SHOCK: The Maria Era | February 18th, 2006 | Live From: Chicago, Illinois | Commentators: Joey Styles & Don Callis

-[[ The SGW logo flashes across the screen.. ]]-

-[[ The fans are still buzzing after the pyro entrance for Saturday Shock. Their excitement grows even more as the interim owner of Solid Gold Wrestling, Maria comes skipping out onto the ramp to a monstrous pop that literally is equal to that of The Rock or John Cena! Jillian Hall follows Maria out, but she's skeptical. It's almost like she doesn't want to be associated with this abortion... The fans are loving every second of Maria, even though it's obvious this ownership is going to be a total disaster. Maria enters the ring, waving and blowing kisses to the fans and grabs a microphone from Gary Michael Cappetta and goes to talk, but can't because the ovation is still deafening. Jillian stands in the background against the far ring ropes. Maria smiles and then puts her index finger to her mouth and tries to shush everyone up. The rabid fans finally quiet down and Maria welcomes everyone in a highly loud voice. ]]-


-[[ The fans pop as a huge smile comes across Maria's face. She's giggling non-stop. She smiles and puts the microphone back up to her lips and addresses her people. ]]-

[ Maria ] I promise we're gonna have FUN! I've found out what it takes to be an "owner" and I'm super excited for tonight! Jillian has helped me plan out tonight's show and I promise everybody tonight's going to be a winner, because losing isn't a lot of fun!

-[[ Maria looks back at Jillian, who gives her a half-smile of encouragement. ]]-

[ Maria ] I have LOTS of super cool announcements tonight for the next pay-per-view, and even one that will effect a match in the show tonight!! I have acquired a SUPER BIG, BIGGER THAN THE BIG SHOW, BIGGER THAN WHEN HULK HOGAN BECAME A BAD GUY, BIG PERSON TO COME TO SGW!!

-[[ The fans pop big time. Who could it be? Who's the newest member of the SGW roster? ]]-

[ Maria ] I'm sorry, but I can't tell you who it is now! Jillian said that if I let all the cats out of the bag, they'd all get ran over and everyone would stop watching Shock! ...But I told her, "duh Jillian, the people stop watching when Val Venis comes on!"

-[[ Maria giggles to herself as the fans let out a big "OOOHHH!!" ]]-

[ Maria ] I'm kidding, Val! You know I love your bald head and your theme music! I love Trapt! But anyways... Jillian told me to be thinking of a good name for the next SGW pay-per-view and I got stumped! It's harder than you think trying to think of the bestest name possible for SGW! So I got Jillian to put ALL the old SGW names in a hat and I'm gonna' like pick one out and THAT's gonna be the name! 'Kay?

-[[ Jillian walks towards Maria with a black "SGW" hat. Maria closes her eyes and reaches into the hat and pulls out a white piece of paper, folded in half. She looks at it and smiles. ]]-

[ Maria ] The super cool SGW hat gave me this piece of paper.. On the piece of paper is the name of our next pay-per-view! And on it, it says that it's gonna' be called...

-[[ She opens it up and gasps. ]]-

[ Maria ] Cool~! The pay-per-view name is HEARTBREAKER! YAY FOR HEARTBREAKER!

-[[ She throws her arms in the air as if she won something. The fans cheer because it just seems like the right thing to do. Before Maria can get back on the microphone and continue, out comes Ken Kennedy, the Big Show, and Randy Orton.. The fans' cheers instantly turn into hate-filled boos for the current reigning SGW Tag Team Champions and aspiring Television Champion... Kennedy, Orton, and Show make their way into the ring and Kennedy grabs another microphone from Gary Michael Cappetta. Maria looks at them, pouting. ]]-

[ Maria ] I wasn't done, misters! This is rude!


-[[ He tilts his head back and points the microphone downward towards his mouth. ]]-

[ Ken Kennedy ] ...Kennedy!

-[[ Maria looks angry as Kennedy continues his rant as Show stands behind him with his arms crossed and his title belt resting on his massive, large right shoulder. ]]-

[ Ken Kennedy ] Now Maria, when you were announced as the interim owner, the wrestling world was abuzz.. And not in the good way. You being the person behind the big decisions in the biggest company in the world today doesn't make me feel confident.. Oh no, it makes me feel AFRAID!

-[[ The fans boo, they're already bored of Kennedy. ]]-

[ Ken Kennedy ] Afraid, not because of losing our spots... But mainly, LOSING OUR JOBS BECAUSE THIS PLACE IS GOING TO CLOSE!! You're as fit to run the biggest wrestling company in the world today, as Tyson Tomko is at hosting his very own talk show! Without everyone's favorite owner, Mister Jarrett in charge, and someone like Christian as the World Champion... This place is going to turn into a joke faster than the first twenty words out of Jerry Seinfeld's mouth!

[ Randy Orton ] Maria, honestly, babe... You are the DUMBEST person I have ever met in my life! Sure, Jeff Jarrett was a little egotistical, but the man IS the greatest wrestler this business has ever seen! Solid Gold was ran with dignity and class, except of course when Russo would book stuff, but that's besides the point. I for one, can't wait until your ass is out of SGW for good! Because the "Era of Maria" will shortly be retitled the "Era of FAILURE!"

-[[ Maria is almost in tears as Kennedy continues running down the new owner to the displeasure of the Chicago fans, who are letting Kennedy and Show know what they think with a loud "ASS-HOLE! ASS-HOLE!" chant. ]]-

[ Ken Kennedy ] Maria, you may have a new acquisition that's big, but I assure you, nothing is bigger than the Big Show himself, correct Show?

-[[ Show nods. ]]-

[ Randy Orton ] And let's face it Maria, who would actually want to come into SGW while you're running the show? There's not much to come to, and besides... There's not a free agent out there who is bigger than us three. We are the three biggest names in this business. Whoever your "big name" is, will do nothing but become... OUR... BITCH!

-[[ You can hear Kennedy saying "That's right! That's right, Randy!" as the fans boo heavily. ]]-

[ Maria ] THAT'S IT! I'm in charge, and I'm not taking any more of this abuse! I may not be the smartest girl in the world, but I'm going to run SGW gosh darn good! I guarantee I'll run it better than Jeff Jarrett did! Everyone's going to get the respect they deserve! I won't play favorites and everyone's going to enjoy their time in SGW, not be scared because they think Jeff Jarrett is holding them back!

[ Randy Orton ] Oh, is that so?

-[[ Orton, Kennedy, and Show all start walking towards Maria like they're going to attack her. She's the owner and a damn woman, you can't touch her! Before they get to do anything to her, "Just Close Your Eyes" hits and the fans erupt for the new champion. The most hated man besides Jeff Jarrett in this business is only getting cheers because of the fans deep hatred for the three in the ring. Christian, Tomko, and Trish Stratus, who is carrying the SGW World title, come walking down from the ramp and into the ring. The three back away fromMaria, turning their attention to the SGW Champion. Christian snatches the microphone from Orton's hand to a pop. ]]-


-[[ Christian does the "raise the roof" motion with his hands and gets back to business. ]]-

[ Christian ] I was sitting in the back, shining BOTH of my SGW titles, reading my fan mail... And I turned on the monitor in the back to see if the company was closed yet with dimwit over there in charge.. And what do I see? I see the alleged "Legend Killer" and the placeholder Tag Team Champions in the ring making fun of an idiot. Well, isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?

-[[ Show, Kennedy, and Orton look ready to attack at any second. ]]-

[ Christian ] You know, if I'm not mistaken, Orton, you called yourself the "future" of this business right?

-[[ Orton nods and Christian continues. ]]-

[ Christian ] Is that so, huh? Well, let's go for a little history lesson. Orton, you can claim to be the Legend Killer in SGW, but I don't see you doing a damn thing to back that title up! I was the original SGW Legend Killer. If you look in the Hall of Fame, you'll see a long list of legends I've disposed of in my time to get to where I am. Shane Douglas, Scott Steiner, The Rock, Bret Hart... I was a young kid with goals just like you. The thing that separates you and I is..

-[[ Christian smiles as he takes a once over of Orton. ]]-

[ Christian ] Besides the fact I actually win matches on a consistent basis, I have the titles and the legacy to back up my claims. All you got to show for yourself in SGW is winning the lowest tier title, and losing it to a washed up has-been who talks to a stick horse.

-[[ Orton rubs his chin as the fans give another loud "OOHHHH!" ]]-

[ Christian ] So Orton, until you do something that matters in this company... Keep on dreamin'. As for you two, how's it feel knowing your only SGW achievement happened because Jeff Jarrett GAVE you the titles without doing crap to earn them? How's it feel being the champions of a dead division? When me and Edge were tearing the division apart, there was actual competition. Those titles meant something...A nd now... They don't mean a thing!

-[[ Christian paces around the ring, full of confidence. ]]-

[ Christian ] That's why tonight, since I'm running the show. Oh yeah, I'm running the show because God knows Maria can't... We're going to have ourselves a TAG TITLE MATCH!

-[[ The fans pop big time! Kennedy and Show look at each other, Kennedy grips his title tightly. ]]-

[ Christian ] Well, think about it.. Double Gold is a nice feat, but I've never seen anyone win TRIPLE GOLD. So that's why, tonight...You two are defending those belts against ME AND EDGE!

-[[ Maria looks at Jillian and says "I didn't book that, did I?" Kennedy and Show try looking ready for Christian. ]]-

[ Christian ] I'm kidding. I don't want those stupid belts. I've only won them FOUR TIMES! I've moved onto bigger and better things. Facing you two isn't worth my time! I'm enjoying my second straight week of having the night off! This title reign is lasting FOREVER!

[ Randy Orton ] You won't face them because you're-

[ Christian ] What's that, Orton?

-[[ Christian cups his right hand to his ear. ]]-

[ Christian ] I can't hear you, I got a WORLD TITLE IN MY EAR!

-[[ The fans pop big time as Orton lunges for Christian, only to be restrained by Big Show and Kennedy. Christian gives Tomko a high-five for that awesome burn. ]]-

[ Christian ] Just like Chris Benoit thought he was going to talk smack to me last week, you're trying it this week and you're not doing a very good job of it, Orton. I'm Captain Charisma, boys and girls, I'm the best damn SGW Champion in the history of this company! There's not a single person in this fed, be it past or present, who can stop me from doing what I want.... Not even TAZ!

-[[ The fans pop for the mentioning of Taz's name. ]]-

[ Christian ] I meant Taz the wrestler, not the cartoon character! I can't believe Taz is back. It's kind of sad. Maria, I didn't know you did charity work.

[ Maria ] I love feeding the hungry!

[ Christian ] I was pertaining to you allowing Taz back in SGW.

[ Maria ] Oh.

[ Christian ] He's come back with bells on looking for a fight like always. He's been running his mouth about how he's going to be the SGW Champion, telling people to "SUH-VIVE!" and all that garbage. You know, the same routine he's been doing since '99 and he hasn't done a thing since! He's choked in more World title matches than you three will EVER HAVE IN SGW!

-[[ Christian looks into the camera and holds the SGW title high. ]]-

[ Christian ] So Taz, I know you want this belt just about as much as you want to kill me... But that... That's just too bad, because you'll NEVER EVER be on my level to get that opportunity. And besides, I've already flipped your stretcher over once.. Don't make this time be me flipping your CASKET OVER!

-[[ Christian stops staring into the camera and paces around the ring again. He stops in the center and continues his first major rant as World Champion. ]]-

[ Christian ] Guys, I guess you can consider this interview over. Your weekly amount of air time is up, and not a second too soon.... You need anything tonight, come see the Captain, because if Maria likes it or not... I'M running the show.

-[[ He slaps his chest three times. ]]-

[ Christian ] Because THAT'S... HOW I... ROLL!

-[[ He pitches the microphone to Orton who catches it and shakes his head at Christian. Christian poses with the SGW title as his entourage leaves the ring. The fans are ready for Shock tonight, as is Christian! And what the hell could Maria's big announcement be? ]]-

"Stone Cold" Steve Austin versus The Rock
Title on the Line: None
Stipulation: Pick Your Title Shot Tournament - Round Two
Referee: Nick Patrick

-[[ Both men charge right at each other and begin trading punches right off the bat.. Neither man is willing to go down for the other, so they keep exchanging headshot after headshot with the Rock throwing a stiff kick or knee in every few punches.. Austin retaliates, throwing in a knee lift of his own that catches the Rock off guard.. Austin takes over, punching away until the Rock is left staggering in places and Austin nails him with another kick.. STUNNER!! NO!! The Rock shoves Austin off of him.. Austin goes flying forward into the ropes and comes bouncing back at the Rock..... SPINE BUSTER!! The Rock springs back up and takes his place, standing at Austin's shoulders.. He removes his elbow pad and throws it down in Austin's face.. He goes from one side the ropes.. Over Austin.. To the other side.. PEOPLE'S ELBOW... AUSTIN SITS STRAIGHT UP!! The Rock MISSED!! Austin springs up and looks at the Rock, the Rock looks terrified....... MIDDLE FINGERS!! PUNCHES!! Austin staggers the Rock and whips him into the ropes.. THESZ PRESS! PUNCHES!! Austin is beating the Rock like a government mule!! He stands up, waving his arms, "COME ON, YOU SUM-BITCH!!!" The Rock staggers back up and walks right into.. KICK.. WHAM.... STUNNER!! Austin covers him!! ONE!! TWO!! THRE-- THE ROCK KICKED OUT!! Austin can't believe it!! Austin gets up in Nick Patrick's face.. "THAT WAS THREE, YOU BASTARD!!" Nick Patrick assures him that it was only two... KICK WHAM STUNNER ON NICK PATRICK!! Steve Austin is going berserk!! He turns around....... ROCK BOTTOM!! ROCK BOTTOM!! ROCK BOTTOM!! The Rock covers him and hooks the legs... No one's there to make the count!! Charles Robinson runs down and slides into the ring....... ONE!! TWO!! THR-- AUSTIN KICKED OUT!! The Rock is shocked!! The Rock stands up and pulls Austin up... "Here it comes, momma, a free screenin' of DOOM!!" He hooks Austin for the Rock Bottom... NO!! Austin elbows out of it!! KICK.. WHAM STUNNER!! Austin covers the Rock!! One!! Two!! THREE!! "Stone Cold" Steve Austin has pulled this one out.... Austin is celebrating.. And then he sees Nick Patrick coming to.. Nick Patrick is talking to Charles Robinson and he begins motioning for the bell to be rung again....... HE'S DISQUALIFYING AUSTIN FOR THE STUNNER!! THE ROCK IS ADVANCING TO THE FINALS THANKS TO NICK PATRICK!! Steve Austin immediately sees red... He spins Charles Robinson around.. KICK WHAM STUNNER!! Nick Patrick tries to get away and Austin catches him... KICK WHAM STUNNER ON NICK PATRICK!! Austin is raising hell and the fans are going NUTS!! The Rock staggers back to his feet...... MIDDLE FINGERS...... KICK WHAM STUNNER ON THE ROCK!! "Stone Cold" may have lost the match, but dammit, he's won the FIGHT!! ]]-

Winner: The Rock via Disqualification

-[[ Backstage we see and become right smack dab in the middle of a heated verbal fight between Muhammad Hassan, Daivari, Sabu, Val Venis, Teddy Long, and Orlando Jordan. Hassan and Venis are in front of their respected groups, leading the charge against the other group. We can't really make out a lot of what's going on, but it's definitely tapped to explode at any second. ]]-




[ Orlando Jordan ] WHAT ARE WE YELLIN' 'BOUT!

[ Val Venis ] You just wait until I win that Pick Your Title Shot Tournament. Your days are numbered.

-[[ Hassan laughs right in Venis' face. A look of confidence comes across his face as he replies. ]]-

[ Muhammad Hassan ] Val Venis, your threats make me laugh.

[ Val Venis ] Wait and see until we square off. Then we'll see who's laughing.

-[[ Hassan and Venis are now face to face, you know they're fixing to brawl at any second. TAZ walks up to the group, and everyone turns to him. ]]-

[ TAZ ] Look at what we got here... Six people and not a single pair a balls between 'em!

[ Val Venis ] What do you want, Taz?

[ TAZ ] Shut the fuck up, Venis! I do what I want, when I want! Taz is back and there's only one thing he's got on his mind, and that's 'da SGDubya World title! And I'm gonna' RUN DOWN EVERYBODY IN MY WAY!

[ Muhammad Hassan ] The legendary Taz graces our presence. Welcome back to Solid Gold. Last time you were here, you let someone like Val Venis.. VAL VENIS be the man who ended your career, placed you in the hospital with serious head injuries... Now.. It appears this time..

-[[ Hassan, showing no fear, steps right into Taz's face. ]]-

[ Muhammad Hassan ] It's my turn.

[ Val Venis ] Well, while you two sort it out, I have a Pick Your Title Shot tournament to win... And a United States title to gun for.

-[[ Val Venis walks off with his crew, leaving Hassan and Taz. ]]-

[ TAZ ] Look, I don't know who 'da FUCK you are, but I can already tell our paths are gonna' cross here in Solid Gold. And when they do, I'm gonna' give you two fuckin' options!

[ Muhammad Hassan ] Smoke me if you can... And get high if I let you? I know ALL about your past Taz. You are no "legend" in this business. You are just as Val Venis is, a JOKE!

-[[ Out of nowhere walks the SGW Champion, Christian. He observes the stare down and comments. ]]-

[ Christian ] Well, well, well, what have we got here? The second-rate champion and the never-will-be midget.

[ TAZ ] You know what I'm here for! I'm here to take that belt off your hands.. 'Cause you know as well as I do, you didn't earn.. SHIT!

[ Christian ] Taz, Taz, Taz.. When are you ever going to learn? You had your thirty shots at the SGW title, you could never beat Bret Hart. Screwjob this, he cheated to win that. It sounds like baby Taz needs some cheese with that WHINE!

[ TAZ ] You're makin' a big mistake, Christian.

[ Muhammad Hassan ] Christian, if anyone deserves the first shot against you... IT'S THE UNITED STATES CHAMPION!


-[[ Daivari rants in Arabic and Christian just stares at him with no idea to what he's saying. Taz looks none to thrilled with this whole situation. ]]-


[ Christian ] Uh... No... Correction there, Hassan... See, you won the Thunderdome.

[ Muhammad Hassan ] Yes, I did!

[ Christian ] And that makes you deserving.. It makes you deserving for the UNITED STATES TITLE.. Which is around your wait right now. Nothing more, nothing less. So I guess we can consider the discussion of which one of you deserves a title shot over, because NEITHER of you deserve it!

-[[ Christian goes to walk away. He takes a few steps and looks back. ]]-

[ Christian ] If you guys need anything, just let me know. The Champ's in charge tonight!

-[[ Christian walks away and Hassan appears to be ready to leave as well. He looks at Taz and leaves him with one last thing. ]]-

[ Muhammad Hassan ] I see punishment in your future.

-[[ Hassan and Daivari walk away and they're gone no time until RANDY ORTON HITS TAZ FROM BEHIND WITH A LEAD PIPE! Taz falls to the ground hard and Orton nails Taz a few more times on the head with the pipe. Now Orton drops the pipe and lays the boots to Taz. He picks Taz up and WHIPS HIM INTO THE WALL, CREATING A HUGE HOLE! Orton punches Taz in the forehead, causing blood to gush out of his skull like lava coming out of a volcano! Taz turns around and Orton hits an RKO ON THE CATERING TABLE! Taz lays on the ground, covered in blood, dead. Orton drags the lifeless body of Taz down the hallway, leaving a trail of blood behind. In the parking lot is a waiting rental car. Bob Orton, Jr. hops out of the driver's side and pops the trunk. Bob Orton lays a few vicious licks to Taz's face with his cowboy boot before helping his son pick up Taz and dump his body in the trunk. Orton nods at his dad who gives a reassuring smile back. ]]-

[ Randy Orton ] Time to finish the deed.

-[[ Bob Orton gets in the driver's seat and he guns the car straight ahead. WHAT'S HE DOING!? BOB ORTON DROVE THE RENTAL CAR RIGHT INTO AN EIGHTEEN WHEELER! BOB ORTON NARROWLY ESCAPED DEATH BY JUMPING OUT OF THE RENTAL CAR AT THE VERY LAST SECOND! THE CAR EXPLODES INTO FLAMES! TAZ IS DEAD! TAZ IS DEAD! Bob Orton, Jr. rushes back to his son and they hug. Randy looks at the flaming car, you can see the flames in his eyes. ]]-

[ Randy Orton ] Another legend killed.

-[[ Val Venis comes running out of the building followed by other random members of the SGW crew. Val looks at Orton and demands answers. ]]-


[ Randy Orton ] You can thank me later.

 -[[ Val Venis shakes his head and watches the rental car with Taz inside continue to burn. Randy Orton and his father sport a sadistic smirk, satisfied with their deed. ]]-

John Bradshaw Layfield versus Carlito
Title on the Line: None
Stipulation: None
Referee: Jimmy Cordaris

-[[ Bradshaw nails Carlito with a knee lift as soon as he steps through the ropes.. Carlito goes flying outside the ring and JBL follows him out.. JBL whips Carlito into the ring post and follows him in with a sickening forearm to the back of the head that crushes Carlito's face against the post!! JBL whips him off the turnbuckle, slams his head between his legs........ AND POWER BOMBS HIM ON THE FLOOR!! JBL smiles, lifts Carlito up and throws him back inside the ring.. Carlito staggers to one knee, trying to punch at JBL's midsection, but he's too far gone to make a difference.. JBL yanks Carlito off of the mat and lifts him up..... Fallaway slam!! Carlito slowly pulls himself up.. Turns around.... And gets CREAMED by the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL!! Carlito does a complete backflip on impact and JBL covers him with ONE FINGER...... One!! Two!! Three!! John Bradshaw Layfield has DOMINATED Carlito!! He laughs as he stands up celebrating to the boos of the fans.. ]]-

Winner: John Bradshaw Layfield via Pin Fall

-[[ We cut far away from the ringside area into total darkness. We capture a glimpse of a large figure sitting down, rocking back and forth slowly. Cactus Jack is identified quickly as being the mysterious figure. He's silent, just rocking back and forth, getting into the "zone." A knock is heard, Cactus stops his rocking and looks at the boiler room door. ]]-

[ Cactus Jack ] LEAVE ME ALONE!

-[[ The door opens and in comes Maria, who is carrying an unusual looking heart shaped box. Valentine's Day was Tuesday, what is she doing? She walks right up to Cactus Jack without any fear, sporting a huge smile on her face. ]]-

[ Maria ] Hi, Cactus!

[ Cactus Jack ] What do you want, Maria?

[ Maria ] Well, as the new owner of SGW, I told everyone they were gonna' have lots of fun while I'm doing running the show!

[ Cactus Jack ] What's your fuckin' point?

[ Maria ] Watch the bad words, mister!

-[[ Cactus Jack snarls at Maria, not wanting to have anything to do with her. She shakes her finger at him and then continues. ]]-

[ Maria ] Before Shock came on, I saw you heading this way, and you looked sad! Soooo, I decided to get you a present for Valentine's Day~!

[ Cactus Jack ] You did what?

[ Maria ] Yeah~! So, here ya' go! I'd wrote you a poem to go with it on a card, but I couldn't find anything that rhymed with Cactus!

-[[ She hands Cactus Jack the large box and he reluctantly accepts it. As he's opening it, Maria looks anxious. ]]-

[ Maria ] Jillian told me this was the PERFECT gift for someone like you! I got it right out of the SGW safe! I thought you'd like to have it before Val tries breaking into it like he did in LoC!

-[[ Cactus opens the box and inside it is the SGW HARDCORE TITLE! THIS TITLE HAS BEEN RETIRED FOR YEARS! Cactus holds the mutilated looking title belt in his hands. He draws it close to him, as if it's a new born baby. A semi-smile comes across his face. ]]-

[ Cactus Jack ] What did I do to deserve this?

-[[ Maria reaches down and HUGS CACTUS JACK! ]]-

[ Maria ] It's for being the bestest Cactus Jack you can be!

-[[ After she says that, she pulls away looking like she just smelled the worse, most disgusting sour smell in the world. ]]-

[ Maria ] SHEW, CACTUS! You smell like old bread!

[ Cactus Jack ] What?

[ Maria ] Happy Valentine's Day, Cactus~! I know you'll be the bestest Hardcore Champion EVER!!!

-[[ Maria quickly leaves the boiler room as Cactus is left alone with his newly "won" Hardcore title. Jeff Jarrett CANNOT be happy with how things have been going so far! ]]-

Randy Orton, Ken Kennedy, and the Big Show versus Shawn Michaels, Triple H, and Ric Flair
Title on the Line: None
Stipulation: None
Referee: Mark Yeaton

-[[ Randy Orton and Shawn Michaels start the match.. Orton takes it to him quickly, punching away at him and nailing him with the occasional kick to the midsection.. Shawn Michaels is having trouble fighting back because Orton is a house of fire.. Orton nails him with a European uppercut that sends Michaels flying backward into the ropes and Orton goes for an RKO.. Shawn Michaels shoves him off!! Michaels immediately spins and goes for a tag.. But Triple H and Ric Flair step off of the apron.. Triple H and Flair both look pissed for some reason.. They begin walking up the ramp... THEY'RE ABANDONING THE MATCH!! Michaels looks confused.. And he turns around.. INTO THE RKO!! Orton turns around and motions for Kennedy and Big Show to get in the ring.. Michaels' valet, Torrie Wilson looks terrified.... And Lollipop nails her from behind!! She throws Torrie into the ring!! Orton whips Torrie into the Big Show..... And Ken Kennedy begins climbing the ropes.. Orton is laughing, motioning for Show to take her over to Kennedy.... Big Show puts Torrie on Kennedy's shoulders.. Torrie is screaming like she knows she's going to die... Big Show then steps in front of Kennedy and Kennedy takes one more step up.. ONTO THE BIG SHOW'S SHOULDERS!! GREEEEEEN BAAAAAY PLUUUUUNGE OFF OF THE BIG SHOW'S SHOULDERS AND ONTO THE BODY OF SHAWN MICHAELS!!! Michaels and Torrie are BOTH DEAD!! Kennedy and Show clear the way and Orton places one foot on Shawn Michaels' chest.. Kennedy places a boot of his own and the Big Show shrugs his shoulders and puts one giant hand right on Torrie Wilson's tit!! ONE!! TWO!! THREE!! This... THIS IS COMPLETE DOMINATION!! If these men are representing Jeff Jarrett.. Then Jeff Jarrett must be proud of these men!! ]]-

Winner: Randy Orton, Ken Kennedy, and the Big Show via Pin Fall

-[[ After that six-man tag match we go backstage where we see the only SGW interviewer left, the lowly Todd Grisham standing in between Fit Finlay and William Regal, the newest tag team in Solid Gold. Todd looks nervous as he begins the interview. ]]-

[ Todd Grisham ] Hello, SGW fans, I'm Todd Grisham. Standing here beside me right now is the newest tag team to hit the scene here in Solid Gold Wrestling, Fit Finlay and William Regal!

[ Fit Finlay ] Shut ye' trap, Todd! Finlay a' Willyum Regal is hea' in Solid Gold for one reason. We hea' to show the world what real wrestlin' is all about. Wrestlin' has become soft! The wrestlers are nothin' but pansies, they don't know what it's like to be in a REAL fight!

[ William Regal ] Like that God forsaken window-licker, Cactus Jack.

[ Fit Finlay ] Exactly! Cactus Jack thinks he some hardcore fighter. He claims to be a legitimate badass, well, if he's lookin' for a fight, he's damn well found 'em one!

[ William Regal ] We are the only two legitimate wrestlers in this stinking company!

[ Fit Finlay ] And as you're 'bout to find out Todd, we LIKE TA' FIGHT!

-[[ Right then and there, Todd Grisham is slapped by Regal in the face and Finlay pushes him to the ground! Finlay and Regal begin to deliver the boots to Grisham who is screaming like a baby! Finlay picks Grisham up and hits a DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!! Regal slaps Grisham in the Regal Stretch! Grisham is screaming, begging for his life! Regal lets go of the hold and Finlay is fixing to drop a knee on Grisham's neck! Before Finlay can continue, the team of Alex Shelly and Jimmy Rave, with Prince Nana, walk up to them. ]]-

[ Alex Shelley ] Look at what we got here..

[ Jimmy Rave ] Looks like a couple of idiots that's about thirty years past their time.

[ Alex Shelley ] Look guys, forget about Cactus Jack. You two'd best be watching out for us..

[ Jimmy Rave ] Because we're the next Tag Team Champions around here.

-[[ Through the curtains come the real SGW Tag Team Champions after their match being followed by their teammate Randy Orton. Kennedy looks interested as he walks up to Rave and Shelley. ]]-

[ Ken Kennedy ] What is that foul noise that has just insulted my delicate ears? Did I just hear you two say you are the future Tag Team Champions?

[ Alex Shelley ] Damn right.

[ The Big Show ] Wrong answer.

-[[ Show cracks his knuckles and stares down Shelley and Rave. Kennedy directs his attention to Finlay and Regal. ]]-

[ Ken Kennedy ] Finlay, Regal, like the Michael Jackson song said... BEEEATTTTT ITTTT!

-[[ Finlay and Regal walk off and now all the pressure is placed on Shelley and Rave. ]]-

[ Ken Kennedy ] Now, you two, you want to be the next SGW Tag Team Champions?

[ Jimmy Rave ] We don't want to be, we WILL be!

-[[ Show grunts, knowing what he's fixing to have to do to these upstart rookies. Kennedy and Show start attacking the rookies and beating them down relentlessly. Alex Shelley takes a stiff DDT on the arena floor, and Show delivers a chokeslam onto Jimmy Rave! Prince Nana stands there in awe of what he just witnessed. Show picks Nana up, who's trying to fight his way out of it, and LAWN DARTS NANA THROUGH THE INTERVIEW SET! Show slaps his hands together and Kennedy looks down at them. ]]-

[ Ken Kennedy ] Idiots.

-[[ Kennedy, Show, and Orton walk off as road agents rush back to check on the fallen Jimmy Rave, Alex Shelley, and Prince Nana. ]]-

Michael Shane versus AJ Styles versus Brock Lesnar versus Dave Batista versus William Regal
Title on the Line: None
Stipulation: Turmoil Match - Winner Faces Muhammad Hassan Immediately Afterward
Referee: Charles Robinson

-[[ Brock Lesnar is the first man out.. He waits for the man who drew number two and the fans pop huge when Michael Shane's music hits!! The Television Champion stomps out onto the ramp with Traci Brooks and raises his championship high over his head, but before he can even make his way to the ring, he's blasted from behind by Randy Orton!! Orton shoves Traci out of the way and nails Shane with a sickening European Uppercut!! Before Shane can even react, Orton crushes him with a devastating RKO!! RKO ON THE STAGE!! Randy Orton smiles and grabs the Television championship.. He raises it over his head as the fans boo loudly.. Orton throws the belt down onto Shane's body and walks casually to the back.. Traci calls for EMTs to help Shane and there is no way he's competing in this turmoil match!! ]]-

[ Unable to Compete: Michael Shane ]

-[[ The next man out is AJ Styles!! AJ charges the ring at full speed and slides under the bottom rope.. He charges right at Lesnar and goes for a clothesline, but Lesnar doesn't move!! Styles falls to the mat, shocked at the power of Brock Lesnar.. And Lesnar rips Styles off of the mat and whips him into the ropes..... Vicious lariat!! He grips Styles and lifts him again.. POWER BOMB!! A SECOND POWER BOMB!! AND A THIRD POWER BOMB!! AJ Styles has gone completely limp in the hands of Brock Lesnar.. Lesnar picks him up again.......... F-5!! Lesnar covers him!! One!! Two!! Three!! ]]-

[ Eliminated: AJ Styles via Pin Fall ]

-[[ William Regal walks out onto the stage with Fit Finlay right behind him.. But as soon as they're through the curtain, they get blasted from behind by Cactus Jack!! Cactus Jack has a barbwire baseball bat!! He nails Regal in the back, nails Finlay when he turns around and both men are bleeding from various lacerations on their bodies!! Brock Lesnar slides out of the ring and charges up the ramp... He nails Regal with a sick clothesline and pulls Finlay away from Cactus....... F-5 OFF THE STAGE ON FINLAY!! Cactus Jack laughs, looks down...... AND DIVES ONTO HIM WITH AN ELBOW!! William Regal looks terrified and Brock Lesnar throws him inside the ring.. Regal tries to beg him off, but Lesnar isn't listening.. F-5 ON WILLIAM REGAL!! He covers him!! One!! Two!! THREE!! ]]-

[ Eliminated: William Regal via Pin Fall ]

-[[ And now here comes Dave Batista!! Batista runs down and Lesnar meets him coming through the ropes with a knee to the side!! Lesnar yanks Batista straight into the ring..... SPINE BUSTER!! Lesnar springs right back up and pulls Batista to his feet..... F-5 ON DAVE BATISTA!! Lesnar goes to cover him... One!! Two!! Thr-- Batista kicked out!! Lesnar can't believe it!! Lesnar pulls Batista to his feet.. POWER SLAM!!! And Lesnar begins climbing the ropes.. Oh no.. No.. Not this....... SHOOTING STAR PRESS!!! HE CRUSHES BATISTA!! He covers him!! One!! Two!! THREE!! Brock Lesnar has GONE THE DISTANCE!! ]]-

Winner: Brock Lesnar via Pin Fall

-[[ Muhammad Hassan makes his way to the ring with the championship around his waist.. He doesn't dare remove
his eyes from the monster in front of him... Hassan passes the title on to the referee and prepares for war.

Muhammad Hassan(c) versus Brock Lesnar
Title on the Line: SGW United States Championship
Stipulation: None
Referee: Charles Robinson

-[[ Lesnar and Hassan stare down in the middle of the ring.. And Hassan slaps Lesnar!! Lesnar smiles and replies by lifting Hassan over his head and delivering a vicious running POWER SLAM!! Hassan springs back up to his feet, yelling in pain, and Lesnar charges at him with a clothesline, but Hassan ducks it and yanks Lesnar's tights forward, forcing him through the middle and top ropes!! Hassan is distracting Charles Robinson, keeping him from looking at where Lesnar landed.. And the lights go out....... And when they come back on, Lesnar is laid out neatly on a table on the outside of the ring..... And there's SABU.. ON THE TOP ROPE!! SABU FLIIIIES!! LEG DROP THROUGH THE TABLE ON THE OUTSIDE!! Daivari is throwing a screaming bitch fit to end all bitch fits at ringside... The lights go back off and come back on.. And Sabu has disappeared... Hassan lets the referee go.. Charles Robinson turns around and begins counting.. One! Two!! Three!! Four!! No sign of Lesnar getting back up... Five.. Six.. Seven.. He's beginning to stir.. Eight... He puts a hand on the apron.. Nine... Lesnar is about to slide back in.. But DAIVARI kicks his legs out from under him!! TEN!! Muhammad Hassan has saved his championship in one of the most convoluted title defenses in SGW history!! ]]-

Winner: Muhammad Hassan via Count Out

-[[ In what is now Maria's office we see her behind her desk nervously pacing around. Jillian enters the office and walks up to Maria, stopping her frantic pacing. Jillian has a serious expression on her face, whatever she has to say has to mean business. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] Maria, now's the time for the big announcement of your major acquisition.

[ Maria ] What? Ugh, already?!

[ Jillian Hall ] The first hour is almost over with, and it's wise to drop something major to end the first hour to make the people stay for the next hour, and if it's something really big, MORE people will watch.

[ Maria ] What if people don't like who I signed?

-[[ Maria frowns an adorable puppy dog face, her eyes look so innocent. She's totally afraid of failure. Jillian smiles and pats Maria on the back, trying to boost her spirits up. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] Maria, so far, tonight's gone off without a hitch! I'm sure whoever you signed to Solid Gold will be a big boost to the company. Especially if he or she is as big as you said they were.

[ Maria ] Oh, it's big, Jillian! He was SUPER popular in the eighties!

[ Jillian Hall ] Great, because it's proven that the fans LOVE nostalgia! Who did you get?

[ Maria ] Let's meet him right now! He's been in the office this whole time!

-[[ Jillian looks around for someone noticeable from the eighties, but she sees nothing. She turns back to Maria, rightfully confused. Maria walks to a storage closet and opens the door. ]]-

[ Maria ] He's been in here resting up!

[ Jillian Hall ] Was he able to breathe?

[ Maria ] No, silly!

-[[ Jillian has no idea what's going on now. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] So... Is he... Dead?

-[[ Maria smiles and shakes her head, having a look on her face like Jillian is the idiot. She reaches inside the closet and pulls out... ALF?! ALF FROM THE EIGHTIES TELEVISION SHOW! IT'S A PUPPET! Jillian's facial expression is one of total shock. Her mouth is wide open. Maria hugs the puppet and brings it over to Jillian. ]]-


[ Jillian Hall ] ....I.. What?

[ Maria ] You don't seem as happy as I am. This is big, Jillian! He outlasted Sean O'Haire and everyone else to get second place in the thing! Alf's even wrestling his first match tonight!

[ Jillian Hall ] What? Against who?

[ Maria ] Well, I've decided that Alf is teaming with Kurt Angle.

[ Jillian Hall ] ...Kurt Angle.

[ Maria ] To face Mike Awesome and Lance Storm! Then, like, Alf's gonna' be the Tag Team Champion! Then he can face Christian! Alf is BIG NEWS!

-[[ Jillian rubs her eyes and sits down on the couch. Maria kisses Alf on the cheek and sits the puppet beside Jillian. ]]-

[ Jillian Hall ] Tell me you're joking.

[ Maria ] Nah-uh! This is serious! I know Jillian, I was surprised I was able to get Alf too! But he couldn't say no to the offer I gave him.

[ Jillian Hall ] He.. He.. Can't say ANYTHING!

[ Maria ] LOL I KNOW!

-[[ The madness continues no longer as Chris Jericho walks in. He takes one look at Alf and shakes his head. ]]-

[ Maria ] Hi, Chris! Have you met the newest SGW roster member?

[ Chris Jericho ] Maria.. Please tell me the truth.. Tell me that Alf is NOT the "major acquisition."

[ Maria ] Do you want the truth, or do you want me to tell you he's not?

[ Chris Jericho ] Cut the crap, baby! You don't need Alf! Alf's a damn puppet! Albeit, he's probably possessing the same amount of wrestling ability and charisma as Lance Storm, but that's besides the point. Maria, SGW has been running for the past month, and it's been lacking all the qualities Chris Jericho has!

-[[ Chris Jericho points to himself with both index fingers. ]]-

[ Chris Jericho ] Christian's the World Champion. He's taken the wrestling world by storm by swerving Jeff Jarrett. Maria, it's only a matter of time before everybody forgets about Christian, and focuses their eyes on the King of Bling Bling, Chris Jericho! IT'S ALL ABOUT Y2J NOW! I'm tellin' ya' Maria, one title shot is all Y2J needs to prove himself correct... As always.

[ Maria ] Hmmm...

-[[ Maria gives it deep consideration as John Bradshaw Layfield storms into the room and takes all the attention away and places it on himself. ]]-

[ John Bradshaw Layfield ] What's this I hear, Jericho? You tryin' to get yourself a World title shot?

[ Chris Jericho ] Damn right, I am. I'm the King of the World, JBL. I'm the next SGW Champion!

[ John Bradshaw Layfield ] You oughta' quit that rock'n roll bullshit and stop wrestlin' and go into comedy. Because what you just said didn't sound like a promise... It sounded like a damn JOKE!

[ Chris Jericho ] The only "damn joke" I see in this office, besides Alf on the couch... Is you, assclown!

[ John Bradshaw Layfield ] Is 'at so, Jericho? How 'bout if I shoved my boot up your ass?!


-[[ Jericho pushes Maria out of the way as he and JBL stand face to face. You can feel the tension, someone's going to snap at any second. Jericho brings the heat with a big slap to JBL's face! Jericho drew first blood. JBL runs his hand across his mouth, looking to see if it drew any blood. He chuckles and then PUNCHES JERICHO IN THE MOUTH! A brawl ensues immediately afterwards between the two in Maria's office! Her and Jillian scream for the two to stop as they trade blows back and forth until security can finally rush in and break the two up! Maria looks sad as she looks to make sure Alf is still in one piece. ]]-

HOUR 2 ->