11 / 02 / 2019 | Staples Center | Los Angeles, California
Commentators - Nigel McGuinness, Tony Schiavone, & "Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner
Christina Von Eerie def. Thunderkitty via Pin Fall w/
Graveyard Smash in 5:22
The night is still... quiet, even.
But there's electricity surrounding the Staples Center.
The camera focuses on the starry night sky before slowly panning down to reveal the arena. The wind whips through the microphone attached to the camera but other than that... there's nothing. Nothing but a silent yet droning calm. Suddenly, there's footsteps and we find that calm damaged. We hear the footsteps for only a few seconds before we see three men walk into the shot, looking out at the Staples Center in awe... a sense of wonder on all three of their faces that's more childlike than any of them would ever admit. Their eyes scan the building, illuminated by the lights, highlighting their whimsy.
Edge, stands there in jeans and a leather jacket, smiling ear to ear... shaking his head in disbelief.
[ Edge ] Home sweet home, baby brother.
The camera pans over to reveal Christian in a sweater and khaki pants. He places his hand across his brow, recreating his signature pose... but instead of looking for his Peeps, he's looking for those memories, trying to recapture that excitement of days gone by. He lowers his hand and the camera slowly zooms in on his face, giving us a good shot of that smug Captain Charisma smirk that only Christian Cage is known for.
[ Christian Cage ] Oh yeah... That'll do the trick.
Christian looks over his shoulder at someone off-camera.
[ Christian Cage ] What do you think, champ?
Jeff Jarrett walks into the shot wearing a black and white three-piece suit with a silver guitar strapped across his back. Jarrett stands between Edge and Christian and looks genuinely... nervous? That's not normally a word associated with "The Six-String Samurai" but... here we are and that's definitely a bundle of nerves he's trying to work out. He looks up at the lights and the camera focuses on the scrolling sign that declares "SGW PRESENTS REVENGE - TONIGHT!" before panning back around to give us another glimpse at the three former world champions. Jarrett swallows hard and wipes his mouth with his right hand before speaking, his voice just a hair above a whisper.
[ Jeff Jarrett ] Do ya'... do ya' think they'll remember us, boys?
Edge smiles and places his hand on Jarrett's shoulder, giving it a squeeze. Christian scoffs.
[ Christian Cage ] Well, duh. There's like nine world titles between us--
[ Edge ] Christian--
Still smiling, Edge shakes his head.
[ Edge ] Shut up.
Christian looks genuinely offended, furrowing his brow.
[ Christian Cage ] I'm just sayin', bro.
Jarrett pays him absolutely no mind and the three of them stand there in silence for what feels like a solid minute before Jarrett speaks aloud... to no one in particular... but to both of them at the same time. There's a little more bass in his voice, a little more confidence than before. It's clear that he's mulled this thought over in his head before tonight.
[ Jeff Jarrett ] Ya' know... as the head o' the championship committee... I still got a little stroke around these parts... what say I just name myself the SGW World Champion one more time 'n we run this show just like the old days?
Christian fist pumps and slaps Jarrett hard on the back.
[ Christian Cage ] That's what I'm talkin' about! I knew there had to be some good ideas still rattling around in that old noggin of yours! I was losing hope for a minute there, thought maybe you were going senile or suffering from a brainerism, but leave it to Double J to pull through... one more time for all time!
Edge chuckles and places his hand on Jarrett's shoulder, giving it a pat.
[ Edge ] Come on, Jeff... I think five world titles is more than enough.
Jarrett nods gently and Christian looks devastated that Edge didn't go along with the plan.
[ Edge ] Let the kids have this one.
Jarrett reaches up and wipes away a single tear.
[ Jeff Jarrett ] I reckon you got a point.
Edge and Christian make faces at each other behind Jarrett's back like two unruly children, clearly at odds over their individual stances on whether or not Jarrett should abuse his power as part of the championship committee. Jarrett takes a deep breath and straightens his tie. Even though he can't see them behind him, Jarrett looks and sounds mildly annoyed.
[ Jeff Jarrett ] Knock it off, you two.
Edge and Christian immediately snap back into it and trail behind Jarrett as though nothing was even going on. The camera slowly zooms in on Jarrett's tired, weathered face. The light from the arena illuminates his features. You can see the pride in his eyes as he continues to take it all in... he never thought he'd be standing here again. He genuinely thought this level of excitement wasn't possible anymore. He chokes back tears, almost violently. Against impossible odds, he maintains his composure...
[ Jeff Jarrett ] Come on, boys.
...because he's the man.
[ Jeff Jarrett ] We got history to make.
The camera rises and we get an overhead view of Jeff Jarrett, Edge, and Christian walking toward the Staples Center. Once they're out of the shot, the camera slowly pans around to give us one last look at the arena exterior, focusing on the scrolling sign that says "SGW PRESENTS REVENGE - TONIGHT!" before slowly beginning to fade out and the sound of the live crowd begins to subtly bleed into the audio, seamlessly drifting us away toward the arena interior as we fade to black.
Without a second to waste, we find ourselves inside the jam packed, sold out Staples Center! It's wall to wall pandemonium as all 21,000 fans in attendance lose their minds! "The Thing I Hate" by Stabbing Westward blares throughout the arena as golden sparks rain down from the ceiling, showering the ramp and elaborate entrance stage! Pyrotechnics send the fans into a frenzy as they explode all the way down the length of the entrance ramp before all four ring posts erupt in flames, rendering the first three rows in every direction blind and deaf! The camera frantically pans from one side of the arena to the other, desperate to show off this loud and enthusiastic crowd! As it does, it catches a glimpse of numerous interesting signs scattered throughout the sea of humanity, such as - "YOU ARE RIPPING ME APART, RHEA", "U R N HEAVEN KANYON", "WHAT'S MOMENTUM?", "LACEY EVANS IS WIFEY MATERIAL", and "LEGEND KILL MY PUSSY, RANDY", the latter of which we see quickly taken away by security. The camera quickly scans the ringside area where we catch a glimpse of a handful of SGW legends enjoying a front row view... Shane McMahon, Arn Anderson, Bubba Ray Dudley, and Val Venis! After moving around in such a fashion that anyone watching at this point surely has motion sickness, the camera finally settles on a nice, calm still shot of the official Solid Gold Wrestling announce team... and with the fans still losing it behind them, screaming their hearts out, Tony Schiavone welcomes us to the sold out event!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Tony Schiavone... welcome to Solid Gold Wrestling!
Sitting there, smiling warmly in a nice suit and tie, Schiavone continues.
[ Tony Schiavone ] It's been thirteen long years! You thought we were gone! You thought you were safe! But Solid Gold Wrestling is back and the roaring rampage of REVENGE begins right here, right now, TONIGHT! Folks, without hyperbole, this might actually be...
Only a few inches away from him, Nigel McGuinness, wearing a three piece suit with a bow tie, looks mildly annoyed as his bottom lip protrudes like a scolded toddler, shaking his head because he already know what's coming.
[ Tony Schiavone ] ...the greatest night in the history of our sport!
Nigel huffs and a smirk appears on his face.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Ya' said it... ya' actually said it... well, I hope ya' got it outta' ya' system, sunshine.
Tony chuckles, registering the shot fired but completely no-selling it.
[ Tony Schiavone ] With me tonight, to my left, a world traveled competitor and a man I'm happy to call my colleague and best friend going forward, he's coming over to my place after the event for Michelob Ultra and a game of Cornhole, of course I'm talking about Nigel McGuinness!
Nigel shakes his head and points at Tony with his thumb, a confused look on his face. He offers an exasperated laugh.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Absolutely none of that's gonna happen, I can promise you that, mate, but I am thrilled to be here! It's an honor to be invited to contribute and become the voice of a new generation for Solid Gold Wrestling competitors and fans alike! Take a look at all o' this, fellas, drink it in! This is what HISTORY feels like!
There's a loud thud on the announce table and the camera pans over to reveal "Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner wearing sunglasses and a sleeveless three piece suit, revealing the largest arms in the world to the fans in attendance and the viewers at home. Steiner's fist remains on the table, trembling with intensity where it landed. His voice is shrill and abrasive. He's the last person anyone wants on commentary.
[ Scott Steiner ] IS ONE O' YOUS GUYS GONNA INNERDUCE ME OR WHAT?!
Schiavone continues smiling like a soulless shill while McGuinness simply looks down at the table in front of him, unable to hide the deep, deep shame he's feeling for allowing himself to be roped into this. Schiavone chuckles and motions toward Steiner with the wave of his hand.
[ Tony Schiavone ] And of course, I'd be remiss in not mentioning our third man in the booth, a man who truly needs no introduction... he's the former four-time SGW World Heavyweight Champion! Freakzilla! The Big Bad Booty Daddy! Big Poppa Pump himself... Scott Steiner!
Steiner glares at the camera and despite the shades, you can feel his eyes pierce your soul.
[ Scott Steiner ] Former four-time champion?! Why you gotta say it like that, Tony!? FORMER!? Former world champion like I'm some kinda' has-been! Like I'm some kinda' NOBODY! I'll tell you who's a nobody! RIC FLAIR!
Schiavone and McGuinness shift uncomfortably, knowing it's too late to back out now.
[ Scott Steiner ] CHAVO GUERRERO, JR. IS A NOBODY!
He smashes his fist on the desk again.
[ Scott Steiner ] I'ma smash both o' those guys! Guys like that, they don't DESERVE to be on the Championships Committee because they don't know what it's like to be a REAL champion! Sure, they held the belt... but they were only keepin' it warm! Keepin' it warm for the REAL MAN! THE BIG BAD... BOOTY DADDY! I should be on the Championships Committee! Matter of fact, I should BE the Championships Committee! Without even tryin', I can tell you who should be the SGW champ right now and I don't even need to SEE the god damn roster in action tonight!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] I'm sure your choice will shock the lot of us.
Steiner points at himself with one big thumb.
[ Scott Steiner ] ...ME!
Nigel nods, pursing his lips.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] There it is.
Tony jumps in to save the intro.
[ Tony Schiavone ] Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's gonna be a big night! It's gonna be a HISTORIC night! It's SGW REVENGE and we've got TWELVE, count'em, TWELVE HUGE MATCHES lined up for you and one of the most anticipated is about to start... right now!
[ Scott Steiner ] Which one is it, Schiavone?! It better not be Smo' Joe! I hate that fat bastard!
We're whisked away from the announce table and the camera settles on a straight-on view of the entrance set. The fans quiet down, anticipating what's about to happen next... the electricity in the air is undeniable. The fans are ready to blow the roof off the place for literally anyone that steps through the curtain. Finally, after what feels like forever...
VOICES IN MY HEAD...
[ Tony Schiavone ] Oh my! He's here! He's really here!
The fans erupt as Randy Orton steps through the curtain and walks out onto the stage, a truly miserable look upon his face. Orton stands at the edge of the stage and looks out at the fans with disdain, even though they cheer him regardless because of his status as an SGW legend. Orton begins making his way down the ramp, ignoring the pleas of the fans and their attempts to reach out and touch him.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Look at those eyes, gentlemen... those aren't the eyes of a wrestler... those are the eyes of a stone cold killa'! Most people, when they think about Randy Orton, they don't think about his two SGW Television championships... they don't think about his iconic SGW world title win at World Warrior... oh no... their minds go straight to one thing and one thing only... the night he MURDA'D TAZ!
[ Scott Steiner ] I wish I killed Taz!
Orton casually walks around the ringside area, looking smug as ever. There's absolutely nothing about Orton's behavior that makes you believe he's happy to be here. Orton stops in front of the SGW legends seated at ringside and eyeballs Val Venis. Venis slowly stands and stares right back into Orton's eyes. Venis shakes his head and motions for Orton to take a shot but Orton just smirks at his old rival, immediately spins around, and rolls under the bottom rope before rising to his feet and leaping onto the middle rope where he looks out at the fans... clearly looking amused with himself now.
[ Scott Steiner ] 'cept if I killed Taz, he wouldna' never come back! Big Poppa Pump doesn't play wit' that supernatural shit! Everything about Big Poppa Pump is REAL and when I was done with 'im, Taz would be REAL dead and there ain't no comin' back from bein' REAL dead and that's the truth!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Randy Orton is one of the fastest rising superstars in the history of Solid Gold Wrestling! He won the SGW Television Championship on his first night in the company! He's a former SGW World Heavyweight Champion... and just look at that face! That's the face of a man who has LITERALLY been to Hell and back! I don't envy the man scheduled to face Randy Orton tonight!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Actually, Tony, if my SGW history is correct, Randy Orton actually went to Heaven after his untimely demise. It was only after a well-timed RKO to the Mother of all Creation that he was able to escape the pearly gates and grace SGW with his presence once more!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Wait, hold on... that didn't actually happen-- this is a wrestling program!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Once he was the Legend Killa'... now he's simply THE LEGEND!
Orton hops off the middle rope and Mike Chioda instructs him to stand in the corner as he searches him for foreign objects. As Chioda pats Orton down, Orton aggressively smacks Chioda's hands down and shouts at him for "trying to grab my prick!" but Chioda just looks frustrated and backs off. Orton shakes his head in disgust and his music finally cuts, allowing the electricity of the crowd to shine through once more. Orton glares at the entranceway, patiently waiting for his opponent to step through the curtain.
"The Dragon of Jerusalem" hits and the fans cheer as Jordan Devlin steps through the curtain in his gear and a leather jacket. He stands on the stage for a moment, drinking in the view of 21,000 fans losing their minds. Devlin is all business, a dead serious look upon his face. He points at the tri-colors on his jacket and nods, satisfied with the reaction and begins making his way down to the ring, his eyes never leaving the man waiting on him inside the squared circle.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Jordan Devlin! The man known in Ireland as the Import Killa'! He's spent years of his career defending the independent scene in his home country, fending off foreigners, sending them home defeated because he believes the independent scene in Ireland doesn't need foreign talent to thrive! He earned the name The Import Killa' but here, tonight, Jordan Devlin hopes to be... The Killa' Import!
[ Tony Schiavone ] He's got his work cut out for him tonight! Imagine that, it's your first night in one of the biggest companies in the world and you draw Randy Orton?! How do you possibly psych yourself up for something like that?
[ Nigel McGuinness ] This is professional wrestling, Tony! You have to be prepared for anything! In this situation, Jordan Devlin has to be ready for two possibilities... this is gonna be the biggest night of his career... or the absolute worst!
Devlin climbs the ring steps and walks across the apron, maintaining eye contact with Orton. Orton hasn't moved an inch, simply standing in his corner and glaring hard at the opposition, giving Devlin or the fans absolutely nothing to go on as far as what might be going through his head. Devlin steps through the ropes and points at Orton, telling Chioda to keep him back as he climbs to the middle rope and raises his fist in the air. A small "LET'S GO DEVLIN" chant begins to emanate from somewhere deep in the heart of the Staples Center. Devlin hops off the middle rope and sheds his leather jacket before stomping into the center of the ring aggressively, showing absolutely no fear in the face of the former SGW World Heavyweight Champion.
Looking positively bored with this whole affair, Orton lazily walks to the center of the ring and stares down at Devlin... you can positively cut the tension with a knife. Devlin, completely unshaken, offers his hand and Orton looks down at it before reaching up, pinching one side of his nose, and blowing a snot rocket right in Devlin's direction! Devlin's eyes go wide and he snaps, tearing after Orton with a flurry of lefts and rights as Mike Chioda frantically calls for the bell to begin the match!
Devlin fires round after round at Orton as he desperately covers his head! Devlin turns around, pounding his chest, all fired up! However, his overconfidence catches up with him as he turns around into a European uppercut from Orton that sends him reeling against the ropes. Orton looks furious as he shoots Devlin off. Orton goes for a clothesline but Devlin ducks it, rebounds off the opposite side, and nails Orton with a basement dropkick to the knees that knocks him down face first!
[ Tony Schiavone ] He's going high risk!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] No risk... no reward!
Devlin points at the corner and begins climbing the turnbuckles! Orton is still down and Devlin flies... FLYING DOUBLE STOMP! Orton rolls out of the way! Devlin lands on his feet and rolls through... but turns right around into the RKO OUT OF NOWHERE! Orton immediately springs to his feet with a huge grin on his face and... does a fucking cartwheel! The fans are absolutely losing it! Orton covers Devlin and hooks both legs, wild eyed and sticking his tongue out like a man possessed! Mike Chioda counts! One! Two! Three!
WINNER - Randy Orton via Pin Fall in 1:08
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Gentlemen... what... just... happened?!
[ Scott Steiner ] The end of Lucky Charms' god damn career!
Randy Orton walks a circle around the ring, looking deeply satisfied by what he just did. Mike Chioda is checking on Jordan Devlin and helping him up to all fours. Orton watches intently and as soon as Devlin gets his feet under him, Orton nails him with a forearm to the back! Chioda loses his cool and begins yelling at Orton to get back but Orton simply spins out and lands on the mat, pounding his fists and eyeing Devlin, licking his lips hungrily! The fans don't know how to react, offering a strong mixed reaction as Orton sizes Devlin up!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Oh my goodness! You can... you can see the murderous intent in his eyes!
Devlin slowly returns to his feet and turns right around into... A SECOND RKO! Mike Chioda shoves Orton and points at the ramp, shouting at him to get out of the ring! Without warning, Orton grabs Chioda by his shirt and pushes him into the corner! Orton gets right in Chioda's face and roars "Don't you do it, Mike! Don't you DARE try to fuck on me!" Chioda shows no fear, pointing at the SGW logo on his shirt which draws a dry smile from the former Legend Killer. Orton nods and wipes his mouth before muttering "watch this" and slowly turning around... Devlin is out of it... there's nobody home... but the man is doing everything he can to return to his feet! Orton kneels down and sizes him up once more. Devlin struggles to all fours and Orton prepares to put him down with the RUNNING PUNT but...
...the fans pop huge as JEFF JARRETT makes his way down to the ring with road agents Lance Storm and Little Guido, along with four members of arena security! Jarrett is still in his suit from earlier, minus the guitar on his back, as he makes his way down to the ring in a hurry. Orton looks furious as he tries to split his attention between the incoming Double J and the downed Jordan Devlin. Lance Storm and Guido try to keep Jarrett from getting in the ring but he pushes past them and climbs the steps before stepping through ropes and getting between Orton and Devlin!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Finally! Jeff Jarrett is here to restore order!
Jarrett and Orton glare at each for a long moment and Orton looks like's going to explode! Mike Chioda quickly rushes over to Devlin and gets him out of the ring before this escalates. Orton looks like he's having a major internal conflict over whether or not to strike Jarrett, clenching his fists and grabbing the sides of his head... he wants to do it... he needs to do it! Jarrett simply stares him down, refusing to show even a hint of intimidation.
Fighting the urge to lash out and attack the former owner of SGW, Orton shakes his head erratically and steps through the middle rope, remaining half-in and half-out of the ring. Jarrett shouts at him, "That's enough, Randy!" before pointing at the entrance ramp and finishing up with "GET OUTTA HERE!" Red in the face, Orton climbs out of the ring and walks past Lance Storm and Guido before shoving his way through the four members of arena security. Jarrett looks pissed, sweat rolling down his own reddened face, as he holds onto the top rope and keeps his eyes on Orton until he disappears through the curtain.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Look at the tension boiling over, fellas! This is thirteen long YEARS of pent up aggression coming to a head! We talked about Randy Orton gettin' sent to Heaven earlia'... well, Jeff Jarrett is the one who sent him there!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Or... to put it in terms that actual wrestling fans may appreciate, Nigel... Randy Orton was Jeff Jarrett's own Chosen One at one point in time. Jarrett thought Orton dropped the ball, Orton didn't think Jarrett gave him a real chance... there was a falling out and now, here we are!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Yes, a falling out, Tony! A falling out that ended in fire and blood and destruction on live television! A falling out that also resulted in the untimely demise of one Gene Snitsky! Rest in power, friend! We know it wasn't your fault!
Once Orton has left the scene, Jarrett climbs out of the ring and joins Mike Chioda in checking on Jordan Devlin at ringside with Lance Storm and Little Guido looking on with concern.
Jarrett trying to restore order at ringside, the cameras take us to
the locker room where Bryan Danielson is in his ring gear,
completely occupied by wrapping his left wrist in tape. Suddenly,
the fans explode and begin screaming "WOOOOO!" in unison as "The
Nature Boy" Ric Flair walks into the shot in a three piece suit.
Flair looks stoked to see Danielson.
We return to the ringside area and the fans are still booing after witnessing the harsh treatment of SGW legend Ric Flair by Bryan Danielson and Christopher Daniels. However, those boos quickly diminish and turn into a buzz of anticipation as they realize it's time for the second contest of the night!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Fans, on behalf of Solid Gold Wrestling management, I'd like to apologize to all of you for having to witness that disgusting and uncalled for display of disrespect toward a legend of this great sport like "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] In a company like SGW, Tony, ya' gotta go outta ya' way to make a name for ya'self and sometimes that means targetin' the old guard, gettin'em in ya' sights... and takin'em down!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Absolutely disgraceful behavior from Bryan Danielson and Christopher Daniels-- Wait, hold on, are you taking their side!?
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Like a great philosopher once said, Tony... "don't hate the playa', hate the game!"
[ Scott Steiner ] If you ask me, Ric Flair had that shit comin' and he's had it comin' for a long damn time! He's only a legend because I allowed him to be a legend! I allowed him to become the SGW world champion! He was a paper champion and now he's a paper legend and a paper legend ain't no fuckin' legend at all! You don't see pale little Bryan Danielson with his spaghetti arms and his pencil neck comin' down here and disrespectin' Big Poppa Pump and you won't never see that because if it ever does, we're gonna be havin' the Bryan Danielson memorial show and I'll bury that piece of shit deeper than god damn caveman bones! ...AND DON'T GO PEDDLIN' THAT SHIT LIKE SOME PHILOSOPHER SAID IT! THAT WASN'T NO GOD DAMN PHILOSOPHER! THAT WAS BOOGER T.! BOOGER T. AIN'T SHIT! I'LL KILL BOOGER T.! Don't hate the player, hate the game!? I hate games! The only things I play with are my FREAKS and my PEAKS and that's the damn truth, BELEEDAT, BOOGER T.!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Next up is women's action!
The lights go down and the fans gasp in surprise as they're bathed in darkness. Hundreds, if not thousands of fans raise their cell phones in the air in unison. The gasps and uncomfortable silence are quickly replaced by excitement and a loud pop as "Amazing" hits and Naomi makes her way out onto the stage in glowing neon pink and green attire, dancing her heart out on the stage before getting a running start and sliding over halfway down the ramp on her knees! The fans go wild as Naomi springs back to her feet, leaps onto the apron, and dances there for a moment, whipping her hair back and forth before spinning around and using the top rope to vault herself into the ring where she perfectly executes a forward tumble and rises to her feet, still dancing with a huge smile on her face!
[ Tony Schiavone ] What an exciting entrance!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] And the competitor herself is no less exciting, Tony!
[ Tony Schiavone ] She loves to dance and she loves to compete! Fun fact, Naomi was one of the first competitors offered a contract by Trish Stratus herself when Solid Gold Wrestling decided to institute its groundbreaking women's division!
Naomi tosses her entrance jacket on the mat and continues dancing before dropping to her knees as the lights come up and the music stops. The fans hoot and holler, applauding loudly as the display comes to a close. Naomi returns to her feet and takes her spot in the corner as Aubrey Edwards removes her entrance jacket from the ring, handing it off to a ringside attendant. Naomi keeps her eyes on the entranceway, confidently awaiting the arrival of tonight's opponent.
"Brutality" feat. Ash Costello hits and the fans give up a strong mixed reaction. Rhea Ripley walks out onto the stage in her blue and black gear with a studded leather vest. She stands on the apron for a moment, staring out at the fans with a look that tows the line between disgust and disinterest... before she suddenly lashes out and stomps hard on the stage, causing pyrotechnics to explode all around the perimeter!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Rhea Ripley! The bloody Nightmare!
[ Tony Schiavone ] She's mean, Nigel!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] The Most Pit Kid!
[ Tony Schiavone ] She's real mean!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] She's meana' than a junkyard dog, Tony!
[ Scott Steiner ] This broad looks like she could break a man in half! Maybe not a real man like yours truly but one of those little shrimps like Bryan Danielson that don't have enough-- that don't have enough TESTOSTERONES to fill up a table spoon-- YEAH! SHE'D BREAK THAT LITTLE BOY IN HALF! TRY ME, BRYAN! YOU LITTLE PUNK! YOU'RE MORE BEARD THAN MAN AND I'LL EXPOSE YOU! I'LL EXPOSE YOU FOR THE FRAUD YOU ARE!
The 23 year old Australian bruiser walks down the ramp with the swagger of a grizzled veteran. She climbs onto the apron and remains there on one knee for a moment, looking out over the sea of fans who are far more leaning toward cheering her after an initially mixed reaction. Finally, she stands and crosses her arms over her head, throwing up the horns, and then swiftly steps through the ropes, walking right up to Naomi in the corner and getting in her face. The fans gasp with anticipation, expecting the action to jump off as Naomi steps to Rhea right away, pointing in her face and talking trash, showing no intimidation. Rhea smirks and backs away toward her own corner, her eyes piercing Naomi with steely cool confidence. Rhea tosses her vest over the top rope to the floor and begins wringing her hands together, ready to get on with it. Aubrey Edwards calls for the bell to begin the match and we're off!
As soon as the bell rings, Ripley charges across the ring and goes for a big clothesline but Naomi ducks and runs right under it, hitting the ropes and catching Ripley with the REAR VIEW as she turns around! Ripley immediately rolls under the bottom rope and kicks the guardrail as hard as she can, raging out! Ripley huffs at ringside for a moment, jawing with a Naomi fan in the front row, before turning around and catching Naomi on a SUICIDE DIVE! Both women crash into the guardrail and Ripley lands in a seated position with a look of pain and disbelief on her face! Naomi is up quick and grabs two handfuls of Ripley's hair, pulling her up to her knees before the Aussie comes alive and drills her in the mid-section with a forearm that causes Naomi to let go and stagger backward but clearly just pissed her off! Ripley returns to her feet and Naomi leaps to nail her with a big forearm to the side of the head! Ripley immediately shakes it off and nails Naomi with a forearm of her own! Both women begin trading stiff forearms to the head before Ripley takes over with a knee lift to the stomach and shoves Naomi against the guardrail, clubbing her repeatedly in the chest with overhand blows before casually dumping her over the rail into the front row!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] There's a souvenir for a lucky fan, fella's!
[ Tony Schiavone ] It almost seems like these two have been rivals in the past! The level of animosity we're seeing here tonight is not indicative of a first-time meeting! The brash youngster, Rhea Ripley, is giving no quarter to seasoned veteran Naomi!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] That's the power of trying to make a good first impression, Tony! This is the first women's match in this new era of SGW! It's up to these women to set the bar! A win here isn't just a win... a win here is HISTORY, my friend!
Aubrey Edwards is threatening to count both ladies out, demanding that they return to the ring. Ripley rolls under the bottom rope and then right back to the floor, breaking the count before approaching the guardrail and grabbing a handful of Naomi's hair. Naomi rises suddenly and nails Ripley with a roundhouse kick over the rail that sends Ripley staggering back against the ring apron! Naomi vaults onto the edge of the rail and springs off, landing on Ripley's shoulders and bringing her down to the floor with a flying headscissors!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Oh my goodness! Would ya' look at that!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Naomi is pulling out all the stops!
Naomi immediately returns to her feet and addresses the fans, informing everyone within shouting distance that she's about "TO BEAT THE BRAKES OFF THIS BITCH RIGHT HERE!" before reaching down to pull her off the floor. She pulls Ripley back to her feet and guides her back toward the ring but just as she tries to force Ripley under the bottom rope, Ripley comes alive and smacks Naomi face first into the apron - THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Jeez! I can feel that from here!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Without a doubt, Tony, that's the hardest part of the bloody ring!
Naomi goes weak in the knees and almost goes down but Ripley keeps hold of her hair and whips her hard, back first into the guardrail before advancing on her, snatching another handful of hair and throwing her nonchalantly under the bottom rope. Ripley follows her in, looking furious. Naomi quickly returns to all fours and tries to stand but Ripley kicks her hard in the back, sending her sprawling forward and landing on her face. Naomi pushes herself up on her arms and Ripley quickly makes her way around and gets right down in Naomi's face, shouting "WHO DO YA' THINK YA' BLOODY ARE, HUH!?" before pie facing Naomi hard and swatting at the back of her head in a disrespectful manner. Ripley stands and uses the toe of her boot to gently kick Naomi in the head, openly disrespecting her by not going full force.
[ Scott Steiner ] I like- I'ma- I'MA TELL YOU WHAT! I think- I THINK RHEA RIPLEY IS A FREAK! And comin' from a GENETIC FREAK like myself, that's- THAT'S AN ENDORSEMENT... THAT MONEY... CAN'T BUY! SHE GOT THE ARMS! SHE GOT THE ATTITUDE! AND SHE AIN'T TAKIN' NO SHIT- NO SHIT FROM NAOMI! See, let me- let me tell you two something right now! I'ma tell you the GOD'S HONEST TRUTH! Naomi thinks she's big shit because she hooked up with one of RIKISHI's little boys! AND THAT'S WHAT THEY ARE! BOYS! NOT A GROWN MAN LIKE... THE BIG BAD... BOOTY DADDY! SHE THINKS SHE MARRIED INTO WRESTLING ROYALTY BUT THAT SAMOAN BLOOD AIN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE! LITTLE JIMMY USO IS A FAR CRY FROM KING HAKU! TRUTH IS, THERE'S ONLY ONE WRESTLING ROYALTY LEFT... AND THAT'S ME! BIG POPPA PUMP! THE KING OF THE FREAKS!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Actually, Haku is Tongan.
[ Scott Steiner ] Shut the fuck up.
Naomi gets up to one knee and Ripley circles her, sizing her up for something big! Ripley charges out of the corner and throws a big boot at the kneeling Naomi only for Naomi to tuck and roll underneath the boot, rise to her feet, and catch Ripley on the turnaround with a HEEL KICK RIGHT TO THE FACE! Ripley goes down but feeds right back to her feet, immediately getting taken down with a LEG LARIAT! The impact causes Ripley to roll back to her feet where Naomi is waiting on her with a kick to the gut! Naomi goes for a vertical suplex but Ripley locks her legs and LIFTS NAOMI IN THE VERTICAL SUPLEX INSTEAD! The fans gasp in awe as Ripley holds Naomi in the air but Naomi knees Ripley in the head! Ripley loses her grip and Naomi lands behind her, grabbing her around the waist and shoving her forward into the ropes! Naomi attempts to pull Ripley backward into a pinning predicament but Ripley hangs onto the top rope! Naomi hits the mat and rolls back to her feet. Ripley turns around and Naomi charges at her with a clothesline! Ripley ducks and pulls the top rope down, causing Naomi to tumble over the top and land on the apron! Naomi lands on her feet and Ripley turns around right into a forearm to the jaw! Ripley staggers back into the middle of the ring and Naomi SPRINGBOARDS OFF THE TOP ROPE... AND GETS CAUGHT WITH A SICK SPINEBUSTER BY RIPLEY!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY!
The fans are losing their minds as Ripley whips the hair out of her eyes and falls on top of Naomi! One! Two! Thr-- NAOMI KICKS OUT! Ripley can't believe it! She pulls Naomi back up off the mat and pulls her in for a POWER BOMB! She whips Naomi up but Naomi pivots on Ripley's shoulders and nails her with a SICK REVERSE RANA! The fans pop huge as Naomi sits up with wide eyes, knowing this is her chance! She covers Ripley... ONE! TWO! THR-- RIPLEY GETS A FOOT ON THE ROPES! Naomi is breathing heavily, a look of astonishment on her face. She points at the turnbuckles and drags Ripley closer to the corner. Naomi climbs the ropes, facing away from the ring, and prepares to go for the SPLIT LEGGED MOONSAULT but Ripley flies back to her feet and shoves Naomi forward, causing her to SMACK HER HEAD ON THE RING POST!
[ Tony Schiavone ] What impact on that unforgiving post! She's out! She's OUT, gentlemen!
The fans cringe and groan in sympathy pain as Naomi tumbles back inside the ring, limp and clearly out of it! Ripley snatches her up and DRILLS HER WITH THE RIPTIDE! Without wasting a second, Ripley hooks both legs and her neck, cradling her tight as Edwards counts! One! Two! Three!
WINNER - Rhea Ripley via Pin Fall in 9:19
Ripley releases the cradle and remains seated next to the fallen Naomi with a look of frustration and exhaustion on her face. Aubrey Edwards attempts to raise Ripley's hand in victory but Ripley yanks her arm away and rolls under the bottom rope, quickly vacating the ringside area as her music plays. As she disappears behind the curtain, Aubrey helps Naomi to her feet in the ring as the fans applaud her effort. Naomi looks genuinely moved by the reaction she's receiving and begins to tear up before... she gets blasted from behind by JAMIE HAYTER! Aubrey Edwards freaks out, yelling at Hayter to stop but Hayter mounts Naomi, peppering her with right hands before standing up and motioning for Naomi to get up! Naomi is out of sorts, having just been decimated by Rhea Ripley after eating the ring post... but Jamie Hayter doesn't care!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Aubrey Edwards should put a stop to this! This is unprovoked and uncalled for!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] I heard she might be here tonight, Tony! Jamie Hayter didn't come all the way to Los Angeles tonight to play! She's here to make an impact... and make an impact she shall!
Naomi manages to get up to all fours and Hayter charges in... CURB STOMP! Naomi is OUT and Hayter just stares down at her with a sickening smile. Hayter gets down to one knee and picks Naomi's head up by a handul of hair. The fans boo loudly as Hayter shouts right in Naomi's face... "CHAT SHIT!" and then places two fingers to Naomi's forehead like a gun... "GET BANGED!" Hayter drops Naomi and exits the ring, walking confidently up the ramp without even looking back. The fans continue booing until she disappears behind the curtain. Aubrey Edwards remains in the ring, checking on Naomi as we go backstage.
Following that incredible match, we rush backstage where we find Randy Orton...
With no care for anyone or anything going on in the locker room area, Orton is breaking arena property and launching steel chairs across the room, just generally raging out as road agents D-Von Dudley and Steve Corino attempt to calm him down. Orton draws back as though he's going to punch Corino, causing Corino to back up, throwing his hands up between them and shouting at Orton to "calm down, man!" Orton snatches up another steel chair and D-Von warns him "don't you do it, brotha!" Orton shakes his head, furious, and throws the chair down violently on the concrete. Orton points in no particular direction.
[ Randy Orton ] Who does he think he is, huh!?
Spittle flies from Orton's mouth as he shouts.
[ Randy Orton ] He thinks he can still tell me what to do!?
He flinches at D-Von, causing him to take a step back and then shake his head in shame as he realizes he just let Orton psych him out. Orton points at himself, jabbing himself in the chest with his finger.
[ Randy Orton ] He still thinks he can CONTROL me!?
"Ain't nobody sayin' that, Randy," pleads D-Von.
[ Randy Orton ] This is my show! This is my company!
Corino takes a step forward and Orton grabs him by his shirt and aggressively shoves him backward. Corino looks taken aback as he regains his footing and Orton continues as though he doesn't even realize what he did.
[ Randy Orton ] I'm the legend now! This whole thing is supposed to be built around ME!
Jeff Jarrett walks into the shot, flanked by Lance Storm and Little Guido. Orton shakes his head in disgust as he glares at Jarrett. Jarrett just stands there for a second, letting the moment hang in the air. Jarrett gently shakes his head with disappointment.
[ Jeff Jarrett ] You're outta' line, Randy.
Jarrett points off-camera.
[ Jeff Jarrett ] And I want you outta' my damn buildin'.
Orton looks indignant, clenching his fists aggressively.
[ Randy Orton ] You want... me... to leave? You're kicking out the only active SGW legend on the roster?! That's not what SGW is about, Jeff! SGW has always been about the legends... getting to do... whatever they want!
Orton steps up to Jarrett, getting right in his face. The road agents look ready to pounce at any sign of violence toward the former owner of SGW. Jarrett doesn't back down an inch, staring right back into Orton's face.
[ Randy Orton ] All because I took liberties with some little punk?
[ Jeff Jarrett ] That ain't the way we do things anymore, Randy.
Orton smirks and runs his hand down his face. He huffs in disbelief.
[ Randy Orton ] Of course... now that you can't go anymore, it's cool to enforce the rules.
Orton nods, everything becoming clear to him.
[ Randy Orton ] You were a god damn legend, Jeff.
Orton's eyes narrow and he sneers angrily.
[ Randy Orton ] Now I see... you're just a scared, little old man.
The words cut Jarrett deep. Orton looks around casually.
[ Randy Orton ] Where's my dad? I'm gettin' the hell outta' here.
Orton turns to walk away but then stops and turns around, putting all the agents back on guard. Orton puts his hands up in front of him, showing them he isn't coming back for an attack. He looks at Lance Storm with a sinister grin.
[ Randy Orton ] Oh, and Lance... great job on going from SGW world champion to Jeff Jarrett's backstage bitch boy. It suits you. And you're welcome, by the way... for the world title? I just don't want you to forget who handed that to you on a silver platter.
Orton tilts his head back, staring down his nose at him. Smug. What an asshole.
[ Randy Orton ] It was me.
He points at himself and speaks a little bit louder.
[ Randy Orton ] For those of you who weren't watching or forgot, that was me. I did that.
Orton slowly backs away, locking eyes with Jarrett as he does so.
[ Randy Orton ] I'll be seein' you around, Jeff.
Orton turns and walks out of the shot, leaving Jarrett alone with the agents. Lance Storm looks pissed. The camera focuses on Jeff Jarrett as he watches Orton vanish in the distance, being trailed by arena security to ensure he actually leaves the building. Just as it looks like this whole ordeal is drawing to a close, Paul Heyman walks into the shot and stands right next to Jarrett, gazing off into the distance as well with his hands clasped in front of him. Heyman offers a smug grin and huffs.
[ Paul Heyman ] ...children.
He cuts his eyes in Jarrett's direction.
[ Paul Heyman ] It's like dealing with children.
Jarrett then cuts his eyes in Heyman's direction, sounding annoyed.
[ Jeff Jarrett ] Whadda ya' want, Paul E.?
Heyman rocks forward, stifling a chuckle.
[ Paul Heyman ] Mr. Jarrett, if I may have a volley...
Jarrett cuts him off, already frustrated.
[ Jeff Jarrett ] Just... just get on with it.
Heyman's smile gets even bigger and he clears his throat.
[ Paul Heyman ] Yes, of course. You're a very, very busy man... Mr. Jarrett, as you know, I represent the most talented and fastest rising SUPERSTAR in the history of combat sports. She is a third generation wrestler, she is a CHAMPION of intergender competition, and she is here.. in your company, ready and willing to ESTABLISH your brand new women's division with her very PRESENCE!
Jarrett finally turns his head and glares at Heyman. Heyman almost visibly shrinks under his gaze.
[ Jeff Jarrett ] Yeah, I get it, slappy. Tessa Blanchard. The damn Lady Terminator or whatever.
Heyman raises one shaky finger.
[ Paul Heyman ] It's... The Terminatrix, actually.
Jarrett's eyes narrow. He's done with this.
[ Jeff Jarrett ] Son, I don't care if she's the second comin' o' Judy Grable, you better be gettin' to the damn point and fast. I'm losin' my patience here. Can't you see I'm dealin' with a damn incident right now?
Heyman politely nods with sweat rolling off his bald head... still, he retains the swagger of a confident man as he finally gets to the point.
[ Paul Heyman ] My proposal is... we have a mutual opportunity here tonight to strike while the iron is hot. Put the vacant SGW Women's World Championship on the line tonight in Tessa Blanchard's match... put her in the position you know she belongs in as CHAMPION and let her put this division on the map.
Jarrett scoffs and looks away, shaking his head in disbelief.
[ Jeff Jarrett ] You kiddin'?
Heyman tilts his head to the side, looking confused.
[ Jeff Jarrett ] If Tessa's so damn good, she can earn it the right way just like everybody else.
Heyman suddenly loses his smile, no longer appearing amused at all. His demeanor completely changes and his eyes... they actually seem to go a little... dark? Jarrett pays this change no mind at all.
[ Paul Heyman ] That's very disappointing to hear, Jeff. Tessa...
A sinister, knowing smirk forms on his mouth.
[ Paul Heyman ] ...Tessa won't be... happy to hear of this decision.
Jarrett fully turns to face Heyman, looking down into his beady eyes.
[ Jeff Jarrett ] Who do ya' think you're talkin' to right now, Paul?
Paul simply stands there, smiling. Jarrett shakes his head and gathers the agents behind him as he walks off-camera, leaving Heyman standing there, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Suddenly, the live crowd pops loudly as Rhea Ripley walks into the shot, fresh off her match with Naomi just moments ago. she seems to pay no mind to Paul Heyman standing only a few feet away from her. She runs one hand through her hair and then turns up a bottle of water, taking a drink before pouring the rest over her head. Still grinning evilly, Heyman slowly approaches her from behind before placing a hand on her shoulder. She turns around aggressively, swatting his hand away from her and looking ready to swing on him at a moment's notice.
[ Rhea Ripley ] What the hell are ya' doin'!? Don't you eva' bloody touch me.
Heyman takes a step back, begging off with his hands, though his smile never falters. Ripley looks him up and down, her upper lip curled with disgust.
[ Rhea Ripley ] Filthy bald pig.
Heyman completely no-sells the comment. He's been called much worse in his career.
[ Paul Heyman ] Miss Ripley... I simply wanted to let you know that I'm a big, BIG fan of your work.
She rolls her eyes, looking no less disgusted.
[ Rhea Ripley ] Yeah, whateva'. Go creep on someone else.
[ Paul Heyman ] ...and so is Tessa Blanchard for that matter.
Ripley just glares at Heyman, taking the comment for the threat it is.
[ Paul Heyman ] She's looking forward to meeting you in the very, very near future.
Ripley clenches her fists, challenge accepted.
[ Rhea Ripley ] ...likewise.
Heyman nods, smiling. Ripley shoos him away with a wave of her hand.
[ Rhea Ripley ] Now... fuck off, will ya'.
Heyman chuckles and offers a slight bow of the head.
[ Paul Heyman ] It's been a pleasure. Truly.
Heyman walks out of the shot with his confident swagger and a huge smile on his face. Ripley watches him walk away before holding her clenched fist out in front of her and glaring down at it. She opens her hand, looks down into her open palm and then clenches it again before staring off in the direction Heyman left. The silence in the room is deafening.
We’re brought back to the announce table,
where our commentary team is reflecting on what we just witnessed,
along with what transpired backstage moments ago between Jeff
Jarrett and Paul Heyman.
LA Park decides to lead off for his team
against Jimmy Uso, who immediately takes advantage of his older
opponent with his nimble technical wrestling, a rarity for the
Samoan, who typically prefers to strike and fly. LA Park finally
swings the momentum his way by overpowering an Uso headlock takeover
attempt and spinning into a takeover of his own, downing Jimmy and
earning an early one count. After the two separate, Jimmy rushes the
luchador with a rising knee strike to his stomach, leaving Park
doubled over and then pushes him into the Uso corner. A quick tag
brings in Jey, who blasts Park with a superkick! Right off the bat,
Park is stunned in the corner and allows for Jey to hit a string of
strong shoulder tackles consecutively and then another superkick!
Jey reaches out and tags his brother, bringing Jimmy back into the
match. Once he’s back inside, Jimmy wastes no time and hoists the
larger luchador off the mat with a full-nelson bomb! One! Two! NO!
LA Park won’t be put away that quickly!
WINNER - Promociones Dorado via Pin Fall in 12:59
The fans loudly groan in sympathy pain, genuinely concerned for Jey Uso's well-being! Jimmy Uso drags Jey out of the ring by his ankle and they leave up the ramp with Jimmy glaring back at the ring, pissed off. Salina de la Renta joins LA Park and Hijo del LA Park in the ring, standing between them and raising their arms in victory as the fans boo.
[ Tony Schiavone ] What a match! Promociones Dorado, by hook or crook, is advancing to the SGW World Tag Team Championship match at Momentum! They'll go on to face whoever emerges as the winner when The Golden Lovers take on The Club later tonight!
The camera focuses on Salina's diabolical, smiling face as we cut away to a pre-taped vignette.
arena still stirring from what we’d just heard from the man
backstage, “The Natural” began playing across the speaker system to
announce the arrival of Dustin Rhodes. Half his face painted red,
Dustin calmly steps through the curtain and looks across the sea of
humanity in the Staples Center.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Absolutely right, Tony, but what’s more — it seems as if Dustin Rhodes is in a better place mentally than he’s ever been before!
[ Scott Steiner ] ‘Prolly not hard, considerings he’s spent half his life painted up like some kinda damn drag queen freakshow! LOOKAT’UM! He’s even got half his face painted now, prolly’ta represent the half of his life WASTED!
] That’s certainly
one school of thought, Scott, but I personally see a very
clear-minded and focused Dustin Rhodes stepping into the ring right
now. We heard him last month mention that he views this opportunity
as the biggest of his entire life.
[ Tony Schiavone ] I’m sure many around the world are happy to oblige, Scott!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Beyond the handsome exterior is the heart of a warrior — Adam Cole is an incredible performer and an athlete of absolute immense quality! He represents a huge test for Dustin Rhodes!
[ Tony Schiavone ] But, Nigel, the same can be said for Cole in Rhodes — this match is truly two bulls locking horns!
[ Scott Steiner ] Yeah yeah, but yous both knows that the older bull always gets his shit pushed in by the younger one — unless that bull is a Genetic Freak like me, then he just snaps the other pussy bull’s neck in his bull hands!!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Bull hands are hooves, Scott.
] You’ll see,
Scott! And hear!
Cole having a definite advantage in agility, he looks to capitalize
on his speed early-on, but the crafty veteran Rhodes was smart
enough to pick his spots with his younger opponent, letting Cole’s
flashiness and flourishes of arrogance bite him as “the Natural”
takes an easy top wrist lock to the mat as LA cheers.
[ Tony Schiavone ] A clear low blow, but Cole wisely pulled the attention of referee Rick Knox before administering the...the, uh...
[ Scott Steiner ] The punch to the freak’s cock!
I gotta give it to tha’ freak, he’s taken a helluva beating from
WINNER - Adam Cole via Pin Fall in 15:02
bell rings across the arena, both Cole and Rhodes are spread-eagled
across the mat and staring at the lights above. Cole eventually sits
up and demands for the official to help him up and lift his hand in
] I couldn’t’ve
said it any bettah, Scott!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Let's go backstage where Cathy Kelley is standing by with a special guest!
As Tony Schiavone sends it to the back, the
scene switches. The SGW backstage interview set is impressive. The SGW logo repeatedly stacked on top of one another fills a backdrop
with a large monitor to the right hand side. Cathy Kelley stands in
front of the backdrop with a big smile on her face. Next to her is
one of the hottest new signings in SGW, Adam “Hangman” Page.
N I G H T M A R E
American Nightmare Debuts at
We’ve only briefly returned to our panning shots of the capacity crowd in the Staples Center when the piano notes of Musical Moment in F Minor, Op. 94, No. 3 begin to play, melodiously introducing the next competitors to grace a Solid Gold Wrestling ring. From behind the curtain pushes BLANK, donning his white mask, still zipped at the mouth. He takes a moment to peer about the arena and holds up a hand, seemingly registering a depth or color in his mind before stepping forward and slightly to his left. The Artisté gestures to the curtain, which rises on either side to reveal none other than Still Life with Apricots and Pears, posing majestically with their hand under their chin.
[ Tony Schiavone ] Fans, the following contest will be one that any fans of lucha libre action will take to heart – as this talented luchador, Still Life with Apricots and Pears will take on one of the world’s premier high-flyers in Sin Cara.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Sin Cara might be one of the premier high-flyers in all the world, but only a fool would push past Rembrandt! Who can justify looking beyond Michelangelo? The Artisté, BLANK, is putting his Masterpiece on display tonight in Los Angeles and I, for one, am incredibly excited to see what art shall transpire on the greatest canvas of them all!
[ Scott Steiner ] I don’t understand any of the bullshit that you two sissy boys just said! This weird gimp-looking loser doesn’t even have a name, the format sheet here says BLANK, for God’s sakes! And look at this wussy! What in the hell kinda name is Still Life with Apple Cots and Bears anyway? There’s not a single damn bear out here, dammit!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Actually, Scott, the name is Sti—
[ Scott Steiner ] But it’d be a helluva lot better if a bear was here, cause then I could go fight that bear and give these California liberals a damn ‘restlin’ match! AND BEFORES YOU EVEN SAY ANYTHING, SCHIAVONE – hell yeah, I’d break that bear’s damn NECK!
Far from the insanity of the commentary table, BLANK sits cross legged in the ring, looking up and admiring the pose he’s placed his Still Life into in center-ring. BLANK makes a grand, snappy gesture with his left hand and all the arena lights fall, save for a single spotlight upon center ring – upon ‘the Masterpiece,’ Still Life with Apricots and Pears. Pushing himself off the mat, BLANK stands before Still Life and takes a slow bow, rising with the house lights and encouraging his charge to their corner for the upcoming contest. Still Life begins slowly working their neck and testing the tensile strength of the ropes as “The Ecstasy of Gold” begins it’s incredible, dramatic climb through the sound waves in the Staples Center. At the 1:10 mark, Sin Cara pushes through the curtain and stands amidst a smattering of golden spotlights, smoke billowing from the stage beneath his entrance jacket. As he pauses, the crowd roars in excitement to see the Mexican wrestling superstar on the Solid Gold Wrestling roster. The luchador takes a running start and vaults from the floor over the top rope, rolling perfectly to his feet and ascending the corner nimbly before lifting a finger into the air and then waving his hands up and down to hype the crowd.
Perhaps it is fortunate that the crowd jammed into the Staples Center for Solid Gold Wrestling’s first show in over a decade are from Southern California, and as such, are familiar with the ways of lucha libre – or maybe, it could be said that the big event brought a multi-national crowd of wrestling fanatics from across the globe, who, as a whole, held an appreciation for the style? Whatever the case, the 21,000 fans in attendance were very in-tune with the action in the ring. The SoCal faithful were not as big of fans of Still Life eschewing a Sin Cara handshake offering at BLANK’s behest, but roar back into their excitement as the Faceless Luchador shoots the Masterpiece off the ropes to kick off the contest! Still Life springs off the ropes and latches Cara for an armdrag, but the Faceless Luchador is on the up-and-up and cartwheels through the attempt and darts off the ropes himself! Still Life drops down, looking to trip Sin Cara, who steps over and continues off the far-side ropes – SLWAP is up and looking for the back body drop! – Sin Cara with a leapfrog, off the ropes again! – Still Life looks to spin him out of his momentum, but Cara hooks his legs and swings – it’s a majestic spinning head scissors! Cara makes one full spin and drags Still Life to the mat, sending the Masterpiece to the floor and into BLANK’s loving arms!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Do not take your eyes from the screen for one second fans! These two luchadores are already in third gear!
[ Scott Steiner ] Fer Gahd’s sake, just slam the little shit!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Who’s your favorite here, Scott?
[ Scott Steiner ] I’d like to say that guy who’s texting in the third row, cuz he’s got on a USC hat, but he looks like a pussy coward, too! He should put on a mask and play Ring around the Rosey with these two jerk-offs! Pete Carroll was right to leave, you SoCal bastard!
Senior Official Mike Chioda yells from inside the ring, pulling BLANK off Still Life long enough to get the Masterpiece back in the squared circle – though Apricots and Pears wasn’t there long, as Sin Cara’s dropkick sent the luchador to the ground, colliding with BLANK in a comical manner. Cara lifted a finger to hype the crowd and dashed off the far ropes, soaring over the top with a beautiful no-hands plancha to wipe out the Nouveau Aesthetic and pop the Staples Center crowd!
[ Scott Steiner ] That wasn’t that impressive! What tha hell are these morons yellin’ about?!
Sin Cara wasted no time in lifting Still Life, throwing them into the ring and launching them with another Irish Whip, connecting with a impressive standing frankensteiner for an early two-count!
[ Scott Steiner ] <mumbles angrily to himself>
As Cara looks to cover, BLANK leaps onto the apron and unzips the mouth of his mask, calling Chioda to him! Sin Cara is already sick of the Artisté and runs over to knock him from the ring, but BLANK is thinking a step ahead and hot-shots his throat over the rope as he ‘casually’ steps off the apron! Still Life is ready to capitalize and does so with a scoop slam, followed by a jumping double stomp! Now back on the floor, BLANK screams out “Magnificent! Yes!” as Still Life steps over and around the arm and hooks the La Mágistrál cradle! – One! Two! No! Sin Cara’s shoulder is up! Still feeling the effects of the attack to his throat, Cara swings his foot wildly with a kick to the shins, but Still Life absorbs the blow and drops to a knee with the Faceless Luchador’s head in a nice jawbreaker. Not finished, Still Life ascends to the top rope and poses as BLANK raves on the floor “MAJESTY! YOU’RE WITNESSING ART!” As Sin Cara rises, Still Life soars off the top with a flying back elbow strike and connects! Still Life got all of it! One! Two! Another two count as Sin Cara pushes his shoulder up! Still Life appears calm, though BLANK zips his mouth port shut on the floor and grips his chin in deep, angry thought.
The Masterpiece’s calm demeanor is hauntingly refreshing, patiently waiting for Cara to rise rather than lifting him, and scores with a running bulldog! Back on the mat, Still Life grabs both arms – the luchador is going to ‘take him to school!’
[ Tony Schiavone ] That’s one of those dangerous holds – the Art School!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Interesting that Still Life would choose to use the Cattle Mutilation tonight, on an evening when the hold’s most prominent user in history is competing in the main event!
[ Scott Steiner ] Is this that vegan pussy Danielson’s move?!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] You’re damn right it is, Scott! It may be ‘Art School’ when Still Life uses it, but the American Dragon’s version – CATTLE MUTILATION – is a world-famous instant-tap!
Still Life’s ode to Danielson is effective, but admittedly a shade lesser than the vibrant hold which defined submission in the early 2000’s on the American indies. Cara eventually maneuvers to place his foot on the ropes and Still Life must break the hold! On the floor, BLANK is practically having an aneurysm, declaring that Chioda forced Cara’s foot to the rope! The Aristé pulls his Masterpiece to the floor and shouts out “this is ludicrous! That hold is impenetrable! We REFUSE to compete under these circumstances!” Chioda argues back and forth with BLANK, who has completely taken his eyes off the Faceless Luchador in the ring – and at the worst time! Although he could not have been completely recovered from Art School, Sin Cara springs off one rope, then a parallel one and flips out of the ring, splatting the Nouveau Aesthetic for the second time in the matchup! Los Angeles is on fire as Sin Cara rises, pumping his fists! Sin Cara knows the time is now and casts Still Life back into the ring and follows closely – BUT BLANK IS UP! He grabs Cara’s ankle – but Cara stomps – ASAI MOONSAULT! BLANK is wiped out on the protective mat! Sin Cara is up and slides into the ring and into a risen Still Life – but the Faceless Luchador leaps over – SUNSET FLIP BOMB! BIG TIME IMPACT! ONE! TWO! NO!!!
[ Tony Schiavone ] GET OUTTA TOWN! I could’ve sworn that was going to put it away! What heart from Still Life with Apricots and Pears!
Sin Cara isn’t deterred, though – and rises with a leaping Tornado DDT! Still Life rolls through the impact and is up, but Sin Cara is up and running the ropes at lightning-speed! Still Life wisely passes him, but Cara is already catching him – HEAD SCISSORS!! FULL ROTATION!! ARMBAR!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] LA MISTICA! That’s his hold!
Sin Cara is wrenching the arm in Fujiwara fashion, threatening to dislodge the limb from the shoulder! Still Life fights valiantly, but eventually taps out to end this lucha via submission!!
WINNER - Sin Cara via Submission in 11:49
As Sin Cara relinquished the hold and leapt up to his feet, Chioda met him and raised his arm victoriously, declaring him the winner of the match! Still Life grabbed his half-torn arm and rolled to the floor, where BLANK glared at them. As the Masterpiece looked up at the Artisté, BLANK’s fierce expression could have killed – Still Life caught a lot of flack on their way up the ramp and through the curtain. Back in the ring, Sin Cara leapt to the middle rope and raised his hands again, having finally taken the first step towards redemption in America and simultaneously – the first step toward glory in Solid Gold Wrestling.
We can still hear the fans cheering for Sin Cara's big win as we go backstage. In front of the SGW interview set, we see a beat-up and disappointed Jordan Devlin standing by with Cathy Kelley. Devlin is still in his gear with a white towel around his neck. He looks down at the floor with his hands on his hips. The quick loss to Randy Orton is visibly weighing on him. Cathy clearly seems apprehensive about broaching the subject but maintains her cheery demeanor.
[ Cathy Kelley ] Jordan Devlin, you had the... um... honor of participating in the first match of this brand new era of Solid Gold Wrestling. Of course, you were standing across the ring from the former SGW World Heavyweight Champion... Randy Orton.
Devlin gently nods and strokes his beard.
[ Cathy Kelley ] What...
Devlin cuts his eyes in her direction and she hesitates... but pushes through like a professional.
[ Cathy Kelley ] ...what happened out there?
Devlin huffs and meets her gaze before looking back down at the floor. He appears to think it over while trying to find the words. He removes the towel from around his neck and dabs at his forehead with it before placing it over his shoulder. He looks back up at her. She raises an eyebrow, hoping against hope that he will eventually break the uncomfortable silence. Finally, he does.
[ Jordan Devlin ] I beat me'self, Cathy.
He shrugs, almost nonchalantly.
[ Jordan Devlin ] I thought I was ready... but I wasn't.
[ Cathy Kelley ] Randy Orton is a world class competitor and a former SGW champion... what happened out there could've happened to anyone. I think what a lot of people are wondering... is where does Jordan Devlin go from here?
Devlin takes a deep breath.
[ Jordan Devlin ] Back t' the drawin' board.
She looks disappointed for him, pursing her lips and looking at him with a hint of sadness in her eyes.
[ Jordan Devlin ] Not t' take away from Randy Orton... the man's one o' the best inna' world... but that wasn't the Irish Assassin out 'ere tonight... that wasn't Jordan Devlin at his best... that was someone else... somethin' else... I dunno.
He huffs and shakes his head before turning to stare right into the camera.
[ Jordan Devlin ] This isn't the end.
[ Jordan Devlin ] This is just the beginnin'.
Cathy's smile returns, liking this renewed sense of confidence in the Killer Import.
[ Jordan Devlin ] I'll be back, Randy... and I promise ye'... next time will be diff'rent.
He walks off-camera, leaving Cathy to herself. Cathy turns to the camera, smiling.
[ Cathy Kelley ] Jordan Devlin, everyone... back to you--
Before she can throw it back to the announce team at ringside, Lacey Evans walks into the shot in an old fashioned yellow dress with black polka dots and a matching hat with a large black feather sticking out of it. Wearing elegant, black lace gloves, Lacey clutches a black fan and cools herself off with several well-timed flicks of her wrist. She smiles and shakes her head in disbelief as she stands alongside Cathy, staring off in the direction Devlin vanished. Cathy looks at Evans with a curious look on her face but Evans speaks before Cathy can dig any deeper into why she's here.
[ Lacey Evans ] Lord, I didn't think he'd ever leave.
Cathy raises an eyebrow, not really liking the shade being thrown around.
[ Lacey Evans ] You can positively smell the failure just a waftin' offa' him.
Lacey's smile gets even bigger and a slight hint of a laugh escapes her lips.
[ Lacey Evans ] He looks fit to be took out behind the barn and shot, if ya' ask me, sweetie.
Lacey continues fanning herself, paying no mind at all to the annoyed look on Cathy's face.
[ Cathy Kelley ] Um... Lacey... what are you doing here?
Lacey stops fanning and snaps her head in Cathy's direction with narrowed eyes.
[ Lacey Evans ] What am I doin' here? Is that any way to address your betters, Cathy Kelley?
Cathy shrinks under her gaze. Lacey shakes her head, looking deeply offended by Cathy's remark.
[ Lacey Evans ] That won't do, little girl. That just won't do at all.
Cathy and Lacey just glare at one another for what feels like forever before Lacey speaks again.
[ Lacey Evans ] I guess your momma failed to teach you about a little thing called etiquette.
Cathy looks visibly offended and doesn't even try to hide it.
[ Lacey Evans ] Now, because I'm a lady, I'll answer your question despite how rude you went about askin' it. Why am I here? Why are any female competitors here tonight? Notice I said females... and not ladies... because there's only one lady here tonight and that's me. I'm here to make a statement... to put a stamp on this brand new women's division and stake... my... claim.
She smiles from ear to ear and looks off-camera at nothing in particular, clearly thinking about how she's going to take the division by storm by the look of it. She seems all too pleased with herself, honestly.
[ Lacey Evans ] This division is brand new territory... it's bound to be like the wild west 'til we get this thing figured out! Isn't that just scary to think about, Cathy? Don't answer that. It was rhetorical. I am here for one simple reason, girl... to ensure that this division is established with class and dignity and isn't sullied by any number of the garbage people I've seen wanderin' around backstage tonight.
Lacey snaps the fan shut and tilts her head back, staring down her nose at Cathy.
[ Lacey Evans ] This women's division... is in desperate need... of a lady's touch.
Before Cathy can even attempt to send us back to ringside for Aleister Black versus Samoa Joe, Lacey's eyes grow to the size of saucers as they fall upon something... or someone standing just off-camera. The camera slowly pans over to reveal Christina Von Eerie in a leather jacket and GG Allin tank top. Without saying a word, Lacey produces a handkerchief from seemingly nowhere and covers her mouth and nose, her mannerisms indicating that she smells something foul. Von Eerie puts her hands in her pockets and approaches until Cathy Kelley is the only thing separating her from Evans. Von Eerie shakes her head, looking unimpressed. Cathy smiles timidly and greets The Ultra-Violent Punk Princess.
[ Cathy Kelley ] Christina Von Eerie? I guess the rumors were true. Wow! Welcome to SGW!
Without even acknowledging Cathy's remarks, Von Eerie removes one hand from her pocket and casually points at Lacey, who still looks mortified by the rocker's presence.
[ Christina Von Eerie ] So... this...
Von Eerie's eyes narrow as though she's unable to process what she's looking at.
[ Christina Von Eerie ] ...this is what the competition is like in SGW?
Cathy smiles and looks at Lacey, expecting a retort but Von Eerie isn't finished.
[ Christina Von Eerie ] I mean, no disrespect... I just keep hearing people talk about how this is the first women's division in SGW history and how exciting and prestigious this thing's supposed to be and... I guess... I guess I just expected a little bit more legitimate competition.
Lacey lowers her handkerchief and is positively smoldering with rage. Cathy's mouth forms a perfect "o" and you can practically hear her "ooOOoOooo"ing under her breath. A confident smirk graces Von Eerie's lips as she gestures toward Evans with the wave of her hand.
[ Christina Von Eerie ] Not some douche bag in polka dots.
Evans tosses her handkerchief and nearly knocks Cathy down as she attempts to get even closer to Von Eerie without actually touching her. Cathy is practically sandwiched between them, looking uncomfortable, if not a little worried for her own safety.
[ Christina Von Eerie ] Seriously... are you here to fight or host a fuckin' tea party?
Evans' eyes get impossibly wider.
[ Lacey Evans ] Language! How dare you speak to me with such... such venom!
Von Eerie almost laughs out loud, a look of indignation on her face.
[ Christina Von Eerie ] Language?! You want me to watch my language?! I'm sorry, I'm too busy wondering how you got booked in a match and I didn't! Newsflash, asshole! Nobody is asking for a lady to swoop in and save the day! Literally nobody!
Lacey shakes her head, looking disgusted.
[ Lacey Evans ] And what do they want, you unsophisticated Monster High reject? You? You're not an athlete. You're not a role model like me... why, you're nothin' but a walkin' talkin, livin' 'n breathin' example of why I tell my child to just say no to drugs.
The live crowd lets out a loud "OOoooOOooOooOOoo" as Lacey smiles, pleased with herself.
[ Christina Von Eerie ] Oh, really? We're seriously going there? I will gouge out your eyes and skullf--
Cathy does her best to cut them off, speaking up loudly.
[ Cathy Kelley ] Can we please not do this right now?! This is escalating really quickly and I think that it would be awesome if we could all just be cool. This is the first show back and there's a really awesome women's division and I just think we should all be happy for each other. I mean, yay?
Cathy forces a toothy smile and looks from Von Eerie to Lacey and back again. Von Eerie and Lacey both glare at Cathy and then meet one another's gaze. They stare into each other's eyes for a long moment before Lacey turns her nose up and curls her upper lip.
[ Lacey Evans ] You're not worth my time anyway.
Von Eerie huffs and averts her gaze, gently shaking her head, perhaps ashamed that she let someone like Lacey Evans get her so worked up. She wipes her nose with the sleeve of her jacket.
[ Christina Von Eerie ] Yeah, whatever you--
And then Lacey shoves Cathy out of the way aggressively, almost knocking her into the interview backdrop! Von Eerie can barely react before Evans NAILS her with the WOMAN'S RIGHT! It's a glancing blow and Lacey doesn't get all of it but Von Eerie almost goes down before Evans snatches a handful of her jacket and pulls it over her head, intending to continue the punishment before Little Guido and D-Von Dudley rush the scene and get between them, shoving Evans back and off-camera as she shouts.
[ Lacey Evans ] 'til next time, trash!
Guido holds Von Eerie back as she straightens her jacket and tries to push past him, desperate to get her hands on Evans for even trying to get one-up on her like that. Von Eerie touches the side of her head that caught the brunt of the blow and shakes her head, trembling with intensity. Guido tries to usher her off camera but she's not having it.
[ Christina Von Eerie ] Get off me! Get OFF!
Guido backs up, leaving Von Eerie standing there, shaking with anger. Cathy has vacated the set as well and Von Eerie is all that remains. She takes a deep breath and instantly seems much calmer. She stares off in the direction that Lacey was ushered off-camera.
[ Christina Von Eerie ] I'm good... I'm great, actually.
She winces as she touches the point of impact once again... and then shrugs it off.
[ Christina Von Eerie ] I can play that game, too.
Von Eerie storms off-camera and we linger on the interview backdrop for a long second before the camera slowly pans over to reveal Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross, who have apparently been watching this entire scene play out over the course of the last several minutes. They both casually sip from large mugs of coffee. Nikki watches with wide eyed innocence, as though she hasn't even processed what she just witnessed. Alexa takes a sip and just looks disappointed with the whole thing.
[ Alexa Bliss ] Jesus frickin' Christ, Nikki.
Nikki looks at Alexa, eyes full of wonder. Alexa shakes her head in disgust.
[ Alexa Bliss ] Every single one of these gashes is worse than the last.
Nikki looks confused but nods anyway as we slowly zoom out and return to ringside.
As we return to the arena proper, green and yellow hues dance across the LED boards as LL Cool J’s smash hit “Mama Said Knock You Out” begins playing to announce the arrival of our first competitor in the next contest – the Samoan Submission Machine.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Ladies and gentlemen, is Solid Gold Wrestling able to contain this upcoming matchup?
[ Tony Schiavone ] Nigel, you raise a very valid point – many pundits have pointed out this match amongst a loaded card as being one which could very well be a show-stealer…and frankly, could exceed all expectations for those seeking a more Kumite-like atmosphere in the Staples Center.
[ Scott Steiner ] KUMITE! Hell yeah, that’s my style – let’em loose ‘til one pussy flat out DIES. No tapout, no countout, sure as shit no disqualifications – KNOCK OUT or DIE!
[ Tony Schiavone ] (aside to Nigel) What the hell have we gotten into here, best buddy?
As the capacity crowd stomps, claps and chants “JOE!” to the tune of the nodding beat of the song, Samoa Joe steps through the curtain and pauses to look out across the huge mass of humanity. He nods and cracks his neck before throwing a shaka high into the air and bellowing out a war-cry, stomping to the ring with purpose.
[ Scott Steiner ] Aw geez, look at this tub’a-goo! He ain’t no Van Damme, dammit! This is that fat bastard Smo’ Jo! He’s so DAMN FAT!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Scott, at the risk of being permenantly mangled beyond recognition, I will implore you to reconsider your opinion – believe you me, I’ve been on the receiving end of far too many ass-kickings from the man who claims to *BE* Pro Wrestling to ever doubt him again!
Steiner scoffs audibly as Joe steps through the ropes and throws another shaka and gives the hard camera a look of absolute focus as the lights fall to black in the Staples Center. The audience is hungry for the match to begin but know that Joe’s opponent is an absolute individual and basks in his own light – or darkness, more appropriately. After a moment or two thrust into darkness with no sound but the confused murmuring of the crowd, an electric guitar’s strings are hit with a dark power chord. Suddenly, what had to be 50 candles lit on the stage in the shape of a circle as a driving drumline began to echo across Los Angeles. From the smoky stage, a lanky, tattooed man rises practically from nothing, arms crossed like Nosferatu and opens his eyes as an eerie voice plays in reverse and “Root of All Evil” kicks into full-gear. The screens display runic symbols interspersed with shots of the man kickboxing – Aleister Black has arrived. “No man is ever truly GOOD!…no man is ever truly E!VIL! I do the things you never could…and we will NEVER! BE! E-QUALS!” screams the track as Black steps calmly past the lit candles and begins strolling down to the ring for this veritable bloodbath.
[ Scott Steiner ] You punks lied to me! I thought you said we were gunna get Kumite, not the Halloween store sissy-slappin’ against Smo’Joe!
[ Tony Schiavone ] His appearance and personal style aside, Scott, Aleister Black is far and away one of the most lethal strikers on the Solid Gold Wrestling roster – if not the premier pugilist! Although his feet are his most dangerous weapons, Black is a tru’ warrior in the vein of your classic kickboxing legends and/or Sid Vicious!
[ Scott Steiner ] BUT THIS IS DAMN WRESTLIN’! I SWEAR IF THIS VAMPIRE BITCH AND FAT JOE DON’T BEAT THE PISS OUTTA EACH OTHER I’M GUNNA RIP BOTH YOUR DICKS OFF!
Black vaulted into the ring, rolled across the mat and sprang off the ropes with a backflip, landing perfectly in the Native-style seated position, glaring at Joe, who is less than impressed with Black’s incredible spectacle of an entrance. Referee Rick Knox signaled for the bell as the house lights rose and the crowd roared, clearly just as hungry as Scott Steiner for the smash-mouth encounter to follow.
As the final tome of the bell rang across the arena, neither man flinched from his corner, only glaring across the ring with laser-focus towards the other man. Almost like mirror images, Black and Joe dashed to center ring and began throwing bombs at one another, connecting with right after right after right to their opponent’s jaw and neck, sending the crowd into a frenzy! Neither man conceded an inch to the other and almost instantly, bruises began forming across the sides of each man’s face! Joe broke the punch-out, LEATHERING Black with an overhand chop that echoed across the Staples Center. Black winced and bent at the waist, staggering, but Joe popped him under the jaw to raise him back up and peppered Black’s chest with another chop of the knife-edged variety, leaving a near-instant red welt across the pasty Dutchman’s chest! Joe roared out and spun around, soaking up the fans’ approval, but as he returned to face Black, the Anti-Hero soared ahead and scored with a leaping knee to the point of Joe’s square jaw, sending him to the mat in a heap!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] MY GOD! That might have been a knockout!
[ Scott Steiner ] <laughs joyously>
Black didn’t wait on the official to check for the KO and instead double-stomped Joe in the chest, then turned and soccer-kicked him in the side of the head stiffly! Joe rolled to his stomach, covering his head instinctively, but Black was not deterred and leapt up, smashing Joe’s back with a senton, then crosses his legs and sits calmly on the mat beside his opponent, looking back over his shoulder at the destruction he’s caused.
Joe wasn’t keen on this show of confidence and lunged, even on his tummy, at Black with his hands outstretched and clasped around his opponent’s neck! The beefy Samoan rang Black’s neck for a moment before climbing to his knees and backhanding him across the jaw and overhand chopping down across the Dutchman’s chest again! The loud THWACK of the shot was enough to give anyone a thorough cringe of pain! Joe pushes to his feet and pulls Black off the mat angrily, popping his chest again with a series of palm strikes, then slaps to the face and head and finally a stiff backhand blow to the breadbasket before leaping agilely into the air and clapping his opponent with an enzuigiri! Joe with the cover – ONE! TWO! NO! As Black kicks out, a sinister smirk spreads across the face of the Samoan Submission Machine. Joe looks down at Black and sprints off the far ropes, leaps into the air and scores with a big boy senton, driving the air out of the Dutch Destroyer and picking up another two count in the process.
Joe lifts Black from the mat and shoots him off the ropes, looking for a scoop powerslam, but Black side-steps the attack and fires a big kick at the back of Joe’s head, connecting and staggering the beefy Samoan, who falls forwards into the ropes awkwardly. Black wisely does not give Joe any room to breathe and charges in with an outstretched arm – but Joe evades the lariat attack and PLANTS the Dutchman with his ST-Joe attack! Black looks like a flag planted in the canvas, still perched awkwardly on the back of his neck and upper shoulders in a gross way. Joe shakes off the effects of Black’s lethal kick to the back of his head and fires his own stiff soccer kick to the Anti-Hero’s back, pushing him the rest of the way over and to his stomach. Before Aleister could climb to his feet or even protect himself from the series of big blows, Joe strides over and stomps his foot down across Black’s neck!
[ Scott Steiner ] YEAH, FATBOY! FINISH HIM!
Joe wouldn’t give a damn about what Scott Steiner had to say, but followed the directions either way, lifting Black and smacking him across the chest with another thunderous chop, echoing across the Staples Center and sending the Anti-Hero into the corner. Joe builds a nice head of steam, stepping off the bottom rope and dashing across the ring – but Black steps out of the corner with a beautiful Discus Knee strike! Joe spins, dazed, but the Dutch Destroyer is still going and latches Joe in a waistlock – STRUGGLES! – DEADLIFT GERMAN SUPLEX! Joe landed on the back of his neck that time! Realizing the moment to strike was now, Black ascended the ropes and soared – DIVING DOUBLE FOOT STOMP!!
[ Tony Schiavone ] BLOOD! MOON! STOMP! That was absolutely disgusting – Aleister Black just landed every pound of his body weight on Samoa Joe’s chest!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Right you are, Tony! Aleister Black HAS GOT to make the cover RIGHT NOW! Samoa Joe is not one to be underestimated – you take the pinfall whenever you can get it!
[ Scott Steiner ] Yeh, but it looks like ‘ole Dracula’s just as beat-up as Sloppy Joe is!
Black inches his way closer to Joe and drops his outstretched forearm across his chest, clearly exhausted from the smash-mouth battle the two have engaged in – one! Two! NO! Joe is up AGAIN and Aleister Black covers his face, still down and wondering what he has to do to put away the Samoan Submission Machine! The Anti-Hero decides to stop wondering and scientific method away at Joe’s head with repeated lightning-kicks to the side of his face!! After about the fifth strike, Black turns on his heel and vaults into the ropes, looking for added momentum, but JOE IS ALIVE! – The Samoan follows, quick as a by-God cat and lashes Black with a running gamengiri to send him to the floor as a crumpled mess of man!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] HOLY HELL, WHAT A STRIKE! Aleister Black is…is…
[ Scott Steiner ] DRACULA’S PASTY ASS IS DEAD! HE’S GOT A FAT-ASS STAKE IN HIS MAGIC-MARKER LOOKIN’-ASS CHEST!
The intensity of the battle has absolutely worn these two men to their most weathered cores, having been a 200% collision of the bulls from the opening bell. Joe doesn’t show any sign of decline or even muster the slightest syllable of ‘die,’ though and throws himself over the ropes, spinning and colliding with Black in a tornillo tope! Joe stands up, energized from the dive and kicks the steel ring steps, sending them about four feet away. The beefy Samoan lifts Black from the protective mat and tosses him into the ring, following him and slapping him hard across the chest while on his knees. Joe breathes out through his nose, looking more and more like he could breathe fire at any moment and charges, bouncing off the ropes and leaping into the air for another Big Boy Senton – but Black gets the knees up! Joe’s spine contorts against Black’s legs and he shouts out in pain as he grips the tender small of his back in agony. Black, still clearly feeling the effects of the war these two have been through, ascends to the top rope slowly, seeking another Blood Moon Stomp to end the day. After about a minute of agonizing climbing, Black reaches the turnbuckles’ peak and stands to his full height – and leaps!
But Joe is alive AGAIN! He rolls from the path and Black stomps, rolling himself and the pair meet in center ring! – BLACK MASS!! Black swings his foot instinctively for the kick, but the big man ducks down and dodges the blow! Joe charges ahead, lifting Black like a tackling dummy and plows him into the far corner, shoulder blocking the breath out of his opponent over and over! As Black looks like he’s drawn a final breath, Joe takes a second to breathe – and the Anti-Hero strikes! He pops Joe in the jaw with a mighty palm strike and sends him to a knee! The Samoan appears out again! Black does not delay and boosts himself up the turnbuckle – he’s looking for the Blood Moon Stomp to the back of the Samoan Submission Machine’s head!! Joe racks the ropes and Black’s balls in the process in a last-ditch move, though, saving his brain stem from certain implosion. As his eyes glaze more by the moment, Joe spots Black on the top rope and instinctively grabs him up in a bundle and strides out to center ring – MUSCLE BUSTER-- NO! ALEISTER BLACK WIGGLES FREE AND LANDS BEHIND JOE! Joe turns around... BLACK MASS OUT OF NOWHERE! Samoa Joe spins out on impact and falls flat on his back! Aleister Black falls down right on top of him! One! Two! Three!
WINNER - Aleister Black via Pin Fall in 20:59
[ Tony Schiavone ] IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] What just happened here?!
[ Scott Steiner ] HEART ATTACK, I’M BETTIN’! GOTTA BE A HEART ATTACK RIGHT?! FAT ASS SMO’JOE NEVER SAW IT COMIN’!
[ Tony Schiavone ] It was BLACK MASS and it was lightning quick!
Medical assistants are checking on the still-down Joe in the center of the ring as Aleister Black sits next to him, staring down into his face menacingly.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] These two men went hell for leather in the ring tonight! Despite your feelings for Samoa Joe, you have to admit this was an impressive, hard-hitting contest, aye, Scott?
[ Scott Steiner ] NORMALLY, I’D’S SAY THIS STRONG STYLE JUNK IS BULLSHIT, BUT CUZ IT’S SMO’JOE AND HIS FAAAAAT ASS GOT BLOWN UP ON LIVE NATIONAL TELEVISION LIKE A LITTLE BITCH, I’M NOT SO MAD AFTER ALL! IT WASN’T KUMITE – BUT IT WASN’T STUPID BULLSHIT! GIVE THE NOD TO ALEISTER BLACK!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] …that’s what the referee has done!
[ Scott Steiner ] GOOD! THAT BALD SONUVABITCH GETS TO LIVE ANOTHER DAY
We’re taken backstage after the
ridiculously hard-hitting encounter we just experienced to find Sin
Cara, unlacing his wrist gauntlets and working his sore shoulder
after a hard-fought win against Still Life with Apricots and Pears
earlier in the evening. Sin Cara notices the camera and nods, then
flexes his fist with his still-good arm and resumes rubbing the
The fans are still recovering from having their minds blown by the revelation that Nathan Jones is still alive when we return to the ringside area. The camera settles on a wide shot of the entranceway and the fans go silent with anticipation, ready for whatever is coming next. "This Time I Want It All" hits and the fans erupt in boos as Paul Heyman struts through the curtain, walking with purpose until he reaches the edge of the stage. He looks over his shoulder at the entranceway and then back out at the fans, now smiling evilly as if he knows a secret they aren't privy to. Suddenly, Tessa Blanchard emerges from the back in her black and gold gear with a leather vest. She reaches the edge of the stage, standing right next to Heyman, and turns her back to the fans before throwing a wink over her shoulder and whipping back around with her arms outstretched at her sides. Heyman shakes his head, grinning, visibly impressed with his newest client.
[ Tony Schiavone ] Tessa Blanchard! One of the hottest free agents in professional wrestling today!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] She's a world traveled, world class athlete! Some people would say she's good for a girl but that would be an insult! Tessa Blanchard is good by any standard!
Tessa begins making her way down to the ring and climbs onto the apron as Heyman makes his way up the steps. He sits on the middle rope and holds them open for her as she steps through, exuding a world of confidence as she struts to the center of the ring and throws another wink over her shoulder. The music finally cuts and we can clearly hear the fans booing these two relentlessly... we quickly find out why once we realize Paul Heyman has taken the microphone from ring announcer Justin Roberts! Tessa remains in the center the ring, staring down her nose at the booing fans as Heyman clears his throat directly into the microphone. Satisfied and smiling, Heyman finally begins to speak.
[ Paul Heyman ] For those of you who have been living under a rock... my name is Paul Heyman... and I am the advocate for the fastest rising, most physically superior, total package in all of professional wrestling today... not just in combat sports! Not just in women's sports! But in ANY sport!
He points at Blanchard, shaking his finger excitedly.
[ Paul Heyman ] ...TESSA... BLANCHARD!
And then he stops pointing and places that hand over his heart, looking genuinely concerned.
[ Paul Heyman ] ...and I stand here before all of you today... disturbed.
Blanchard folds her arms across her chest, looking unimpressed.
[ Paul Heyman ] That's right... disturbed by this company's shortsighted vision... how can you honestly tell me and all of these fans that you intend to take this brand new, revolutionary women's division seriously... when you won't even entertain the idea of putting the SGW Women's World Championship on the line for this match... so that Tessa Blanchard may snatch that vacant championship from obscurity and propel it straight forward...
Heyman points out at nothing in particular, trembling with intensity.
[ Paul Heyman ] ...INTO THE FUTURE!
He takes a deep breath and raises a finger in the air before continuing.
[ Paul Heyman ] The level of indifference shown by SGW management in regards to the marketing of my client... puts the future of this endeavor in clear and present danger... If this... if this is not the type of athlete you wish to build, not only this division, but this company around... then I must ask you one simple question... and I am begging you... to give me an answer if you have the BALLS to do so... what were you even THINKING when you dug up the rotting corpse of Solid Gold Wrestling in the first place?
The fans boo and begin chanting "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" repeatedly. Heyman chuckles and walks a semi-circle around the ring, looking pleased with himself. Blanchard doesn't even move, looking all-business as she glares out into the sea of fans. Heyman returns to Tessa's side, visibly pleased that he's provoked such a reaction from the Los Angeles fans. She cuts her eyes at him, probably wondering if he plans on shutting up anytime today. He raises the microphone once more.
[ Paul Heyman ] And one more thing--
"Spiteful" hits and Heyman whips around to face the entranceway, looking confused. Tessa slowly turns to face the entrance, shedding her leather vest and immediately entering a fighting stance, ready to go at a moment's notice. Knowing who the music belongs to, the fans don't necessarily pop huge but they do pop before the reaction settles somewhere in the realm of strongly mixed. Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross walk out side by side, ready for action. Bliss stands there with one hand on her hip and the other clutching a microphone as Cross runs from one side of the ramp to the other, jabbering like a maniac and pulling at her hair before stopping next to Alexa and allowing her eyes to settle on Blanchard in the ring. Bliss shakes her head and offers a sinister smile before raising her microphone. Her voice is dripping with disgust.
[ Alexa Bliss ] Paul... as much as I hate to cut you off... I couldn't help but overhear the disgusting, fat, sweaty words that were coming out of your disgusting, fat, sweaty mouth and, well, now I've got a question of my own.
Heyman raises an eyebrow, clasping his hands in front of him. He looks... interested.
[ Alexa Bliss ] ...and that question is... who do you think you are, trotting out this moose jawed idiot hooker on my show and demanding a shot at my championship?! Didn't you get the memo? This is my division and it was built to showcase me! See, I've been keeping an eye on all of the women that have signed up over the last couple of weeks... and quite frankly, I'm... not... impressed.
Alexa lowers the microphone for a second as her eyes scan the booing fans.
[ Alexa Bliss ] I'm not impressed by the so-called lady running around backstage, punching people in the face! I'm not impressed by the ugly skank with the green mohawk! And I'm damn sure not impressed by the entitled, third generation, wannabe superstar that has earned nothing on her own while women like ME have fought and kicked and scraped to get where we are--
The boos are so loud they drown Alexa out for a moment. What started as a mixed reaction is now full-on heel heat and there's no longer a favorite horse in this race. Alexa waits for the boos to die down for a second but it quickly becomes clear that isn't going to happen and Alexa decides to start talking over them.
[ Alexa Bliss ] You know what? I'm over this! This women's division is mine! It's precious to me! It's like... it's like a second vagina! And I'm not gonna let Paul Heyman of all frickin' people put his sticky, greasy, sausage fingers all over it so this... THIS... all of this?
Alexa rolls her eyes.
[ Alexa Bliss ] ...this is over.
Alexa puts her arm around Nikki's shoulders and narrows her eyes.
[ Alexa Bliss ] Hey, bootleg Chyna... I'd like you to meet my best friend Nikki Cross.
Nikki nods frantically and smiles like a maniac, wringing her hands together in front of her.
[ Alexa Bliss ] Nikki Cross... I'd like you to kill bootleg Chyna.
Alexa lowers the microphone and Cross excitedly charges down to the ring, ready for a fight! Alexa saunters down the ramp behind her and Cross slides under the bottom rope, rises to her feet, and charges at Tessa, who meets her in the center of the ring! Paul Heyman quickly exits through the ropes as Cross and Tessa begin trading blows! Paul Turner calls for the bell to begin the match!
Both women show no mercy to the other as they drill one another in the head and neck with punches and forearms like women possessed! As the fans become engaged in the violence in front of them, Alexa Bliss makes her way around ringside and takes a seat next to Tony Schiavone at the announce table, helping herself to an extra headset that just happens to be resting on the table in front of her.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Oh goddess, my goddess! Alexa Bliss is here!
[ Scott Steiner ] Nobody told me 'bout no woman doin' talkin' tonight!
[ Alexa Bliss ] Excuse me? Aren't you the guy that lost to Ken Kennedy at WrestleBrawl 2? Literally no one cares what you have to say about anything. Seriously, you guys couldn't get a former champion with credibility like Gangrel or Johnny the Bull?
[ Scott Steiner ] That ain't... you... I... SCREW IT! I AIN'T GONNA SAY SHIT WIT' THIS BROAD OUT HERE! THE BIG BAD... BOOTY DADDY IS PROTESTIN' THIS BULLSHIT! SEE HOW YOU LIKE THAT!
[ Alexa Bliss ] Aww... no... Scotty, don't go.
Cross and Tessa are relentless in their pursuit to knock the others' head off their shoulders but a vicious forearm to the jaw rattles Tessa, visibly infuriating her, causing her to end the exchange with a knee lift that sends Nikki Cross to all fours, gasping "that's noo' fair!" over and over until Tessa boots her in the side of the head, silencing her!
[ Alexa Bliss ] How is this even fair? Tessa is manhandling her. Emphasis on the man. Because of her jaw.
[ Tony Schiavone ] Now, come on, Alexa... Tessa Blanchard is a beautiful woman in peak physical condition!
[ Alexa Bliss ] Whatever, Tony. She's an aesthetic atrocity. Like if the holocaust was a person.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Jee-zus Christ!
The impact sends Cross over onto her back and Tessa mounts her, raining down punches and forearms onto Cross' head and chest before standing up and stomping a mudhole in her chest! Cross looks finished early on and Blanchard stops the onslaught long enough to throw her hands out to her sides, drawing some major heat as Heyman applauds her from ringside.
[ Alexa Bliss ] Congratulations, Tessa. You're still ugly.
[ Tony Schiavone ] Excuse me if I'm speaking out of turn but you are setting a terrible example tonight for young women all across the globe! Just terrible, Alexa!
[ Alexa Bliss ] Oh yeah? Maybe I am a terrible example... but I'm rich and I'm pretty so it doesn't matter.
Cross drags herself to the ropes and uses the middle rope to pull herself up to one knee. Blanchard approaches her and Cross grabs a handful of her tights, pulling her through the ropes, causing her to tumble onto the apron. Blanchard maintains her grip on the middle rope and pulls herself up just in time for Nikki Cross to nail her with a running forearm, sending her sprawling onto the floor! Cross looks angry and the camera gets a close-up, revealing blood in her teeth. Cross begins slowly climbing the turnbuckles and perches on the top rope, waiting for Tessa Blanchard to stand up. Paul Heyman loudly shrieks at Tessa to get out of the way but his pleading goes unanswered!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] This is gonna hurt!
[ Alexa Bliss ] I love this. It's a good thing her face is already busted. Am I right, guys? Come on, am I right?
Tessa shakily returns to her feet and Nikki Cross FLIES! FLYING CROSSBODY! Both women lay motionless on the floor as Paul Turner begins counting! Cross is up to her feet first and frantically grabs two handfuls of Tessa's hair, pulling her up into a seated position. Cross attempts to drag her toward the ring but Tessa sandbags her, grabs two handfuls of Cross' pants, and pulls her back hard against the guardrail! Cross rests against the guardrail, looking hurt but still standing. Blanchard uses the apron to pull herself up, a trickle of blood from her left nostril. She rolls under the bottom rope and back out to break the count, then immediately charges at Cross, nailing her with a big forearm to the chest before pulling her into a vertical suplex position, holding her up for several long seconds, and dropping her stomach first over the guardrail!
[ Alexa Bliss ] She should thank whatever uggo god she prays to that I'm not in the ring with her right now... if she did that to me, I'd gas pedal her vag in front of all these disgusting losers.
[ Tony Schiavone ] What does that even mean?
[ Alexa Bliss ] Do you really want me to explain it to you?
Blanchard drills Cross in the back with forearms until she tumbles headfirst into the ringside area. Blanchard grips the guardrail for momentum and begins stomping away at Cross until she rolls away out of desperation, spitting and seething as she tries to escape. Cross eventually finds her feet and quickly rolls back into the ring. Cross looks confused, rattled from several good shots to the head throughout the match. Blanchard climbs onto the apron and begins ascending the turnbuckles from the outside. Blanchard perches on the top rope and motions for Cross to turn around. Cross slowly does and Blanchard flies... MAGNUMMMMMM! Cross eats the impact, maintains a grip on Tessa's legs, and flips her over in a jacknife pin! One! Two! Thr-- TESSA KICKS OUT WITH FORCE!
[ Alexa Bliss ] Jesus Christ, Nikki! You're supposed to hold her down for three! Gah, she's so stupid.
[ Tony Schiavone ] She's your so-called best friend!
[ Alexa Bliss ] Her tiny brain is defective. Don't judge me for telling the truth!
Both women rise quickly and Cross charges at Blanchard, throwing a huge clothesline! Tessa ducks it and Cross turns right around into a BRUTAL ELBOW TO THE JAW! Cross looks out of it and Tessa snatches her wrist, pulls her in, and spins her out... RIPCORD ELBOW STRIKE!
[ Tony Schiavone ] She calls that the Terminatrix!
[ Alexa Bliss ] Yawn. Real original name.
[ Tony Schiavone ] Well, it's no Sparkle Splash, for sure!
[ Alexa Bliss ] Wait, what?!
Cross turns inside out and Tessa covers her, hooking the leg! One! Two! Three!
WINNER - Tessa Blanchard via Pin Fall in 7:49
[ Alexa Bliss ] Are you kidding me right now!? She obviously kicked out!
Blanchard rises up and rests on her knees next to the fallen Cross. Blanchard cuts eyes at Bliss and stands up, clenching her fists. It's as if she heard every word Bliss said during the match as she snaps and grabs Cross by her hair, pulls her to her feet, and flings her over the top rope to the floor, right in front of Bliss and the announce team! Blanchard climbs through the ropes and marches toward the announce table, only for Paul Heyman to throw himself between Blanchard and Bliss, begging Blanchard "Please! Please don't do it! Not right now! A time will come! A TIME WILL COME, TESSA!" Bliss stands behind the table and removes the headset, staring at Tessa with wide eyes! Without saying a word, Tessa backs away, glaring at Bliss the entire time as Heyman begs her off. As Tessa leaves the ringside area, Bliss remains standing there, looking shaken by the events.
[ Tony Schiavone ] Well, Alexa... Alexa? What do you have to say to that?
Alexa continues staring in the direction of the entranceway.
[ Tony Schiavone ] Alexa? Why didn't you say anything when Tessa was standing here?
She looks at Tony and sneers, snatching up the headset just long enough to bark at him.
[ Alexa Bliss ] Shut up, you... you... fat idiot!
Alexa throws down the headset and walks around the table to collect Nikki Cross as we fade out.
Immediately after the match, we find
ourselves right outside of the entrance curtain where The Franchise
is standing by, gripping a microphone so tightly his knuckles are
white as a ghost.
[ Randy Orton
] Hey! He was in my face! HE WAS IN MY FACE!
Ringside, Cathy Kelly is standing outside of
the ring near the guardrails. The fans in attendance cheer loudly
with an “S-G-DUB!” chant and others do their best to get their
handmade signs in the view of the camera.
Friedman is cackling like a mad man at ringside as Galloway delivers a couple more vicious stomps before reaching down to flip Storm over and mount him! Storm does his best to cover up as Galloway rains down unprotected punches and forearms! Satisfied with beating Storm into a fetal position, Galloway suddenly stands and stomps across the ring, pounding his chest repeatedly with his fist as the fans boo loudly! Storm attempts to catch his breath and crawls onto all fours, using the bottom rope to guide him as he crawls toward the corner. Galloway slowly turns and lays his eyes on Storm just as he reaches the corner. Galloway smirks as Storm uses the ropes to stand and slowly turns around with his back to the turnbuckles. Galloway charges in like a freight train and Storm ducks a big clothesline! Galloway collides with the corner and Storm whips him around before delivering a series of lefts and rights that draw a big pop from the fans in attendance! Galloway covers as Storm sets off a flurry, delivering rights and lefts to the head and mid-section of the Scottish bruiser!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Ever the opportunist, Galloway stole an early advantage but the resilient Tim Storm has found a way back on top! Say what you will about Tim Storm, fellas, the man never gives up in the face of adversity!
[ Scott Steiner ] Tim Storm is OLD! He's older than GOD! But he damn sure looks better than that banana nosed bastard Ric Flair looked at that age! Let's be real, though, there ain't no god damn way this old man gets past a specimenem the likes of Drew "BIG SCOT" Galloway!
Galloway weathers the flurry of punches to rake Tim Storm's eyes, causing him to spin out and stagger toward the center of the ring as Aubrey threatens Galloway with a disqualification. Friedman cries out at ringside that he didn't see anything out of the way occur, drawing heat from the fans directly behind him. Storm goes to one knee as he fights to regain his vision... and Galloway stalks him silently, seething, ready to strike at any moment!
[ Tony Schiavone ] I'm almost certain I've never heard Drew Galloway referred to as "BIG SCOT," but looking past that, Big Poppa, I'd be remiss in failing to mention that you yourself are three years older than Tim Storm! How about that?
[ Scott Steiner ] When you're comparin' Scott Steiner, THE GENETIC FREAK, to Tim Storm... THE GERIATRIC FREAK... three years might as well be three decades! Look at him and look at BIG POPPA PUMP! I still gots the largest arms in the world! All Tim Storm's got's that big fat neck! I can have his wife anytime I want!
Galloway motions for Storm to get up, trembling with intensity! Storm continues rubbing his eyes as he stands, shaking his head to try and restore his vision. Galloway finally snaps and charges with a big clothesline but Tim Storm executes a picture perfect drop toe hold out of nowhere! Galloway goes down face first and scrambles back to his feet! Storm motions for him to bring it on and Galloway charges at him again, only for Storm to execute a go behind! Storm rushes Galloway forward into the ropes and uses the momentum to roll Galloway backward into a pinning predicament! One! Two! Thr-- Galloway kicks out! Galloway rolls right back to his feet, looking furious! Tim Storm uses the ropes to pull himself up and leans against the top rope as he turns around... Galloway charges and Storm ducks, pulling the top rope down! Galloway tumbles over the top rope, crashes into the apron and rolls onto the floor!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Look at the crafty veteran go!
Galloway returns to his feet, looking out of sorts. He staggers backward against the guardrail and looks up at the ring with horror in his eyes as Tim Storm stands in the middle of the ring, teasing a suicide dive! He plays to the fans and they get hotter and hotter until he hits the ropes! He charges toward the other side of the ring... but instead of diving, he casually steps through the ropes, climbs down off the apron, and clotheslines Galloway hard against the guardrail! The fans begin chanting "HOLY SHIT!" as Storm takes Galloway by the hair and guides him around the ring before slamming him face first into the apron! Galloway stands bolt upright and Storm grabs him by the hair again and guides him toward the ring steps. He tries to slam him into those but Galloway plants his boot on them, blocking the attempt! Storm casually punches Galloway in the mid-section, causing him to lose his footing on the steps, and Storm plants his face right into the steel! Galloway goes down flat on his back but before Storm can capitalize, Friedman halfheartedly hides behind the ring post and begins taunting Storm from a distance, shouting "Hey! Hey, old timer! Your chances of winnin' this match are as limp as your decrepit, old ass dic-" until Tim Storm advances on him! Friedman turns to escape but before Storm can pursue him, Galloway returns to his feet and nails Storm from behind with a big forearm! Storm goes to all fours and Galloway grabs him by his neck and his tights, forcibly lifting him off the floor, and rams him head first into the ring steps!
[ Scott Steiner ] LOOKIT THAT! THAT'S HOW A REAL MAN HANDLES SHIT! HE PICKED THAT OLD MAN UP LIKE HE WAS NOTHIN'! BECAUSE HE IS NOTHIN'! AND THAT'S ALL HE'LL EVER BE! NOTHIN'! STUPID OLD MAN!
Storm rolls over, looking out of it. Galloway looms over him, breathing heavily. He brushes the hair out of his face. Suddenly, MJF appears from around the other side of the ring, pointing at Storm and shouting "HA HAAAA! HA HAAAA!" as the fans boo loudly. Galloway even looks annoyed by Friedman's behavior but advances on Storm nonetheless. He goes to pull Storm up by his hair but Storm grabs Galloway by his tights and pulls him forward, face first into the steps for the second time tonight! Storm returns to his feet, looking fired up! He shakes his fists and advances on Galloway but MJF grabs Storm by the shoulder and spins him around, shouting "Hey! Don't look at him, look at me, jack off! You wanna go-" and STORM SLUGS HIM DOWN WITH A BIG RIGHT HAND! MJF rolls back to his feet and Storm slugs him down AGAIN! MJF returns to his feet, looking out of it! He throws a punch at Storm but Storm ducks it and catches him from behind, securing his arms behind him! Storm walks MJF over to the legends section, inviting them to take a shot! Bubba Ray Dudley LIGHTS MJF UP WITH AN OVERHAND CHOP! Arn Anderson delivers a big right hand! A quick jab to the throat from McMahon! And a big right hand from Venis! The fans lose their minds with excitement! Tim Storm casually dumps MJF over the rail and into the front row... before turning around right into a CLAYMORE ON THE FLOOR!
[ Tony Schiavone ] That's his move!
The fans erupt in boos as Galloway struggles to get Storm back into the ring! He drags him to the apron and then dead lifts him up, forcing him under the bottom rope with a grimace. Galloway follows him in and desperately covers! One! Two! Thre-- NO! TIM STORM GOT A FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE! Galloway can't believe it! Galloway grabs Storm by the head and pulls him up off the mat. Storm rises to one knee as Galloway clutches both sides of his face and shouts "STAY DOWN, YE' OLD FOOL!" and Storm nails him with a big right hand! Storm rises and nails Galloway with ANOTHER big right hand! Galloway staggers back into the ropes and uses the momentum to run back at Storm with a big clothesline! Storm ducks it and Galloway hits the ropes on the opposite site... Storm is waiting for him on the rebound... THE PERFECT STORM! The fans pop huge! Storm falls on top of Galloway! One! Two! Thre--
Galloway kicks out at 2.99999! Tim Storm is in shock! Storm slowly returns to his feet, giving his own face a few smacks to psych himself up! Galloway returns to his feet, using the middle rope to steady himself. He slings the hair back out of his eyes and looks directly at Storm with that chilling, malicious glare! Galloway motions for Storm to bring it on and they meet in the center of the ring, getting right in each other's face! They aggressively talk trash to one another as the fans get hotter and hotter, ready to see these two explode! However, before this contest can go any further--
[ Tony Schiavone ] You gotta be kidding me! Not like this!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] What a damn cryin' shame!
MJF NAILED TIM STORM WITH A CHAIRSHOT TO THE BACK!
The fans erupt in boos as Storm painstakingly turns around, locking eyes with the devious MJF! Friedman smiles and offers a childlike wave before saying "HI!" and nailing Storm in the stomach with the edge of the chair! Aubrey Edwards quickly calls for the bell as Drew Galloway watches on with fury in his eyes! Storm goes down to all fours, cradling his mid-section, and MJF wraps the chair one final time across his back!
WINNER - Tim Storm via Disqualification in 9:21
MJF slings the chair down and shrugs at Aubrey Edwards, screaming “WHAT DID I DO?!” as if he had no recollection of bashing Tim Storm with the chair. As MJF pleads his case, Drew Galloway is a raging bull, realizing that he was cost the match by someone he doesn’t even know. Galloway marches towards MJF, who slides out of the ring and casually jogs up the ramp to escape the situation before it escalates. Tim Storm is back up and picks up the dented chair and slams it on the ground. This wasn’t the way he wanted to win his first match in SGW, but things definitely aren’t over between MJF and Tim Storm.
empty room with wooden floors and off-white painted walls.
Rainmaker is Coming
As the MOMENTUM logo fades, it crosses into another shot of a man with an impossibly large grin – SGW Backstage Correspondent “The Franchise” Shane Douglas. Douglas is still fired up from about an hour ago when he first met Adams Cole and Page and his beet-red face shows enthusiasm and, quite possibly, the remnants of a fresh line of coke from the nearby bathroom counter.
[ Shane Douglas ] FUCK! THE FRANCHISE IS BACK, JACK! THE S-Gee-DUBAYU LEGEND HAS GOT THE MICROPHONE, READY TO SPILL SOME FUCKIN’ KNOWLEDGE! AND WITH – ME – RIGHT – NOW! …IS A MAN WHO NEEDS VERY LITTLE INTRODUCTION FROM ME, BECAUSE HE’S GONNA TALK HIMSELF UP AND DOWN THE DAMN WALL LIKE ONE OF THOSE FUCKIN’ MOTORIZED STAIR CHAIRS!! IT’S A FORMER SGW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION – IT’S RAVEN!
As Franchise’s blood vessels cry out in relief for the ceasing of his shouting, Raven steps into frame alongside Billy Kidman, who scratches the side of his neck while keeping his eyes on the ground. Raven’s pushes a hand through his greasy, died blonde hair and cuts his black-painted eyes towards Kidman before speaking, still looking at his associate.
[ Raven ] Look up, Billy. Look up at the camera and let the world see your face. Let the world look deep into your eyes and see what they’ve done to you.
Kidman does as he’s told after scratching his neck again. His eyes are dark. Sullen. Sad. They are the eyes of a broken man.
[ Raven ] This man, Billy Kidman, had it all. This man might have made a princely sum of money to oversee others wrestling, but to finally take in the big paydays he forever sought, he traded the boots that got him to the desk. This man might have married the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever laid eyes on –
[ Shane Douglas ] HELL YEAH, TORRIE’S AN ABSO-FUCKIN’-LUTE PEACH!
Kidman winces and cuts his eyes at the ground before catching a glimpse of Raven and looking back into the barrel of the camera.
[ Raven ] – but in earning her love, he set himself up to lose himself. To lose his freedom of choice! To hack his bawls off and leave them laying in some stupid, leather Fendi purse!!
That stings. Kidman’s eyes fall back to the ground, but Raven doesn’t mind. The Master Manipulator’s eyes are bouncing back and forth from the camera to Douglas as he storms on.
[ Raven ] This man! Billy Kidman, he might have been one of the hottest young wrestlers, a can’t-miss prospect, a STAR! A damn STAR in the making! But in order to make his money, in order to finally shoot across the sky like the star he is, he’d have to play some garbage gimmick. He’d have to gain 50 pounds of muscle! He’d have to be everything he isn’t! And what happens to the young man? He grows old. Like me. Like you, Franchise.
[ Shane Douglas ] I AIN’T OLD, RAVEN! MY COCK’S STILL PUMPIN’ HARDER AND STRONGER THAN EVER, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Raven ignores Franchise and rolls on.
[ Raven ] Billy, the world watched you have your entire life laid out before you in a simple, linear path…and then the world erased parts of the line. They ripped parts of the page out. They colored over the lines until you could hardly see the graphite beneath the layers of wax and ink…and somehow, YOU’RE to blame?! Somehow, the guy who gives…and gives…and GIVES – is in the wrong? You call your old pal Raven…and ask to be happy again. Just like you used to feel. Magically, I appear like Rumpelstiltskin and take all your Earthly cares away and we’re the villians! We’re the bad guys? I call bullshit on that.
[ Shane Douglas ] AHAHAHAHAHA! BULLSHIT, HE CALLS!
[ Raven ] I think this world turned it’s back on Billy Kidman. I think this world wanted nothing to do with Billy until they could point and laugh or criticize, but now we’re taking that option from them. Regardless of what any of the sheep watching think, the birds keep flying. A murder of crows pay no mind to what the ants crawling on the ground think. And on that, note, Franchise, I would like to offi—
Before Raven can finish his thought, his eyes cut from Franchise’s open-mouth grin to an approaching individual from the opposite side of Douglas’ make-shift stage.
[ Matt Sydal ] Namaste, friends.
“Reborn” Matt Sydal approaches the three men, bowing to them before standing upright again. He looks at Douglas, then to Raven before finally attempting to make eye contact with Kidman, whose gaze is focused on the ground and whose mind is as far from the Staples Center as could possibly be.
[ Matt Sydal ] I pray that I’m not interrupting anything here, but I did want to take a moment to reflect on what you’ve said just now, brother.
Douglas, who seems personally offended that Sydal is speaking calmly and not shouting in riddles or swears extensively, glares at the Reborn grappler, whose own eyes are locked firmly past Raven and on Kidman.
[ Matt Sydal ] I realize, Billy, that times have not been kind to you in recent hours. However, I want you to know that I admire the royalty within you. Your energy remains!
Douglas is incredulous behind Sydal.
[ Shane Douglas ] WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL IS THIS REBORN SON OF A BITCH TALKIN’ ABOUT?
[ Matt Sydal ] The road you’re on is a dangerous one; I know! I’ve walked that road, brother. I, too, felt beyond the reach of the crowd’s cheers. I felt like drugs might return the feeling. I felt like speed might give me that high! But it doesn’t. Billy?
Kidman’s eyes rise, hardly meeting Sydal’s. Raven strokes his chin as Sydal speaks. Franchise shakes statically with nervous energy…or cocaine?
[ Matt Sydal ] You inspired a generation of high-fliers. You inspired me to be the man and the performer I am today. I have to tell you; I found my peace. I found my tranquility. I found the stillness I was searching for and Billy – I am ‘Reborn!’ A clear mind is a powerful weapon, Billy, and Raven –
Sydal’s tone shifts to one with a bit more venom as Kidman’s eyes slump back to the ground. Kidman scratches his neck nervously as Franchise’s Cheshire Cat grin re-emerges in the face of drama at his interview area.
[ Matt Sydal ] RAVEN is clouding your mind with doubt! He’s using your misfortune against you. I can help you see clearly. Like a bright, beautiful sun in the big, blue sky, Billy. I wish you would hear me, and I hope you will let me help you, brother. Namas—
[ Raven ] And they say I prattle on...
Sydal isn’t impressed with Raven’s snark, looking past him to Billy Kidman. Raven continues, undisturbed, cutting Sydal off at greater volume.
[ Raven ] I don’t have time to listen to your Kumbaya rambling, Matthew. I have to focus on taking Billy Kidman to all the dizzying heights he’s not seen in years…if ever Billy finds himself in need of your new-age, psychobabble bullshit – I’ll send him to you, Matty. We’ll be looking through glasses whose lenses are a BIT clearer.
Raven turns sharply and escorts Kidman from the scene by his shoulder as the shot tightens to Franchise and Sydal, whose face is written with what SHOULD be disappointment, but registers as strangely content.
[ Matt Sydal ] I can reach Billy, Shane! He’s not too far down this path, now. I can reach him, and he can be Reborn! But…Raven’s mind is so warped, so clouded…his years of darkness might make it difficult…but even he can be Reborn. Just like me! This clarity that I’ve found, Shane…it’s something truly special.
[ Shane Douglas ] LET THE FRANCHISE GET THIS FUCKIN’ STRAIGHT – YOU FOUND PORNO OR NEW DRUGS OR RETAIL SALES, OR SOMETHIN’? FRANCHISE AIN’T FOLLOWIN’!
Sydal beams at Franchise, who is clearly not on the same page as he and opens his mouth to speak before he’s cut off from off-screen.
[ ? ? ? ] Who cares what he found?
The camera cuts back, expecting Raven or Kidman, but instead gets Luke Harper. Harper slowly saunters into the frame and goes nose-to-stomach with Sydal. Douglas is practically orgasmic; his toothy grin could power a nuclear plant with its sheer glow as he senses that brutality may be nearing.
[ Matt Sydal ] Namaste, Luke. It’s nice to see you again, brot—
[ Luke Harper ] Just shut the hell up. I’m sick of it.
Franchise is sweating bullets and edges between the two men ever-so-slightly.
[ Shane Douglas ] YOU’LL HAVE TO FORGIVE THE FUCKIN’ FRANCHISE FOR NOT FOLLOWING THIS TRAIN WRECK OF A SEGMENT, BUT WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU SICK OF, LUKE HARPER, YOU TALL-ASS SON OF A BITCH?
Not missing a beat, Harper answers, still glaring down at Sydal.
[ Luke Harper ] I know his type…Sydal’s. He’s no better than Raven. No better than the cultists and zealots and whitewashers of the world. They’re all the same. They all spout their stupid little rhetoric until you knock their dicks in the dirt and all of a sudden… nobody has anything to say. I think it’s funny.
Harper takes a long drag from a cigarette and exhales on Sydal’s face. Douglas is shook; where the hell did that cigarette even come from?!
[ Luke Harper ] You want to criticize Raven…and look down on Kidman? The help you offer Kidman is no better than the help Raven sells him to shoot up with. Your broken, miserable existence is the same as Raven’s – your coat of paint is just newer. Sleeker. The wood underneath…is just as rotten.
From his other hand, Harper takes a huge drink from a brown-bag special. Seriously, where the hell is he materializing these vices from?
[ Luke Harper ] Don’t stand here and spread your bullshit, Sydal. The world sees through you. The world sees through it all. This world loves casting us out…this world gives nothing. It’s…sadistic. The pain it causes is for its own amusement – hell…we’re chewed up and spat out without a second thought. You know that better than anybody, Sydal. So stop lying…because the world isn’t bright and shining and reborn, like you’re saying it is. This world is sadistic…and it’s going to get you again.
Harper pushes past Sydal and continues walking down his path in this very busy corridor of the Staples Center. Douglas turns his face to Sydal and points his microphone in his direction, seeking a resolution to this strange series of interviews.
[ Matt Sydal ] …so many lost souls, Shane. It really hurts me to know that so many turn from the rebir—AHWH!
HARPER’S ENORMOUS FOOT LEADS HIS HUGE LEG BACK INTO FRAME AS HE ABSOLUTELY WRECKS SYDAL WITH A RUNNING YAKUZA KICK! Douglas jumps sideways to avoid impact and immediately begins cackling like a madman as Harper looms ominously over Sydal, who’s crumpled like a fallen streamer on the concrete.
[ Shane Douglas ] HOLY FUCK! NOW THAT’S HOW WE END THIS SUNNAVABITCH, YOU BIG, BEARDED OVERPASS DWELLER!
Harper ignores this comment. He’s heard plenty of talk over his life and it never did him any favors. His ice cold glare fills the screen, looking past the camera to Sydal, now being attended to on the floor as we fade away.
As we fade from the violent and puzzling conclusion to Franchise’s quest for a scoop we’ve just seen backstage, we return to the faces of our announce team. Tony’s grim frown reflects Nigel’s stern, flat expression and then two are facing one another to discuss what’s just happened. Scott Steiner has a baffled look on his face beside them, working through something in his head.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Lots to unpack, there, Tony, but we should start by saying that Luke Harper just kicked Matt Sydal’s face into the fifteenth row!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Fans, we should say that we are not at all advocates of Billy Kidman’s…erm…choice of recreation. Nor can Solid Gold Wrestling advocate for Raven’s brand of madness – and, well, for that matter, Luke Harper’s cigarette smoking or alcohol drinking! This is a family show, right, Nige?
Nigel shakes his head ‘no’ slowly as Steiner looks up, still confused but with a twinge of frustration.
[ Scott Steiner ] …was that…damn Raven??
[ Tony Schiavone ] Yes, Scott, is sure is. He’s a known associate of Billy Kidman!
[ Scott Steiner ] <surprised> That little punk Kidman’s here, too? I ain’t seen him all day! I’s ‘pecially hadn’t remembered seein’ that sexy piecea’ss Torrie Wilson around neither!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Yeah, I wouldn’t hold your breath on that one, Scott…
[ Scott Steiner ] I’ll hold my breath all I damn well please, asshole! Now seriously, where the hell’s that little shit Kidman?? I’m pretty sure he owes me $20…
[ Tony Schiavone ] He was just on screen, Scott. Dark haired man speaking to Raven and Shane? Torn t-shirt? The…erm…itch on his neck?
[ Scott Steiner ] WAIT! You mean that druggie bastard with the old-ass face is KIDMAN?! <laughs uproariously>
The announce table is uncomfortably silent for a moment, save for Steiner’s belly-laughing.
[ Scott Steiner ] …aw, hell. God’s up in the heavens flexin’ his 98” pythons and laughin’ at what he did to that loser Kidman! Just like BIG POPPA PUMP down here on Earth, laughin’ my ass off at that loser Kidman! <laughs again, sighing loudly> Didja know I’ve got the biggest damn arms on Earth?
Before Steiner can get much further down his rabbit hole, “The Gilded Warrior” plays loudly through the speaker system and the Staples Center gives a predominantly negative reaction for a man who’s already made his presence known tonight in a despicable way. Before long, a single golden spotlight falls upon the entrance curtain and from it emerges a man clad practically from head-to-toe in gold. A long, glimmer gold and white robe covers the well-tanned, well-maintained body of Nicholas Aldis, a gentleman who refers to himself as “the National Treasure.” Of course, it would be remiss not to mention that carried on his forearm in the classic method of ole is the National Wrestling Alliance Heavyweight Championship. The classic championship, finally enjoying a moment in the greatest spotlight in professional wrestling, Solid Gold Wrestling – and being held by a man who truly considers it the greatest achievement in the entire wrestling business.
Aldis pauses midway down the ramp and lifts the championship belt to look at it before turning his expression to the Staples Center – it’s an enormous grin. This man is beyond proud of himself for rejuvenating the NWA and making the Ten Pounds of Gold he’s carrying relevant once more. Aldis calmly steps up the ring stairs and onto the apron, where he wipes the bottom of his boots, showing respect for the canvas he and so many other master champions have painted on. Aldis encourages Senior Official Mike Chioda to open the ropes for him and Chioda obliges, not trying to fight against one of his competitors before the match even begins. Aldis removes his ring robe slowly and takes the championship, holding it up proudly in center ring as the house lights return and the audience begins to stir impatiently.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] So the question becomes, gentlemen, is John Cena going to be able to overcome Nicholas Aldis’ scientific approach to the game after being attacked earlier tonight by “the Viper” Randy Orton?
[ Tony Schiavone ] Come on, Nigel – you know John Cena ‘Never Gives Up!’
After a moment or two of silence over the PA, Chioda and Justin Roberts begin discussing amongst themselves as the fans chant “Cena! Cena! Cena!” over and over while Aldis simply smiles at the audience and continues gripping the NWA World Championship to his chest proudly. The Staples Center continue to roar for Cena, encouraging him to the ring by any means necessary – but alas, thus far, no dice. Aldis strolls over to Chioda and begins smiling even more broadly, somehow exuding a new level of arrogance as he listened intently to the Senior Official’s conversation with Roberts. As Roberts’ eyebrows furrowed, he reluctantly began to walk from the ring, but Aldis grabs him by the sportscoat and pulls him in tightly!
Chioda immediately reprimands Aldis, but the National Treasure calmly says a few words outside the breadth of the ring or camera microphones. The Senior Official swallows and bows his head before instructing Roberts to speak.
[ Justin Roberts ] Ladies and Gentlemen, Senior Official Mike Chioda has informed me that John Cena has been sequestered to a nearby medical facility following a backstage attack earlier in the evening.
Immediate, harsh boos.
[ Justin Roberts ] As a result, this match shall be awarded to Nicholas Aldis…by means of countout.
The boos intensify as Chioda calls for the bell, a shrill reminder of how far Nick Aldis is taking this sham of a contest. The Senior Official’s steady, loud count echoes out across the arena as Aldis’ grin grows impossibly wider.
[ Tony Schiavone ] Now THIS is a new low from Nicholas Aldis, fans! He’s demanding a win by countout when he knows full well John Cena is unable to compete?!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Tony, when you’re a winner, you’re a winner, and Nick Aldis wants that to be known across Solid Gold Wrestling. If John Cena believes himself Superman, let’s see him fly in and save the day!
Tony sulks at the table as Chioda’s count reaches ’10!’ and the ‘contest’ is called for Nick Aldis.
WINNER - Nick Aldis via Count Out in 00:10
[ Tony Schiavone ] Absolutely ridiculous, fans!
Aldis promptly demands the NWA World Heavyweight Championship and lifts it high into the air, victoriously as boos rain down from all levels of the Staples Center. Aldis could care less; his enormous smile’s shine is only matched by the bright lights’ glow off his preciously-held Ten Pounds of Gold.
Backstage, in a hallway adjacent to the locker
room area, we see MJF strutting without a care in the world. That
is, until he’s blindsided and slung up against a wall.. By DREW
GALLOWAY! MJF’s eyeballs are as big as saucers as he tries squirming
free to no success.
As Maxwell Jacob Friedman’s visage, eyes still wide as saucers and shit-eating grin seemingly tattooed to his face, fades out, we’re treated to another shot of our commentary team at ringside. Tony Schiavone looks bemused while Scott Steiner is grinning broadly.
[ Tony Schiavone ] My word, fans, that wa—
[ Scott Steiner ] NOW THAT’S WHAT THE HELL I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT! BIG SCOT GETTIN’ TA THE BOTTOM OF THE ISSUE AND CHOKIN’ THA LIFE OUTTA WHOEVER GETS IN HIS WAY!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Yes, you’re right Scott. What a cra—
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Maxwell Jacob Friedman is thinking one step ahead, it looks to me! Even if Galloway wanted to question his motives, MJF had the answer ready! These two men COULD BE a dynamite union of talent if Drew Galloway so chooses!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Right you are, Nige! It was a crazy situa—
[ Scott Steiner ] That scarf-wearin’ Morgan Freeman better be sure BIG SCOT wansta be on his sides – cuz if he ain’t, I don’t think Big Scot’s gonna mind snappin’ his neck in two next time he gets the chance!
As Steiner finishes, the frustration is clear on Schiavone’s face. McGuinness looks over, expecting Tony to resume his sentence for the fourth time.
[ Tony Schiavone ] …I don’t even want to try anymo—
[ Scott Steiner ] Aw, just shut the hell up, Schiavone!
Tony puts his face in his hands as “Omen in the Sky” blares over the speakers, lighting up the Staples Center for the tenth match of the evening – one which will determine the second team in our Solid Gold Wrestling Tag Team Championship contest later this month. From beyond the curtain emerges a pair of “Good Brothers,” Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson – the Club. Gallows’ eyes are wide, looking crazy with his painted face around the Staples center as Anderson talks mad smack in the camera, which follows him down the ramp: “I don’t care if they’re Golden, Silver, Platinum, T-1000s, whatever!” Anderson screams. “They’re goin’ under tonight and we’re headed for the pay winda’!” Gallows glared down the barrel of the camera as he passes, smirking and shaking his head back and forth as the pair enter the ring confidently.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] I realize their opponents have a…strange…connection, but these two men, Anderson and Gallows, are BROTHERS! They are one of the most incredible tag team combinations of our generation, and gentlemen? The Good Brothers are representing one of the most prestigious and dangerous units in the professional wrestling world – THE CLUB! I do not see a situation where these two men are not wrestling for the Solid Gold Wrestling Tag Team Championship later this month!
Yonosuke Kitamura’s “Golden Lovers Theme” begins to play as Nigel finishes his thought, signaling the arrival of the Club’s opponents for the evening, the eponymous Golden Lovers. As the energy in the room rises, fans begin shaking their GL scarves and signs to the beat of the music until finally, the Lovers emerge onto the stage. The reception from the LA faithful is exceptional, as they roar magnificently for Kenny Omega and Kota Ibushi, who hold hands to the end of the stage and then stand solemnly, posing faced toward the ring. The Lovers calmly begin their pace to the ring and clap the outstretched hands of the front row patrons, who are beyond eager to see what the two teams would do in the ring with a shot to make history on the line.
[ Tony Schiavone ] The Golden Lovers, Nigel, are a tandem truly unlike any other in the world today. While I appreciate and respect the contributions and the accomplishments of the Club, Kota Ibushi and Kenny Omega are EACH in the conversation for most athletic pro wrestler! They’re EACH in the conversation for most popular professional wrestler, for most charismatic professional wrestler! Each man can strike with the absolutely best in the business! Each man has a move-list longer than some video game characters – who they are probably inspired by, anyway! While I admire your candor in making such a bold pick, Nigel – I’ll call you! And I’ll take the Golden Lovers as my choice here tonight!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] I can’t argue with you, Tony – we’ll have to wait and see to be sure! Scott, any thoughts?
Steiner does not respond; it is assumed he is crudely sketching photos of himself making disgusting love to Tessa Blanchard. From one love to another, Omega and Ibushi embrace in center ring before pointing finger-guns to the hard-camera and screaming out, further building the already raucous energy in the Staples Center to a boiling point.
Kenny Omega elects to start the match for his team against Karl Anderson of the Club, who are doing their very best to squash any momentum the Golden Lovers could be building based on the crowd response. Omega meets Anderson in center-ring for a collar-and-elbow tie-up and the two jockey around the ring, looking to position themselves for success. Anderson appears to get the upper hand, putting Omega down to a knee, but Kenny powers back and spins into the hold, keeping Anderson in a textbook hammerlock before transitioning to a side headlock. Karl Anderson has seen a side headlock a time or two, though, and forces Kenny to the ropes and shoots him off – but doesn’t! Omega’s grip is too strong for this trick and he wrenches even harder on his headlock as Los Angeles voices their support for the Best Bout Machine’s panache.
[ Tony Schiavone ] Omega maintains the control here in the early-going, Nigel! They don’t call him the Best Bout Machine for nothing!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] It’s literally been two minutes, Tony! Karl Anderson and the Club aren’t done just yet!
Omega certainly seems confident as he Tiger Spins around Anderson and lifts him from a waist lock before spinning and rising to his feet with a finger to the sky and a peace sign! Anderson smacks the canvas grumpily before standing and shoving Omega toward the Lovers’ corner. “Come on and fight me!” Anderson snarls as Kenny runs in, ducking a clothesline and cinching on another waist lock before lifting Karl off his feet and planting him again! Anderson is livid, smacking the ring mat again before rising and slapping Omega to a big pop from the crowd!
Anderson grinned evilly as Omega grimaced, gripping his sore cheek, then darted across the ring to his Club-member opponent and grabbed another waist lock! The “Machine Gun” expected the hold, though, and drove Omega backwards into the Club corner, where Luke Gallows reached over and took a blind tag from Anderson. Before leaving the ring, Anderson scored with a back elbow to Omega’s shoulder while he is still trapped in the corner. Gallows lumbers into the ring, far and away the largest man in the match, and chops Omega across the pectoral region twice, sending THWAPP noises across the Staples Center. Gallows makes the best of his stunned opponent with a huge foot to his throat, choking the life from Omega as he reaches out wildly across the hypotenuse of the ring for Ibushi.
Gallows eventually removes his foot as referee Rick Knox reaches a count of four on the disqualification check, allowing Omega to fall to the mat like a sack of potatoes. Gallows raises his hands, already celebrating some sort of moral victory which came from choking his opponent, but turns into a rising shot to the bread basket from Omega! The Best Bout Machine is fighting back to the best of his ability and strikes! Gallows is shaken from the shot but recovers enough to pull Omega back into the center of the ring by his belt – but Omega is alive and fires a big palm strike! And an uppercut! And a solebutt! Anderson rushes into the ring from the apron and is cut off by Ibushi, who meets him at center ring with a running high kick!
“The Machine Gun” is nearly out on his feet, eyes glazed and Ibushi tosses him from the ring. Meanwhile, Omega kicks Gallows in the face as he’s bent over and casts him to the floor as well. While the Club begin to recover on the floor, Ibushi runs across the ring and springs up and across the ropes before backflipping to the floor and taking out both opponents with the Golden Triangle Moonsault!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] IBUSHI WITH AN AMAZING DIVE!
Even Scott Steiner peeks away from his drawing to grunt, impressed, as Omega goes to a knee in center ring, the fans stomping, clapping and smacking out the beat of the Terminator theme – as they reach a crescendo, Omega rises and darts off the far ropes before soaring beautifully out of the ring with a tope con hilo – the Rise of the Terminator!!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] AND OMEGA FOLLOWS SUIT!!
Los Angeles is roaring to celebrate the successful dive as Omega pitches Gallows back into the ring and picks up a two count for good measure. The Cleaner is still feeling the vibe from Los Angeles following the Lovers’ successive successful dives and forces Gallows up to a knee and fires a finger gun at his head before running off the ropes, he’s looking for the V-Trigger! – but Gallows is up and pushes him past, into the opposite ropes and lifts him on rebound into a body slam – but Omega wriggles around and to his own corner – Ibushi takes the blind tag! – and Omega settles on the middle ropes, pushing Gallows off him before diving with a flying forearm strike! Ibushi is in to follow and begins chopping down the huge redwood of a man with stiff kicks to the thighs, repeatedly blistering Gallows’ legs with his registered weapons masquerading as feet. Gallows reaches out and pops Ibushi in the jaw with an open hand, hoping to stun the Golden Star – but it only serves to encourage Ibushi to fire harder and faster! Kota begins bouncing back and forth from one foot to the next, spinning and staggering Gallows across the ring and towards his own corner! Karl Anderson doesn’t wait for a tag and steps into the ring illegally, running towards Ibushi – but the Golden Star sweeps his legs and sends him to the mat in a clump! Gallows runs toward Ibushi, but he dropsaults the charging Tex Ferguson and completes the moonsault onto Chad 2 Badd to pop the Staples Center! One! Two! NO! Anderson kicks out!
[ Tony Schiavone ] What incredible athleticism from Kota Ibushi! This Star is Golden and burning like a supernova!!
Gallows recovers in time to meet Ibushi with a charging lariat attempt, but Ibushi is too quick and rolls ahead, under the strike – Gallows turns, and is met not by Ibushi, but Omega, who flies from the top rope with a diving V-Trigger! The Staples Center pops huge as Gallows falls backwards, seemingly unconscious and through the middle and top rope to the floor!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] MY WORD, WHAT A SHOT! It looks as if Luke Gallows is totally out of it!
Anderson crawls over on his hands and knees, shouting for his Good Brother to come around: “LUKE! DAMMIT, BROTHER, GET UP! AWW HELL, MAN!” As Anderson stumbles up, he’s greeted by an Ibushi Superkick, paving the way for Omega to fly through the air with a disgusting V-Trigger! Anderson is wobbly already! Omega lifts him and plants him with a sit-out powerbomb, leaving Ibushi wide-open for a standing star press! Ibushi lifts Anderson and chucks him to Omega, who lifts the Machine Gun in the Electric Chair Hold – before throwing him forward and hitting a German Suplex – the CROYT’S WRATH! Rather than keep the hold, he allows Anderson to continue rolling right into Ibushi’s waiting grasp! Ibushi quickly hoists Anderson up into a powerbomb position – AND LIFTS HIM! – Golden Star Powerbomb!! The Sit-Out Last Ride scores and Anderson is absolutely wrecked! Omega looks Ibushi in the eye and the pair know this is their time to strike! A double arm wringer and Anderson is WIDE OPEN! “GOLDEN TRIGGER!” the Lovers yell before tandem knee-striking the Machine Gun into absolute oblivion! ONE! TWO! THREE!
WINNERS - The Golden Lovers via Pin Fall in 15:59
[ Tony Schiavone ] GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! What an AMAZING – an ABSOLUTELY amazing Hell Sequence of maneuvers to demolish Karl Anderson and pick up the big victory!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Nothing whatsoever for Karl Anderson to be ashamed of – he just took maybe five or six of the Golden Lovers’ best shots and didn’t have a tag team partner to bail him out – that’s a very gutsy performance even in loss!
[ Tony Schiavone ] You’re right, Nige – and this means that the Golden Lovers are going to compete for the Solid Gold Wrestling Tag Tea—oh, hey, what!? What’s this, now?!
As The Club are being attended to by ringside personnel and the Golden Lovers celebrate their huge victory in center-ring, a familiar tune plays across the speakers!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] VERY INTERESTING, TONY! These two teams are on a collision course for Seattle, Washington – and it looks like Promociones Dorado are going to make sure that Omega and Ibushi know exactly who they’re facing later this month.
Promociones Dorado and Salina de la Renta step calmly into the ring and stride up to center-ring, taking care to be only feet apart from the Lovers, who are not intimidated and return the competitive trash-talk going on in the squared circle. Los Angeles is cheering wildly, chanting ‘GOLDEN LOVERS!’ and ‘DO-RAH-DOH’ successively, in competition with one another. As LA Park squared up to Ibushi, Hijo del LA Park and Omega began jaw-jacking back and forth – when the lights went out in LA!
[ Scott Steiner ] AWW DAMMIT! TURN THE DAMN LIGHTS ON, YOU SONSABITCHES! I WASUN’T FINNISHED!
[ Tony Schiavone ] What in the world NOW?!
As the lights come back in the arena, the Golden Lovers and Promociones Dorado remained in their position, fists cocked for a fight, but the Staples Center is erupting at what’s before them…
…and what they heard.
[ Dario Cueto ] Well, well, well. What do we have here, hmm?
The Lovers and Los Parks snap their attention to Cueto, who’s standing off to the side of the two teams with a burgundy suit and black Oxford shirt, smiling broadly. As they do, they’re left wide-open to simultaneous springboard attacks from Jack Evans, who double-dropkicked Los Parks into the Golden Lovers, whom Angelico sent tumbling ahead with a Tornillo! Salina de la Renta quickly vacates the ring, looking on with anger in eyes as the scene unfolds in front of her!
[ Dario Cueto ] <Laughs vigorously> What a crash! Scarlett, did you see that, my dear?
From the corner beside Dario, Scarlett Bourdeaux steps through the center of the ring, not minding the four mens’ bodies in her path in the slightest; as a matter of fact, she took care to legitimately step on each of them on her way to the hard camera side of the ring and blow a kiss over the top rope toward the audience at home. Hijo del LA Park begins clawing at Angelico’s boot, trying to rise up off the mat, but Evans runs up and stomps his hand off his partner’s leg, cackling like a madman the entire time.
[ Jack Evans ] BITCH, WHO IS YOUUUU?! Touching MY man Angelico?! Don’t you NEVER!
Angelico doubles over laughing at Jack’s goofiness as Dario beams towards his Hybrid 2 pair.
[ Dario Cueto ] Hello, my believers! As you see here, Dario Cueto has assembled the finest assortment of talent in Solid Gold Wrestling and the WORLD! No more toiling away in the underground, right?! Who better than “EL JEFE” to bring the Los Ingobernábles name to the forefront of the wrestling world, huh? Who better than a Boss to recognize when certain individuals…
Dario looks across the ring to his left, where one individual in particular is reclined against the turnbuckle pads, eyes closed, mouth slightly agape. “El Jéfe” smirks and shakes his head before continuing.
[ Dario Cueto ] …certain individuals are simply…Ungovernable, yeah? And that brings me to this Solid Gold Wrestling Tak Team Shampionship contest…’chu see, Dario Cueto does not subscribe to the belief that patience buys opportunity – in fact…Dario Cueto believes that money, haha…MONEY buys opportunities! And…well, surprise, surprise, but Dario Cueto does not mind spending money to give Los Ingobernables every opportunity to prove ourselves as the dominant force in Solid Gold Wrestling!
[ Tony Schiavone ] What in the hell is he talking about?
[ Dario Cueto ] That’s right! I happen to know that a…particular member of the Shampionship Committee is…shall we say…open to listening to my offers, right? So…I made a few calls and…voíla! The Hybrid Two? They’re in the Shampionship Match at Momentum!
The fans offer a mixed reaction to Los, and the Hybrid 2 in particular. Evans, is, according to many fans, a “nearly insufferable douchebag” and Angelico is, again, according to certain fans, perhaps the “cockiest man on the SGW roster.” Despite this, they are immensely talented fliers.
[ Dario Cueto ] My beautiful, dangerous associate Scarlett shall soon be walking across the bodies in the Women’s division, most certainly en route to a Championship of her own, my friends! And…and I…must apologize for our friend, Mr. Naito….
The LA fans lose their minds at the mere mention of Tetsuya Naito, the de facto leader of Los Ingobernables who leans comfortably in the corner, completely uninterested in the tag team mugging going on before him or the thousands of cheering patrons surrounding him.
[ Dario Cueto ] As you all know…or maybe don’t…Mr. Naito…is…
Naito curiously opens one eye with his fingers and looks at Dario sideways to a massive pop from the Staples Center. The two stare at one another for a moment before Dario’s million dollar smile breaks any tension and Naito resumes his catnap.
[ Dario Cueto ] Ah ha, Mister Naito, you are one of a kind, cabrón. Truly one of a kind. Anyway – I understand Solid Gold Wrestling has a long line of Heavyweight Champions…each man bringing more prestige to this glorious accomplishment…and who better? Who better to be the first champion in the new era of Solid Gold Wrestling than Tetsuya Naito?! The STARDUST GENIUS?!
The fans roar out approval as Naito’s face remains perfectly still and unimpressed.
[ Dario Cueto ] And I must ensure you all know this, right? While we are Ingobernable…the rest of the world…well…they aren’t so lucky, huh? HAHA! Come, my friends – we’ll celebrate this momentous debut!
As Dario and Scarlett leave the ring first, Jack and Angelico flanking the pair and Naito very lacksidasically bringing up the rear with a huge smirk on his face, “This Time’s For Real” begins playing across the speakers, finally stirring Kenny Omega, Kota Ibushi, LA Park and Hijo del LA Park in the ring. As attendants see to their condition following the attack from Los Ingobernables, Dario Cueto turns back to the ring and beams at the destruction his group has caused – both physically and metaphorically – for Solid Gold Wrestling.
[ Tony Schiavone ] Fans, I cannot believe what’s just transpired here – Dario Cueto has bought Los Ingobernables’ Hybrid Two a spot in the SGW Tag Team Title match at Momentum!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] You’re damn right he did, Tony! Dario Cueto is a man of great wealth and even greater strategy – Los Ingobernables may be ungovernable but I think they are also looking awfully unstoppable in that three-way tag team match at Momentum.
[ Tony Schiavone ] Perhaps so, Nige! You know, really it’s going to be a battle of attriti—
[ Scott Steiner ] ENUFF ABOUT THIS CRAP! WHO REALLY GIVES A DAMN ABOUT THESE LOSERS?! ANYWAYS I FINISHED MY PORNO CARTOON IF Y’ALLS WANTS TA TAKE A LOOK AT IT.
Steiner shoves his drawing down the table at Nigel and Tony. Nigel puts his hand over his forehead and eyes, shaking his head as Tony squints his eyes towards the illustration and points a finger curiously.
[ Tony Schiavone ] …but why do you have three penises in this drawing, Scott?
"If you're feeling lonely today,
We fade up inside the brightly colored Firefly Funhouse and quickly find out that the crowd is completely muted. There's absolutely no sound at all as we focus on the big white door in the center of the room. We dwell there for an uncomfortably long time before the door slowly opens up and BRAY WYATT steps inside, wearing khakis, a blue button-up shirt, and a red sweater vest. An obviously canned round of applause and child-like cheers erupt from all around you and the grin stretched across Wyatt's face makes him seem all too pleased to hear it. He gently shuts the door behind him and addresses the camera directly.
[ Bray Wyatt ] Solid Gold Wrestling! Welcome to the Firefly Funhouse!
The children clap and cheer off-camera. Bray claps enthusiastically along with them.
[ Bray Wyatt ] Solid... Gold... Wrestling...
Bray smiles warmly and directs his eyes upward, staring off dreamily into the distance.
[ Bray Wyatt ] I missed you so much.
And then he looks right back into the camera... into your eyes.
[ Bray Wyatt ] ...did you miss me?
The camera distorts, like a VHS tape malfunctioning and for a split second... we don't see Wyatt. We see The Fiend and we see the Firefly Funhouse as a dark, blood splattered room with burned out windows and a shattered doorway that leads outside into... the void. We hear a garbled, gravelly voice speak over the chaos that's attacking our eyes.
"I aM tHe bEgiNnInG"
And then its gone and we're staring right back into the eyes of harmless, smiling Bray Wyatt. He claps his hands in front of him and shrugs, forced to squint because his smile is just so large. There's another brief distortion and we see The Fiend's mask begin to take form over Bray's face before the video corrects itself.
"i aM thE eNd"
He chuckles and points at the camera, wagging his finger.
[ Bray Wyatt ] I know what you're thinking... Bray, you weren't in the old SGW!
He throws his hands out to the side and laughs, his eyes wide.
[ Bray Wyatt ] How could we possibly miss you?
There's another crack in the footage but this time, we don't see The Fiend, we only see Bray Wyatt and he's not smiling anymore. He stares into your eyes hypnotically, stone faced, absolutely no emotion to be found. He speaks and his voice is monotone.
[ Bray Wyatt ] I've always been here.
There's a gasp, like wind rushing into the room and the footage cuts again, returning us to happy fun time Bray with his happy fun time smile. Wyatt acts as though all of the weird stuff we've just witnessed never happened at all. He's upbeat and practically jumping in place.
[ Bray Wyatt ] Well, I guess I've been such an admirer of SGW for so long... I just feel like part of the family!
He raises an index finger in the air like he just thought of something.
[ Bray Wyatt ] And speaking of family, I've met some wonderful new friends since SGW let me in!
He acts as though a pain strikes him in the temple as he says "let me in." He places his hand on the side of his head and gives it a gentle shake. His smile wavers for a split second but he forces it to stay, blinking his eyes repeatedly and then looking back up at the camera, showing off his teeth. Suddenly, there's a rustling from off-camera and Bray whips his head in the direction of the noise. There's a cardboard box on the table and without warning, the top of the box opens up and Mercy the Buzzard pokes his head out and flops awkwardly over the side of the box before righting himself. Bray walks toward the table, ignoring his episode, and places his hands on his hips.
[ Bray Wyatt ] Hey, everybody! It's my friend, Mercy the Buzzard!
The children clap and cheer as Mercy lolls around in his box.
[ Mercy the Buzzard ] What was that you were sayin' about... new friends!?
[ Bray Wyatt ] I was just telling our friends at home that I've made so many new friends since--
[ Mercy the Buzzard ] No! No, no, no! You don't need new friends!
Bray tilts his head to the side, looking confused yet still amused.
[ Mercy the Buzzard ] You've got us! You've always got us! We're your family!
Suddenly, another voices echoes across the room.
[ Abby the Witch ] WHO KEEPS RAISING THEIR VOICE AND WAKING... ME... UP!?
The camera pans over to reveal Abby the Witch perched in the window. Bray stands bolt upright and covers his mouth, looking mock-horrified. With wide eyes, he shouts.
[ Bray Wyatt ] YOWIE WOWIE! MERCY WOKE UP ABBY THE WITCH!
[ Abby the Witch ] I'm disappointed in you two... I would've expected this out of the Rambling Rabbit--
[ Mercy the Buzzard ] I HATE THE RAMBLING RABBIT!
[ Bray Wyatt ] Say, that reminds me... where IS the Rambling Rabbit, guys?
There's an awkward silence for what feels like forever.
[ Abby the Witch ] How am I supposed to know?! I just want to be left alone!
[ Mercy the Buzzard ] I hope he's dead.
Bray looks into the camera like "oh, that Mercy" and the children laugh.
[ Bray Wyatt ] How about we alllllllll... LOOK for him! Come on, kids! Let's find the Rambling Rabbit!
Bray comically begins looking all around the room as a childish jingle plays over the scene. He lifts up a table cloth and finds nothing. He crawls around on all fours, looking everywhere for the Rabbit but he's nowhere to be found. As he continues scrounging around, he opens up the last cupboard and looks shocked to find... A grungy looking wolverine puppet ripping apart the remains of the Rambling Rabbit! Bray Wyatt covers his mouth and shakes his head before pointing at the hairy creature in the cupboard.
[ Bray Wyatt ] Look, kids! It's Benny the Wolverine!
He cups his mouth and looks into the camera, whispering as he tells us a secret.
[ Bray Wyatt ] I hear he's rabid!
He turns back to face Benny, who has a mouthful of cotton and the Rabbit's head in his paws.
[ Bray Wyatt ] Benny, what did you do to the Rambling Rabbit?!
Benny trembles with anger.
[ Benny the Wolverine ] HE WOULDN'T TAP OUT! SO I SCRANGLED HIM! GRRRRR!
Bray smiles and leans his elbow on the cupboard.
[ Bray Wyatt ] You know, Benny, I'm actually glad you did that.
[ Benny the Wolverine ] You... wait... you are?
[ Bray Wyatt ] Absolutely. Because you're showing everyone that it's okay to be yourself and to express yourself in any way that you want! Even if that way is by strangling the life out of the Rambling Rabbit with your bare hands!
[ Benny the Wolverine ] Does winning the SGW Hardcore Championship three whole times count as expressing myself?
[ Bray Wyatt ] Of course it does, buddy!
There's an awkward pause as Benny just stares at the side of Wyatt's head while he looks into the camera. The Rambling Rabbit's head falls from Benny's paws and rolls onto the floor.
[ Benny the Wolverine ] I killed Nancy and Daniel, too. Does... does that count?
Bray raises an eyebrow and, still smiling, simply closes the cupboard without saying another word. Despite being cut off from the rest of the room, we can still hear Benny the Wolverine scratching the inside of the cupboard door and growling.
[ Benny the Wolverine ] Prove me wrong! Prove... me... wrong!
And then we hear another phrase shouted from the other side of the room. A phrase we haven't heard in a long, long time.
The children begin hooting and hollering, clapping along, and Bray Wyatt whips his head in the direction of the sound with his mouth hanging open in surprise. He walks across the room, abandoning the domain of Benny the Wolverine. As Bray reaches the source of the noise, our eyes are treated to the image of Mercy the Buzzard being choked out by a burned up, smoldering puppet representation of SGW legend Taz! Bray waves his hand gently in front of his nose as if he smells something terrible. The Taz puppet has seen better days, clearly having survived an explosion and being cobbled back together with what looks like a collection of clothespins, duct tape, and bubble gum. Despite the disgusting smell and the ruthless assault on Mercy, Bray smiles and points at the orange monster.
[ Bray Wyatt ] YOWIE WOWIE, EVERYBODY! IT'S RED HOOK PETEY!
The puppet releases Mercy and slowly turns its head to look at Bray. Despite being a soulless, emotionless puppet, you can feel the intensity wafting off of Red Hook Petey as he glares at Bray Wyatt.
[ Red Hook Petey ] What did you'se call me?
[ Red Hook Petey ] WHAT... DA FUCK... DID YOU'SE JUS' CALL ME, MUH-FUCKA!?
Bray looks genuinely troubled as he strokes his chin.
[ Bray Wyatt ] Now, now, Petey. We don't use language like that in the Firefly Funhouse!
Petey looks into the camera awkwardly and then back at Bray.
[ Red Hook Petey ] Oh yeah? How 'bouts language like dis?
[ Red Hook Petey ] Fuck you, muh-fucka'! I'm TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! DA' HOOMAN SUPLEZ MACHINE!
Bray looks into the camera, a dead serious look on his face. He crouches down off-camera and when he raises back up, he's wearing black gloves that says "HURT" on one hand and "HEAL" on the other. Bray wrings his hands together before reaching into his pocket and revealing a small silver detonator with a red button on it. The footage glitches and Bray clutches the detonator in his "HURT" glove. He caresses the side of his own face with the "HEAL" glove as the footage continues to warp and bend, distorting what we're seeing beyond comprehension. We hear the growling, guttural voice again.
Bray is smiling again, still gripping the detonator.
[ Bray Wyatt ] Say goodbye to Red Hook Petey, everybody!
Petey's head tilts to the side.
[ Red Hook Petey ] Huh? Where am I goin', huh!? I AIN' GOIN' NOWHERE! I'M TAZ--
Bray pushes the button and Red Hook Petey literally explodes, sending orange body parts and cotton in every direction. The camera slowly zooms in on the puppet's head lying just outside Mercy's box. Mercy lolls around lazily in his box, admiring the pieces of Petey all around him. As the camera fixates on Petey's head, we hear his last words escaping his gaping puppet mouth.
[ Red Hook Petey ] ...smoke... smoke me if you'se can... get high...
[ Red Hook Petey ] ...if I let you.
And then he groans and makes no further sounds. Mercy shakes his head.
[ Mercy the Buzzard ] I didn't think he'd ever shut up!
Abby just stares straight forward with a huge, vacant eyes.
[ Abby the Witch ] This is really tasteless given the circumstances.
Without acknowledging either of them, Bray appears in the shot, smiling even bigger than before. However, before he can say or do anything else, there's a knock on the big white door! Bray looks surprised and turns to look directly into the camera.
[ Bray Wyatt ] Uh oh! I think that might be our special guests!
[ Mercy the Buzzard ] Special guests!? WHY!?
[ Abby the Witch ] Ugh... this is already running sooooo long!
Bray turns and opens the door... standing on the other side is SGW Championship Committee member and Hall of Famer, Chavo Guerrero in jeans with a black SGW polo shirt! He's clutching Pepe in his right hand and he looks absolutely mortified, having witnessed everything that's been going on. Chavo takes a step inside and just keeps his eyes locked on Bray.
[ Bray Wyatt ] Welcome to the Firefly Funhouse, Chavo!
The children cheer loudly, welcoming Chavo. Chavo looks uneasy.
[ Chavo Guerrero, Jr. ] Uh... hi, everybody.
He looks around the room, scratching the back of his neck nervously.
[ Chavo Guerrero, Jr. ] Look, I know I said I'd show up and sing a couple songs and let Pepe play with all these guys but... hey, man, I was watching from outside and this whole thing is just kind of... really weird, esse. You know what I'm sayin'? So, I think I'm just gonna go--
Suddenly, Chavo notices something out of the corner of his eye.
[ Chavo Guerrero, Jr. ] Hey, what the heck?!
And the camera quickly pans over to reveal, lurking in the corner of the Funhouse...
[ Chavo Guerrero, Jr. ] Former SGW World Champion, Gangrel!? What are you doing here, esse!?
Gangrel is chilling out, sitting in a big comfy blue chair with a goblet of blood and sunglasses. Gangrel smiles confidently and shrugs without a care in the world.
[ Gangrel ] I like puppets.
And then the camera swings back around to Chavo, looking extremely uncomfortable.
[ Chavo Guerrero, Jr. ] Yeah, brother... I better just go.
Chavo turns to walk back out of the Funhouse but Bray suddenly reaches out and snatches Pepe by the stick, holding Chavo in the place by the stick horse he's called his best friend for far longer than anyone ever expected him to. Chavo holds onto Pepe tightly, refusing to let go. There's a glitch in the footage and smiling Bray is replaced by serious Bray in the blink of an eye.
[ Bray Wyatt ] You don't just leave.
Chavo looks pissed.
[ Bray Wyatt ] Not like that, hombre.
We hear the garbled, growling voice again.
"YoU eXiSt bEcaUsE i aLLoW iT"
Chavo looks around, startled and loses his grip on Pepe, leaving it in the grasp of Bray Wyatt. Chavo looks at Pepe then at Wyatt and then at the door before making his choice and storming out the door with genuine fear in his eyes. Bray clutches the stick in both hands, the leather gloves screeching with friction as he grips it tighter and tighter. He stares down into the dead, black buttons that Pepe calls eyes.
[ Bray Wyatt ] You're one of us now, Pepe.
[ Mercy the Buzzard ] One of us.
[ Abby the Witch ] One of us.
And another jump in the footage gives us a brief glimpse of The Fiend holding onto Pepe in Bray Wyatt's place. The Fiend breathes heavily and holds up Pepe by the end of his stick so that he can stare the horse in the eyes himself.
"aNd yoU wiLL eNd... bEcaUsE i dEmAnd iT"
The footage straightens out and Bray cradles Pepe gently, smiling as he turns to the camera.
[ Bray Wyatt ] Well, that's all the time we have for today!
He raises one gloved hand, index finger raised.
[ Bray Wyatt ] But remember, my precious Fireflies...
He takes a deep breath, looking proudly into the camera.
[ Bray Wyatt ] I will always light the way.
His eyes narrow and darken.
[ Bray Wyatt ] All you have to do is...
He raises Pepe up to his own face, allowing him to stare into the camera along with him.
[ Bray Wyatt ] ...let me in.
The camera zooms in ominously but the tension is quickly broken as Bray begins waving frantically at the camera, sending us off and away from the Firefly Funhouse. The scene slowly fades to black and we head back to ringside.
The fans are still digesting what they just witnessed as we cut to ringside with another wide shot of the entranceway. Everyone turns their attention in that direction as the GoldenTron flashes to life and we hear a familiar, irritating theme...
The fans erupt in boos as Lacey Evans struts out onto the stage with her hands on her hips. She wastes no time pandering to the fans as she makes her way down to the ring in red and black gear with a matching hat and skirt. She keeps her nose high in the air as she reaches the ringside area and makes her way up the steps effortlessly. Evans looks down her nose at the booing fans as she glides across the apron, stops in the middle, and removes her skirt, flinging it to the side before covering her mouth with one black gloved hand as if to say "oh, did I just do that?"
[ Scott Steiner ] Nobody told me 'bout no strip tease! I woulda' brought some dollar bills!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] This is no strip tease, Scott! This is Lacey Evans, one of the most promising young talents in the business today! She's here to make an impact! To prove that she's more than a character, that she's more than a bloody act! She wants to prove that she belongs in the annals of professional wrestling history as one of THE best!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Well, she'll definitely have a chance to prove herself tonight... because when it comes proving whether or not you belong amongst the best, Solid Gold Wrestling has spared no expense on a measuring stick!
Evans steps through the ropes and enters the ring, removing her gloves and handing her hat to Paul Turner before taking her place in the corner and throwing her leg onto the top rope, stretching seductively before shouting at a fan in the front row who dared to look too closely. As Evans continues preparing for the match, her music cuts and the boos being thrown in her direction are left to stand on their own.
"THERE AIN'T NO STOPPIN' US NOW!"
The fans pop huge as Bayley emerges from the back in black and gold gear with a matching jacket. Bayley is wearing a huge, innocent smile as she stands on the stage and looks out in awe at the fans in attendance. As the cheers continue to get louder and louder, Bayley crouches down, waving her hands around, before rising back up and summoning the FLAILING TUBE MEN from beneath the stage!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Bayley is a pioneer of the women's wrestling revolution! It only makes sense that she would find her way here, to Solid Gold Wrestling!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Listen to these fans, fellas! Bayley is beloved all around the world... but she's got 'er work cut out for her tonight in the SASSY SOUTHERN BELLE, Lacey Evans! Not only is someone coming out of this match a star, they're coming out of this match as a talking point for the SGW Women's World Championship!
The tube men rock and roll, flailing erratically! Bayley leaps and high fives one of them before making her way down to the ring, high fiving and hugging several young fans along the way! Bayley climbs onto the apron and steps through the ropes. She goes from one side of the ring to the other, running into the ropes with her arms in the air, eliciting cheers from each side of the building! As Bayley hits the final side, she's smiling as she turns right around into the WOMAN'S RIGHT!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Good lord, what a punch!
[ Tony Schiavone ] That might be it! THAT MIGHT BE IT!
The fans begin raining nuclear heat down on Lacey Evans as Paul Turner calls for the bell!
Lacey Evans quickly covers Bayley and Paul Turner counts! One! Two! Thr-- Bayley got a foot on the rope! Lacey looks highly annoyed and Bayley quickly rolls under the bottom rope, shedding her entrance jacket and staggering into the guardrail, clearly still loopy from that knockout punch! Lacey follows Bayley out of the ring, grabs two handfuls of hair from behind and throws her under the bottom rope, back into the ring!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Lacey Evans is looking to make quick work of Bayley!
[ Scott Steiner ] That's the point, you Harry Potter soundin' geek! She's here for a good time, not a long time! Unlike me, Big Poppa Pump, who's known for a good time... and a long time! If you know what I mean!
Lacey follows her in and stalks her with wide eyes, sizing Bayley up, opening and closing her fist... Bayley crawls on all fours for a moment before finally returning to her feet with Lacey Evans behind her. Bayley slowly turns around and Lacey charges at her, going for a second WOMEN'S RIGHT but Bayley ducks the blow, catches Lacey around the waist, and nails her with a backdrop! Bayley gets up to her knees, shaking her fists! Bayley returns to her feet, still looking worse for wear, and begins stalking Evans with her arms outstretched! Evans looks more frustrated than hurt as she returns to her feet and turns right around into... THE BAYLEY TO BELLY! Evans manages to hang onto the rope rope, sandbagging Bayley and allowing her to elbow out of the hold! Bayley lets go and staggers out toward the middle of the ring... where Evans nails her with a SPEAR that turns her inside out!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Bayley is in trouble! Lacey Evans has controlled this entire match!
Lacey Evans wastes no time, grabbing an ankle and a wrist before dragging Bayley toward the corner. Evans climbs onto the middle rope, leaps onto the top, and nails Bayley with a PICTURE PERFECT MOONSAULT! Evans covers and hooks the leg! One! Two! Thr-- BAYLEY KICKS OUT!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] The heart of Bayley can't be denied, gentlemen!
[ Tony Schiavone ] She knows how important this match is! Not just for her future in SGW... but in professional wrestling history! I understand that Trish Stratus is going to make an announcement next week about the future of the SGW Women's Division... and Bayley wants to be a part of that conversation!
Evans immediately snatches Bayley up off the mat and brings her in for a piledriver but Bayley locks her legs and drops to one knee. Evans pummels Bayley across the back with brutal forearms before attempting to lift her up into a piledriver once again. Bayley locks her legs once more and raises up, sending Lacey flying with a high back body drop! Lacey lands on her ass with a surprised look on her face and quickly rises back to her feet just in time to get nailed with a running clothesline from Bayley! Lacey rolls right back to her feet and feeds right into a running big boot from Bayley! Once again, Lacey rolls back to her feet and feeds right into... A BIG BODY SLAM FROM BAYLEY!
[ Scott Steiner ] Who does this broad think she is?! HOGAN!?
[ Tony Schiavone ] It's... it's a body slam, Scott.
[ Scott Steiner ] I HATE HOGAN!
Bayley is firing up and the fans are going wild! Lacey Evans slowly returns to her feet, favoring her lower back, and she turns around to see Bayley advancing on her, ready for another BAYLEY TO BELLY but Lacey pulls Paul Turner between them! Bayley attempts to reach around Turner to get at Lacey but Lacey throws a WOMAN'S RIGHT over Turner's shoulder, nailing Bayley right in the face!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Right in the kissa'!
[ Tony Schiavone ] And down she goes! Goodness!
[ Scott Steiner ] Like a god damn sack of potatoes!
Bayley goes down in a heap and Lacey Evans falls on top of her, screaming at Paul Turner to count!
[ Tony Schiavone ] That's gotta be it!
One! Two! Three!
WINNER - Lacey Evans via Pin Fall in 6:11
Evans sits up on her knees next to the fallen Bayley and blows the hair out of her face, looking down at her angrily, perhaps because her victory didn't come as easily as she would have liked. In a huff, Lacey stands up and looms over Bayley as Paul Turner tries to revive her. Lacey suddenly takes a fighting stance, raising her hand in the air and clenching a mighty fist! With help from Turner, Bayley is almost on all fours and no one is the wiser that Lacey Evans is sizing her up for one more finishing blow!
[ Tony Schiavone ] You've gotta be kidding me! She's not finished!? She won the match!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] And now it's time to make a statement!
As Bayley slowly gets to one knee, Lacey prepares to go in for the kill... only to have SASHA BANKS slide into the ring out of nowhere to a huge pop! Banks stands between Bayley and Evans, inviting Evans to take a swing at her! Evans glares at Sasha with wide eyes before shaking her head with an arrogant smirk... and stepping through the ropes!
[ Tony Schiavone ] What a... what a coward!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Hey, now, Tony! That's a forma' United States marine ya' disrespectin' there!
[ Tony Schiavone ] She's disrespecting herself, Nigel! Stay and fight!
The fans boo loudly as Lacey backs up the ramp, smiling victoriously and looking satisfied with herself. She doesn't seem to have a care in the world as Sasha Banks continues talking trash, holding the ropes open and daring Evans to return to the ring! Behind Sasha, Paul Turner has finally helped Bayley back to her feet. Sasha finally turns around to check on her friend and Bayley gives her a giant hug! The fans are cheering loudly as the Boss 'n Hug Connection comes together in the middle of the ring!
[ Scott Steiner ] What's this shit!?
[ Nigel McGuinness ] This is what true friendship looks like, Scotty!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Reminds me of us, Nigel!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] No. No, it doesn't, Tony.
Lacey's upper lip curls in disgust as she witnesses this uncivilized behavior and turns around to walk through the curtain... only to find herself face to face with CHRISTINA VON EERIE! Before Evans can even react, Von Eerie begins throwing hands, forcing Evans to cover up before she begins firing live rounds of her own! Both women swing wildly, attempting to shut the other down as quickly as possible but neither woman gives an inch! Von Eerie leads Evans with a handful of hair, swinging away at the side of her head as Evans palms Von Eerie's face with one hand and slugs away at the side of her head as well!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Goodness gracious! This is only the first night and these two are going at it like hated rivals!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] This division is a clean slate, Tony! These women only have one chance to make a first impression and they're gonna make the most of it, no matter whose body they have to step over in orda' to do it! In time, many women will call themselves SGW Women's World Champion... only one will get to call herself... the first!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Just imagine how heated this is gonna get when the belt is actually on the line!
As both women vent their frustrations from their altercation earlier in the night, Steve Corino, Lance Storm, Little Guido, and D-Von Dudley hit the stage and forcefully separate them! Von Eerie still holds a handful of Lacey's hair as she's dragged away, shouting obscenities and threats in Lacey's direction! Evans looks outright appalled as D-Von Dudley throws her over his shoulder and carries her to the back! It's pure pandemonium as Bayley and Sasha Banks watch from the ring in wonder and we quickly cut to the back!
Well, restoring order at ringside continues to be commonplace during tonight’s show, and so we transition from ringside to somewhere in the backstage area. We find ourselves looking at a framed Solid Gold Wrestling logo hanging on the wall. The camera slowly pans down to reveal a clear shot of the brand new Solid Gold Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship resting on a podium beneath a glass case.
There's no one around... and then we begin to
hear a flute playing from off-camera. Despite being settled on the
championship belt for a moment now, the camera slightly shifts over
to reveal Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat resting on a black leather
couch in a black three piece suit and a pair of alligator cowboy
boots. The fans applaud loudly upon seeing the former owner of
League of Champions for the first time tonight. In his hands, he
holds a large wooden flute and he carefully blows into it, creating
a soothing tune. He cuts his eyes in the direction of the camera as
if he's noticing it for the first time and lowers the flute, giving
us a warm, almost fatherly smile.
Bret Hart nods and steps up, looking down
longingly at the championship he once called his own.
steps up next to the podium and gently pats it before reaching up to
wipe away a single tear.
Flair points into the camera, the large rings on his fingers glistening in the light.
[ Ric Flair
] And just like SGW has always done... the best way to move
toward the future... is to HONOR! THE! PAST! WOOOO! Hitman, here!
Hitman won a one-night tournament to become the first-ever champion!
And THAT... that's what we're gonna do, JACK!
Flair rubs his hands together anxiously. Hart nods along and speaks.
[ Ric Flair ] But that's not all... OH NO! You're probably wonderin' how we're gonna decide which twelve men get the honor of competing at 12 Large... whoa, boy, have we got a treat for all o' you! Wooo! Listen up! All the men that have won their matches tonight along with the upcoming main event... will automatically earn spots in the tournament!
[ Bret Hart ] Randy Orton, Sin Cara, Adam Cole, Tim Storm, Nick Aldis, Aleister Black... they're already in and now they're waiting to see who's gonna join them after this huge main event match.
[ Ricky Steamboat ] Now, I know what you're thinking... 12 Large is gonna be a huge event for the twelve men involved in the tournament... but what does that mean for the rest of the SGW roster? This is where Solid Gold Wrestling seeks to make history one more time... as for the first time in SGW history, we will be presenting a double shot weekend.
[ Ric Flair ] A DOUBLE! SHOT! WEEKEND! WOOOOOO!
[ Ricky Steamboat ] You heard us right, SGW fans... the night before 12 Large in Las Vegas... Solid Gold Wrestling will present Mile High Madness from Denver, Colorado on November 30th where we will see the crowning of the first ever SGW Women's World Champion... and one more huge surprise that we're... not quite ready to reveal yet.
[ Bret Hart
] Look for future installments of the SGW Gold Mine hosted by
Tony Schiavone and Cathy Kelley for more information in regards to
Mile High Madness and the identities of the twelve men who will have
the honor and privilege of competing for this prestigious
[ Ric Flair
] S... G... W! THE MAIN EVENT! COMIN' UP NEXT! WOOOOOOOOOO!
The fans are absolutely ELECTRIC following that history making announcement from members of the Championship Committee. We find ourselves back at ringside and the camera dwells silently on the entranceway. The fans are cheering and banging on the guardrail... absolutely jacked... ready for this much anticipated main event match!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna say it again...
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Don't.
[ Tony Schiavone ] This truly is...
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Come on, Tonyyyyyy! You're betta' than this!
[ Tony Schiavone ] ...the greatest night in the history of this sport!
[ Scott Steiner ] I DUNNO 'BOUT THIS BEIN' NO BEST NIGHT IN THE HISTORY OF THIS SPORT OR NOTHIN' 'CAUSE I DON'T THINK THIS COMPARES TO THE NIGHT WHEN I RETURNED TO MY HOTEL ROOM AFTER NITRO AND FOUND STACY KEIBLER AND MISS JONES WAITIN'... WAITIN' FOR THE BIG BAD... BOOTY DADDY! SULTRY AND MOIST, READY TO BE TAKEN... TO THAT PLACE THE FREAKS CALL... PLEASURETOWN! AND IT WAS ON THAT NIGHT, THAT STACY KEIBLER DECIDED TO LEAVE THAT LITTLE BOY, DAVID FLAIR, AND TAKE A RIDE ON A REAL MAN! A MAN THAT DON'T NEED BLUE CHEW LIKE OLD MAN RIC FLAIR OR LIMP, FLACCID LITTLE BRYAN DANIELSON WITH HIS GREEN LIFESTYLE AND HIS VEGAN LIFESTYLE AND HIS SOON TO BE DEAD LIFESTYLE IF HE EVER CROSSES PATHS WITH FREAKZILLA! I'M WAITIN' ON YOU, DANIELSON! AND I'M COMIN' FOR YOU!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] You realize you will literally neva' be cleared to wrestle Bryan Danielson, yeah?
[ Scott Steiner ] I don't need clearance. Look at these god damn arms. That's all the clearance I need!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Not only are we going to see a new SGW World Heavyweight Champion crowned on December 1st at 12 LARGE... but just one night before, we will have another huge night of Solid Gold Wrestling when our talent infiltrates Denver, Colorado for MILE HIGH MADNESS on November 30th!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Right you are, Tony! It's gonna be a double shot weekend! Two full nights of action which will conclude with one man standing tall as the new SGW World Heavyweight Champion... and it might be one of the men we're about to see in just a moment!
[ Scott Steiner ] It won't be Bryan Danielson! I promise you that! He ain't got the balls to carry a company like SGW! And I'ma tell you what, it takes a big god damn set of balls to carry a company of this magnitude on your back! I can handle it 'cause I got big BALLS and a wide set of shoulders! Bryan Danielson don't eat meat! He's little and scrawny! He ain't carryin' shit... and I don't trust him enough to let him try! You hear that, Danielson!? You ain't cut out to be a champion and you never will be because I gots the largest arms in the world and all you got is post-concussion sydromes and a bad neck! And ain't nobody with a bad neck and a bunch o' syndromes gonna walk in my shoes!
Steiner is abruptly cut-off when "Phenomenal" hits! The fans cheer loudly, excited to see a star of AJ Styles' magnitude despite his heelish leanings. AJ Styles walk out onto the ramp in his blue and black gear with a leather jacket and hood. He walks to the edge of the stage with his head down, the hood obscuring his face, and his arms outstretched to his sides. Finally, he crouches down and slings the hood back as he stands, revealing that he is, in fact, AJ STYLES!
[ Tony Schiavone ] There he is! The Phenomenal AJ Styles!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] He's one of the best in the world, Tony! He's a dead-on favorite, not only to win this match, but to go all the way and become the SGW World Heavyweight Champion!
[ Tony Schiavone ] If he gets past his opponents tonight, he deserves it, my friend!
Styles makes his way down the ramp, looking focused and ready for action. He ascends the ring steps and climbs the outside turnbuckle, standing on the middle rope and looking out at the fans with a stern look on his face. Styles jumps down into the ring and walks to the center before throwing his hands out to the side as pyrotechnics explode from all four corners! The fans gasp in awe and cheer even louder as Styles is illuminated by the fireworks! The music cuts and Styles is left standing there in silence for a second before he removes his jacket and hands it off to Aubrey Edwards. Styles takes a place in the corner and patiently waits for his first opponent.
[ Scott Steiner ] I dunno 'bout this woman refereein' a main event like this! What's she gonna do if this shit gets outta control!? She gonna pull two grown men apart?! I don't think so! And I say two grown men because Bryan Danielson ain't a grown man! Even this broad could take Bryan Danielson in her sleep 'cause he ain't a man! He's less than a man and it'll be my honor to humble him for all my freaks out there!
"Disposable Teens" by Marilyn Manson hits and the fans boo loudly as Christopher Daniels walks through the curtain in red and black tights with a sleeveless silver and black entrance robe. Daniels stands on the stage with a sinister smile on his face as the fans give him the business for insulting Ric Flair earlier tonight. Daniels points up at the ring, his smile becoming even larger as he shouts "I SEE YOU, AJ STYLES! I SEE YOU!"
[ Scott Steiner ] No shit, you can see him, ass-eyes! He's standin' right there!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Christopher Daniels! The Fallen Angel himself! He's one of the most decorated wrestlers on the roster and a twenty-six year veteran of the sport! He's been all around the globe and he'd held gold everywhere he's ever been! He's looking to add the SGW World Championship to that long list of accolades!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] More than that, Tony, Christopher Daniels was one of the key players in sparking the independent wrestling revolution back in 2002! While Solid Gold Wrestling was still cutting its teeth, Christopher Daniels was making a whole different kind of history!
[ Scott Steiner ] Why's he so damn bald!? IS HE SICK?!
Daniels walks down the ramp, never taking his eyes off the ring, before climbing the steps and walking confidently across the apron. Finally, he turns his back on Styles as he leans against the ropes and looks out into the sea of fans with wild eyes and a maniacal grin! He points out at no one in particular before turning to sling his leg over the middle rope and step inside the ring. He walks to the center, eyeballing Styles before removing his entrance robe and pretending to hand it to Aubrey before simply dropping it on the mat right at her feet like a dick!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Such disrespect from the arrogant veteran!
Aubrey moves to get the robe out of the ring as Styles and Daniels glare at each other. There's clearly no love lost between these two former rivals. AJ Styles finally storms out of the corner and gets right in Daniels' face, ready to rekindle their rivalry right here, right now! Styles and Daniels literally go nose to nose, shouting in each other's faces and pointing to the sides, out at the fans and at nothing in particular all at the same time! Suddenly, the lights dim and the confrontation is brought to a screeching halt!
[ Scott Steiner ] DID SOMEBODY FORGET TO PAY THE LIGHT BILL!? WHAT IS THIS SHIT!?
Lasers begin emanating from the stage and a strobe light begins pounding, disrupting the darkness that just bathed the arena. Finally, after what feels like forever, the trumpets sound and the fans begin booing loudly. The song begins to play in full and booing fans can't help but take a break to sing along.
[ Scott Steiner ] Why's everybody singing?! What the hell's goin' on!?
"The American Dragon" Bryan Danielson walks out onto the stage in a maroon and silver robe. He stares down at the ramp at the two men in the ring with silent intensity. His eyes are narrowed and his teeth are clenched. If looks could kill, this main event would already be over.
[ Scott Steiner ] Aw, shit on this! A light show and a damn sing-a-long party don't make you a man, Danielson!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Bryan Danielson is far more than a light show and sing-a-long party, Scott! He's by far one of the toughest competitors I've ever stepped foot in the ring with! Say what you will about the song but this could very well be the final countdown for someone here tonight!
maybe we'll come back,
Danielson begins walking down the ramp, slowly and deliberately. He makes his way up the ring steps and walks across the apron before turning his attention away from the competitors in the ring and glaring out at the fans with a look of contempt. He shakes his head in disgust.
[ Tony Schiavone ] The American Dragon! The brains behind the Yes Movement! Easily one of the top ten greatest professional wrestlers in the entire world! He's a multiple time world champion and another man who sought to reinvent the wrestling business with a little company called Ring of Honor in 2002! He's no stranger to Christopher Daniels OR AJ Styles! This is going to be a treat, wrestling fans!
there is no one to blame,
Danielson steps through the ropes and walks right up to Styles and Daniels, taking a moment to stare each man in the eyes, showing absolutely no fear or intimidation! Styles and Daniels both look annoyed by Danielson. Danielson just smirks and shakes his head.
[ Tony Schiavone ] This might be going down right now! No fear on the face of Bryan Danielson!
[ Scott Steiner ] That's because he's stupid! If he's this close to Freakzilla, he should be HORRIFIED! AND STUPEFIED! AND WHEN I'M DONE WITH 'IM, HE'LL BE PETRIFIED BECAUSE I'MA KILL BRYAN DANIELSON AND THEN WHEN THE RIGOR MORTIS SETS IN, I'MA SHOW IT LIVE... AND IN LIVING COLOR TO HIS OLD LADY, THAT GANGLY NOTHIN' BRIE BELLA, AND I'LL MAKE HER SCREAM... BOOM! SHAKALAKA! AND OF COURSE, I'M TALKIN' BOUT THE RIGOR MORTIS IN MY PANTS... BECAUSE EVEN IN DEATH, LITTLE BRYAN DANIELSON... CAN'T GET STIFF... OR HARD!
"Will things ever be the same again?"
With no warning, Danielson turns and leaps onto the middle rope, pointing at himself with both thumbs and screaming at the fans so loudly and aggressively that spittle flies from his mouth and rolls down his beard.
"I AM THE BEST... WRESTLER... IN... THE... WORRRRRRRRLD!"
"IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWNNNNNNNN!"
[ Tony Schiavone ] THIS IS... SOLID... GOLD... WRESTLING!
Danielson leaps off the middle rope and goes nose to nose with Styles before turning and bumping chests with Daniels. Aubrey gets between them and forces all three men back. Danielson removes his robe, revealing his black and maroon tights. He tosses the robe out of the ring and the lights come up, the music stopping along with it. The fans are already chanting "THIS IS AWESOME" and the men haven't even touched yet. Without further adieu, Aubrey Edwards calls for the bell to begin the main event!
All three men meet in the center of the ring, going nose to nose to nose, shouting and pointing at one another aggressively before Bryan Danielson takes a step back, removing himself from the display of trash talk. Daniels and Styles continue jawing at each other until they realize Danielson is no longer playing along. They both stop arguing and turn to face Danielson who simply stares them up and down with a huge grin on his face. He shakes his head and raises two middle fingers before shouting "FUCK YOU BOTH!" to a huge pop!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Wow! I'm beginning to think it wasn't just a personal issue with Ric Flair!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] It's a personal issue with the world, Tony! Bryan Danielson fancies himself the best wrestla' in the world and he objects to anyone else staking claim to that title and believe me, the two men in the ring with him... have just as legitimate a claim as he does!
Daniels and Styles look at Danielson in disbelief before turning to look at each other. They nod, turn around, and both nail Danielson with stereo right hands! Daniels and Styles put the beat down on Danielson, pummeling him until he falls through the ropes, tumbles onto the apron, and lands on the floor! The fans are cheering wildly as Danielson lands and curls up in a fetal position! Styles and Daniels look satisfied momentarily, smiling confidently before turning and giving each other a respectful nod... only for Daniels to rake Styles' eyes!
[ Tony Schiavone ] So much for solidarity!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] This is the main event! The winner of this match gets inserted in the 12 Large Tournament! A chance at the SGW World Heavyweight Championship! There's no place for solidarity in a match with stakes this high!
[ Scott Steiner ] THE COUNTRY BUMPKIN AJ STYLES, REDNECK PIECE OF SHIT GOT OFF LIGHT WITH THAT EYERAKE! I WOULDA' SHOWED HIM SOME SOLIDARITY WITH THE BACK OF MY HAND! AND THAT'S JUS' CAUSE HE'S GOT THAT STUPID HAIRCUT! LOOKS LIKE HE GONNA ASK TO SEE THE MANAGER AT HOBBY LOBBY!
Daniels goes to work on Styles, drilling him with forearms as he attempts to recover his vision, before shooting him off the ropes. Despite having his vision impaired momentarily, Styles ducks a clothesline from Daniels, rebounds off the other side, and nails Daniels with a flying forearm before kipping back up to his feet with his arms out to the side! Styles turns and approaches Daniels as he reaches all fours. Styles has a malicious grin on his face as he gives a gentle nudge to the head of Daniels with his boot! Daniels swats AJ's boot away as AJ goes to nudge him again. Finally, tired of toying with his prey, Styles snatches up Daniels by his head, pulling him to his feet and setting him up for a BRAINBUSTER! He hoists Daniels up... AND BRYAN DANIELSON COMES OUT NOWHERE WITH A RUNNING KNEE STRIKE TO STYLES! Styles crumbles and Daniels lands awkwardly on his head and rolls to the apron!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Good lord, Daniels might be hurt!
[ Tony Schiavone ] What a landing!
[ Scott Steiner ] FINALLY! SOME ACTION I CAN APPRECIATE!
Styles is OUT! Danielson scrambles across the ring and covers him! One! Two! Thr-- DANIELS BREAKS THE PIN! Daniels, still looking shaken from the awkward bump, pulls Danielson to his feet with two handfuls of hair and begins drilling him with stiff forearms before Danielson begins returning overhand chops of his own! Daniels and Danielson both lay into one another with reckless abandon, neither man refusing to quit until Danielson deflects a forearm blow and nails Daniels with a sick headbutt! Daniels staggers backward into the ropes and Danielson meets him with a CACTUS CLOTHESLINE that sends both men over the top rope to the floor!
THEY BOTH LAND ON THEIR FEET AND CONTINUE TRADING BLOWS ON THE FLOOR AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED! Aubrey Edwards is shouting at them to get back in the ring but they're paying no attention at all! They're only focused on taking the other down! The fans are absolutely loving it as Daniels and Danielson beat the shit out of each other... UNTIL AJ STYLES WIPES THEM BOTH OUT WITH A FOSBURY FLOP! All three men lay on the floor, looking totally out of it!
[ Tony Schiavone ] WHAT A MOVE!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Ya' can't go wrong with a Fosbury Flop, mate!
[ Scott Steiner ] He should call that the cow flop because he's a redneck and it's BULLSHIT that he gets to main event while I'm sittin' behind this desk!
Styles is the first man up and he grabs a handful of Danielson's beard, pulling him to his feet. He attempts to drag Danielson toward the apron, perhaps to get him back in the ring, but Daniels comes alive and nails Styles from behind, ramming him headfirst into the apron! The hardest part of the ring! Styles goes down to both knees and Daniels boots Danielson in the side of the head, knocking him back down to the floor! Daniels is smiling evilly as he uses a handful of AJ's hair to guide him onto the apron and shove him under the bottom rope. Daniels follows him in and stalks AJ menacingly until he's up to one knee. Styles returns to both feet on shaky legs and Daniels wipes him out with a SPINNING HEEL KICK! Daniels immediately springs up, points at Styles and shouts "IT'S OVERRRRRRRRR!" and then points at the turnbuckles! Daniels steps onto the bottom rope and gives himself a good hop as the fans chant along...
"BEST! MOONSAULT! EVERRRRRRRRRRRRR!"
He gets all of it! Daniels covers and hooks the leg! ONE! TWO! THR-- FLYING HEADBUTT FROM BRYAN DANIELSON! Daniels moves and AJ Styles gets ALL OF IT! Daniels comes alive and grabs Danielson's tights, dumping him out of the ring through the middle and top ropes! Daniels quickly covers Styles! ONE! TWO! THR-- DANIELSON PULLS AUBREY EDWARDS OUT OF THE RING! Aubrey literally shoves Danielson and points at the SGW logo on her shirt, yelling at him that he is to NEVER touch her under any circumstances! The fans are going wild! Danielson looks FURIOUS and raises his fist in front of him, showing it to her! "I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!" AND CHRISTOPHER DANIELS WIPES HIM OUT WITH AN ASAI MOONSAULT TO THE FLOOR!
[ Tony Schiavone ] It feels weird to say after how he treated Ric Flair earlier tonight but thank goodness for Christopher Daniels! That could have been bad for Ref Aubrey!
Daniels returns to his feet, laughing maniacally and shouting "HOW DO YA' LIKE THAT!? HAAAAAAAA!" Daniels rolls back into the ring and goes to take advantage of the prone AJ Styles once again but Styles comes alive and kicks Daniels in the head from his lying position! Daniels staggers back into the ropes, feeds back toward Styles, and Styles rolls up into a headstand and gives Daniels a snap headscissors! Daniels rolls right back to his feet where Styles is already waiting on him with a big clothesline! Daniels returns to his feet and gets nailed with ANOTHER clothesline! Daniels returns to his feet and walks right into... A RUNNING KNEE STRIKE FROM DANIELSON! Daniels goes down in a heap and rolls under the bottom rope to the floor! Danielson and Styles stare each other down, looking pissed off! Both men are trembling with intensity!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] It's about to get real, gentlemen!
Danielson and Styles tie up and begin trading forearms directly to the head! The fans are getting hotter and hotter, screaming their lungs out as these two warriors desperately try to take the other down! It looks like neither man is willing to give... until Christopher Daniels grabs Styles by the ankles and drags him out of the ring, throwing him back first into the guardrail! Before Daniels can even capitalize, Danielson WIPES HIM OUT WITH A SUICIDE DIVE that sends both men crashing awkwardly into the announce team's desk!
[ Scott Steiner ] GOD DAMN!
Bryan Danielson is laying on top of the announce desk with Schiavone, McGuinness, and especially Steiner looking annoyed. AJ Styles is the man up and he forearms Danielson in the chest repeatedly on top of the desk, ensuring he's down for the count. The fans begin buzzing with excitement as Styles rolls under the bottom rope and stands, gripping the top rope... suddenly, Styles leaps onto the top rope and prepares to SPRINGBOARD... BUT CHRISTOPHER DANIELS KICKS STYLES IN THE HEAD OUT OF NOWHERE, KNOCKING HIM OFF THE ROPES! Styles crashes and burns on the apron before rolling onto the floor! Daniels laughs and struts across the apron before shouting "NOT TODAY, PAL! NOT ON MY WATCH!"
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Fellas, I think we should move!
[ Scott Steiner ] I'MA KILL THE NEXT PERSON THAT-- AW SHIT!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Move!
Styles gets up to one knee and uses the apron to stand... prompting Daniels to run and kick him full-on in the chest, sending him down flat on his back! Without even stopping, Daniels runs straight through Styles, leaps onto the middle rope, hops onto the top... AND PUTS DANIELSON THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE WITH A MOONSAULT!
Danielson isn't moving at all! Christopher Daniels staggers out of the wreckage, clutching his mid-section and looking worse for wear. Styles staggers back to his feet, using the apron to guide himself. He sees Daniels coming and charges at him with a clothesline but Daniels ducks it, kicks Styles in the gut on the turnaround... AND DELIVERS ANGEL'S WINGS ON THE FLOOR! Daniels is going to do it! Danielson and Styles are completely incapacitated! Daniels frantically tries to get Styles lifted onto the apron but before he can get him up there...
[ Tony Schiavone ] This is Christopher Daniels' chance! It's all or nothing... right here, right now!
THE LIGHTS GO OUT!
[ Tony Schiavone ] What's going on!? This isn't the first time this has happened tonight!
There's a gasp and a smattering of cheers as the lights remain out for what feels like forever. Suddenly, we hear the strum of a guitar and the fans explode! The lights come back on... AND ELIAS IS SITTING IN A STOOL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! Elias has his head down, wearing weathered jeans and a black tank top with a scarf around his neck. He clutches a guitar in both hands. Christopher Daniels looks on from ringside, indignant!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Ho-lee smokes! Gentlemen, we are being graced by a true superstar of the business!
Elias slowly raises his head and the cheers get even louder. He speaks into the headset he's wearing.
[ Elias ] Hello, Solid Gold Wrestling... my name is Elias.
Another huge pop.
[ Elias ] Ya' know... my daddy always told me... Elias... if you're good at somethin'... never do it for free.
He looks down as though he's in deep though. He cuts his eyes up, meeting the gaze of the fans.
[ Elias ] And if you're really good at it... you never do it underneath the main event.
He raises his voice, becoming more forceful.
[ Elias ] See, for these men... this is the most important match of their lives. This match is gonna determine where they go from here and shape their future. It will influence how they perform, who they do battle with, and whether or not they ever get close enough to sniff that sweet, sweet world championship gold.
[ Elias ] ...and for all of you... it's a means to an end... another stop on this long and lonely road we call life. This is the match you paid to see, your perceived main event. Here today, gone tomorrow... no matter which of these men goes on to win, you'll forget about it because you're gonna leave here tonight with your heart unfulfilled... because all of you people came here for a show... you came here to see history get made, man...
He looks out at the fans. Daniels continues losing his mind at ringside, his advantage ruined.
[ Elias ] Yeah, for them it's important... for you, it's just another moment, lost in time... like a mustard burp... momentarily tangy... and then gone with the wind... but for me... it's nothin' but an opening act.
He strums the guitar once again, drawing another huge pop.
[ Elias ] Thanks for comin' out tonight... welcome to the real main event.
The fans continue cheering and he looks satisfied with this reaction, nodding gently along.
[ Elias ] Now, I just have one question for all of you out there tonight... and that question is...
He shouts and the fans chant along.
[ Elias ] WHO WANTS TO WALK... WITH ELIAS!?
The fans go absolutely nuts but those cheers quickly turn to boos when Christopher Daniels rolls into the ring, raging out. He charges right up to Elias, getting in his face. Daniels is red in the face, looking positively ready to explode at any moment. With wide eyes, he shouts right in Elias' face, threatening to burst a blood vessel as he does: "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" The fans continue booing and someone even pelts the ring with a full box of popcorn, hitting Daniels in the shoulder with it, which he completely no-sells. "YOU... NEED TO GET HELL... OUT OF THIS RING!" Elias looks around, a stern look on his face. He raises an eyebrow.
[ Elias ] Son, I'm only gonna ask you one time to remove yourself from my stage--
Without warning, Daniels snaps and shoves Elias violently off the stool, snatches the guitar from his hands and smashes it on the mat, before stomping it until it's literally in pieces! The fans are losing their minds, booing Daniels out of the building. With one good kick, Daniels sends several pieces of guitar debris skidding out of the ring and into the ringside area. Elias slowly stands, shaking with anger. The fans begin chanting "YOU FUCKED UP!" over and over but that doesn't deter Daniels! He points at the entranceway and shouts "THE SHOW... IS OVERRRRR! NOW... GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!" Still wearing his headset, Elias can be heard speaking one last time.
[ Elias ] I really wish you didn't do that.
And then Elias nails Daniels with a big right hand! The fans pop huge as Elias lays punches in, sending Daniels back against the ropes! In a fury, Elias clotheslines Daniels hard over the top rope to the floor and then follows him out! Daniels and Elias slug away at each other like wild animals! They fight all the way up the ramp and reach the edge of the stage where a collection of lefts and rights sends Daniels teetering on the edge, threatening to fall fifteen feet below to the concrete... but he rights himself and sends Elias staggering back with punches of his own! The fans are going absolutely nuts, initiating a BOO and YAY exchange with every blow dealt out! Finally, Elias and Daniels battle through the curtain and we're left at ringside with AJ Styles and Bryan Danielson!
[ Tony Schiavone ] I think we just lost Christopher Daniels!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] And you know the other two must be breathing a sigh of relief! Putting away one opponent for an opportunity like this is hard enough... but two?! This match could've gone on for hours with those three workhorses in the ring!
Styles is slowly returning to his feet and looking confused as he only caught the tail end of what just happened in the ring. Styles sees Danielson still lying still in the wreckage of the table and springs to action, grabbing Danielson by his head and throwing him under the bottom rope. Danielson rolls out to the center of the ring and Styles climbs onto the apron, gripping the top rope... as Danielson slowly drags himself to his feet, it's clear that the lights are on but no one's home! Danielson slowly turns around and AJ Styles vaults onto the top rope... PHENOMENAL FOREARMMMMMM! Danielson comes to life and runs underneath it! Styles lands on his feet and executes a forward tumble, immediately returning to his feet... ONLY TO TURN AROUND INTO A RUNNING KNEE STRIKE! STYLES TURNS INSIDE OUT AND LANDS ON HIS HEAD! Danielson covers him! ONE! TWO! THR-- KARL ANDERSON BREAKS THE PIN!
[ Tony Schiavone ] What!? NO! The Club is here to save AJ Styles!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] It's a triple threat match, Tony! No disqualifications! This is legal!
Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows hit the ring and begin mugging Danielson, putting the boots to him as AJ Styles lays unconscious! Gallows directs traffic and they set Danielson up for the MAGIC KILLER but Danielson slips off Gallows' shoulder and shoves him at forward at the critical moment, forcing ANDERSON TO KICK GALLOWS IN THE FACE! Gallows rolls out of the ring and staggers into the guardrail before going down! Anderson holds the side of his head like he can't believe it and we know he can't because he literally shouts "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!" two seconds before Danielson knocks his face off with a RUNNING KNEE STRIKE! Anderson flies through the middle and top rope, ragdolling off the apron and falling to the floor! Danielson is red in the face, trembling with intensity... and he raises his fist in front of his face, staring at it.
[ Nigel McGuinness ] Business is about t' pick up!
Danielson turns around, ready to go to war... but walks right into THE PHENOMENAL FOREARM! The fans "OooOoOOoooOOoo!" upon impact and Styles immediately covers Danielson! One! Two! STYLES PUTS HIS FEET ON THE ROPES! THREE!
WINNER - AJ Styles via Pin Fall in 31:09
The fans erupt in boos as Styles rolls off Danielson and immediately slides under the bottom rope, throwing his hands out to the sides in victory! Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows join him as he walks up the ramp but as they reach the stage, Styles shoves Gallows and pie faces Anderson violently! They both look confused! Styles points at them and shouts "YOU'RE DONE!" only for Gallows to rage out, yelling "WE JUST HELPED YOU WIN, BROTHER AJ!" But Styles just smirks and shakes his head as the camera picks him up saying "You didn't do that... I did that!" and then he makes the title belt motion around his waist! Styles looks directly into the camera and shouts, pointing at his own face - "THIS IS THE NEW FACE... OF SOLID GOLD WRESTLING! BELIEVE IT!" and walks through the curtain, leaving Gallows and Anderson looking devastated!
[ Scott Steiner ] DID HE JUST DO WHAT I THINK HE DID!?
[ Nigel McGuinness ] I think so, Scott! He just cut Gallows 'n Anderson loose! Despite their interference, he feels like he won the match on his bloody own!
[ Tony Schiavone ] And what a match it was! What a way to kick off this new era of Solid Gold Wrestling!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] With this victory, AJ Styles joins six other men at 12 LARGE on December 1st! They say first impressions are all anyone rememba's... well, drink it in, sunshine, because this is one first impression nobody is likely to forget anytime soon! AJ Styles and Solid Gold Wrestling are here to stay!
In the ring, Danielson remains on his knees in the center of the ring, devastated by this loss. He runs his hands through his hair and the fans begin chanting "THANK YOU, BRYAN" over and over. Danielson stands up, touches his jaw where Styles made impact and then places his hands on his hips. Danielson raises his hand, waving at the fans... before using that same hand to FLIP THEM OFF and yell "FUCK ALLLLLLL OF YOU!" before climbing out of the ring and heading to the back!
[ Nigel McGuinness ] I love that man with all my heart, fellas, but he's quite the dick, yeah?
[ Tony Schiavone ] Gentlemen, I'm receiving word that's there's been an incident backstage.
[ Scott Steiner ] Maybe Daniels and Elias killed each other!
[ Tony Schiavone ] Scott, this is serious. Let's go backstage... now!
We quickly cut to the backstage area.
Our sudden, sharp cut from the arena proper is
met with a harshly-angled camera, bouncing the shot as its’ wielder
runs around the Staples Center.