S-G-DUB!

SG-DUB!

SG-DUB!

We fade up inside the jam packed X-Treme Wrestling Jihad arena, filled with 2,000 screaming wrestling fans, ready to see the first-ever event presented by Solid Gold Wrestling-X. The fans are all on their feet, having been promised an event which will showcase the very best in independent wrestling today. As we get a good look at the roaring fans, we head up to the crow's next where we see the two men who will be calling this event, Mike Graci and Sav Shera!

[ Mike Gracie ] Ladies and gentlemen, here we are! Welcome to SGWx! I'm Mike Gracie and sitting next to me is the longtime voice of X-Treme Wrestling Jihad, Sav Shera!

[ Sav Shera ] I am very excited to be here, Mike.

[ Mike Gracie ] We have six amazing matches lined up, including a ladder match to determine the first-ever SGWx Champion, an unheard of Last Man Breathing match--

[ Sav Shera ] With special guest referee, Max Rager! You must not forget!

[ Mike Gracie ] How could anyone forget Max Rager?

[ Sav Shera ] He is an X-Treme Wrestling Jihad legend, I have seen him decapitate people for less!

[ Mike Gracie ] There's also a match with a cat in a suit.

Awkward silence.

[ Sav Shera ] Anyway, I'm very excited to see the heights that this company can reach. There is quite the collection of world class talent in the building tonight... and I am sure that all of them are willing to do whatever it takes to succeed!

[ Mike Gracie ] Well, I for one am unable to contain my excitement any longer, Shera. Our first two competitors are already making their way to the ring, so let's get this action underway!

Referee - Phil Hamrick | Time Limit - 30:00

Despite giving up a vast size advantage to his opponent, ScrumBuddy is all but intimidated as the opening bell rings, kicking off the first contest of the evening by running over and lighting up the male stripper with a right hand! Ctrl+C! Ctrl+V! Ctrl+V! Ctrl+V! Ctrl+V! Ctrl+V! Ctrl+V! Ctrl+V! ScrumBuddy’s efficient attack strategy, copying his initial strike and pasting it in order, has saved himself time and energy, wearing Tarzan down!

[ Mike Gracie ] The first contest of SGWx has quite the mismatch of sizes, Sav!

[ Sav Shera ] I’m used to it! In the X-Treme Wrestling Jihad, it’s not uncommon to see some of the most mismatched – some may even say UNFAIR – contests in wrestling history! For instance, the fabled 10-on-1 mugging match! “Cadillac” Jack DeVille against the ruthless LAPB – Lethal Assault Power Brigade!

A bit of silence from the table.

[ Mike Gracie ] …I’m sure I’m going to learn a lot working with you, Sav.

As ScrumBuddy turns from the fans back to his opponent, he is startled to be scooped up onto Tarzan’s shoulder and dropped face-first across the top turnbuckle! The male stripper places his massive boot into ScrumBuddy’s throat and forces it in tighter, choking his opponent! Scrum stumbles out of the corner and Tarzan scoops him onto his shoulders and slams him down with a beautiful body slam, covering for a two count.

Laying into ScrumBuddy with a few punches of his own, Tarzan backs his opponent into the ropes and shoots him across the ring, bending over at midring for a big back body drop – but Scrum is refreshed and PLANTS the male stripper with the Sprint Retrospective DDT!

[ Mike Gracie ] Huge move from ScrumBuddy!

[ Sav Shera ] Help me out, Mike – what the hell is SCRUM?!

[ Mike Gracie ] Well, Sav, many in the tech sector say it’s a Godsend! Others say it’s a way of life!

[ Sav Shera ] I say it’s a guy who’s gonna choke a male stripper to death!

Keeping his precise attack applied, ScrumBuddy puts Tarzan in a chinlock, raking his eyes as Phil Hamrick attends to the seven-foot stripper. Tarzan fights back, doing his best to stand up, despite Scrum’s chinlock, but it’s moot as he’s quickly dropped to the mat with a beautiful full-nelson slam! Still exerting, ScrumBuddy applies the Bugfix Bawston Crab, really wrenching at Tarzan’s knees and back!

[ Sav Shera ] MAN! Imagine how devastating this would be if he applied barbed wire to the pits of the knees!

[ Mike Gracie ] …I think it’s plenty painful as-is, Sav! Not everything needs barbed wire to be exciting…

[ Sav Shera ] Tell that to my wife! Sheesh!

Growing increasingly more frustrated that his opponent will not surrender, ScrumBuddy maneuvers around Tarzan’s long limbs, tying them up around his calf and slapping him across the bare back! The stripper howls out in pain and reaches to soothe the blow but falls right into Scrum’s macro – he latches both arms and pulls back, STOMPING Tarzan’s face into the mat with a beautiful Refinement Curb Stomp! COVER! One! Two! No! Tarzan gets his shoulder up!

Frustrated with the never-say-die attitude from his opponent, ScrumBuddy does what any logically minded grappler would do and props the big man onto the top rope, seemingly looking for a little Tech Debt! Ascending the ropes, Scrum positions himself steadily and grabs Tarzan, looking to hook him for the top rope Saito Suplex – but Tarzan reverses and sends Scrum crashing to the mat! The big man very slowly, painstakingly even, stands fully on the top turnbuckle and –

[ Mike Gracie ] No vines needed – Tarzan’s flying!

Your eyes don’t deceive you, it’s true – a seven-foot-tall man with a cross body block from the top rope!

[ Sav Shera ] NO! ScrumBuddy moves!

Sensing the time is nigh, ScrumBuddy strains himself, deadlifting Tarzan off the mat and into the air, dropping him FLUSH on his head with the Definition of Done! Hamrick’s in position – ONE! TWO! THREE!

WINNER
SCRUMBUDDY via PINFALL in 9:58

[ Mike Gracie ] God Almighty, what a devastating maneuver!

[ Sav Shera ] You’re damn right it was! Not since Jared Brixxx’s Stabby Driver have I seen a move with such ruthlessness and beauty all rolled into one dangerously gorgeous package!

Scrum, smiling to himself, rolls from the ring and begins pacing calmly up the ramp, smoothing out the wild hairs on his head as he does so. Breathing deeply, he reaches the stage in time to see Hamrick assisting Tarzan to a seated position.

[ Mike Gracie ] Love him or hate him, ScrumBuddy insists that we NEED him – and he’s eager to continue his path towards a more Scrum world…here in SGWx!

Tarzan scowls as ScrumBuddy shrugs and we fade from the scene.

[ Emily Duncan ] Standing with me next is Etune "I am Not a" Manager

Etune Manager stands there looking away from the interviewer disinterested. When pressed upon this further Etune turns to her.

[ Etune Manager ] Come on there's more.

[ Emily Duncan ] Uh. The sauce, the bard of the yard... were there any others you came up with at that Starbucks.

Etune shakes her head but looks up.

[ Etune Manager ] Didn't come up with Bard of the yard in a Starbucks keep up with the deep lore of Etune Manager, come on now I guess I'll have to do the interview myself.

She held up her own microphone and with her best Valley Girl impression she began speaking.

[ Etune Manager ] Oh MY GOSH Etune. Are taking on like, the Business Cat! Isn't he ferocious with fangs and such! HOW WILL YOU EVER SURVIVE SUCH A BRUTAL CREATURE.

Etune returns to her normal voice if even a bit deeper to sound more warriorish. She takes a deep breath.

[ Etune Manager ] That's a tough call, but he's a business cat not a Lawyer cat so I think I have a chance. Where I am a bard, and not a manager this company but still. I know what It takes to be ruthless... If business cat expects an easy win he will be surely mistaken. For i am Etune "The Cat Whisperer" Manager

She tossed the Mic back to Emily Duncan who now has two mics this produces a bit of feedback.

[ Etune Manager ] Guess I can put interviewer on my resume, huh?

 Etune heads straight to the ring for her match!

Referee - Rosalie Flack | Time Limit - 30:00

The fans are in absolute amazement as they're literally witnessing a cat in a suit getting prepared to wrestle! This is the kind of action that you can only find inside of an SGWx ring, ladies and gentlemen. This is giving the people what they want! Etune is reluctant, as she knows the mood swings cats have. One minute they're cuddly, the next they're slashing your face for no reason.

[ Sav Shera ] Talk about a big fight atmosphere!

After a few minutes of feeling one another out with some basic wrestling holds, the pace begins to quicken. The two are high-flyers at heart, so it was only a matter of time. Etune drops Business Cat with a superkick and applies a spinning toe hold. Business Cat pushes her off of him and springs up and hits an armdrag, and a superkick of his own as Etune gets back up. With her down on the mat, he's quick to the top rope, I Can Haz Cheezburger?! NO! Etune moves out of the way, but Business Cat lands on his feet. He's a cat, you know? Etune is back up and blocks a superkick attempt from Business Cat, and rolls him up with a small package - one, two, kick out! Big body slam from Business Cat and a standing senton follows it up for a two count of his own. The fans are really getting into it as each person in the match is looking for a weakness from the other.

[ Mike Gracie ] I can't believe what I'm seeing here.

[ Sav Shera ] It hardly seems real, yes?

The ending comes as Business Cat takes control of the latter part of the match, with victory easily in his sights.. That is, until Etune reaches into her boot and pulls out a toy mouse with a bell on its nose. Business Cat's eyes sparkle and is deadlocked on the toy. She throws it into the corner and Business Cat chases it down and rolls over, wildly playing with it on his back. That toy has CATNIP in it! Business Cat is so mellowed out right now that he has no idea where he is!

[ Mike Gracie ] Etune has found a significant weakness!

[ Sav Shera ] Very underhanded! Very slick! But still, very underhanded!

Etune goes to the top rope - Etune's Elbow Encore! Repeated top rope elbow drops flattened Business Cat. With him being so zoned out from the catnip and taking the damage from the elbow drops, Business Cat is in real trouble. Etune runs the ropes back and forth several times before ending it with a big splash! One! Two! Thr-- NO! Business Cat manages to get a shoulder up! Etune can't believe it! Her underhanded tactics didn't work! She pulls Business Cat up by a single ear and he immediately cradles her for one! Two! Three!

WINNER
BUSINESS CAT via PINFALL in 08:02

The fans pop huge as Business Cat instantly rolls out of the ring, trying to regain his bearings from the catnip.

[ Mike Gracie ] Just like a proper Business Cat, he seals the deal by rolling up Etune like a ball of yarn!

[ Sav Shera ] Another exciting contest concluded with more to come... and much more violent to come, as well!

We fade out with a shot of Business Cat celebrating on the stage.

We go backstage where Emily Duncan is standing by with Dan Gacy.

[ Emily Duncan ] Dan, you come in this match the seasoned veteran, a man until recently was unwanted by major wrestling companies. Dan, your thoughts on this match tonight?

Dan taken aback by the comment smirks and starts to talk.

[ Dan Gacy ] Ouch Em, really took it to my core. Talking about me being unwanted by major wrestling companies. Have you thought about this, up until now, I didn’t want them either? Of course not. What you got in that little promo I shot ya, was a look into me. A very candid look.

[ Emily Duncan ] Right, you’re going into this like it’s your last match, your last hurrah, as you said so yourself. What do you have planned to make sure this isn’t the case?

[ Dan Gacy ] This your first time calling an event? Listen Em, really appreciate you asking me these ‘questions’, but let me tell you something, I can take it from here, Em. Thank you, but I think you’re doing yourself and this company a disservice.

Emily sinks her head down to the ground, as she hands Dan the microphone. He smirks and starts to speak.

[ Dan Gacy ] Yeah, you heard what you needed to hear from me about where my mind is headed into this match. It’s not the clearest, nor is it to a point, place where I need it to be. We’re here because I decided to put wrestling first. I decided to take my career and make it important, to me. No one else told me to, it’s because now with a wife and a kid, I got to provide for them. What better way to provide than to fight?

Dan coughs and then starts to speak.

[ Dan Gacy ] Now I’m going to make this real simple for you all. I’m going to go out there, climb every step of that ladder and slowly make my way down with the championship in my hand. If I don’t? Well, that’s my problem, isn’t it? Now, excuse me, I have a match to start caring about.

Dan drops the microphone down on the ground, as Emily Duncan rushes back in and picks up the microphone.

Referee - Chris Flatley | Time Limit - 30:00

The bell sounds and the two lock up. Irons uses his strength to back Dixie into the corner but the referee quickly comes between them to break things up. Irons takes a step back and his eyes immediately become fixated on "Triple D's" chest. Realizing this, she begins slowly bouncing up and down, continuing the hypnotizing. This allows her to hit a clothesline for a quick two count. Shaking himself out, Irons is back up and slaps Dixie across the face and hits a swinging neckbreaker. He covers her but Dixie quickly kicks out. Irons rubs his eyes and shakes his head. His past in the adult entertainment industry is rearing its ugly head in this one, as all he can truly think about are the.. ahem.. assets "Dazzlin'" Dixie is putting on display tonight. Every time he tries a move or to finish her off, he takes his eyes off the prize and puts them elsewhere, if you catch the drift. The two meshed perfectly with their styles and sizes and the fans really enjoyed seeing a former adult entertainer in the ring with a human Barbie doll teasing and taunting him at every turn. Dixie knows all about Jake Irons' past and used it to her advantage.

[ Sav Shera ] Dixie Daniels has done her homework! Let's see how it works out for her!

[ Mike Gracie ] It certainly appears to be paying off so far, Shera. She remains in control!

The turning point in the match comes when Irons drops Dixie with Doggy Style, the springboard bulldog. He goes up top and plays to the fans, who return his playing with boos. He dives off the top for Chocolate Starfish and misses! Dixie rolls over and gets to her feet. Sweet Southern Cookin'! The shuffle punch combo staggers Irons, allowing her to pick him up by using her cornbread fed strength! Puttin' Em to Bed! NO! Jake Irons slips out behind Dixie and shoves her hard into the corner! Her head collides with the top turnbuckle and she staggers out of the corner and falls into the center of the ring. Irons ascends the ropes and flies... CHOCOLATE STARFISH! He cradles both legs, pinning her in a missionary position! ONE! TWO! THREE!

WINNER
JAKE IRONS via PINFALL in 05:44

Irons quickly rolls out of the ring and leaves up the ramp, a satisfied smile on his face.

[ Sav Shera ] Jake Irons has done it! What an impressive win for this most glorious young man!

[ Mike Gracie ] Yes, glorious indeed. The self-proclaimed creepy and, um... horny individual has emerged victorious. It will be very interesting to see where his career takes him from here!

We fade out on a shot of Dixie Daniels sitting up in the ring, blowing a strand of hair out of her face, disappointed.

We go backstage where we see Emily Duncan standing by with Max Rager. The crowd cheers loudly as Rager stands there, looking proud of himself. He nods, satisfied with the strong reaction. Holding her trusty clipboard, Duncan begins the interview.

[ Emily Duncan ] Ladies and gentlemen, I'm standing here with one of the main investors in SGWx and the owner of X-Treme Wrestling Jihad... the one and only MAX RAGER!

She gestures toward him.

[ Emily Duncan ] Max, it's a pleasure to have this opportunity to interview a man of your stature in the North Eastern independent wrestling scene.

[ Max Rager ] It's a pleasure to be here, sugar tits.

[ Emily Duncan ] Oh, wow. Okay.

Rager stands there confidently, wielding a barbwire baseball over his shoulder.

[ Emily Duncan ] Max, tonight you've taken it upon yourself to be the special guest referee for the Last Man Breathing match between John Destruction and Tommy Death... two men you have personal experience with. Care to explain to the fans why you're qualified to do this?

[ Max Rager ] Why am I qualified for this? Why is Max fuckin' Rager fuckin' qualified for this? Bitch, I was fuckin' born for this! I'm the current and reigning thirty-TWO time X-Treme Wrestling Jihad Champion! I founded that god damn stinkin' company! And I done spilled on all forty-six continents! If there's anybody fit to referee this HISTORY MAKIN' match... you bet'cher sweet ass it's Max fuckin' Rager!

[ Emily Duncan ] Very impressive, all of that. If you could offer fans a word of advice heading into this match, what would it be?

Max Rager scoffs and looks into the camera.

[ Max Rager ] I hope ya' brung yer shittin' pants.

Dramatic pause..

[ Max Rager ] 'cause this Last Man Breathin' match?

Emily's eyes widen.

[ Max Rager ] It's gonna make you shit yer pants.

Fade.

Referee - Rosalie Flack | Time Limit - 30:00

As soon as the bell rings, Drexel and Reiko charges across the ring and attack Riley and Ferris, pummeling them down to the mat with clubbing blows. Reiko takes over on Ferris and she shrieks in terror as she backs him into the corner before peppering him with forearms and knee lifts! Drexel uses his size advantage to dominate the tiny Northcutt, rag dolling her into the opposite corner and drilling her with body blows! The fans boo loudly as the Grimwoods show a unified front, giving Northcutt and McFly no opportunity to fight back! Coach Walter Klopek loses it at ringside, urging referee Flack to get the match under control!

[ Mike Gracie ] These Infernal Grimwoods are relentless!

[ Sav Shera ] YES! VERY MUCH SO! I LOVE THEIR FIRE!

Crowe pulls Riley out of the corner and whips her into the ropes. He goes for a clothesline but she ducks it and baseball slides between his legs before rising to her feet and leaping onto the middle rope... CORKSCREW ASAI MOONSAULT ON DREXEL CROWE! Drexel immediately powders to the floor and Riley is already anticipating this, hitting the ropes and flying through the ropes, taking him out with a suicide dive! The fans pop huge! Reiko continues assault McFly in the ring and pulls him out of the corner. She takes him over with a snap suplex and then goes to the top rope... HER BLACK WINGS! NO! McFLY MOVES! Reiko gets nothing but mat! McFly scurries back to his feet and catches her with a basement dropkick as she stands up! He pulls her up by her hair and whips her into the ropes! He goes for a dropkick but she swats him aside! He rises back up to one knee and she nails him with a knee lift right to the face! Satisfied with the damage done, she prepares to attack again, only to have Riley Northcutt take her by the ankles and drag her out of the ring! Riley nails Reiko with a series of forearms against the apron until Drexel Crowe attacks from behind with a running forearm... only for Northcutt to move, causing Drexel to sandwich his sister between himself and the apron! She goes down in a heap and Northcutt shoves Drexel under the bottom rope! He scrambles back to his feet, only for Ferris to meet him coming in with a clothesline that turns him inside out! The fans pop huge!

[ Mike Gracie ] The tide is turning rather quickly!

[ Sav Shera ] I can't believe this! No one could have possibly predicted this turn of events!

Riley Northcutt slides under the bottom rope as Ferris McFly climbs to the top rope! Riley hits the ropes... PEARL SPIN ON DREXEL CROWE! Ferris comes off the top... EAT MY SHORTS! Ferris covers Drexel! ONE! TWO! THREE!

WINNERS
RILEY NORTHCUTT & FERRIS McFLY via PINFALL in 07:49

The fans pop huge as Northcutt and McFly celebrate like they've just won the world title! Coach Walter joins them in the ring and hoists Northcutt up on his shoulder. Reiko collects Drexel and they leave up the ramp, looking furious. We close on a shot of Coach Walter carrying Nortchutt around on his shoulder while McFly rocks out with the fans.

Special Guest Referee - Max Rager | Time Limit - 30:00

The tension is thick in the air as the bell rings and the Last Man Breathing Match gets underway. With the unpredictable Max Rager in control of the contest, the promise of bloodshed was all but guaranteed and two more applicable men could not have been chosen from this or any universe to uphold the promise.

[ Sav Shera ] MAX RAGER’S IN THE HOUSE! YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS, GRACIE?!

[ Mike Gracie ] I do not.

[ Sav Shera ] It means you’re in the presence of ULTRAVIOLENT GREATNESS! It means that no funny business is going down tonight, Mike! It means THIS STIPULATION WILL STAND! IT MEANS ONE MAN WILL! NOT! BE! BREATHING! AT THE END OF THIS MATCH, MAX WILL MAKE SURE THAT BLOODSHED WINS THE DAY!

[ Mike Gracie ] …so, he’s insane?

[ Sav Shera ] CLINICALLY!

Rager lights up a cigarette as Tommy Death runs towards his former partner with ill-intention in his eyes, but the man who “isn’t about all the jokes and shenanigans” John Destruction pulls a DEAD FISH from inside his jacket and slaps Death across the face with it! A wet, mushy, but somehow thick TCHWAPPPP fills the air as the scales meet the flesh of Death’s face!

[ Mike Gracie ] So…John Destruction just had a dead fish inside his jacket?

[ Sav Shera ] HE’S HARDCORE! HE’S READY TO DIE IN THIS RING!

John’s roughened face paint is casting an eerie light upon all he does, which is all the more intimidating when you consider his widened, focused eyes. The dead fish dangling from his hand drips an unknown mixture of liquids as Destruction saunters to Death with a grin on his face and wraps both hands around the tail of the fish – and lifts it high into the air, bringing it down as hard as he can across Tommy’s spine! AND AGAIN! AND AGAIN! This dead fish is being ripped to pieces across the face and back of Tommy Death! Finally finished with his aquatic assault, Destruction hurls the carcass into the stands and screams, spreading his arms wide to a massive reaction. Not finished with his former partner, John Destruction stomps over, his hands lifted in an MMA-style guard, and shoot kicks Death in the ribs!

[ Mike Gracie ] WHAT A KICK TO THE RIBS! Those can knock the wind out of you, or worse, break bones! When you can’t breathe, you lose this damn match! Smart move from “Doctor Bad Ass!”

Mike pauses a moment.

[ Mike Gracie ] Oh, God.

Rather than maintain his logical attack, Destruction chooses to circle to Death’s back and fires another three shoot kicks, each one echoing loudly off his former partner’s back. Now back in front of his former partner, Destruction launches a stiff shoot kick to the face, rattling Death back from the cheek – the point of impact for the vicious strike. John grabs Tommy by the hair and pulls him up to his feet, then makes a complicated series of movements, apparently preparing an attack of some sort before cartwheeling towards the ropes, leaping and touching his toes, and springboarding into a front roll, coming up onto his feet right before his former partner and –

[ Mike Gracie ] OH MY GOD! DEATH’S GOUGING HIS EYES OUT!!

[ Sav Shera ] EX-DUB-JAY! EX-DUB-JAY! EX-DUB-JAY!

Finally content with the damage done to the left eye, Death releases Destruction to a knee and steps back, absolutely WRECKING his partner with a big kick right to the face! As John falls to his back, still grabbing his face, blood eking from a few fingernail cuts to the skin around (or possibly in) his eye socket, Death stomps directly on his former partner’s throat! AND ANOTHER TO THE CHEST! Death lifts his former partner to his knees and sizes him up carefully before lashing out with a stiff right hand jab to the face! A left-handed cross!

[ Mike Gracie ] To have just taken a devastating kick to the ribs, Death is breathing VERY well in his pacing of these strikes!

[ Sav Shera ] It’s because Tommy Death IS NOT A PUSSY! He’s bleedin’ sure, but he’s never one to just lay down and take it stiff!

Death continues his assault with a big elbow strike, falling to his own knees as he strikes Destruction in the forehead. Breathing deeply, Tommy reaches over to the stringy hair of his former partner and pulls him in, biting down on his nose!! Destruction screams in pain and forces his partner off, immediately grabbing his nose in pain, but leaving his throat open for Death to strangle him viciously! Max Rager cackles and stomps over to the action, taking a drag from his cigarette before blowing smoke, asking raspily:

[ Max Rager ] YOU FUCKIN’ FINISHED, JOHNNY BOY?!

Destruction throws his hands down and breaks the stranglehold, headbutting Death in the face before looking around the arena at all his Bad Asses out there and then back to Rager.

[ John Destruction ] NOT NOW! NOT EVER! AND NO!

Energized, Destruction forces himself up from off the mat and steps back before leaping forward, flipping into the air and kicking Death stiffly in the face with the Endangerizer! Death slumps backwards, shoulders bent over his own feet disgustingly as Destruction prepares for another attack! Lifting his former partner up and onto his own two feet, John utilizes one of his trademark flashy maneuvers, hooking Death’s arm and lifting, then spinning to his left – the Tornado Hip Toss! Rager checks Death – and he’s still breathing! Destruction lifts his former partner again, planting him in a seated position onto the top rope. Climbing up with him, John takes a moment and snarls for all his Bad Asses in the arena before snapmaring Death off the top rope and to the mat! Watching as Death rolls around in pain on the mat, Destruction stands up and flies – SWANTON BOMB! NO!! DEATH MOVES!

[ Mike Gracie ] Tommy Death is going to the floor – and under the ring! What’s he looking for now?!

[ Sav Shera ] Any and everything that isn’t nailed down!

Accurate assessment from Sav – Death begins pulling out tables, toolboxes, a medium-sized bookshelf, and what appears to be a garden hose from under the ring! Death finds a steel chair and very accurately throws it over the top rope, plunking Destruction on the head! Tommy sets up a pair of tables, side-to-side to form a square shape at the end of the aisle and snarls his lips. Looking at Max Rager, who is grinning, Death pulls a cannister of lighter fluid from behind the steel steps and empties it onto the tables! The Philly fans are electric, absolutely roaring with energy as Death lifts the bookshelf and hose, sliding them into the ring before joining his now-rising former partner within!

[ Mike Gracie ] What in the world is with these oddball weapons?!

[ Sav Shera ] Ultraviolence is equal parts imagination and ill-will, Mike!

Death sits the shelf on its side and moves the hose for the moment, lifting Destruction up and headbutting him stiffly in the nose before lifting him to his shoulder and sloppily spinebusters his former partner down onto the shelf! It’s heavy wood cracks and groans but doesn’t shatter! Frustrated, Death climbs to the top ropes and launches himself, knees first toward Destruction and scores, planting a double knee drop into his former partner’s sternum and driving them both through the bookshelf!

[ Sav Shera ] YESSSS! THAT COULD DO IT!

Destruction crawls, still breathing, and finds respite near the garden hose – but Death is behind him, finding the end of the hose and whipping John across the head, chest and back with the heavy rubber hose! Bright red whelps form on Destruction’s neck as Death fumbles with a clear plastic cap on the end of the hose.

[ Mike Gracie ] What in the world is he doing? What’s he doing now?!

Death punches Destruction in the jaw and forces the hose into his mouth, upending it from the center and watching as John’s cheeks fill up rapidly with some unknown substance!

[ Sav Shera ] CHOKING! YES! ASPHYXIATE HIM WITH A SUBSTANCE AND STOP THE BREATHING!

John Destruction eventually clubs Death in the crotch and rips the hose from his mouth, vomiting out a combination of…well, vomit, and a very strange choice for asphyxiant:

[ Mike Gracie ] IS THAT…BALL BEARINGS?!

Destruction wipes his face and turns toward Death, who is crawling towards a broken chunk of bookshelf – and charges! DOUBLE STOMP! Right between the shoulder blades! As Death squirms on the mat in pain, Destruction tears off his jacket and waistcoat, ripping buttons as he pulls off his Oxford shirt. Reaching into his pocket, Destruction produces a bundle of emergency cable and begins wrapping it tightly around Death’s neck!

[ Sav Shera ] End it, Destruction!

With the cable tightly wrapped around his former partner’s throat, John lifts Tommy’s body from the mat and leaps into the air, smacking him across the jaw with the Surgery Kick! As he gets back to his feet, the Philly fans are roaring and Destruction soon finds out why – because Tommy Death is still standing, middle fingers in the air in his former partner’s face! Destruction’s jaw falls open and Death runs up, smashing him in the mouth with a big Yakuza Kick! With Destruction down on the mat, Death takes the loose end of his enormous, dragging emergency cable from around his throat and wraps it around John’s throat, tying it tightly!

[ Mike Gracie ] They’re content to kill one another!

Max Rager puffs his cigarette, smirking at what’s happening as Death leaps over the top rope and begins climbing slowly up the turnbuckles. Interested suddenly, Rager flicks the butt of his cigarette – and accidentally lights up the set of tables! The flame roars and Philly goes wild – then again!

[ Mike Gracie ] Destruction is up!! AND THROWS THAT STEEL CHAIR!

The steel legs of the chair hit Death in the mouth, knocking him from the top rope and down, towards the flaming table – but the tied emergency cable between the former members of Death and Destruction stops him JUST BEFORE FALLING INTO THE FIRE!!

[ Sav Shera ] OH MY SWEET MERCIFUL ULTRAVIOLENT LORD!

Death has a hand loosely gripping the top rope and Destruction is digging into the ring, trying not to let his partner fall and choking himself out in doing so! Eventually, Death spits with what may be his final breath and Destruction headbutts his former partner stiffly across the nose, bloodying it! Death’s body dangles precariously over the fire as Destruction begins walking away, his hands on the tied side of the cable around his neck, tightening the hold on Death’s side. As choking alerts him, John turns over his shoulder to face his former partner.

[ Tommy Death ] Don’t..end it…like…a…bi-bitch.

Destruction looks deep into his former partner’s cold, bulging eyes.

[ Tommy Death ] …end it. For good.

Death falls limp, his forearms dangling into the flames as Destruction grabs him by the head, stepping back further and wrenching on the cable! Tommy’s body is growing more and more lifeless by the moment, dragging his arms into the fire, being held incredulously in the air by the emergency cable, tightening further around his throat! Rager checks on Death –

[ Max Rager ] HE’S OUT! THIS SHIT IS OVER!!

WINNER
JOHN DESTRUCTION in 15:11

Destruction grabs Death by the head and pulls him into the ring, finally releasing his grip on the cable and allowing a tiny bit of respite for his former partner.

[ Mike Gracie ] That might be one of the damndest matches I’ve ever seen in my entire life! I cannot believe the level of violence these two men went to here tonight!

Inside the ring, Max Rager shakes the trembling, weary hand of John Destruction and lights another cigarette as the ring crew puts out the flaming tables. Laughing at their proclivity for safety, Rager claps Destruction on the back and leaves him alone, looking at the broken body of his former partner as we fade away from the ring.

We fade up backstage with a shot of security surrounding a man who is down on the floor. As we draw closer, we see that Tarzan is laid out on the floor, covered in blood. Everyone is panicking. The live crowd boos loudly. Blood is splattered on the walls, dripping from the ceiling... what a mess.

[ Mike Gracie ] What is this!? What's happening!? Someone call an ambulance for Tarzan!

[ Sav Shera ] Something about this attack is very unsettling! Yet very familiar... but it's not possible! It can't be!

[ Mike Gracie ] What? What are you talking about?

[ Sav Shera ] No, no! I won't speak it into existence... we should prepare for the main event. Hopefully we will have an update on Tarzan before the show is over.

We return to the ring.

Referee - Phil Hamrick | Time Limit - 60:00

As all six competitors make their entrances, we get a good look at the ringside area, littered with tables, ladders, and chairs. The fans are standing on their feet, loudly chanting, ready to see this car crash of a match get underway. Above the ring, we see the SGWx Championship hanging, ready for the most deserving competitor to climb and claim it.

Once all six competitors are in the ring, Phil Hamrick calls for the bell and we're off! Jack Kaine immediately nails Dan Gacy with a corner dropkick and slides out of the ring, retrieving a ladder! Spicy Boy charges at Camille Khadre but she ducks and pulls the top rope down, causing him to tumble to the floor... only to turn right around into a running knee strike herself from Raven Kazuma! Jack Kaine slides a ladder under the bottom rope but Clara Camus dropkicks it into him, knocking him backward into the guardrail! Camus picks the ladder up and prepares to set it up... but Raven Kazuma comes off the ropes and BOOTS HER IN THE FACE THROUGH THE RUNGS! Camus goes down and Kazuma has the ring to himself! He sets the ladder up and begins to climb! But as he reaches the top and extends his arm toward the belt, Jack Kaine returns to the ring, climbs to the top rope... and leaps ONTO THE LADDER! The fans pop huge! Kaine begins slugging away at Kazuma's head and then hooks him... SUPERPLEXING HIM OFF THE LADDER

[ Mike Gracie ] I can't believe what I'm seeing! This action is non-stop!

[ Sav Shera ] It's chaos! It's like watching a car wreck! You can't look away!

[ Mike Gracie ] Raven Kazuma is coming on strong to start but Jack Kaine is doing everything he can to cut off that flow of momentum!

[ Sav Shera ] Mike, Jack Kaine knows how important it is to maintain momentum! Momentum might just be the most important aspect of any pro-wrestlers repertoire!

Jack Kaine and Raven Kazuma are both down in the center of the ring. Jack painstakingly returns to his feet only to turn right around into a CHAIRSHOT from Dan Gacy! Jack Kaine falls to the mat and rolls out of the ring, cradling his head! Gacy looks up at the title and tosses the chair. He begins climbing... but Camille Khadre begins climbing as well! They both reach the top and begin trading forearms! Camille continues climbing and reaches up to touch the title but Gacy punches her in the stomach! She retaliates with a thumb to the eye and then positions herself on Gacy... TAKING HIM DOWN OFF THE LADDER WITH A FLIPPING PILEDRIVER TO THE MAT! The fans begin chanting "HOLY SHIT!" at the top of their lungs!

[ Mike Gracie ] Oh my stars and garters! What a maneuver!

[ Sav Shera ] Don't bother calling an ambulance! Call a hearse! Prepare forty virgins! Dan Gacy is DEAD!

[ Mike Gracie ] He just gave it all for the fans in attendance tonight!

[ Sav Shera ] What a noble sacrifice it was!

Camille shakily returns to her feet, only for Clara Camus to come out of nowhere with a running boot to the face. Camus folds the ladder up and drops it across Camille's chest, drawing a groan of discomfort from the fans. Clara stomps on the ladder, really crushing Camille. Clara turns around and walks into a shotgun dropkick from the Spicy Boy! Danny Bennett springs back to his feet and pulls Clara back up. He whips her into the ropes and follows her in, clotheslining her over the top rope to the floor! He spins around, looking up at the title with a smile on his face. He pulls the ladder off Camille and sets it back up but Raven Kazuma returns out of nowhere and takes him down with a BUSAIKU KNEE! Kazuma sits up on one knee, looking cool as shit. He rolls out of the ring and grabs a table, setting it up between the apron and guardrail. On the other side of the ring, we see that Jack Kaine has returned to his feet and is inexplicably setting a tower of steel chairs!

[ Mike Gracie ] What are these two doing!? What's the point!?

[ Sav Shera ] THIS IS INDEPENDENT WRESTLING, MIKE! THEY DON'T NEED A POINT!

Jack Kaine looks satisfied with his tower of chairs and turns around to return to the ring... just in time to dodge a suicide dive from Dan Gacy! DAN GACY GOES THROUGH THE TOWER OF CHAIRS! The fans pop huge! Jack Kaine looks at the wreckage and shrugs before rolling back into the ring. Jack sets up a ladder and begins climbing! Raven Kazuma slides under the bottom rope and begins climbing the opposite side! As they struggle at the top of the ladder, Clara Camus and Camille Khadre position themselves beneath each man... AND POWERBOMB THEM OFF TO THE MAT BELOW! Camille and Clara have the same idea! They both climb the ladder and scramble to the top. They fight at the top with Clara almost pulling the title down! Suddenly, Spicy Boy returns to the ring and PUSHES THE LADDER OVER! CLARA AND CAMILLE FALL OUT OF THE RING AND CONVENIENTLY THROUGH THE TABLE OUTSIDE THAT KAZUMA SET UP EARLIER! Spicy Boy sets the ladder back up and begins climbing with an eager smile on his face... but Raven Kazuma pulls him down! Spicy Boy immediately boots Kazuma in the stomach and goes for HOT HOT HOT but Kazuma sandbags him! Kazuma rises up and nails Spicy Boy with a big forearm before charging into the ropes... BULLET TRAIN TO OSAKA! Spicy Boy falls through the ropes to the floor! With no opposition, Kazuma climbs the ladder and claims the championship!

WINNER & FIRST CHAMPION
RAVEN KAZUMA in 13:39

The fans cheer loudly as Raven Kazuma descends from atop the ladder with the SGWx Championship in his hand. He drops to a knee in the middle of the ring, looking down at it. The fans loudly chant "SG-DUB" over and over as he rises and holds the title over his head.

[ Mike Gracie ] What a match! Raven Kazuma has become the first champion!

[ Sav Shera ] And what a prestigious title it is! What a historic moment! I don't know what could possibly happen to top this moment--

The lights go out.

The fans gasp in surprise.

[ Mike Gracie ] What's going on!?

[ Sav Shera ] I have not the slightest clue!

The lights come back on.

[ Mike Gracie ] OH MY... WHAT!?

[ Sav Shera ] I CANNOT BELIEVE MY EYES! HE'S HERE!

[ Mike Gracie ] IT CAN'T BE!

[ Sav Shera ] IT'S JIHAD LEGEND... "THE FLAYER" DOKKEN REVENGER! HE MUST BE THE MAN WHO TOOK OUT TARZAN!

The fans EXPLODE as Dokken Revenger blasts Raven Kazuma from behind with a chair and then hoists him up, planting him into the mat with a TRIPLE JUMP PILEDRIVER! Kazuma launches off the mat and doesn't move once he lands!

[ Sav Shera ] HE CALLS THAT THE SOUL FLAYER 6-5000!

The Flayer returns to his feet with the SGWx Championship in his grasp.

[ Sav Shera ] He's the former eleven time Jihadi death match champion and now he is staking claim to the SGWx Championship, held by Raven Kazuma! I can assure you, Raven Kazuma has never faced a man like Dokken Revenger! OH SHIT! HERE COMES MAX RAGER!

Max Rager rolls into the ring and immediately empties out a bag of thumb tacks! Rager and Revenger clash in the middle of the ring, throwing wild punches before Revenger brings Max Rager down with a boot to the stomach and a POWERBOMB INTO THE TACKS! The fans boo loudly as Revenger stands over Rager... but then the fans come unglued as JOHN DESTRUCTION hits the ring! Destruction immediately grabs two handfuls of tacks and slings them into the eyes of Revenger before peppering him with right hands! He clotheslines Revenger over the top rope to the floor! Dokken Revenger backs up the ramp, raging out until he disappears behind the curtain. John Destruction helps Max Rager to his feet. Rager is covered in thumbtacks. Raven Kazuma gets up to one knee and Destruction picks up the championship. He looks down at it before handing it to Kazuma. Kazuma shakily gets up to one knee and we abruptly cut to black.

Silence.

From the chaos of Dokken Revenger's debut to the peaceful if not unsettling quiet of a dusty, musty warehouse. Filled with boxes and crates, undisturbed for years, we look around, unable to truly comprehend what we're looking at... yes, it's boxes... it's crates... it's dust and must and everything crust but...

"It's more."

The voice of a certain cosmically enhanced doctor with a cube for a head can be heard but not... aloud. No. It's, as he said, more. It's as if he's speaking to us directly. Not into our ears but our minds. He's not as cheerful or boisterous as we normally find him. While we recognize his voice as we can the warehouse, we recognize a more stoic, somber tone to his voice.

"Yes, here we are. The end of the line."

A beam of light strikes down the center of the warehouse as large doors begin to separate. We get a better look at the boxes and steel racks that support them.

"This is where it all goes... the things which have no place in your little universe. The things which are forgotten, unwanted... feared? Hmm. Maybe. But I doubt it."

It isn't sunlight... it's something brighter, more powerful. It streams around men carrying high tech laser weapons. Cube Soldiers. Armed representatives of the Cube Army... behind them, some kind of craft. A space craft? Who knows. Don't be ridiculous, though. This is a respectable wrestling event.

"But we're beyond the event now, aren't we?"

Wait. He can read me?

"Indeed, I can, old chum."

Well, then.

"I am Cube Prime, am I not? The bender of realities? He who travels between dimensions? I am everything and nothing at the same time. But mostly everything. Allow me to explain what you are witnessing. What you are witnessing is the last stop on our journey. Not mine in particular, no. That would be stupid. But this is the last stop on many journeys... this is where things go to die, to be forgotten... this is where we retire the memories of things which no longer serve a purpose."

That's pretty much what I said earlier.

"DID YOU EXPLAIN THAT IT IS A MAGNIFICENT MENAGERIE OF MALICIOUSLY MORONIC MATERIAL WHICH COULD THREATEN TO DEFINITIVELY DESTROY ALL OF TIME AND SPACE SHOULD IT EVER ESCAPE?!"

Well, no.

"Well, it is. And now I am the only being in all known timelines which can prevent these things from escaping. Not only am I a traveler between worlds but I am a curator of all things regarding this horrendous hobby. As the breaker of walls, the fourth one in particular, it is now my responsibility to stand between all of you and these... things."

A man in a blue jump suit and cube shaped head wheels a cart down a ramp connected to the totally-not-a-space-craft and toward the warehouse. On the cart, we see a large crate. The Cube Soldiers step aside and allow the man to pass. Silently, he pushes the cart between rows of undisturbed crates. As he passes by, we see black text painted on the sides of some of the boxes.

"Should these things ever return... what a catastrophe that would be."

- MIKE FROST -

"Should these things rear their ugly heads at all, the damage could be irreparable."

- THE HONKY TONK MAN vs. JAMIE NOBLE FOR A WORLD TITLE ON PPV in 2020 -

"Why is it that this reality... is the way it is?"

- IAMTHEEATEROFWORLDS -

"No worries with that one, I think... it would take roughly eighteen days for this one to breach the prime reality should it ever escape the confines of storage at the end of the world."

- THE BIG BAD BOOTY POSSE -

"Yuck."

The man with a cube for a head turns and slides the cart into a vacant slot, discarding the crate in its place. The man turns silently and pushes the cart back toward the entrance. The Cube Soldiers part once again, allowing the man to pass. He returns to unidentified craft which totally isn't a space craft. The Cube Soldiers follow him inside and the ramp retracts as the large doors close behind them, slowly cutting off the cosmic light. We get a final glimpse of the box in the final glimmer of light.

- SGWx -

"Yes, yes... I know. Gone too soon, please don't go... whatever. The contents of this cosmic place of storage... it is much too dangerous to ever be free... and should it ever fall into the wrong hands, it could truly be used to tear down the fabric of our reality, end this hobby, rip apart this game and render it unplayable... the circle could never recover."

All the light is choked out of the warehouse. We only see darkness.

"All the work which The Three have done to breathe new life into the circle would be lost. Only I stand between the work They have done and the horrors within... what a tragedy it would be for these items to be released... to be weaponized... turned against them for... someone's personal gain."

Silence.

"Of course... I, Cube Prime, would never do such a thing."

Dramatic pause.

"...but maybe?"