Kross, Aleister Black, & Nunzio via Pin Fall in 12:11
] Bryan Danielson just cost his team the victory!
We go backstage where we see Cathy Kelley standing by with Charlotte Flair. Charlotte is already in her gear and entrance robe. The fans "WOOOO!" upon seeing the daughter of "The Nature Boy" for the first time in Solid Gold Wrestling. Cathy has a huge smile on her face.
[ Cathy Kelley ] Charlotte Flair! It's really awesome to see you here in SGW!
Charlotte nods, smiling confidently.
[ Charlotte Flair ] It's great to be here, Cathy... to stand where my father once stood as the Solid Gold Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion. It's an honor to stand here amongst his accomplishments. You could even say that my father helped build this company and shape it into what it is today...
She tilts her head back, soaking it all in. The fans are cheering.
[ Charlotte Flair ] It's intimidating. It's a lot to live up to.
And then she looks back down at Cathy.
[ Charlotte Flair ] But I think I'm up to the challenge.
Charlotte smiles and nudges Cathy with her elbow.
[ Charlotte Flair ] Don't you?
Cathy nods enthusiastically.
[ Charlotte Flair ] Tonight, a new chapter in the Flair Legacy begins in Solid Gold Wrestling.
She rubs her hands together anxiously.
[ Charlotte Flair ] I certainly don't envy Candy Floss tonight.
[ Charlotte Flair ] ...and why would I? I'm a Flair.
She lets out a loud "WOOOOOOOOO!" and the fans pop huge. Charlotte wanders off-camera, leaving Cathy alone. However, the camera slowly begins to zoom past her, looking over her shoulder. Once the camera focuses, we see Gionna Daddio and Zahra Schreiber watching from afar. Gionna raises an eyebrow, looking intrigued.
[ Gionna Daddio ] ...Interesting.
[ Zahra Schreiber ] This one's all yours.
"I am the greatest man that ever lived."
"I was born to give and give and give."
bell rings after both competitors take their corners, referee
Edwards giving both competitors the signal to go. Barbie and Hana
circle each other for a few seconds, as if trying to measure each
other. Barbie is the first to approach, clearly approaching for a
collar and elbow tie-up to get started; Hana approaches as if she’s
going to meet her only to bail at the last minute. She seems bored,
pacing around the ring, thumbing towards her competition and saying
“Really? Really?” to the crowd. The crowd seems about fifty-fifty on
the move, but Barbie collects herself to square up again. Hana
turns, looking like she’s going to meet her opponent...only to bail
at the last second, this time getting more boos from the audience.
If the boos are bothering here, she doesn’t seem to be showing it;
if anything she relishes in them, making a mocking crying motion to
WINNER - Barbie Blank via Count Out in 5:39
[ Tony Schiavone
] Don’t call it a comeback, Barbie Blank is the real deal
with a huge victory over Hana Kimura here!
has been transformed in the blink of an eye, a real credit to the
SGW Ring Crew, as a nice carpet is spread over the canvas and a
conference table and four chairs are in the middle of the squared
circle. Before anything can be wondered aloud on commentary, the
squealing guitar blares over the speakers and out strolls none other
than SGW Championship Committee Member Bret “the Hitman” Hart!
Chuck Palumbo, and David Ortguna stand with their arms crossed
behind Nunzio, who is seated at a poker table backstage. Seated on
the other side of the small wooden table is Al Snow and the Blue
Meanie. Meanie’s hands are shaking with nerves as Snow draws circles
on the green felt covering the top of the table.
his technical masterpiece against Matt Riddle, Zack Sabre Jr. was a
man on a mission in this strange tag team contest, tying up Elias in
the early going. The Drifter’s long limbs give Sabre plenty to hang
on to and manipulate painfully, but Elias’ long levers also allow
him ample opportunity to scuttle to the ropes and break any hold
that the Technical Wizard applies.
Zack Sabre, Jr. & Austin Theory
[ Scott Steiner
] THIS SABRE IS A HELL OF A TECHNICIAN, BUT SHIT HE NEEDS TO
HIT THE GYM!
WINNERS - Elias & Jimmy Jacobs via DQ in 8:32
Pittsburgh are far more satisfied with this result and Sabre is
INSTANTLY through the ropes, in Turner’s face and arguing as Theory
buries his head in his hands in sadness.
Backstage, Cathy Kelley is standing alongside Tim Storm. Cathy is
wearing a black dress that rests right off of her shoulders and Tim
Storm is in his ring gear with a black “WrestleBrawl 3” shirt tucked
into his tights. She sports a big smile as she addresses the camera.
As soon as the bell rings, Sami Zayn charges across the ring at AZM and goes for a running big boot but she ducks underneath it and immediately school boys him out of nowhere! The attempt only gets two before Zayn kicks out with force and AZM rolls back to her feet with a cocky smile on her face. Sami Zayn places both hands on the sides of his head and looks shocked at how quickly he almost lost the championship to a 16 year old girl! Gregory Helms and Starlight Kid are at ringside, cheering on their partners.
[ Tony Schiavone ] What an unlikely match-up this is!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] And it almost came to a screeching halt with a new champion!
[ Scott Steiner ] If I lost a match to a 10 year old girl, I'd kill myself!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Well, that's... that's insensitive to say in 2020, Scott.
[ Scott Steiner ] You're god damn right. Allow me to rephrase that! If I was Sami Zayn, I'd kill myself!
Sami Zayn rises to his feet and lunges at AZM again but this time, she takes his knees out with a basement drop kick! Zayn goes down and AZM hits the ropes before drilling him in the side of the head with another dropkick! The fans are going wild as Zayn frantically rolls under the bottom rope and to the floor where Gregory Helms begins to check on him. As Helms assures Sami Zayn that he's got this one in the bag, AZM flies through the ropes and wipes out Sami with a SUICIDE DIVE!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] WHAT A BLOODY HIT!
[ Scott Steiner ] She knows better than to try somethin' like that with a real man! Somebody like Sami Zayn, though!? I consider those types o' people... PAPER PEOPLE! Fuckin' disposable! A stiff breeze will knock somebody like that over and you just saw fuckin' proof of that!
The fans begin loudly chanting "AH-ZOO-MAY!" over and over! Before AZM can capitalize, however, Gregory Helms snatches her up by two handfuls of hair and pulls her off of Zayn! Rick Knox is shouting at Helms to let her go or he'll disqualify him but that doesn't stop Helms from ragdolling her around like a total dick! However, the boos that come along with his actions quickly turn into cheers as... STARLIGHT KID MOONSAULTS OFF THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR, WIPING HELMS OUT!
[ Scott Steiner ] WHAT'S WITH ALL THESE GOD DAMN FLYIN' KIDS!?
AZM falls away from the collision and looks on in surprise as Starlight rises to her feet and jumps up and down with a huge smile on her face... before Sami Zayn blindsides her with a shoulder tackle that sends her ragdolling into the ring steps! Before AZM can react, Zayn grabs her by the hair and slings her under the bottom rope! Zayn follows her in and almost looks sympathetic as he pulls the small girl to her feet and then whips her into the corner! Zayn follows her in... HELLUVA KICK!
[ Tony Schiavone ] GOOD GOD! SHE'S JUST A KID FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
[ Scott Steiner ] Then she shouldn't be in the god damn ring!
AZM spins out and face plants on impact! Zayn snatches her up... BRAINBUSTER! He rolls through and picks her up a second time... FOR A SECOND BRAINBUSTER! Zayn covers her and hooks both legs, gritting his teeth as he desperately locks her up! One! Two! Three!
WINNER & STILL CHAMPION -
The fans boo loudly as Zayn releases the pin and rolls off of her like he just had the match of his life. Starlight Kid slides into the ring to check on AZM, favoring her own back and neck as she does so. Rick Knox hands Sami Zayn the Limitless Championship and he clutches it to his chest, a cheesy smile crossing his face as he looks down at it.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Well, congratulations, Sami. Ya' needed help to beat a 16 year old girl!
Gregory Helms climbs into the ring and without warning, snatches up Starlight Kid by her mask and begins violently shaking her! The fans boo loudly as Helms smirks and throws her down on the mat next to AZM! She tries to get up and Helms pushes her back with his boot! "THAT'S WHERE YOU BELAWNG! ON THE DAMN GROUND!" and then he points at Sami Zayn, shouting "NOT LIKE SAMI ZAYN! UH-UH! SAMI ZAYN IS ON TOP OF THE WORLD!"
[ Tony Schiavone ] Gregory Helms is insufferable!
The fans suddenly pop huge as Ruby Riott explodes from the back and slides under the bottom rope! Gregory Helms tries to meet her coming in with a clothesline but she ducks it and he spins around... RIOTT KICK! Helms sells it like electricity is coursing through his body and then he drops stiff as a board and rolls out of the ring!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Ruby Riott is HERE! Get'em, Ruby!
Ruby gets back to her feet and turns around, laying eyes on Sami Zayn as he clutches the Limitless Championship, frozen in his tracks like she just caught him preparing to hit her with the belt! Zayn and Riott stare each other down... and then Zayn shakes his head and exits the ring!
[ Scott Steiner ] PUSSY!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Sami Zayn doesn't want any of Ruby Riott!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] They've had beef since Card Subject to Change where she almost defeated him to become the Limitless Champion... and he's shown no desire to mix it up with her again!
Gregory Helms catches up to Zayn on the ramp, favoring his jaw, looking up at the ring in anger. Zayn holds up the championship and shakes his head, dramatically shouting "GIVE IT UP, RUBY! NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!"
[ Tony Schiavone ] That's not your decision to make, Sami!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Ruby will have her day, Tony. I have no doubt about it!
Inside the ring, Ruby Riott looks furious as she watches them leave. We fade to black and head backstage as Ruby Riott turns to check on AZM and Starlight Kid.
We go backstage where we see Lacey being tended to by a backstage medic. She's clearly okay and the medic is just going through the motions to make sure that's the case. Jimmy Jacobs is pacing back and forth, seething with anger. Lacey is visibly annoyed.
[ Lacey ] Jesus Christ, Jimmy! Will you stop pacing!? You're driving me insane!
She pushes the medic aside and points at a chair.
[ Lacey ] Sit down!
Jimmy grabs both sides of his head, pulling at his hair.
[ Jimmy Jacobs ] Sit down? How can I sit down when that... that shaved ape with the body of a Greek god just manhandled you!? He has to pay, Lacey! He has to pay for what he's done to--
Before Jimmy can get any further, the door swings open violently and Elias storms into the room, looking worse for wear. He glares at Jacobs, trembling with anger, sweat rolling off his face. Jimmy looks up at him, a look of surprise on his face.
[ Jimmy Jacobs ] Oh, hey, Elias--
[ Elias ] What the hell was that, man?!
Jimmy gestures toward Lacey.
[ Jimmy Jacobs ] I had to make sure she was--
[ Elias ] Don't give me that! You left me out there, high and dry! I got my ass kicked, little boy! You think I care whether or not you get to impress your little girlfriend by runnin' her back here and walking out on our match? I don't think so!
[ Lacey ] For the record, I wasn't impressed at all!
[ Elias ] You agree to team up with Elias, that's an obligation you don't back down from, son!
Jimmy shakes his head, looking pissed. He goes to walk past Elias.
[ Jimmy Jacobs ] Screw this. I'm gonna go find Austin Theory! I have to handle this like a man!
He looks down at his trembling fist.
[ Jimmy Jacobs ] Like a man... in love.
Elias places his hand on Jimmy's chest, stopping him in his tracks.
[ Elias ] We're not finished here. You can worry about gettin' revenge for your groupie--
[ Lacey ] GROUPIE!? Excuse me!? KICK HIS ASS, JIMMY!
Elias whips his head in her direction and points right at her.
[ Elias ] That's enough outta' you, woman--
And Jimmy suddenly punches Elias right in the chin! Elias staggers back into the wall, knocking a framed picture to the floor. Jimmy rages out, pulling his hair again, clearly unable to process everything that's gone down tonight in a mature way. Jimmy storms out of the room, leaving Lacey to be tended to by the medic, who looks on in surprise. Elias stands upright and touches the point of impact on his chin. He licks his lips, perhaps inspecting for traces of a busted lip. Elias shakes his head as he watches Jimmy disappear in the distance, a man on a mission.
[ Elias ] ...Not cool, Jimmy.
"SLATER'S GONNA SLATE!"
Anderson and Gallows do Rock, Paper, Scissors to determine who will
start off the match. After a couple of rounds, it looks like Gallows
is the lucky winner. Luke Gallows enters the ring and is met across
the mat by the massive WALTER.
WINNERS - Villain Enterprises via Submission in 6:45
We cut backstage where we see The IIconics chatting between one another, already in their gear for later tonight. The fans erupt in boos at the very sight of them. Once they notice that the camera is on them, they straighten up and begin speaking directly to us, the viewers at home.
[ Billie Kay ] Do we 'ave your attention now, Sawlid Gawld Rasslin'?!
[ Peyton Royce ] At Infiltration, we did EXACTLY what we set out t' do... when we defeated the Big Butt Bimbos or the Big Fat Booty Buddies or WHATEVA' embarrassin' name they was callin' themselves--
[ Billie Kay ] It was definitely the Booty Buddies.
[ Peyton Royce ] Idiotic.
[ Billie Kay ] Quite pawsibly the dumbest thing I've EVA' heard!
[ Peyton Royce ] OH IT'S THE WORST!
[ Billie Kay ] Like, if cancer 'n AIDS put togetha' a stable wit' the Australian wildfires--
Peyton sobs and wipes a tear away.
[ Peyton Royce ] RIP in peace, baby koalas.
[ Billie Kay ] --I would expect their name t' be somethin' 'orrible like the Booty Buddies.
They both laugh.
[ Peyton Royce ] But now that we've decisively beaten them--
[ Billie Kay ] With Tawni Starm bein' the numba' one contenda' even!
[ Peyton Royce ] We're announcin' right 'ere 'n right now... we want one o' them spots in the WrestleBrawl 3 Fatal Four Way for those brand new, shiny TWINSTAH CHAMPIONSHIPS!
The fans erupt in boos at the proclamation. Those boos become even louder when Jinny walks into the shot with the SGW Women's World Championship over her shoulder. Aliyah and Vanessa Borne trail behind her, looking unimpressed. The IIconics look taken aback by this appearance. Jinny tilts her head back, staring down her nose at them.
[ Jinny ] And you did it all by yourself, didn't you, darlings?
Billie and Peyton look at each other nervously and then back at Jinny.
[ Peyton Royce ] Well...
Jinny scowls, her eyes threatening to burn a hole straight through them.
[ Jinny ] Leave, bitches.
Without a word, Billie and Peyton vanish from the scene. Jinny turns to face the camera with Aliyah and Vanessa standing on either side of her. She looks down at the championship on her shoulder lovingly before cutting her eyes in the direction of the camera.
[ Jinny ] Toni Storm.
The fans cheer at the mention of her name.
[ Jinny ] You and I have a date... February 22nd.
Aliyah nods, an arrogant smile on her face.
[ Jinny ] Heartbreaker.
Her eyes narrow.
[ Jinny ] I've told everyone since I arrived here in Solid Gold Wrestling... this is my women's division. This is my championship. I took the last little girl who thought she was a real bad bitch... I sent her running for the hills and she's too bloody scared to show 'er face. Now, all of this belongs to me... not only am I the champion but I'm the locker room leader... I call the shots, darling... and I'm calling my shot right now.
She stares hard into the camera.
[ Jinny ] Toni Storm... is ova'.
Vanessa smiles evilly. Aliyah chews her gum obnoxiously.
[ Aliyah ] Good one, Jinny.
Jinny slowly turns her head and glares at Aliyah, shutting her up instantly. Fade out.
Charlotte and Candy Floss start circling one another around the ring, and quickly lock up with one another, pushing one another around, until Charlotte gets the upper hand, and quickly starts working over the arm of Candy Floss, who is looking a bit distressed, as referee Aubrey Edwards checks on Candy Floss, making sure she can continue the match.
WINNER - Candy Floss via Disqualification in 11:19
McGuinness ] The Kaiju's out 'ere takin' ova! Beatin' the hell outta Candy right now!
"Something WICKED This Way Comes."
Jake Hager is seen taking two bottles of champagne and shoving
them deep into bowls of ice. Chris Jericho leans forward in front of
a mirror, taking a long look at himself.
[ Chris Jericho ] Solid Gold Wrestling has no idea what they’ve done letting the Painmaker in their doors. This place has been running like a well-oiled machine, nothing seemingly able to stop it!
Jericho slips his leather jacket on, the silver spikes glimmering in the lights.
[ Chris Jericho ] Until now.
Jericho turns to face Hager.
[ Chris Jericho ] Right, Jakey-boy?
[ Joey Janela ] Hell yeah.
The camera pans to the left, revealing Joey Janela leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette. His oversized sunglasses sending Jericho’s reflection right back at him.
[ Chris Jericho ] Who the hell are you?
Janela exhales a puff of smoke and ashes the cigarette.
[ Joey Janela ] My name is Joey Janela.. And I’m a baaaaadddddd boyyyyyyyyyy!
Janela takes one more drag off the cigarette before putting it out on the wall.
[ Joey Janela ] And Jericho, I want in.
Jericho cocks an eyebrow.
[ Joey Janela ] I look at you and I see dollar signs. I see a man who’s destined for the top of SGW.. And I want to hitch my wagon to The Painmaker and go straight to the top with you.
[ Chris Jericho ] Why the hell should I waste my time? What could you possibly offer me that Jake Hager doesn’t?
Hager crosses his arms, towering over Janela.
[ Joey Janela ] Don’t get it twisted, brother. Big Jake is a good hand to have around. He’s a certified bad ass, finishing dudes off in Bellator in seconds! If it goes longer than a few seconds, then he just knees them in the balls.
Janela looks Hager right in the eyes.
[ Joey Janela ] And I respect that.
Hager is not impressed.
[ Joey Janela ] But I offer a completely different skill set. You should consider it. I can be very valuable to you.
[ Chris Jericho ] This takes balls kid… and a helluva lot of stupidity.
[ Chris Jericho ] To come into my locker room, to litter the air with your smoke, and then to tell me to my face that I NEED you..
Hager takes a step and snatches Janela by the throat. Hager begins dragging him to the door of the locker room before Jericho stops him.
[ Chris Jericho ] But I’m willing to listen.
Jericho puts his hand over the camera, giving us total darkness.
[ Chris Jericho ] Let’s talk.
Solid Gold Wrestling has presented its fair
share of strange encounters since returning from its’ long hiatus –
and even still, there is a definite air of morbid curiosity to this
tag team contest. The bell rings and the PPG Paints Arena focus
their attention on the three very large fellows in the ring and a
singular, very scrawny man, still wearing his aviators atop his
head, standing by his burly partner.
The Undead Zombie Wizard and the Big Red Devil’s Favorite Politician glare angrily across the ring at the motley pair of policemen before them, unconvinced that Team Tremendous even belong in the same ring with the wrestling legends. A moment passes with variant chants and applause as neither Team Tremendous nor the Brothers of Destruction move, flinch…or even blink, seemingly.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] You know, the mystical, mysterious, mack-daddy the Godfather predicted that Team Tremendous would die here tonight in a piece of video footage on the SGW Website earlier this week, but it doesn’t seem that the Police are too concerned!
Nigel is correct; despite the Godfather’s rather logical assumption that the Undertaker and Kane would handily defeat SGW’s favorite arms of the law, neither Carr nor Barry shows an ounce of fear as they stare down the undead opposition.
[ Tony Schiavone ] You know something, Nigel and Scott, I think these four men are just waiting for one of the others to make a mistake!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] …err…I hope so, I guess!
Without warning, Kane strolls forward at a downright leisurely pace and goozles Dan Barry, sending his Aviators crashing to the mat! Referee Paul Turner lackadaisically begins counting to five for the illegal chokehold, owed to nothing more than his own half-hearted commitment to upholding the rules in tag team matches here in SGW. Bill Carr is none too carefree and instantly screams at the Big Red Machine.
[ Bill Carr ] HEY, ASSHOLE – THOSE ARE EXPENSIVE SUNGLASSES!
Carr socks Kane right in the mouth and the pair begin brawling frantically as Pittsburgh roars out in excitement. Freshly removed from Kane’s chokehold, the Good Officer looks back towards the Brothers’ corner for the Undertaker – but ‘Taker is much closer than he was a moment ago – in fact, he’s right in front of Barry, goozling him, as well!
[ Tony Schiavone ] OH MY! WHERE DID THE UNDERTAKER COME FROM?!
[ Scott Steiner ] HE LITERALLY JUST WALKED RIGHT THE HELL UP TO HIM!
Barry squirms as best as he can but is unable to break the Deadman’s grip! Eventually, the Officer shrugs his shoulders and field-goal-punts away right at ‘Taker’s balls! Pittsburgh roars out again, very excited at the chutzpah the Good Officer shows in his radical attack; sadly though, apparently death removes a great deal of the pain from a testicular shot like this, and ‘Taker throws a dangerous jab at Barry, connecting with – nothing but turnbuckle!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] WOW! Narrowly avoided certain cranial trauma, there!
Shockingly, Barry ducks the Deadman’s right hand and runs, springing off the ropes and scoring with a rebound dropkick! The Undertaker is staggered! Barry decides to go back to the springboard well and vaults back towards the Deadman with another dropkick! ‘Taker still ain’t down! Barry wiggles his finger in a circle over his head, hyping up the crowd!
[ Scott Steiner ] NO FUCKIN’ WAY! HUH-UH! IT AIN’T WORKED TWICE IN A DAMN ROW, THREE AIN’T GONNA DO IT!
Barry runs again, and bounces off with a springboard dropkick, planting the Deadman right in the jaw and sending him rolling through the ropes and to the floor!
As Barry and the Undertaker have been brawling, Kane and Carr have had a similar situation unfolding on their half of the squared circle. Kane looks for a big uppercut, but Carr sidesteps it and waffles the Mayor of Knoxville with a huge spinning wheel kick! Pittsburgh pops and the two policemen look at one another – it’s time for their best shot!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] This could be it, fellas!
Bill Carr somehow muscles the Big Red Machine up onto his shoulders for a powerbomb, backing into the corner and allowing Barry to hook Kane’s head – and flip backwards with the Shirinui!
[ Tony Schiavone ] BOOM SHAKALAKA!
BOOK ‘EM DANNO! Kane crashes into center ring violently and Carr hooks the leg, deep in a pinfall, Turner counting in perfect cadence – ONE! TWO! THREE!
WINNERS - Team Tremendous via Pin Fall in 9:11
As Turner’s hand counts three and the bell
rings out across the arena, Carr releases Kane’s leg and pumps his
fists victoriously – what a huge victory for Team Tremendous! The
Magnum PI theme plays out across the PPG Paints Arena and Pittsburgh
are popping for the policemen.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Quite right, Tony! It seems like their confidence is growing, too; They’ve beaten Samoans, they’ve beaten dancers, they’ve beaten the Golden Lovers and hell – they just beat the bloody Undertaker and Kane!
The Undertaker pulls his brother out of the ring by his boot and the pair solemnly stroll to the locker room, strangely undeterred from the loss. Inside the ring, Dan Barry has a microphone and, apparently, something to say, but wraps up his partner in a big hug before he speaks. The pair talk to themselves a moment and Barry raises the microphone to speak.
[ Dan Barry ] You know wha—
Before Barry can even finish his thought, Bill Carr quickly grabs the microphone from his partner, holding it way too close to his mouth, and speaks with passion in his voice.
[ Bill Carr ] D’JA SEE THAT?! HAH?! THATISWHATTEAMTREMENDOUSISALLABOUT,DADDY! THATRIGHTTHEREISAPERFECTEXAM—huh?
Barry taps Carr on the shoulder and he lowers his microphone, speaking privately to his partner. Carr nods his head, eyes closed, clearly understanding that he was holding the mic too close to his mouth. Crack lip readers can see Barry asking Carr for the microphone back so he could finish what he was going to say; Carr does not notice.
[ Bill Carr ] ASIWASSAYING ITHINKIT’SCLEAR THAT TEAM TREMENDOUS IS ONTHE VERGEOFCRACK INTHISCASEWIDEOPEN! SO! ALLOW METOLETYOUINONTHENEXT PARTOFOURBIGOPERATION!
As Carr yells into the mic, Barry carefully, slowly pulls his elbow downward, lowering his partner’s volume to a bearable level.
[ Bill Carr ] I’MTHINKINGTHATPERHAPSIT’sTimeWeTookThisParty all the way to the top of the food chain in the tag team division! You hear me, Pittsburgh?!
Pittsburgh certainly does hear him – much more tolerably, now, in fact. They cheer affirmatively as Carr fumbles with his holster and pulls out his finger gun!
[ Bill Carr ] For the uninitiated – THIS! – is what I mean…
Carr points his finger gun up into the high reaches of the arena – right at the WrestleBrawl 3 sign! He turns his head to his partner and grins; Barry returns the smile and points his own finger gun up at the sign, as well!
[ Bill Carr ] That’s right! Team Tremendous is drawing the line in the sand – we want a shot at the Solid Gold Wrestling World Tag Team Championships at WrestleBrawl!
Pittsburgh roars excitedly and Carr nods, grinning.
[ Bill Carr ] …anything to add, partner?
He hands the mic back to Barry, who is grinning sheepishly himself.
[ Dan Barry ] I think you just about handled it, good buddy! Ten four!
Barry drops the mic and the two policemen embrace again and we fade to the back.
We’re quickly brought to a locker room,
dressed up as the set of a late-night talk show – it’s the return of
Good Times, Great Memories! Colt Cabana is wearing a red t-shirt and
jeans with a navy blazer over, showing off his million-dollar smile
as he waves to the camera. His co-host, Jason Jordan, is wearing an
orange polo shirt tucked into khaki shorts and is sullenly facing
Cabana gestures to Jordan, who does not notice, as Cabana is not located on the ground. Undeterred, Colt rolls along.
[ Colt Cabana ] We’ve got a packed show for you all tonight, let me tell ya! Y’know, I don’t want to dilly dally much, here, Jase, let’s make like a hat and go on ahead to bring out our first guests – they are one of the newest tag teams on the Solid Gold Wrestling roster and my producers tell me that they are both very interesting gentlemen, let’s give a warm welcome to…Horrifichausen!
A small, frisky diddy plays from a boombox on Colt’s desk and from the left approaches Danhausen, grinning wildly and shaking Cabana’s hand within seconds. Colt laughs as Vincent Marseglia approaches, and his face quickly shifts to his slight smile when he shakes “the Horror King’s” hand. Danhausen is concerned with Jason and is doing his best to get his attention, but Jordan won’t budge.
[ Vinny Marseglia ] Ah-hem.
Danhausen instantly snaps over to his chosen chair beside Marseglia at the slightest sound of his voice and the two look towards Cabana pleasantly as Colt sits to join them.
[ Colt Cabana ] Well, you’re certainly a…unique pair’a guys, aren’t you?
Marseglia closes his eyes, nodding slightly, before opening them to answer Cabana.
[ Vinny Marseglia ] Ah, Colt. Thank you for having us. To answer your very candid query, I…I’ve never much seen the benefit of blending into the crowd. I’ve never wanted to be…the status quo. I’ve always known myself to be more, so why bother looking like the lessers of the world?
Colt blinks. There’s an awkward silence.
[ Vinny Marseglia ] …what happened to him?
Marseglia points a finger at Jason and Danhausen looks over, as well, still grinning massively. Colt pulls the neck of his shirt with a single finger and winces.
[ Colt Cabana ] He’s uh…he’s got some…family issues…going on, fellas, nothing to concern yourselves with, thou—
[ Vinny Marseglia ] I suppose you’re in some deep grief, young man?
Jason, still looking down at his Sperry-clad feet, nods. Marseglia smirks and Colt shifts in his chair.
[ Vinny Marseglia ] I can assure you both, there’s no story to be told about the union of Danhausen and myself. There is no story to be told of the decimation which will befall the sordid souls who oppose us tonight. I personally, am far more interested in the feelings of this forlorn young gentleman.
Danhausen nods, still grinning.
[ Danhausen ] Oh, yes! Please don’t be sadhausen, friend! Your new friends are here! We are very nice! Very nice! Very evil!
Marseglia looks slightly over his shoulder to Danhausen and snarls silently as Jason looks up, a bemused smile forcing its way onto his lips.
[ Jason Jordan ] You’re silly. I like your facepaint…
Marseglia smiles at Jason.
[ Vinny Marseglia ] This is Danhausen, Jason. He’s a cheerful little demon. Do you know what he likes?
[ Colt Cabana ] <to himself> Getting this show back on the rails?
[ Jason Jordan ] No, what?
Danhausen’s eyes grow wide as Marseglia leans towards Jason.
[ Vinny Marseglia ] …teeth.
Jason’s eyes narrow slightly and Cabana’s grow wider, almost in unison. Danhausen grows eerily still as Marseglia speaks.
[ Vinny Marseglia ] …in fact, he loves them. I find myself able to procure some of them from time to time and alas, a partnership is born from some strange hybrid of opportunity and necessity and voíla. Horrifichausen is born. I bet you have a wonderful smile, Jason…
Jason swallows and nods and Cabana leans in, speaking again.
[ Colt Cabana ] Compelling stuff, Vinny. Quite interesting, and – oh! What?! What’s that?? I think I hear the ring bell!
Danhausen’s head snaps to his right, listening intently for said noise. Marseglia turns his attention from Jason for the first time since he noticed him and looks towards Cabana.
[ Vinny Marseglia ] I didn’t hear anything.
[ Colt Cabana ] Whelp, there it goes again! You wouldn’t want to be late for your first match in Solid Gold Wrestling, now, would you? What are you, Eli Drake or something? Go on, guys, we’ll all catch up later!
Danhausen quickly rises and begins walking toward the door as Marseglia narrows his eyes toward Cabana before looking again to Jason, who timidly meets his gaze.
[ Vinny Marseglia ] I know your heart is heavy, Jason…your mind is weighed down with the agony of the unknown. There are ways to counter this, though…there are…options. Listen to your heart, heavy as it may be – it knows the truth.
A small smile forms on Jason’s lips again.
[ Vinny Marseglia ] …but if it doesn’t…perhaps I can be of some assistance to you. A…razor-sharp mind…to assist in ‘carving away’ some of the doubt, so to say.
Jason’s eyes grow wider as Marseglia looks back to Cabana and walks away. The scene is tense for a moment as Cabana sits back down.
[ Colt Cabana ] …well, that was weird!
Jason doesn’t say anything and Colt breathes out deeply before looking at the camera with an uneasy smile.
[ Colt Cabana ] Fans, it’s not hard to see that Jase isn’t doing so hot. I mean, what, with professional wrestling training, not knowing which rich, celebrated, rich athlete is your daddy and all – he’s got a lot to deal with!
Jason, clearly sulking, nods to agree.
[ Colt Cabana ] So being the best best buddy and best trainer in the world that I am, I got us a special set of next guests – two guys with lots of experience competing against your dad, Jase!
Jordan’s eyes light up as he raises his head towards the door, not knowing who to expect.
[ Colt Cabana ] One is a champion who has led teams into infamy around the world! Another is a man who spends lots of time in the courts!
Exicted to potentially see or even discuss Michael, Jason Jordan sits up straighter in his chair as Colt carries on.
[ Colt Cabana ] Introducing – the Undertaker and Kane!
The same polyphonic diddy as before plays over the boombox as the lights begin to flicker in the locker room and eventually go out to black! The PPG Paints Arena roar out excitedly as they come back on, revealing none other than the Undertaker and Kane in the guest chairs of Good Times, Great Memories! Still sore from their loss earlier in the previous contest, it is eerie to think that they are both so calm and also, so…’rested’ despite the raucous match they were just involved in. Undertaker is wearing a long, spiked and studded leather robe with his hair pulled back in an ornate braid while Kane is wearing a lovely gray suit and his red mask.
The entire room is awkwardly silent for a moment as the Pittsburgh fans chant ‘Holy Shit’ over and over, probably bemused with the ludicrous nature of what is occurring. Eventually, Cabana breaks the silence.
[ Colt Cabana ] …y’know, even knowing full well that I INVITED you both here, I’m kind of shocked to see you both sitting there.
The Undertaker looks flatly towards Cabana, with no emotion in his eyes, before turning his gaze to Jordan, who shivers when the Deadman’s stare reaches him. Kane replies politely.
[ Kane ] Hello, Colt, Jason, what a pleasure it is for us to be here tonight.
Colt’s face instantly scrunches up in confusion as Kane smiles amicably. Jason hasn’t moved a muscle since realizing the Undertaker was staring at him.
[ Kane ] So, my friend, what is our topic of discussion today? Free market approaches? Crime and punishment? Civil liberties? Education? Foreign policies?
Cabana shakes his head slightly, grinning, and rubs his eyes with his fists, in disbelief about what is happening before his very eyes. The Undertaker points a finger in Jason’s direction and speaks next.
[ The Undertaker ] Your soul is weighed down with uncertainty…and austerity. Your past is shrouded in mystery…the loins from which your body was formed…are loins cloaked in darkness…
[ Colt Cabana ] Wow, I didn’t expect you to have an opinion on the matter, ‘Taker, but based on what you just said, you must believe that Michael Jordan is Jason’s father!
The Deadman snaps his head towards Cabana, grumpily and mysteriously.
[ The Undertaker ] …I have no opinions on things which do not effect my quest for domination. The identity of this being’s father matters none towards my life…nor his own.
Jason finally switches his expression of fear to one of confusion.
[ Jason Jordan ] W-wh-what do you mean?
Kane nods understandingly and replies.
[ Kane ] Well, Jason, I’m far from a family therapist or a geneticist, but I think what my brother is trying to say in his own very darkly estute way, is that you control your own destiny! Regardless if Kurt or Michael is your father, your primary pursuit should be towards your goal of competing in the Solid Gold Wrestling ranks!
Colt throws an open hand dangerously close to the Undertaker but nonverbally emphasizing what the Mayor of Knoxville said.
[ Colt Cabana ] That’s what I’ve been sayin’! If either of these guys is your dad, they’ll support you no matter what! They’ll be on your side, by your side, wearing your shirts and cheerin’ you on the whole way.
Jason nods, kind of resigning to the thought, but still clearly bothered by the uncertainty of the situation.
[ The Undertaker ] The boy is no more than eight years old and still his eyes are clouded with such gloom…it’s impressive that a being so young could possess a grip so strong on the blackness…
Colt shifts around uncomfortably again.
[ ??? ] Hey, what the hell did you say, bucko?
The PPG Paints Arena pops huge as Kurt Angle steps onto the scene from over Jason’s shoulder, an incredulous look on his face. Kane rises to shake Kurt’s hand politely, but Angle doesn’t even notice the outstretched goozling-hand. Kane eventually re-takes his seat sullenly.
[ Kurt Angle ] You’ve gotta be FREAKIN’ kidding me. First, there’s still some backsandballs playing loser texting my son like some pedophile freakshow, now the freakin’ UNDERTAKER is talkin’ about dark loins to him! Does this little boy have a sign around his neck that says “I need an adverse childhood experience?!”
[ Colt Cabana ] Okay, first of all, Jason’s like thirty-five years old, guys…
Nobody listens to Colt and Angle rolls right along.
[ Kurt Angle ] MY SON, Colt, is here to be trained to wrestle – not to be your co-host, not to be murdered by some Horror King freak, and not to be spoken to about Michael freakin’ Jordan’s loins by the gall-darned Undertaker!
[ The Undertaker ] I will not hesitate to wipe your existence from reality and eviscerate all traces of your life which remain in this realm if you breathe negatively in reference to myself again, Angle.
[ Kurt Angle ] Oh yeah?! Well how’s this for breathing negatively in reference, bub – your creepy flasher coat smells like donkey dick and motor oil!
Kane and Cabana quickly stand up to quell the obvious storm in the room.
[ Kane ] Brother, I think we should be going –
[ Colt Cabana ] Gentlemen, that looks like all the time we have here –
[ The Undertaker ] YOUR OFFSPRING’S CONFUSION IS A REFLECTION OF THE SCARRING YOUR PARENTING HAS WROUGHT!
[ Kurt Angle ] YOU LOST TO TEAM FREAKIN’ TREMENDOUS, YOU SUNNAVABITCH!
As Angle and Undertaker are doing their best to go nose-to-nose, or worse, to blows, Kane quickly speaks again.
[ Kane ] Thanks again for having us, Colt, we’ll see you soon!
The lights fall to black again, but a punch is thrown and lands! As the lights come back, we see that Angle threw the blow – and it connected with Jason Jordan! Kurt’s face is immediately washed over in regret and he reaches over to touch his son, but Colt jumps between them, over the desk to stop him! Colt is shocked, but concerned for Jason, whose cheek is already bruising.
[ Jason Jordan ] Kurt…how could you?!
[ Kurt Angle ] Son, I…I was trying to punch the Undertaker! He isn’t gonna talk about my boy like tha—
[ Jason Jordan ] WHAT IF I’M NOT YOUR BOY!?
The entire room is silent. The arena, too. Pittsburgh, as a whole, is waiting for a pin to drop as tears well up in Kurt Angle’s eyes.
[ Kurt Angle ] W-what are you saying, son?
[ Jason Jordan ] I’m saying Michael’s never PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE! I’m saying maybe I should have went with him to mourn Kobe this weekend instead of doing this freakin’ wrestling crap! All it’s ever brought me is sadness and soreness!
Cabana sort of shrugs as Kurt begins crying and hangs his head, finally looking up and reaching out his hand again.
[ Kurt Angle ] Son…please? Please just let me explain…
[ Jason Jordan ] NO! NO MORE! I’m done hearing YOUR version of the story. I’m leaving.
Jason turns and storms out of the room as Kurt weeps. Colt puts his hand on his shoulder and when their eyes meet, Kurt nods towards the door and Cabana follows Jason, only stopping briefly at the doorway.
[ Colt Cabana ] …Kurt, I know there’s a lot going on right now…I know your life is in a really rough place…
Kurt sniffles loudly and shakes his head in disbelief.
[ Colt Cabana ] …but don’t forget you still owe me for February tuition…
Kurt looks up, eyes puffy and tears staining his shirt and Cabana takes the hint.
[ Colt Cabana ] We’ll discuss it. I’ll have him call you!
Cabana turns and runs, only barely audibly calling for Jason, leaving Kurt sitting on the desk alone, crying as we fade away to the ring.
All eight men rush into the center of the ring
and begin throwing punches, connecting with anything that moves!
Trent and Vinny Marseglia collide in a mess of hap-hazard grappling
and roll to the floor right off the bat! Blue Meanie cocks a fist
and throws it towards one opponent in a lovely black and white
striped shirt – but Rick Knox spins around at the last second and
stops him, pointing angrily at his shirt!
Meanie turns sheepishly on his heels, right into a double superkick from the Hybrid 2! Jack Evans calls Meanie a “fat blueberry bastard” as he falls through the ropes and to the floor – but Al Snow is already in their faces, coconut crushing the H2’s heads together in an aggressive meeting of the minds! Snow gives Evans a clothesline over the top rope to the apron, but when he turns to attack Angélico, Danhausen is on the loose and running dropkicks Snow clear over the top rope and to the floor!
[ Scott Steiner ] Look at this fuckin’ guy!
Angélico runs over to attack the bizarre Danhausen, but he foolishly leaves his mouth open, screaming as he runs up, double axe handle prepped to strike – but Danhausen reaches up and grabs the South African by the mouth!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Oh no! Angélico’s teeth – Danhausen loves the teeth! He thinks…
There is a pause as Schiavone checks his notes.
[ Tony Schiavone ] …that teeth are magical!
Another awkward pause.
[ Tony Schiavone ] Only the best and brightest in the professional wrestling world here in Solid Gold Wrestling, fans!
Danhausen is grinning his wicked, lovely grin, and begins prying at one of Angélico’s pearly whites with his bare hands! Pittsburgh is roaring with excitement as the Wicked One’s eyes light up with energy – he’s found his favorite tooth! His own pearly whites are practically glowing in the bright ring lights as Angélico kicks his feet, trying to stop the prying – and does! Rolling away and quickly to his feet, Angélico springs ahead, aiming for Danhausen – but Danhausen is on his game and back up, ducking a clothesline and clobbering the South African with a German Suplex!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] He’s a strange bird, but that German Suplex was executed with pristine precision, Scott!
[ Scott Steiner ] Damn right! Helluva suplex!
Kipping up, facepainted visage still beaming ear to ear and now fully endeared to even the most jaded fans in the Keystone State, Danhausen is on his feet and comes eye to eye with Chuck Taylor, who has hidden in the corner during the Bizarre One’s ascension during the contest. Chuckie T very slowly starts to step through the ropes to safety, but as he bends, Danhausen calmly puts his hand on the Kentucky Gentleman’s shoulder as Pittsburgh roars. Taylor freezes and very slowly turns his face to meet Danhausen’s grin.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] RUN, CHUCK! RUN!
Taylor girly-screams in fear and squirms, unable to break the Gaunt Grappler’s grip. Danhausen pulls Taylor, who is swinging his fists wildly and connecting with nothing, into the ring, hugging him tightly before releasing him and smiling broadly. Taylor quickly reaches into his tights and holds up…A GRENADE!
…an invisible one, of course.
[ Tony Schiavone ] OH NO!
Fortunately, a camera is close enough to the action so that our audience at home is privy to the discussion in center-ring.
[ Chuck Taylor ] WHOA! WHOA! Back up, buster! I’ve got a grenade – AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!
Danhausen grins wildly again and holds up a single finger helpfully.
[ Danhausen ] Yes, oh yes! I am aware of your grenadehausens, Chuckie! I might helpfully inform you that Taylorhausen has the grenadehausen’s pin pulled already!
A quizzical look pours onto Taylor’s face and he looks at the invisible explosive in his hand while Danhausen quickly seeks refuge in the corner, squatting and plugging his ears.
[ Chuck Taylor ] OH SHIIII—
AND IT ‘EXPLODES!’ Pittsburgh pops massively as Taylor flies backwards, bumping onto his back and rolling up, bumping again, scrambling to his feet and flying over the top rope! WHAT AN IMPACT!
[ Scott Steiner ] I hate Chuck Taylor, dammit.
Danhausen opens one eye slowly before turning back around into the ring, grinning widely as ever, but walks right into a slap from Jack Evans! The Prince of Parkland begins trash talking immediately as Danhausen holds his sore face – quickly handspringing off the ropes and coming to a stop as the Bizarre One stands up, toothily smiling right at Evans! Jack’s eyes are larger than saucers as he throws another slap, but the Gaunt Grappler ducks and quickly scoops up Evans, driving his head into the mat with a bearhug DDT!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Sweet Dickens, what a shot! Jack Evans is out of this world – and Danhausen is on fire!
As Evans rolls to the floor, Danhausen grins wickedly as the PPG Paints arena chant “WE LOVE YOU!” over and over. His eyes widen and his beaming smile grows impossibly broader as he spreads his arms open. The response only grows louder as Orange Cassidy slides lazily into the ring and gets right behind Danhausen! The PPG Paints Arena may as well be the Skydome, brother, because this is the Irresistable Force meeting the Immovable Object if ever there was such an interaction!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Good God, listen to this reaction!
[ Scott Steiner ] TAKE ME NOW, JESUS!
It’s Cassidy, throwing the first shot, an extremely ineffective and light haymaker, connecting feebly with the Bizarre One’s cheek! Danhausen grits his teeth and fires his own punch, at normal speed, and connects with Cassidy – right in the nose!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] *laughing* Danhausen connects in response!
Cassidy, frozen in place for a moment, falls straight backwards and crashes into the mat hilariously before rolling to the ground and giving Danhausen the entire ring yet again.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] And look at this, gents – Danhausen has made this ring his domain to conquer yet again!
From behind Danhausen, the Blue Meanie very slowly, very carefully enters the ring with extreme caution in every move he makes. Though he outweighs the bizarre Danhausen by about ten stone, Meanie is ridiculously trepidatious with each step, finally gathering up the courage to spin Danhausen around and face the Blue Death before him!
But Meanie freezes! Danhausen’s enormous grin has stunned him silent again and Meanie’s eyes grow wide as he slowly begins backing up in terror! Danhausen’s massive smile is as large as the Blue Guy’s gut, and yet – he’s retreating! The entire scene is a confusing mess until the camera zooms out to show Vincent Marseglia approaching from behind Danhausen with his huge axe in tow! Meanie dives through the ropes as the Horror King gives chase!
[ Tony Schiavone ] There are far too many madmen with axes running around SGW shows!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] You know, I agree, Ton—oh! Look at this!
Back inside the ring, Al Snow has quickly hooked Danhausen and dropped him head-first to the canvas with a staggering Snow Plow! Pittsburgh roars out in excitement – but in comes Trent! He hooks Snow from behind with a waistlock and the two grapple, struggling for position – until Trent rolls through with a folded school boy pin – ONE! TWO! THREE!
WINNERS - The Best Friends via Pin Fall in 14:59
As the bell rings, Trent stands up,
victorious! Snow slaps the mat, frustrated, as Pittsburgh cheer for
the winning team – the Best Friends – although only one of their
triumvirate are conscious to enjoy the triumph.
[ Tony Schiavone ] It was a big victory for Trent and all of the Best Friends! Trent pinned Al Snow, a former two time SGW Tag Team Champion!
Snow is frustrated in center ring, completely oblivious to the fact that his partner is being chased around the arena by an axe-wielding psychopath as Trent exits the ring and assists Cassidy and Taylor to their feet, starting their path up the ramp.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] The tag team division in SGW is packed with strange customers…and also, very dangerous tandems! You never know who will make their mark – and earn the next shot at the championships!
The Best Friends collapse at the top of the ramp, exhausted from the ridiculous contest they’ve just won as we fade to the back.
cameras quickly transition backstage where we see Cathy Kelley
standing by with Austin Theory and Zack Sabre, Jr. Both men are
obviously irritated and waste no time letting their feelings be
[ Cathy Kelley ] Jimmy... oh my god... what have you done?
Still gripping the spike, a sinister smile creeps across his face.
The match kicks off at a fairly frantic pace which suits Roman
Reigns down to the ground as he unloads a series of huge right
hands, knocking Jericho down to the mat each time he lands. Jericho
stumbles into the corner,holding onto the ropes for support as
Reigns charges over... CLOTHESLINE! The head of Jericho snaps back
with the impact, this time he drops to the mat and stays there for a
while holding his head in agony.
Reigns grabs Jericho by the hair, but Jericho manages to throw a few elbows to the gut, working his way back up to his feet. He bounces off the ropes and connects with a huge forearm smash directly to the face of Roman Reigns, who slams hard to the mat. Jake Hager and Joey Janela applaud their man from ringside.
[ Tony Schiavone ] You've got to wonder what chance Roman Reigns has with these two watching the back of Jericho!
[ Scott Steiner ] Janela just round here hangin' on like a little BITCH! Ridin' the coatails of Jericho! PUSSY!
The battle in the ring continues and it has to be said, the older and wiser Chris Jericho has had the upper hand. He's slowed the pace down totally, focusing on the right leg of Roman Reigns to the point where Roman is now visibly limping from this sustained attack.Reigns has his back turned to Jericho now, trying to get away... ONE HANDED BULLDOG! Jericho drives the face of Reigns to the mat, before heading up to the top rope!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Jericho putting it all on the line, a little HIGH RISK!
"GET UP YOU SON'OVA BITCH!" is the cry from Jericho as he waits perched on the top rope, motioning with his right arm for Reigns to get to his feet. Eventually, Reigns rises... MISSILE DROPKICK! The impact knocks Reigns under the rope and to the outside!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Chris Jericho showing that age is just a number here tonight!
[ Scott Steiner ] He's like a FINE FUCKIN' WINE!
Unfortunately for Reigns, he's rolled in front of Jake Hager. Jericho notcies the opportunity and grabs the attention of the referee, as Hager puts the boots into Reigns and some clubbing arms around the back of the head. Hager goes to whip Reigns into the ringpost, but it's reversed... HAGER HITS HIS HEAD OFF THE RINGTPOST! He falls down to the floor clutching his forehead. Reigns turns around... CLOTHESLINE FROM JOEY JANELA! Janela trying to prove him as an asset to Jericho, pulling Reigns back up to his feet but Reigns battles his way out... SUPERMAN PUNCH TO JOEY JANELA!!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] What heart from Roman Reigns!
Reigns manages to slip back into the ring, but Jericho is waiting... CODEBREAKER! He hooks the leg... ONE!! TWO!!! TH-KICKOUT!!! The face of Jericho is a picture. "THAT WAS THREE, IDIOT!" he screams at the referee, who holds his fingers up high and proclaims it was only a two count! Jericho sits for a moment, head in his hands and breathing heavily! He grabs the legs of Roman Reigns, he's going for the Liontamer... He's nearly got him turned... ROMAN FLIPS JERICHO! The power of Reigns was too much! Jericho falls to the mat as Reigns gets up to his feet, he's feeling it... He slams his fist onto the mat and crouches, waiting for Jericho to turn!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Hager trying to warn Jericho what's waiting but I don't think he hears him!
Jericho turns around... SUPERMAN PUNCH! NOOOO!!! Jericho dropped and pulled the rope down, sending Roman Reigns over the top rope and landed awkwardly on the floor below!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Game changa'!!
Once more, Jericho calls the referee over but this time he holds his knee, complaining that he's in pain. This allows Hager and Janela to both begin an assault on Reigns, both men stamping on him over and over. Hager motions for Janela to get back a little, they are trying to set something up here! Janela moves a few steps away, but Reigns hits an uppercut on Hager! SPEAK TO JOEY JANELA!!! Joey Janela might actually be lrgit broken in half after that! Reigns stands over him, staring down butr he's ignoring Hager.... BIG BOOT TO THE FACE! He wastes no time... GUTWRENCH POWERBOMB ON THE OUTSIDE FLOOR!! Jesus Christ! Reigns lands high on his head, before Hager throws Reigns under the bottom rope.
[ Tony Schiavone ] Not like this! Someone needs to do something!
Jericho quickly stops complaining and gets himself ready as he waits for Roman Reigns to rise. Roman doesn't even know where the hell he is after that powerbomb and he staggers up to his feet and turns.... JUDAS.... EFFECT!! It's over! ONE!!!! TWO!!!! THREEEEE!!! The bell sounds, the boos reign down and Jericho looks absolutely delighted!
WINNER - Chris Jericho via Pin Fall in 13:53
[ Tony Schiavone
] Jericho absolutely STOLE that!
We go backstage where we see Barbie Blank sitting down with an EMT checking on her following the beating she took at the end of her match with Hana Kimura. Barbie winces with pain as he makes her turn her head to get an idea of the damage to her neck... however, before he can draw any conclusions, the door to the room opens up and Hana Kimura steps in, glaring at Barbie. Barbie's eyes widen with surprise. The EMT stands up and gets between them, putting his hands up at chest level.
[ EMT ] Hana, this is not the time or--
And she punches him right in the face! The EMT goes down, clutching a bloody nose! Barbie tries to get up and get away but Hana lunges at her and grabs two handfuls of hair, holding Barbie in place and staring right into her eyes! Barbie struggles to get free but Hana holds her still, shouting in Japanese!
[Hana Kimura ] < STUPID UGLY BITCH! HOW DARE YOU!? DON'T YOU KNOW I WAS SUPPOSED TO WIN!? >
And then Hana spits right in Barbie's face! Barbie looks repulsed and Hana shoves her backward violently, sending her crashing into the wall! Barbie, looking to be in great pain, pushes herself off the wall and nails Hana with a big forearm! Hana takes the blow, completley no-selling it, and grabs a handful of Barbie's hair, ragdolling her with one hand before spitting in her face a second time!
[Hana Kimura ] < You are nothing but a joke! You do not deserve to hold a victory over me! >
Hana drags Barbie out of the room by her hair and slings her on the floor in front of the locker room. Barbies gets up to all fours and Hana plants her foot right in her back, shoving her back down flat against the concrete floor. Hana looks out at everyone watching this take place. She points down at Barbie Blank as she struggles to stand up.
[Hana Kimura ] < Let this be a lesson to all of you bitches! If you think you are smart and try to screw me over like this idiot girl, I will collect your head! OKAY!? OKAY! >
Hana kicks Barbie in the side and walks off with confidence, having made her point. Barbie rolls over into a fetal position and coughs as some backstage employees rush over to check on her.
Aubrey Edwards holds the two championship titles in the air,
displaying them to all four sides of the ring to an applause. El
Hijo del Ice Cream and Cody start off as the bell sounds. The fans
are firmly behind The Brotherhood as Cody meets El Hijo in the
center of the ring.
[ Scott Steiner ] Cody Rhodes should no-sell this entire thing and walk out of this arena before he embarrasses himself!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Embarrass himself by losing to this team?
[ Scott Steiner ] WHAT?! NO! Embarrass himself by even givin’ this bullshit the time of day! Look at these two! They deserve the electric chair for even puttin’ on those stupid masks and callin’ themselves atheltes!
Cody kicks Ice Cream in the gut and applies a headlock and wrenches down on it. It’s almost too easy for the youngest Rhodes as he takes down Ice Cream and gets a two count from the headlock takeover. Cody springs up and lets his opponent back up. Ice Cream Jr. tags in and charges at Cody, snap powerslam! DiBiase notices his team is in trouble and slides a chair in the ring and then jumps to the apron and begins arguing with Aubrey Edwards. El Hijo del Ice Cream comes in and grabs the chair and rears back, but Dustin comes in and yanks the chair away! Aubrey notices what’s going on and reprimands Dustin for being in the ring and forces him out, giving the Ice Creams a chance to double team Cody!
[ Tony Schiavone ] DiBiase’s plan to distract has seeming worked out! The tide has shifted in the match. This is easily the longest Los Ice Creams have gone in a match without melting or exploding in some manner!
[ Scott Steiner ] That’s what I’m sayin’! The Rhodes needs to walk away and save themselves from this trash!
The double team attack from Los Ice Creams has Cody finding himself in their corner, with each member of the team making quick tags in, doing as much damage to Cody as they can before tagging back out. With Cody still in the corner, El Hijo hits a big splash and Ice Cream Jr. comes in and gets whipped into the corner, splashing Cody as well! Cody staggers out of the corner and they hit Cody from the back and the front, crushing him between them!
[ Tony Schiavone ] IT’S AN ICE CREAM SANDWICH!
[ Scott Steiner ] THAT WAS STUPID!
Dustin begins slapping on the turnbuckle pad, getting the fans to join in clapping in unison, doing everything he can to will Cody back to his feet to tag him in. Cody gets close and constantly gets pulled back on the other side of the ring and pays the price. After a tag, Ice Cream Jr. comes in and body slams Cody to the mat and goes to the middle rope. He dives off but Cody gets his boot up, hitting Ice Cream Jr. in the face, freezing him on impact in a standing position!
[ Tony Schiavone ] I really want to comment here.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Go for it, Tony!
[ Scott Steiner ] It’d better not suck like the last one!
[ Tony Schiavone ] It’s a brain freeze!
[ Scott Steiner ] I hope I develop CTE within the next five minutes and murder us both, Schiavone! It’d be your honor to leave this world, takin’ your final breath after your windpipe was closed off by one of the largest arms in the world, forever makin’ Big Poppa Pump not only a lady killer, but a legitimate killer as well! Holler if you hear me!
Cody gets to his feet and pushes Ice Cream Jr. down without much effort. Dustin is reaching out as far as he can for the tag as Cody dizzily staggers his way towards his corner. He gets within arm’s reach and goes to slap Dustin’s hand…
...But Dustin steps off the apron.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] What in the world?
Cody has a look of confusion on his face as Brandi begins scolding Dustin on the floor, screaming “WHAT THE HELL, DUSTIN?!” at the top of her lungs. Dustin says nothing as Brandi grabs him by the arm to try to get him back in the ring, simply brushing her off and turning around to begin walking up the ramp, not giving his brother or sister-in-law a second thought.
Cody turns around and gets kicked in the gut and DDT’d! Ice Cream Jr. makes the tag and grabs Cody as El Hijo del Ice Cream charges.. El Asesino! Both members of Los Ice Cream climb on top as Aubrey counts - one… two.. three!
WINNERS & NEW CHAMPIONS -
[ Tony Schiavone
] We have NEW SGW World Tag Team Champions and it’s the
unlikeliest of teams! Ted DiBiase’s bribe has paid back tremendous
dividends thanks to Dustin Rhodes!
Inside the locker room of Disrespect U, we see
Christopher Daniels in between Kazarian, Luke Harper, and Chris
Dickinson. Daniels’ face is blood red and a vein on his temple
throbs with every beat of his heart.
Backstage, Chuck Taylor and Trent? are looking
out with concerned looks on their faces. As they walk down the
hallway, they look in every garbage can and kick open every door
that appears closed.
There is a staunch difference in the bodily
stature of the two competitors in this contest – Paul London’s lanky
5’10, 180-pound frame would hold physically equal to many on the
Solid Gold Wrestling roster; yet, he’s dwarfed by Big Sexy’s seven
feet and 300-pounds. Nash pantomimes looking for his opponent across
the ring, holding a hand over his eyes and squinting, really hamming
it up for the nosebleeds while London chuckles and nods at the big
WINNER - Kevin Nash via Pin Fall in 5:21
As Pittsburgh reacts in a mixed fashion to the
result of the contest, Nash stands up and takes a big breath out,
faux wiping sweat from his brow and flinging it at Paul Turner, who
shakes off the nonexistent drops of perspiration quickly before
realizing he was had. ‘Big Sexy’ points at him and laughs, clapping
him a little too hard on the back before stepping over the top rope
and to the floor.
Jon Moxley paces back and forth, forming an
almost perfectly straight line. Maybe it’s caused by anxiousness,
nervous energy, or a combination of the two.
Moxley’s pacing continues as he speaks out to no one in particular. He’s in the zone.
[ Jon Moxley ] I’ve been in SGW for a month, and for a month, your little group has done nothing but be a thorn in my side.. it all comes to an end tonight.
He stops dead in his tracks and looks into the camera. It’s all come down to tonight. By the look in his eyes, he’s ready.
[ Jon Moxley ] And that’s unfortunate for you. Because you see, Chris, this is a street fight. Anything goes, brother. That crap you and your boys tried pulling at Infiltration, it’s legal. So be my guest. Do your worst. Power bomb me on the pavement if you’re able to, try to beat me into a bloody pulp until I can’t stand to defend myself any longer if you wanna’ try. It’s legal… but on the flip side, you know what else is legal?
A sinister smirk filled with bad intentions comes across Moxley’s face.
[ Jon Moxley ] Me caving your skull in with a baseball bat.
It’d be a dangerous idea to try to read Moxley’s mind.
[ Jon Moxley ] This schedule SGW’s on, it’s bad news for you, Daniels. I’ve had two weeks.. Fourteen days.. Between Infiltration and right here, right now, to think about all the vicious, cruel, vile, rotten, filthy, awful, hurtful things I’m gonna’ do to you tonight. Trust me when I say this, they’re fun. They’re painful. They’re bad enough that if I get to do them all, you’re gonna’ regret the day you and your ragtag group of buddies ever messed with me! Because you see, the thing that separates you and I…
Moxley is all over the place.
[ Jon Moxley ] You’re fake tough. That goes for you and all of Disrespect U. None of you individually are tough but together, you guys play the numbers game. I took care of Dickinson at Infiltration and so tonight, I guess I’m just gonna’ have to cut the head off the snake and send the rest of your cronies scattering like the cockroaches they are!
He’s nearly foaming at the mouth.
[ Jon Moxley ] You’re gonna’ get hurt tonight, Chris. And it’ll be all your fault. You being my little welcome committee will end up being the end of your life!
Matt Riddle and Paul London walk in together and greet Moxley with big smiles. Moxley looks uninterested in their existence. London is showing the aftermath of his match earlier, walking very gingerly.
[ Matt Riddle ] Bro, vicious promo!
[ Paul London ] “Cut the head off the snake!” Dude, crazy stuff man. Great line. Although, technically, that snake would still be alive.
Riddle looks at London, shocked.
[ Matt Riddle ] Wait, what?
[ Paul London ] Snakes can still bite after being decapitated.
[ Matt Riddle ] Bro?
[ Paul London ] Snakes and other cold-blooded animals don't thermoregulate internally, instead relying on outside sources for warmth. Because their bodies aren't generating their own heat, their energy and oxygen requirements are lower. This is how some cold-blooded, or ectothermic, animals are able to survive without oxygen for periods of time.
Riddle’s eyes double in size. He understood NONE of that but is still impressed. His delivery is serious and slightly concerned.
[ Matt Riddle ] Bro.
The camera pans over to the left to show Moxley with his arms crossed, about five seconds away from fighting both of them. He cuts right to the chase.
[ Jon Moxley ] Can I help you two with something?
[ Matt Riddle ] Oh! Right. Bro, if you need us out there tonight, we’ll have your backs against Disrespect U.
[ Paul London ] Like a couple of snakes. But not in the fashion of “snakes” being a derogatory term for people with questionable characters, but legitimate snakes, ready to strike at any moment.
Moxley deadpans both of them, his only movement being to blink every few seconds. His brain is trying to unpack everything going on. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Moxley nods.
[ Jon Moxley ] Alright. I need a drink.
Moxley walks off, leaving Riddle and London standing.
[ Paul London ] I don't think he liked my snake facts.
[ Matt Riddle ] Bro. Knowledge is power and you made him even stronger tonight.
Eight-women tag team action is next!
The match begins with Rhea Ripley and Jamie Hayter in the ring. They slug it out in the middle of the ring with punches and forearms as the fans light up! Both women go at it until Ripley rattles Hayter with a big right hand that causes her to stagger backward and tag in Zahra Schreiber! The fans erupt in boos, having no love for this woman.
[ Tony Schiavone ] Zahra Schreiber is one of the most polarizing figures in professional wrestling!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] I don't know that I'd call her polarizing, Tony! I think everyone unanimously hates her!
Schreiber tries to kick Ripley in the gut but Ripley catches her boot and whips it to the side, causing Schreiber to spin out! Ripley catches her on the turnaround with a clothesline that turns her inside out! Ripley dusts off her hands and tags in Nia Jax! Nia Jax enters the ring with a confident smile and stalks Zahra as she tries to crawl to her corner. Nia catches her ankle and drags her into the center of the ring before reaching down to flip her over on her back. Nia grabs a handful of Zahra's hair but Zahra reaches up and scratches Nia's eyes! Nia staggers back and Zahra scrambles for her corner, tagging in Peyton Royce!
[ Tony Schiavone ] I don't know if Peyton Royce wants any of what Nia Jax is handing out!
Peyton Royce charges into the ring and goes right after Nia Jax... only for Nia to come alive as she approaches and nail her with a boot to the stomach! Nia pulls Peyton in... POWER BOMB! The fans pop huge as Billie Kay freaks out at ringside, pounding on the mat and screaming for Peyton to get up! Nia Jax looks at Billie Kay and shakes her head, shouting "Did you see what I just did to her, kid? Nobody gets up from that!" Nia Jax places one boot on Peyton's chest! One! Two! Jamie Hayter hits the ring and nails Nia Jax in the back with a forearm to break the pin! Jax spins around and takes a big step toward Hayter, causing her to fall back on her ass and roll out of the ring where Bea Priestley is waiting to check on her.
[ Scott Steiner ] God damn! That Samoan broad's got a FAT ASS but she hits like a damn dump truck!
Candy Floss and Tegan Nox watch from ringside as Nia Jax hoists Peyton Royce up on her shoulders like a sack of potatoes and dumps her in her corner. Jax tags in Dakota Kai. Dakota props Peyton up in the corner and begins raking her boot across Peyton's face before hitting the opposite corner and charging back in with a brutal FACE WASH! Royce looks out of it and Dakota pulls her out of the corner by her hair. She whips Peyton into the ropes and drills her right in the face with a dropkick! Peyton goes down hard and Dakota tags in Kris Statlander!
[ Scott Steiner ] Here we go with this alien bullshit again!
Statlander vaults over the top rope lands on her feet, stalking Peyton Royce. Royce crawls toward her corner, reaching desperately toward the three women in her corner. Statlander prepares to cut Royce off but Billie Kay climbs onto the apron, drawing her attention! Rick Knox charges over to tell her to get down but while Rick Knox is distracted... THE ROCK SLIDES INTO THE RING OUT OF NOWHERE! The fans gasp with confusion! Kris Statlander's eyes are locked on Billie Kay and she doesn't realize The Rock is in the ring behind her! Statlander realizes something is wrong and slowly turns around... ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! ROCK BOTTOM! THE ROCK JUST PLANTED KRIS STATLANDER WITH THE ROCK BOTTOM!
[ Tony Schiavone ] What is the former SGW World Heavyweight Champion doing!?
Without a word, The Rock grabs Statlander and throws her over the top rope to the floor! He follows her out and slings her over his shoulder! The Rock is leaving up the ramp with Kris Statlander over his shoulder, unconscious! Candy Floss looks distraught and follows them out!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] The Rock just left the team down one person and Candy Floss is following them out! Where is the Rock taking Kris Statlander!?
Everyone looks confused! Billie Kay hops off the apron and Rick Knox turns around just in time to see Peyton Royce tag in Gionna Daddio! Daddio saunters to the middle of the ring and motions for someone to bring it on. Rhea Ripley steps through the ropes. Daddio and Ripley circle one another before finally locking up in the center of the ring. They struggle over the lock-up for a moment before Ripley takes over with a knee lift and then drills Daddio with a stalling vertical suplex! Ripley sits up, looking satisfied, and returns to her feet. Daddio gets up to one knee and Ripley goes to bounce off the ropes, only to get tripped by Billie Kay! Ripley turns to talk trash but gets blasted from behind by Daddio!
Gionna rains forearms and elbows down on Ripley, driving her down to her knees! Daddio grabs a handful of Ripley's hair and drags her on all fours toward her corner. Daddio tags in Jamie Hayter. Hayter hits the ring and immediately helps Daddio drill Ripley with a double suplex! Daddio gets out of the ring and Hayter and takes over on Ripley with clubbing blows and a variety of suplexes. Hayter tags in Zahra and Zahra begins unloading with forearm and knee strikes. Zahra delivers a solid knee to the head and Ripley goes down flat on her back. Zahra descends on her to pick her back up but Ripley gets her boot up and kicks Zahra in the stomach, knocking her down! Ripley scrambles for her corner and almost reaches Dakota Kai's hand... but Bea Priestley yanks Dakota off the apron!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Blatant interference! Rick Knox should eject her from ringside!
The fans erupt in boos! Zahra dives on Ripley to keep her from tagging Nia Jax! On the floor, Bea Priestley and Dakota Kai are throwing hands... until Tegan Nox dives on Priestley! Nox and Dakota double team Bea Priestley on the floor until Jamie Hayter hops off the apron and joins her partner! Team Kick and Onikage-gun are going at it like women possessed.... until Starlight Kid and AZM charge out of the back and join in, adding a third team to the brawl! Rick Knox is desperately trying to restore order but that horse gets shot in the face when Billie Kay and Peyton Royce get involved, bringing a FOURTH TEAM into the mix!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] This is pandemonium!
Rick Knox is leaning through the ropes, shouting at them to stop or go to the back but they're not listening! It's all out CHAOS! With Rick Knox not looking, Zahra Schreiber tries to put Ripley down with the CURB STOMP but Ripley moves out of the way! Ripley stands up and catches Zahra... RIPTIDE! HUGE POP! Ripley covers but Rick Knox is still distracted... AND GIONNA DADDIO COMES OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A STEEL CHAIR TO THE BACK!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Are you joking right now!? Why!?
[ Nigel McGuinness ] She's doing everything it takes to win, Tony!
Ripley rolls off of Zahra and tries to get back to her feet but she's struggling! Daddio throws the chair down and hits the ropes... 201 FACEBREAKER! Ripley is down! Daddio pulls Zahra on top of Ripley and Rick Knox turns around, finally! One! Two! Three!
Zahra Schreiber, Jamie Hayter, Gionna Daddio,
The fans erupt in boos as Daddio grabs Zahra and quickly escapes the ringside area with her. Nia Jax climbs into the ring to check on Rhea Ripley as Rick Knox goes back to trying to restore order with the eight brawling women at ringside!
We abruptly cut away to the parking lot where we see The Rock carrying an unconscious Kris Statlander over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. The fans boo, clearly having no idea what to think about this. As The Rock journeys through the parking lot, he looks around frantically, licking his lips like a man possessed as he talks to no one particular.
[ The Rock ]OH YEAH! THIS IS IT, MAMA! THE ROCK SAYS...
He tilts his head back and shouts at the sky.
[ The Rock ]THIS... IS... IT!
And then he tilts his head down dramatically and looks around.
[ The Rock ]Where's John!?
He raises an eyebrow.
[ The Rock ]THE ROCK WANTS TO KNOW... WHERE... IS... JOHN!?
Suddenly, a white van screeches into the shot and two hooded figures climb out of the front seats. They rush to the back and sling open the rear doors. The Rock looks at them, his eyes full of intensity. He hoists Kris Statlander higher up on his shoulder, almost tossing her over onto the pavement. The Rock gestures toward the two hooded figures.
[ The Rock ]Hey! Hey-hey-hey! YOU TWO! Jabronis! The Rock has one question... AND THE ROCK MEANS ONE-AHHHH QUESTION!
He stares a hole through both of them and they stand there in silence for what feels like forever.
[ The Rock ]WHERE'S JOHN!?
[ Hooded Figure ]Stop using that name! Just stop! Put her in the back, Dwayne!
[ The Rock ]Oh! Oh yeah! The Rock's gonna do just that! As a matter of fact, let The Rock break it down for ya', mama! First, The Rock is gonna take this thick alien jabroni bitch, yeah! The Rock's gonna take her and then The Rock is gonna shiiiiiiiiiiine her up real nice! Yeah! The Rock's gonna shine 'er up real nice, see?!
The Rock makes a circular motion with his hand in front of Statlander's ass, theoretically shining her up. He makes uncomfortable eye contact with both hooded figures and it feels like this goes on in silence for at least a full minute. And then The Rock sharply slaps her ass and the sound reverberates throughout the parking lot. The hooded figures just stand there with their arms crossed, impatient.
[ The Rock ]AND THEN THE ROCK'S GONNA TURN THIS BITCH SIDEWAYS AND THROW 'ER IN THE BACK OF THE VAN!
And then The Rock ragdolls her violently into the back of the van. The Rock jerks his thumb toward the van and smiles while shaking his big gold Brahma bull belt buckle with his free hand.
[ The Rock ]Ya' see that? The Rock threw 'er in the back o' the van. Ya' let John know The Rock did that, see? The Rock's a team player! The Rock says THE ROCK... is a team...
The Rock tilts his head back and wags his tongue around erratically.
[ The Rock ]PLAY-URRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
And then he whips his head around, glaring hard at both hooded figures. One of them slams the rear doors shut and locks them. The Rock jiggles his belt buckle again and stares one of the figures down, giving it a wink.
[ The Rock ]Hey, mama. The Rock hopes ya' like long dongs.
The hooded figure looks utterly defeated even though you can't see its face.
[ Hooded Figure ]We're both dudes, Dwayne.
The Rock raises his eyebrow, becoming dead serious.
[ The Rock ]What did you just say to The Rock?! Did this faceless scraggle puss just assume The Rock's sexual preference?! Let The Rock tell you something, scraggle puss! THE ROCK WILL TRY ANYTHING ONCE!
The Rock arches his eyebrow even higher.
[ The Rock ]TWO-WIIIIIIICE IF THE ROCK LIKES IT!
The silence. It's awkward. One of the hooded figures steps forward.
[ Hooded Figure #2 ]The Supreme Being thanks you for your service tonight.
The Rock holds his hand out. The hooded figure tilts his head to the side.
[ Hooded Figure #2 ]What?
[ The Rock ]Keys, jabroni! Give the keys to The Rock!
[ Hooded Figure ]Oh. Oh no.
[ Hooded Figure #2 ]We can't let him drive.
[ Hooded Figure ]What if you sit in the front seat and we drive you around like a...
The figures voice becomes very condescending.
[ Hooded Figure ]...like a very important person? Would you like that?
[ The Rock ]Why wouldn't The Rock like that?! The Rock IS a very important person, jabroni! The Rock wants to deliver this tight little package to The Supreme Being himself! Yeah! Baby, I'm The Rock!
The Rock struts to the van and slings open the passenger side door before climbing inside. The hooded figures look at one another audibly sigh before entering the van themselves. The van turns to drive off into the distance but as it does, we see the text on the rear doors... and the fans immediately begin booing.
As the van drives off in the distance, Candy Floss runs out into the parking lot, still in her gear and fresh off the eight woman tag. She's out of breath and looks distraught. She looks around frantically, her eyes wide. She cries out.
[ Candy Floss ]KRIS!
She looks around some more, turning in every direction.
[ Candy Floss ]KRIS, WHERE ARE YOU!?
Tears begin to flow down her cheeks.
[ Candy Floss ]Oh, no! No, no, no! I've lost 'er!
Candy falls to her knees and she begins sobbing uncontrollably. The camera slowly zooms in on this pathetic sight until we hear a rustle from off-camera. Candy wipes her eyes and looks to the side, curious. Her eyes instantly go wide and... she gets drilled with a running knee attack from HIKARU SHIDA! The fans erupt in boos as Shida stands over Floss, looking down at her with intensity. Shoko Nakajima comes from nowhere and mounts Floss, raining punches and forearms down on her as she desperately tries to cover up! Finally, Shoko dismounts Floss and stands up, grabbing a handful of Floss' hair. The fans are booing as Shida and Shoko lift Floss up onto her knees and hold her in place as Nurse Ratchet shambles into the shot with a syringe of glowing green fluid!
[ Tony Schiavone ]Someone get out there! This is going too far!
[ Nigel McGuinness ]Dr. Cube's Army hasn't forgotten what happened at Infiltration! Candy Floss has been a thorn in Dr. Cube's side for a time now and he obviously wishes t' see her bloody eliminated!
Nurse Ratchet prepares to stick Floss with the needle but security floods the area, almost tackling her to the pavement! The needle finds its way into the side of one of the security guards and he falls to the ground, twitching and foaming at the mouth! Ratchet is wrestled down and the Big Kaijus are restrained and pulled away from Candy Floss before they can inflict any further damage!
[ Tony Schiavone ]Thank goodness for arena security!
Suddenly, there's a loud screech-growl and everyone looks horrified. Before they can properly react, Tucor waddles into the shot and backhands one of the security guards so fiercely that he does a backflip! Another security guard runs away, screaming in fear! Tucor gets his furry-feathered hands on another guard as the rest of them scramble away! Candy Floss scrambles backward until she comes to a stop, her back against a parked car. She watches in fear as Tucor raises the security guard over his head and gorilla presses him onto the hood of another vehicle! Tucor tilts his head back and roars before advancing on Candy Floss. He gets closer and closer until his multi-colored beak is almost pressed against her tear stained cheek. Somewhere, somehow, we can hear Dr. Cube.
[ Dr. Cube ]This is it, Tucor! Finish her!
But Tucor doesn't move, we can only hear him breathing heavily.
[ Dr. Cube ]Finish her, Tucor! I command you!
Candy remains sitting there with her eyes shut, waiting for the end to come. But Tucor stands upright and backs away slowly until he's off-camera. Candy opens one eye and sees that he's gone. She takes a deep breath and looks around, worried. The camera slowly zooms in on Candy's confused face as we cut away to the ring. Why didn't Tucor finish her off as commanded?
The camera switches and our view is overtaken
by cigar smoke. Kevin Nash stretches, resting comfortably in a
leather recliner. A big cigar resides between his teeth. He’s
wearing nothing but a smile and a white towel around his waist. Life
is pretty good right now for Big Sexy.
Roman Reigns passes by, minding his own business. Nash catches him out of the corner of his eye and removes the cigar from his mouth. He motions widely for Roman.
[ Kevin Nash ] Hey! Big man, c’mon over here.
Reluctantly, Roman obliges and is caught off guard by the sight.
[ Kevin Nash ] Now, I know what you’re thinking..
[ Roman Reigns ] ..That you’re not wearing any clothes?
[ Kevin Nash ] You’re thinking, “damn, look at Big Kev. The guy put on a six star classic tonight and had a custom recliner delivered to the arena just for him.”
[ Roman Reigns ] I was more concerned as to why you’re not wearing any pants and smoking in the locker room.
Nash pays him no mind, continuing his thought.
[ Kevin Nash ] “How, Kev? How did you pull Paul London to six stars? How did you become the greatest sports entertainer ever?”
[ Roman Reigns ] That match wasn’t six stars, brother.
[ Kevin Nash ] Oh, right. Because we aren’t in the Tokyo Dome.
Nash stews it over and snaps his fingers with an idea.
[ Kevin Nash ] Got it! Someone get Melzter on the phone! Tell ‘em I have a scoop for the dirt sheet!
Nash flashes his hands above his head as if he’s reading off of a marquee.
[ Kevin Nash ] SGW Total Destruction - Kevin Nash defeats Paul London in a seven star match! Nash overcame the odds and sealed the win with a shooting star press!
[ Roman Reigns ] Alright. I thought the seven stars was a stretch..
[ Kevin Nash ] Hey brah, don’t kill my vibe. Just because you didn’t see me do it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Come on over, sit down underneath the Big Sexy learning tree, and let me teach you about life, Big Dog.
Roman gives Nash a skeptical look but Nash insists.
[ Kevin Nash ] C’mon, we’ll even smoke a victory cigar.
[ Roman Reigns ] I didn’t come out on top tonight.
Nash scratches the back of his head with a confused look on his face.
[ Kevin Nash ] Well.
Nash is genuinely shocked.
[ Kevin Nash ] Big guys.. Don’t make ‘em like they used to.
He shakes it off.
[ Kevin Nash ] Well, hell, c’mon anyway. Let Big Kev spin you a yard while he smokes his victory cigar. I’d share, but, you know.. Victory cigars are for.. Victors. These aren’t participation trophy cigars, snowflake.
[ Roman Reigns ] I don’t smoke.
Nash leans down and opens a small, white Styrofoam cooler and pulls out a bottle of Miller Lite. He twists the cap off and chunks it across the room like he's shooting a basketball. He holds his follow-through while loudly proclaiming.
[ Kevin Nash ] KOBE!
The lid lands harmlessly on the floor. Reigns is not amused.
[ Kevin Nash ] Miss that guy. We were total besties. I taught ‘em everything he knew. How to win rings and how to give ‘em when you’ve done something wrong. A true Jedi.
[ Roman Reigns ] What does this have to do with anything?
Nash takes a big swig of his beer and puts the cigar back in his mouth. After taking his time with a big puff, he blows the smoke into the air and rests it on the mouth of his bottle.
[ Kevin Nash ] Right, right.. The learning tree and stuff. Look pal, I got to thinking between the time it took me to take this beer out of the cooler and toss the lid across the room and I think I'm going to do you a big time favor.. You give me fifty bucks and I’ll teach you how to live. You’ll never do the j-o-b again and you’ll have a gosh dang rocket ship strapped to those broad shoulders of yours.. Zoom! Right to the top of SGDubya!
[ Roman Reigns ] Fifty bucks?
[ Kevin Nash ] Did I say fifty? I meant twenty-five.
Reigns rolls his eyes and shakes his head.
[ Roman Reigns ] I'm gonna' pass on that, chief. But hey, good luck with that. Enjoy that victory cigar.
Reigns walks off, leaving Nash in his recliner trying to figure out where he went wrong. Nash shrugs, looking completely unphased.
[ Kevin Nash ] Well, you know what they say about Samoans and their hard heads.
He takes another swig of his beer.
[ Kevin Nash ] Never smash ‘em against the turnbuckle pads. Won’t work.
Nash leans the recliner back as far as it will go, exposing himself in the process. A blurred circle overtakes the bottom section of the towel around his waist.
[ Kevin Nash ] Ah… Gotta’ let ‘em breathe, baby.
The scene fades.
Our opening bell is an afterthought; as soon
as Senior Official Mike Chioda can complete his pre-match
inspections on both men, Daniels and Moxley are in center ring,
[ Scott Steiner ] Now they’ve got fuckin’ fists for each other!
Moxley connects with a quick jab, stunning Daniels, before dashing into the ropes – but Daniels is up and thrashes his opponent with a big leg lariat, sending the Death Rider to the floor early! Daniels pauses for a moment, imploring Moxley to rise, before charging off the far ropes and leaps! – Daniels turns in mid-air and sits, it’s the Arabian Moonsault to the floor! – BUT MOXLEY CATCHES HIM ON HIS SHOULDER!
[ Tony Schiavone ] OH! OH NO, JON MOXLEY CAUGHT HIM!
Daniels eyes shoot open wide as he tries to squirm away from Moxley’s well-worn grip, but it’s nothing doing as the Death Rider charges ahead and falls to his stomach, sending the Fallen Angel face-first into the steel steps at ringside! Daniels sort of rolls through the impact to his face and sits up, blood pouring from a gash on his forehead only a minute and a half into the contest!
[ Scott Steiner ] BLOOD IN THE WATER!
Almost on command, Luke Harper and Chris Dickinson dart down the aisle, crashing into Moxley with a series of forearm strikes. The Disrespect U members rain down their blows into the Death Rider, punishing him with each successive strike until Harper inarticulately growl-roars something at Dickinson, whose disgusting smile is a non-verbal affirmative we can all understand. The Dirty Daddy lifts Moxley as Harper takes a few steps back and steps in – BIG BOOT!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Oh my word, what a shot from Harper! That big boot will knock you unconscious!
One of Harper’s strongest attacks sends spittle flying in every direction as Moxley lands flat-backed on the protective mats at ringside. Almost immediately, Harper slaps Daniels in the face, doing his best to revive his bloodied teammate. Daniels isn’t coherent enough at the moment to direct his partners in crime, but Dickinson has enough of an idea to put a smile on Harper’s bearded mug – a PAZUZU BOMB INTO THE RING POST!
[ Tony Schiavone ] NO! No, absolutely not! YOU CAN’T!
Before Dickinson can get Moxley lifted up for the attack, the cavalry arrives! Matt Riddle runs barefooted down the ramp and leaps up, striking Harper with a rising knee shot to the jaw as Paul London dropkicks Dickinson, eliminating his grip on Moxley! The PPG Paints Arena is in a tizzy for the pair, who do not take time to react to their strong applause, instead forcing Dickinson and Harper into separate brawls, taking their attention from the match at hand!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] This has turned into an all-out brawl! A gang war!
On the floor, Riddle is fighting off Harper with a series of kicks to the thighs, but Dickinson’s bicycle kick stops his pace as the Disrespect U Staff Members finally regain control of the brawl before looking around and wondering – “where’s London?” Paul answers the question in his own abstract way, soaring off the top rope to the floor with a picture-perfect 450 Splash, connecting with Harper, Dickinson, and Riddle as the fans roar out their approval!
[ Tony Schiavone ] GOOD LORD! GOOD LORD! That might just be the most sickening maneuver in the History of This Business!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] London just wiped out the entire field with that beautiful dive!
Chioda has had enough of the distractions and calls for several backstage assistants and road agents to remove the downed quartet of interferers from ringside – this match will be one on one! Pittsburgh are fans of the call, though Christopher Daniels’ angered face is enough to assure his hesitance to accept the decision! With no time to argue with the official, Daniels is up and hooks Moxley, dropping his opponent with a beautiful STO on the floor! Moxley howls out in pain as he hits the ground – unable to stop the attack.
Daniels, behaving like a mad man, stomps down on Moxley’s chest and head over and over, finally straddling him in the mount position and raining down blows as the Death Rides covers his head as well as he can. Finally, Daniels ceases his punching and pulls Moxley up, whipping him furiously into the guardrails. A strained expression instantly washes over Moxley’s face, but he dives right into Daniels just after impact, taking him down in a stranglehold as Pittsburgh roars out excitedly.
[ Scott Steiner ] Moxley’s comin’ alive on Mr. Clean’s bald ass! Kill!
Daniels quickly thumbs Moxley in the eye and rolls over into the dominant position and headbutts Moxley, drawing blood from a split above his eyebrow. Daniels, staggered from the sheer force of the blow, takes a moment and lifts Moxley up, hurling him under the bottom rope and into the ring. The Fallen Angel takes a moment to shake off the pain in his noggin before looking under the ring – and pulling out a steel chair! The PPG Arena roars out, excited, as Daniels turns his attention menacingly towards his opponent, still down and bloodied on the mat.
[ Tony Schiavone ] No, Daniels! No! This is taking this too far!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Are you SERIOUS, Tony? Daniels ordered his buddies to jump and attack Moxley! They powerbombed him through an announce stage! They attacked him! They’ve brawled with him constantly! They picked this fight and now Daniels has a steel chair – whether or not you agree with his methods, he’s going to do whatever it takes to win this match!
[ Scott Steiner ] YEAH! AND MORE OVERS, IT’S A FUCKIN’ STREET FIGHT! ANY TIME I EVER BRAWL IN THE STREETS – AT A SPORTS GAME, AT A BANK, DOWNTOWN, AT A SCHOOL, WHEREVER – WEAPONS IS LEGAL! NOTHIN’S OFF LIMITS IN THE DAMN STREETS! Well…except kicks to the cock! NO HONOR IN IT!
Daniels slides into the ring, steel chair firmly in his grasp and walks slowly to center ring, setting up the seat before slowly lowering himself onto it, watching Moxley all the while. The Fallen Angel narrows his eyes and leans forward, watching as the Death Rider crawls to him, grabbing at the laces of his boots in an effort to stand up. Smiling and shaking his head at the effort, Daniels stops moving and watches as Moxley makes his way to a knee, reaching for his opponent’s throat.
[ Tony Schiavone ] Still fight in Moxley! He’s not ready to lay down and die!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Never! That’s the heart of the warrior beating in his chest!
[ Scott Steiner ] Mr. Clean needs to stop wastin’ time and beat his chest in, you’re right!
Christopher Daniels stops his delaying and stands up, planting a boot into Moxley’s face, stunning him, before positioning him for a piledriver! The PPG Paints Arena roars out, familiar with the devastation the maneuver can bring, but Daniels has another measure of evil up his sleeves.
And he isn’t even wearing a shirt.
Demonstrating surprising strength, Daniels lifts Moxley up into position before stepping with one foot onto the seat of the steel chair and leaping – higher than normal with the chair’s assistance – and landing ass-first in a sick piledriver! Pittsburgh groans out an applause as Daniels worms into a cover, hooking both legs! ONE! TWO! THR—NO! JON MOXLEY KICKS OUT!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] My God, what a piledriver! I’m pretty shocked that Moxley could get his shoulder up!
Daniels’ face is plastered with a grotesque mix of shock and fury as Mox kicks out. The Fallen Angel looks at Chioda, absolutely beside himself, and stands up to get in the official’s face! Chioda stands his ground, informing Daniels that the count ‘is what it is,’ but predictably – the Fallen Angel doesn’t like this answer and shoves Chioda! As the Senior Official stumbles off, Daniels spits at Moxley, now completely infuriated.
[ Tony Schiavone ] Daniels is absolutely disgusting! Who does he think he is?!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] I think he’s well on his way to the biggest victory of his career here! He’s putting an absolute licking on Moxley!
Chioda turns to reprimand Daniels, who is already positioning the Death Rider towards the turnbuckles before sliding out of the ring again, head shaking angrily the entire way. Daniels produces another steel chair from under the ring and smacks it thrice, sending a loud, dull thud echoing through the raucous Pittsburgh fans. The Dean of Disrespect U re-enters the ring, chair still in hand before crossing himself and running, hopping over Daniels and up the ropes!
[ Tony Schiavone
] OH! OH MY WORD!
WINNER - Jon Moxley via Pin Fall in 17:39
As the bell rings, Chioda immediately dons his
rubber gloves and begins attending to both men, the gaping gash on
Daniels’ head his primary concern. A team of doctors enter the ring
awkwardly to care for both men as Chioda breathes out deeply, having
seen some major insanity over the last near 18 minutes.
Daniels’ skull is immediately being treated with bandages and wraps as a group of officials escorts Moxley from the ring, his eyes still clinched shut from the pain he’s in.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] What a contest, that’s for sure. I’m completely convinced that neither man will ever be the same again!
[ Scott Steiner ] Damn, that chair is wrecked as shit, too!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Quite right, Scott! Christopher Daniels’ skull may be, as well!
The scenery is being surveyed through long, sweeping shots of the ringside area as Daniels is beginning to be removed from the ring and Moxley feebly lifts a hand to salute the roaring Pittsburgh crowd while we fade away from the carnage-filled ring.
We go backstage where we see Rhea Ripley getting her ribs taped up by an EMT. She's staring straight ahead. Intense, in the zone, you can tell just from looking that all she's thinking about is revenge for what happened tonight. The EMT finishes taping her up and Ripley pulls her shirt down, grimacing from the exertion. The EMT leaves the room and Ripley begins packing her gear up. The door opens up and Nia Jax walks inside, a confident look on the face of the Irresistible Force. Ripley turns and looks at her.
[ Rhea Ripley ] What do ya' want? You wanna have a go now?
Jax huffs and a smirk crosses her face.
[ Nia Jax ] Maybe I do.
Ripley raises an eyebrow.
[ Nia Jax ] Not against you, though.
Ripley squares up, getting nose to nose with Jax.
[ Nia Jax ] With you.
And Jax points off-camera at nothing in particular.
[ Nia Jax ] Against those bitches that screwed us over tonight.
[ Rhea Ripley ] Normally, I'd give my mate Christina a call in a situation like this... but since she's run-off and nobody knows where she bloody is... that doesn't like the worst idea I've ever heard. When the times come... I'll give ya' a shout.
Jax nods and Ripley walks out of the room. The camera zooms in on Nia Jax's smirking face as we fade out.
parking lot, we see Cathy Kelley sprinting at the fastest speed she
can possibly hit wearing high heels trying to chase down Dustin
Rhodes, who has reached his rental car.
Dustin pops the trunk of his car and slings his gear bag inside of it. He’s still in his bodysuit and face paint from earlier tonight.
[ Cathy Kelley ] Dustin, why did you abandon Cody?!
The trunk slams down and Dustin brushes her off once she catches up to him. He opens the driver side door of the car and attempts to sit down, but Cathy makes one final attempt.
[ Cathy Kelley ] Dustin, please! Any comments on what you did tonight?
Dustin shakes his head and looks Cathy dead in the eyes. The normally joyful and courteous member of the Rhodes family barks back at her.
[ Dustin Rhodes ] No.
The car door slams shut, hitting so hard you think the glass was about to shatter. Dustin fires the car up, turns the lights on, and guns it out of the parking spot, speeding off into the night. Cathy shakes her head, distraught that she was unable to get any comments.
“One True Villain” by
HotTag Media plays in the background as Marty Scurll takes
center-stage. Even though he already competed tonight, Scurll is
looking fresh in an oversized fur coat with a blue vest, black
necktie and a pinstripe white shirt underneath. His signature oval
sunglasses reflect the glare of the camera off of them as he twirls
an umbrella on his left shoulder.
Tim Storm and PAC look alive as Arn Anderson
and Britt Baker circle the outside. Aubrey Edwards gives
instructions to each team and then signals for the bell. Tim Storm
and Steve Corino start and Corino is hesitant to lock up in the
beginning until Storm leaves him no choice, punching him square in
the jaw and then locking in a headlock. Corino bounces him off the
ropes to break free and hits a shoulder tackle. As Corino springs
off the ropes, Storm is up and gets hit with another shoulder
tackle. Corino taunts and tries it again but this time, Storm is
able to hit a powerslam and gets a quick two count. Corino quickly
tags Cole in as the fans begin booing loudly.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Tim Storm is fired up tonight, doin’ his best to fight for the honor of Solid Gold Wrestling!
Storm and Cole are in the middle of the ring exchanging trash talk. Cole pie-faces Storm and screams, “FIGHT ME!” And again! Cole then slaps Storm across the face as hard as he can and then spits right between Storm’s eyes! Storm lunges for Cole but Cole makes a quick tag to Corino. The two members of the Origin enter and pounce on Storm as he tries fending them both off unsuccessfully. PAC goes to step into the ring but HERE’S JACK EVANS AND ANGELICO! They yank PAC off the apron and mug him on the outside!
[ Scott Steiner ] WHERE’S SCARLETT BORDEAUX?!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Really, Scott? PAC is gettin’ destroyed on the outside as Tim Storm is getting mauled on the inside and all you’re worried about is Scarlett Bordeaux?
[ Scott Steiner ] This ain’t my fight! I’m here to look.
Angelico whips PAC into the guardrail as Evans follows up immediately with a running drop kick, sending PAC’s head banging against the railing!
[ Tony Schiavone ] The Hybrid 2 has practically taken PAC out of this match!
Aubrey Edwards restores some order as Corino is inside the ring by himself with Storm. Corino looks down on Storm with an arrogant smile on his face and yells with spit flying everywhere, “I’M GONNA’ SHOW YOU OLD SCHOOL!” Picking Storm up by the hair, Corino grabs Storm and body slams him and hits an elbow drop. Corino then picks Storm up and applies a sleeper hold and Storm drops to one knee! Aubrey checks the status of Storm as the fans are rallying behind him. Storm then drops to his butt as Aubrey lifts his arm and it drops… Again she lifts his arm and it drops.. On the third time, it drops but Storm rises at the last second! Storm works his way to his feet and hits elbow shots to Corino’s gut and slings Corino over his shoulder to the mat. Storm lunges for his corner, only to realize PAC is still getting assaulted on the outside!
[ Tony Schiavone ] This isn’t right!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Tim Storm is screwed, gentlemen!
Corino makes a tag and Cole picks Storm up and hits a snap suplex for a quick two count. Cole stands over Storm and proclaims, “ADAM COLE, BAY-BAY!” Then he picks Storm up, SUPER KICK! Storm staggers and Cole picks him up on his shoulders, LAST SHOT! Cole arrogantly covers..
[ Nigel McGuinness ] THINGS ARE GOIN’ FROM BAD TA’ WORSE FOR STORM BECAUSE HERE’S BRYAN DANIELSON!
Danielson runs down the ramp and slides into the ring to break up the count! Danielson exits the ring and grabs the tag rope. As Aubrey Edwards scolds Danielson, he tries explaining something to her.
[ Tony Schiavone ] Wait a second, is Bryan Danielson trying to volunteer to be Tim Storm’s tag partner?
[ Scott Steiner ] Tim Storm’s better off fightin’ this one on his own if he's gonna' hafta' rely on this freak for a partner!
Aubrey shrugs and allows it as Danielson is fired up in the corner. He motions to the fans, trying to get them into it by slapping the turnbuckle and stomping his feet.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] It makes sense! Tim Storm gave Danielson that pep talk earlier in the night about not bein’ selfish, and then you have to remember, Danielson does have history with Adam Cole stemming back a few shows! This is Bryan Danielson’s chance at redemption!
Cole paintbrushes the back of Storm’s head and then steps to the middle rope. As Storm comes to a standing position, Cole bounces off the ropes, PANAMA SUNRI-NO! STORM BLOCKS IT INTO A BACK BODY DROP! The fans are begging for a tag as Storm looks up to see Danielson in his corner. Storm crawls on his hands and feet to his corner and TAGS DANIELSON! Danielson comes in a house of fire, cleaning out Cole with a running knee and knocking Corino off the apron with one as well! The fans are blowing the roof off of the place. Danielson grabs Cole’s hands and begins stomping the SGW Champion right in the face with a flurry of boots! Storm is in the corner resting as Danielson is taking it to the SGW Champion. Storm tags back in and they whip Cole into the ropes, big back body drop! Storm can’t believe his eyes as Danielson extends a hand.. They shake hands and the crowd pops huge for it. HEADBUTT TO THE NOSE FROM DANIELSON! Storm clutches his nose as Danielson hits a running knee on Storm and begins stomping him in the face as well!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] BRYAN DANIELSON’S REDEMPTION DID NOT LAST!
[ Scott Steiner ] I told y’all Tim Storm was better off!
Aubrey dives in and prevents Danielson from attacking any longer. Danielson flips her the middle finger and then gives it to the rest of the people in attendance. He exits the ring with the middle fingers high in the air. Cole tags in Corino, who wastes no time. STORM ROLLS CORINO UP - ONE.. TWO.. NO! Corino ax kicks Storm in the back of the head and picks Storm up, OLD SCHOOL EXPULSION! One.. tw- kickout! Not even a two count! Storm comes up looking pissed off with a trickle of blood coming from his nose. Cole rushes the ring - PERFECT STORM! Corino picks Storm up from behind and hits an Atomic Drop but Storm no-sells it! Storm punches Corino three times and whips him against the ropes, PERFECT STORM! Here comes… Shane Douglas?
[ Scott Steiner ] Dear God...
[ Tony Schiavone ] What is the former SGW Lifetime Champion doing?
[ Nigel McGuinness ] This is his hometown after all!
Arn Anderson hops on the apron and argues with Aubrey Edwards as Douglas slides into the ring and reaches into the front of his khaki pants. He pulls out a microphone and whacks Tim Storm across the skull with it! Super kick from Adam Cole! Old School Expulsion! Douglas exits the ring as Corino collapses on top of Storm right as Aubrey Edwards turns around. One..two.. Three! The Origin win!
WINNERS - The Origin via Pin Fall in 13:08
Tony Schiavone ]
Damn you, Shane Douglas! Damn you to the gates of hell!
I got two letters from you
The lights come back up on the arena as “I Hope You Suffer” by AFI blasts over the speakers. Jimmy Havoc stands atop the ramp, his trusty ax propped on his right shoulder. The fans are beside themselves as Cole gulps at the sight of the mad man holding an axe just feet away from him.
I hope youuuuu do
Havoc has a microphone and raises it to his
mouth, which is covered by a spiked mask. He softly utters one word.
I hope you suffer
Havoc turns around and leaves as we get one
final shot of Adam Cole being reassured by Arn Anderson and Steve
Corino. Cole shakes his head, his moment ruined by the King of the
Just like you..